"What's wrong, Penny?" my father asks.
"I just…I need…" I glance around the table, desperately trying to come up with a plausible excuse to get the hell out of this room. "I need more…ice," I say, grasping my glass and then hightailing it into the kitchen.
I stand in the large room, gripping the countertop until my fingers turn white. It's moments later when I hear footsteps behind me.
"Penny," Tucker says, his voice laced with concern. He stops within a few feet from me. "Was it something I said?" he asks in a hushed whisper.
I swallow hard and turn to face him. "Tucker, I feel like I haven't even really said yes, and you're completely overtaking every decision I'll make if I decide to go to New York with you."
Tucker's brows furrow. "Is this because of what I said about the apartment?" he asks.
"Yes!" I exclaim, and then quickly lower my voice. "It's about the apartment and the office and…and everything is happening so fast, and I ---." I press my palm over my thundering heart that is threatening to beat out of my chest.
"Whoa, Penny." Tucker is at my side then, running his hand soothingly over my back as I lean over the sink, trying to catch my breath.
I know that this isn't just about Tucker and what he said. This is more about Colton and Ruby Sue and what the future holds with all of us in it. I'm scared. No. I'm downright terrified of what is going to happen. I like to be in control of things, and right now I feel like everything is spiraling out of control. I don't know how to handle these new events, and I'm scared that Colton is going to break my heart. Again.
"Just breathe, Penny," he says in a soothing tone.
I close my eyes, and breathe through my nose and exhale through my mouth. I don't want to have a full-blown panic attack right here in my parents' kitchen. That would definitely be the last thing I need right now.
"I know you haven't one-hundred percent agreed to be my campaign manager. I'm hopeful that you'll agree to come to New York with me, and I just wanted to make sure you had a place to stay if you decided to come. I wanted you to feel comfortable and not have to worry about searching for a place right away. In all honesty, the apartment will be for whoever my manager is going to be…even if it's not you."
His words instantly calm me. He's not trying to boss me around or decide my life. He was just trying to be nice. Suddenly, I feel awful. Slowly, I straighten and calm myself down before turning to him. "Oh, Tuck. I'm sorry." I take his hand in mine and squeeze it reassuringly. "I'm just having a bad day. I didn't mean to accuse you of trying to rule my life. It's just that my parents have been that way all my life…and I sort of…freaked out."
He smiles, flashing his perfectly white teeth. "Don't worry about it. It's already forgotten."
We walk back into the dining room, and the hushed conversation between my parents instantly stops.
"Everything all right?" my mama asks. "Did you get the…ice…situation all figured out?" she asks with a quirked brow.
I nod and sit down. "Yep."
We continue eating while my dad and Tucker talk politics. I catch mama's stare out of the corner of my eye. "Want to help me with dessert, Penelope?" she asks.
"Sure," I say before following her into the kitchen.
Mama cuts pieces of a cinnamon crumb cake, and I plate them with a scoop of vanilla ice cream. "It's so nice to see you and Tucker together. I'm so glad this whole thing with Colton is over…especially since he's practically engaged."
I stop mid-scoop and look up at her. "What do you mean practically engaged?"
"Well, Ruby Sue was telling all the ladies at the beauty parlor she works at that her and Colton are fixing to get married soon."
Her words shock me to my core. Did Colton lie to me about the extent of their relationship too?
"It's nice to see you both moving on with your lives," she says before carrying out two plates to the dining room.
I close my eyes for a moment and tell myself to just breathe. I'll have to deal with everything later, but now is not the time. If Ruby Sue and Colton are getting married soon, I'll figure out the truth soon enough.
After dessert, Tucker and I leave my parents' house. My mama practically begs us to come back next Sunday, but Tucker informs her that he'll be in New York by then. I don't give my parents an answer. I simply tell them I'll think about it. I'm still upset about everything that has happened, and I can't help but partially blame them for it. It was my mother's lies after all that got me into this mess in the first place.
