Frowning, I grab my purse and head downstairs to the bar. Buddy is behind the counter, and there's no sign of Colton. I glance around, fearful that he'll come around the corner. I'm not ready to face him yet. And I don't know if I'll ever be ready.
"He's not here," Buddy confirms.
I breathe out a thankful sigh. "Good. I don't think I could stand being in the same room with him right now."
Buddy grins and presses his lips together in a thin line.
"What?" I ask.
"Colt didn't think you two should be in the same room either."
I roll my eyes and duck under the pass-through. I help Buddy stack glasses and get the bar ready to open. A few stragglers are in the place already, but the real action comes after eight o'clock on a Saturday night. After I refill a beer to one of the patrons, I turn to Buddy. "I'm over him."
Buddy arches a brow and tilts his head. "I think I've heard you say that before."
"No. I mean it this time, Buddy." Pausing and swallowing past the lump forming in my throat, I tell him, "He's not my Colt anymore. He doesn't love me, and…I don't think he ever will again."
"Just give it time, Penny. Time heals all wounds, or so they say."
"I'm leaving at the end of the summer, Buddy. I'm going back to New York." He raises his hand to protest, but I don't let him talk. "I've already made my mind up. I'll train Shelby Rae. Hell, I'll even teach her how to cook and bake."
"Teach me what?" Shelby asks, walking through the front door. She's dressed in her uniform and ready for the afternoon shift.
"Penny's goin' to New York," Buddy says, scowling.
Shelby Rae walks over to me and furrows her brows. "To visit?"
"No. Permanently," I admit.
Her face instantly falls. "But you and Colt ---."
"Are over," I tell her before she can even finish her thought.
Shelby pulls me to the back room. "What happened?"
It takes me a few minutes to gather the courage to even say the words out loud. And when I think I'm stable enough, I tell her, "He cheated on me with Ruby Sue."
She wrinkles her nose as if Ruby Sue's name has a horrible smell attached to it. "Are you sure? Because that Ruby Sue's been known to spin a few lies about her love life. That's what I've heard anyway."
"Oh, I'm sure." I sigh and then say, "I saw them with my own two eyes."
"Havin' sex?" Shelby gasps.
"Making out," I say, correcting her.
"Okay. So maybe they didn't ---."
"I asked, and Colt told me he doesn't remember what happened."
Shelby scoffs. "How convenient."
"Yeah. That's what I said." I frown when I think of the fight that ensued soon after I took that low jab to Colt. It's really not his fault that he has memory problems, and I feel like shit for even saying what I did. But there's nothing I can do to take it back now, and it's not like I've seen Colt around to even tell him I'm sorry.
I grab an apron from the counter and wrap it around my waist. "But the truth of the matter is that he kissed her, and she spent the night. Even if they didn't sleep together, he kissed her; and it's still cheating in my book." I pause before saying, "I don't think he was even going to tell me about it. That's what hurts the most."
"It's cheatin' in my book, too. That no-good sonofabitch," she says with a huff, seething. "So now he's the reason you're going to New York?"
I hesitate. Is Colton the only reason I'm going? When I get right down to the nitty gritty, yes, he is the only reason. I like Tucker, but I don't know if I could ever fall in love with him. So I'm definitely not basing my choice on being with Tucker and getting into a relationship with him. And being his campaign manager in New York is definitely not my dream job. In all reality, I would much rather stay here in Alabama and cook and bake pies for the bar...with or without Colton by my side. That kind of life might not seem like much to anybody else, but it's what I could see myself doing for the rest of my life. At least it would make me happy. I wasn't happy in New York. I felt…invisible when I lived there, as if the world was still spinning around me even though I had felt like my life had come to a dead stop. The only time I felt a sense of happiness was when I went to culinary school. But even then I missed home. I still felt lonely and insignificant.
"Yeah. He's the only reason," I finally answer.
"Oh, Penny, don't let Colt drive you away from your home. Buddy and I need you here."
I smile through my tears as I look up at her. "I can't stay. I can't stay and watch him get married someday and have kids with someone else." I sniff and sigh miserably. "It would destroy me." And I already feel like I'm broken beyond repair, I think to myself.
She pulls me into her arms and lets me cry on her shoulder. "I know it would. But I hate to see you go." She runs her hand up and down my back, soothing me. "Promise me you'll come back to visit as often as you can. We finally got back in touch, and I'd hate to lose you again."