Once we're back at my apartment, Tucker goes around the front of his SUV and opens my door. I step out and he catches me in his arms, his hands at my hips. "I had a great time, Penny," he says, staring down at me. "I always have a good time so long as I'm with you."
I smile up at him. "Yeah, you made Sunday dinner at my parents…tolerable."
He chuckles. "I guess that's a good thing?"
I nod and bite my lower lip.
His eyes dart down to my mouth. "So will I see you sometime this week?"
"Sure. I'll be working at the bar almost every night."
"I'll be sure to stop by." He pulls away then and moves towards the driver's side. "Bye, Penny."
"Bye, Tuck."
I watch him leave. When I turn to go back to my apartment, I stop dead in my tracks. Colton is standing there, glaring at me. He looks upset, but at this point I don't even care.
"You were with Tucker Hayward?" he asks with a pissed off tone.
"So what?" I throw over my shoulder as I walk past him.
He reaches out and grabs my hand, spinning me back around to him.
"What happened between yesterday and today?" he asks with furrowed brows.
"You tell me," I say with an accusatory tone. When he says nothing, I shake my head in disbelief. "You're not even going to fess up? Fine. I went to your house last night, Colt, and I saw you and Ruby Sue on the couch kissing." I swallow hard. It's hard for me to even say the words out loud.
His eyes widen. "It's not what you think, Penny," he says quickly.
"I know she spent the night, Colton." I put my hands on my hips and glare at him. "You let her spend the night after what we shared together? I thought that meant something to you. I thought ---."
"It did mean something!" Then he quickly adds, "It still does!"
"Obviously not if you let her tongue in your mouth hours after you were with me." I take a few steps away from him, needing the distance. "Have you been downplaying your relationship with Ruby Sue? Have you been planning a future with her? Have you guys talked about marriage?" My questions spit out one after another, and I can't stop them. I don't want to stop them, because I desperately need to know the answers.
"She talked about the future. All girls do that," he says innocently.
"Did you ever talk about it together? Have you ever told her that you wanted to marry her?"
He shrugs, and I want to smack him. He's being so nonchalant, and to me the matter is almost as serious as life and death. "Colton, tell me the truth. Have you ever told her that you wanted to get married someday?"
"Someday. Maybe. I don't know." He runs his hands through his hair. "I don't remember every single word I've ever said to her, Penny." He turns to me, a mask of anger on his face. "What do you want from me? What the fuck do you want from me, Penny?"
"I want the truth!" I yell. "I just want the truth, Colt!"
"Maybe I told her those things in the past, but all couples do that! I didn't put a ring on her finger! None of that matters now anyway, because we haven't even talked about shit like that recently." He hesitates, and his anger seems to quickly disperse. "Not since you've been back in town."
I stare at him in disbelief. What did this even mean? What did I want it to mean? I put my face in my hands and sigh deeply. "I'm so stupid," I whisper.
He pulls my hands away and stares into my eyes. "You're not stupid. Why would you say that?"
"Because I am!" I cry. My vision blurs with tears, and I pull
away from him. "I'm stupid for coming back here. I'm stupid for staying. I'm stupid for sleeping with you. I'm stupid for trying to hold onto something that doesn't exist anymore. And I'm stupid for trying to love someone who obviously doesn't love me!"
He takes a step forward, but I turn and run up the steps to my apartment. I can't bear his touch right now. It might just completely break me. I can hear his heavy footsteps behind me, but I don't turn around. I unlock the door quickly and rush inside. I turn to shut the door, but he's there, blocking it from closing. "Just leave me alone, Colton! I don't want you here!"
"I'm not going anywhere until you talk to me!" he yells, pushing his way through the door and slamming it behind him. The windows rattle from the force.
I steel my nerves and turn to him. It's the moment of truth, and I need to know. Right now. "Did you sleep with her?"
"What?" he asks, clearly caught off guard.
"Did you have sex with Ruby Sue last night?"
He scrubs a hand over his face and blows out a sigh. "I…I don't remember."
"You don't remember?" I scoff. I can feel my heart break a little more, and I don't know how much more I have left that isn't broken. It seems like anymore all it does is shatter day after day. Shoving my finger into his chest, I say, "Oh, that's a great excuse, Colton, especially coming from you!" I know it's a low blow, but I had to take it. My heart is breaking, and I refuse to not make him hurt this time. If I'm going down, he's going down with me. "How could you do this to me, Colton? After everything I've done for you. How could you hurt me like this?"
I can see the pain in his eyes, but I can't believe the words that come out of his mouth next. "I never asked you to tag along behind me like a lost puppy, Penny. That was all your doing," he says with a smirk.
His words almost destroy me right then and there. I curl my hands into fists, my fingernails biting into my palms. "You're such an asshole!" I scream.
The cocky grin on his face instantly fades. "Don't turn this around on me, little miss Penelope Preston! You're the one who thinks you can make the past five years disappear! Well, sweetheart, I'm not that person anymore! The person you knew died at the bottom of that lake!"
His words pierce through me like a knife straight through my heart. What was I thinking was going to happen? That Colton would fall for me again and that we would live happily ever after? I've obviously been reading too many damn romance novels. Real life doesn't work like that. All this time I've been waiting for someone who clearly doesn't want me, who clearly will never want me the same way I want him.
All of my hurt and anger rushes to the surface, and I grab the first thing I can find. It's a picture of Colton and me when we were little kids. I throw it across the room, and the porcelain frame shatters against the wall. Then I grab another photo of us and another and another, destroying them in the same dramatic fashion. I reach for another photo frame, but Colton wraps his arms around me and holds my back tight up against his muscular chest. "Do you feel better now? Did you get it all out of you?" he hisses in my ear.
"No!" I cry, struggling to get out of his hold.
He grips me even tighter, holding me as my body is wracked with sobs and I struggle to breathe. "I'm sorry, Penny," he whispers against my ear. "I'm sorry that I can't be who you want me to be. I'm sorry that I can't love you the way you say I did."
His words are my undoing, and I go limp in his arms. He gently lowers me to the floor, and I sit down on the yellow and white flowered linoleum, staring through my tears at the mess in my kitchen and living room. Photos of us are scattered amongst the pieces of porcelain and glass, and it almost seems quite fitting. We are broken, and no amount of glue is going to fix us again.
He stands behind me, not moving. "Penny," he whispers.
I cringe at the sound of my name on his lips. I can't bear much more. He has the ability to irrevocably break me with just a simple look right now. "Please, Colt. Get out. I just…I really need you to go right now."
I don't breathe again until I hear the front door close and his heavy footsteps disappear down the stairs. After he's gone, I allow myself a few deep breaths and a few more tears before picking myself up. Then I set to work on cleaning up the mess I made literally and figuratively.
And what a mess it is.
* * * * *
COLTON
"PLEASE, COLT. GET out. I just…I really need you to go right now."
My chest is heavin' from emotions that I have no control over. I stare down at her sittin' on the floor with her back towards me. I just want to scoop her up into my arms and hold her, but I know she would probably fight me. Damn it. Why does she always have to fight me?
Instead, I reach down and pick up a picture before leavin' her apartment. I jog down the steps and stop before walkin' into the back door to the bar. I stare at the photo in my hands. We look older than in the one I have at home, the picture I first looked at when Penny came back into town. I turn it over and check for a date. Sure enough, a date in black sharpie is scrawled on the back. Two months before the accident. She must have been gettin' ready to leave for college. I turn it back over and stare at the two of us. I look so damn happy, and it kills me a little inside. I haven't been happy for such a long time, and the only time I've been happy is with her.
And now she fuckin' hates me.