I pull back to look her into her eyes as I say, "I promise."
Shelby nods as if satisfied with my answer. "Good." She cups my cheeks and uses her thumbs to wipe away my stray tears. "Now, let's get to cookin'. We're gonna have some hungry people in here soon, and I don't want Buddy on my ass about fallin' behind." With a whisper and a wink, she adds, "Well, maybe I do want him on my ass, but you know what I mean."
Snickering, I toss an apron at her. "So you and Buddy…" I start, but she doesn't let me finish.
"I don't think that will ever happen," she whispers with a shake of her head.
"You should give it a chance. He seems to really like you, Shelby Rae."
"Oh, he's happier than a dog with two wieners that I'm back in town, but that man just won't make a move."
I bust out laughing.
"He won't! He's as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rockin' chairs." She puts her hands on her hips, stomps her foot and says, "I have no idea why he's so timid around me."
I laugh so hard I snort, and that in turn makes us both crack up laughing. I've missed Shelby and her sassy, southern mouth over the years. I just didn't realize how much until now.
"What are you girls gigglin' about back there?" Buddy calls from the front of the bar.
"Nothin'!" we call back at the same time. That makes us laugh even harder.
Shelby Rae walks towards the cooler, humming a country tune. I watch her walk away and frown. I'm really going to miss this place and the people who live in it. I'm not ready to go back to New York, back to a world that could care less if I'm in it or not. Alabama is my home, and I have friends and family here who love me and will miss me.
But one thing still holds true. I won't be able to sit idly by and watch Colton move on with his life. That would completely destroy me.
Shaking my head sadly, I start cutting up potatoes for the endless orders of fries we'll no doubt have tonight. Even though I'm going to miss it here, I need to start focusing on my needs and what's best for me in life. And the only solution is to get as far away from Willowbrook as possible…even if it's the only place that's ever felt like home.
* * * * *
THE NEXT MORNING I go to Colton's house. It's early, and I know he'll still be sleeping, so I let myself inside. I try my best to be extremely quiet as I gather all of my baking supplies from his kitchen. I'm about halfway done when Colton comes padding into the room. He's only wearing a loose fitting pair of dark gray sweatpants that hang way too low on his hips for me not to stare.
He rubs his sleepy eyes, and it takes him a moment to even realize I'm there. I tear my eyes away from his perfect abs and perfect V and mutter, "Good morning."
"Mornin'," he says groggily. He watches my actions for a few minutes before his eyes widen and he asks, "What are you doin', Penny?"
I sigh softly and then answer him. "Taking my baking supplies to my apartment." I really don't want to fight with him right now. We haven't spoken since our big argument, and I'm still not ready to talk about it.
"I thought your kitchen was too small," he points out.
"It is, but I'll make it work." I finish packing up the rest of my spatulas and a blender before attempting to lift the heavy box, which is way heavier than I expected it to be. I struggle to lift it from the counter, but my anger and stubbornness help me haul it up in my arms. I don't know if I'll make it to my apartment without dropping everything, but it will be worth the struggle if I can just get the hell out of here fast.
As I stumble past Colton, he reaches out and takes the box out of my arms with one hand as if it weighs nothing. I blow a piece of stray hair away from my forehead in frustration. I want to yell at him to give the box back, but I don't.
Colton's dark eyes focus on me, and I can see a sadness lingering behind his gaze. "You're welcome to use my kitchen anytime you need it, Penny."
I tear my gaze away from his and glance around the room, anywhere but at him. I feel like I'm slowly crumbling in front of him, and I can't let him see me like that ever again. I need to stay strong. "I just think it's better if I'm out of your way, Colt." What I really want to tell him is I need some much-needed space. After all that has happened, I don't know if my heart can take much more before I leave for New York. I feel broken and so damn tired.
I hold my arms out and say, "My box, please."
He sets it down on the counter and says, "I'll bring it up to your place so you don't have to carry it up the steps." He takes a step towards me, but I take a step back. He frowns and then asks, "Can we talk about what happened?"
"I'm not ready to talk," I say, my voice barely above a whisper.
"When will you be ready?"
"I don't know," I answer honestly.
He sighs and rakes his fingers through his hair. "Okay. Just…let me know when you are."