I stare at the picture, absorbin' every detail of it. My arm is draped around Penny, and she's pulled up close to me. We're smilin' for the camera, and Penny has a shy look on her face that makes my heart skip an extra beat. She looks exactly the same, if not prettier now, but I definitely gained a lot of muscle mass over the past few years due to my gruelin' gym routine.
I groan in frustration. Why wouldn't Penny let me explain my side of things? I would tell her the truth. I would tell her that Ruby Sue spent the night. She kissed me and touched me, but it was all one-sided. We might have had sex…but I truly and honestly don't remember it. Wouldn't I remember it? The truth of the matter is that I don't want to have anything to do with Ruby Sue ever again. I want Penny.
However, on the other hand, I can understand why she's mad. If Tucker had spent the night with her, I would be fuckin' furious…even if it was innocent. Shit. I really fucked up this time. The only thing I can think to do is just give her time to cool off. Then I will explain my side of things, and we can go about makin' this thing between us work. And I seriously need to make it work. Now that I've had a taste of Penny, she has crawled her way under my skin. My thoughts are consumed by her. I'm not ready to let her go yet.
Maybe not ever.
"Hey, man, what's goin' on?" Buddy asks as he steps out of the back door of the bar.
I quickly tuck the picture into my jeans pocket and shrug. "Nothin'."
"Did you and Penny have a fight?"
I glance up at the apartment and back to him. "You heard that?"
"I think the whole damn county heard it," he says with a smirk. "I hope whatever she was throwin' didn't hit you in the head." He hesitates, scratchin' his chin. "I take that back. Maybe it would have knocked some sense into you."
Shakin' my head, I walk past him and into the back of the bar. "We're fine. It's fine," I quickly correct.
"You two always did love to fight."
I glance back at him with a raised brow. "Really?"
"Oh, yeah. Your relationship was like a tornado, destroyin' everything in its path when you fought."
I stop walkin' and turn to him. "Why the hell would I want to be in a relationship like that?" I ask.
"Because you loved each other, and that was just the way it was. You'd fight and make up. You never stayed mad at each other for very long. And more often than not you were the first one to cave."
"Me? Cave first?" I shake my head in disbelief.
"Yeah, I know it's hard to believe given how stubborn you are now. But you loved that girl more than anything in this world, and you knew it." He grins and then adds, "Hell, everyone knew it."
His words c
ut me to the core. I'm gettin' a sense of how much I loved Penny, because it feels like someone is rippin' my heart out of my chest right now. I stare around the kitchen, and it makes me think of Penny. I will drive myself crazy stayin' here tonight, wonderin' what she's doin', what she's thinkin'. "I can't deal with this shit right now, Buddy." Runnin' a hand through my hair, I tell him, "I'm takin' a couple nights off. She needs to cool off before I can explain my side of things. I just don't think we should be in the same room right now."
He frowns. "Fine. I'll cover for you, but you owe me."
I clasp a hand on his shoulder and give it a light squeeze. And then I make my way back out of the bar and towards my house, the only place I can find any peace.
CHAPTER 20
PENNY
IT'S WEIRD HOW the mind works sometimes. A week ago I truly thought I could change my life and the life of Colton. I thought we could make it work and finally have our happily ever after. Then I learned that happily ever afters are for suckers. And now I've made up my mind that I'm not going to waste any more time on Colton James or silly notions that somehow everything's going to be all right.
With a new attitude on life, I pull on my Crawford's Bar tee and a pair of shorts and stand in front of the mirror, adjusting my top. I spent the past few days thinking about my future, and I decided that I'm going to take the job up in New York for Tucker. I can still work at the bar for a couple more months until summer is over and help out Buddy and Shelby, who are my only true friends here. And then I'll be gone like a whisper in the wind with brighter and better things on my horizon. At least my heart will be mostly intact when I leave…even though it already feels like it's in a million jagged pieces inside of my chest.
Remember Me Always: A Contemporary Romance Page 21