Nodding, I leave him standing in the kitchen as I hightail it out of his house. I make a promise to myself that that is the last time I'll ever step foot in there, but I know that's a promise I'll most likely break. As much as I want to stay away from Colton and as much as I want to hate him, I just can't. I love him even if he'll never love me again. I love him even if everything in this world is telling me not to. And that love I feel for him runs deeper than the deepest ocean. It knows no bounds. I just wish he felt the same way about me.
* * * * *
PENNY
IT'S LATER ON in the week when I see Tucker in the bar. I'm by myself, and it's a slow afternoon. "What can I get for you, Tuck?" I ask him with a forced smile. It's not that I'm not happy to see Tuck. In fact, I've been waiting to talk to him about New York. I've just been so miserable lately. Colton doesn't even come into the bar anymore. Buddy said he's drinking a lot more, and I'm worried about him. Even though we're not together, I don't want anything bad to happen to Colt.
"Just a glass of ice water would be fine, Penny," he says with a big grin. "Don't worry. I'll still tip."
"Don't be silly," I tell him while I grab a tall glass and fill it with ice. "How have your trips to New York been going?" He's been gone for several days, and I honestly can say I missed him.
"It's great to meet with my campaign staff and get the ball rolling on some things, but honestly I miss Alabama every time I go." He hesitates before he finally saying, "Well, actually I only miss one thing. You."
I set the glass of ice and a bottle of water down on the bar and glance up at Tucker. He has that serious look on his face again, and I know exactly what he's going to say before he says it.
"Have you given any more thought to New York?" He clears his throat and quickly adds, "I wouldn't keep asking, but my staff keeps hounding me about who's going to be my campaign manager. They just want to know what to expect, and I need to know if I should be looking for a manager elsewhere or not." His voice tapers off at the end as if he really didn't want to say the last part.
I glance around the mostly empty bar and close my eyes. I've already made my mind up about New York, but I haven't even told Tuck my decision yet. Is that because I secretly want to delay the inevitable? I have no idea. I feel like I'm split into two different people right now. There's a Penny that wants to stay, but there's another Penny that needs to go. And I can't stay without getting hurt again. Leaving will hurt me as well, but not as much in the long run. I have to take the lesser of two evils and decide what's best for myself.
I open my eyes and smile at Tucker. "I have until the end of summer to move back to New York?"
"Or sooner if you'd like," Tucker says with a big grin. "Whenever you're ready, Penny."
I nod my head in agreement. "End of summer it is then."
And in that moment I feel a sense of peace. I'm finally letting Colton go just like I should have all along. I'm creating a life without him in it. And as wrong as that feels, it also feels kind of right.
CHAPTER 21
COLTON
PENNY'S IGNORIN' ME. And it's not just the she-won't-look-at-me type of cold-shoulder ignorin'. She is outright, completely fuckin' avoidin' me at every opportunity. And I find that the more she ignores me, the angrier I get. I don't want things to be strained between us. I miss our banter, her anger and her sassy, smart mouth. I miss makin' her mad at me and her turnin' into a little firecracker explodin' like the Fourth of July.
To make matters worse, the past several mornings have been awful. I thought I would like havin' her gone. I thought I wouldn't miss anything about havin' her wakin' me up at five-thirty in the mornin' to try out a new recipe she concocted. But the truth is I do miss her…a lot. More than I ever would have thought. I miss bein' her taste tester, as silly as that sounds. I miss bein' there for all her firsts when she mixes up the wrong batter, but makes somethin' entirely new and incredibly delicious. I miss her bein' there every mornin' in my kitchen without fail. She made me feel like I'm not so alone in that big, old house. And now with Mack gone, it's a big fuckin' deal to me. And that's a feelin' that I know will be irreplaceable.
I'm spacing out by the time Buddy tries to get my attention for what could be the first or fifth time. "Dude!" he says exasperated.
I turn to him and raise a brow.
"Where were you just now?" he asks with a concerned look on his face.
I shrug my shoulders and continue fillin' the ice bin under the bar. I sense Penny before I even see her.
"Mind if I skip out early, Buddy?" she asks sweetly.
It's a Wednesday night, and the bar is dead. Some kind of party goin' on in town has caused us to have a slow night. Buddy says, "Sure."
I look up at Penny and realize she's not lookin' at me at all. I miss her stormy, gray eyes on me. "Where ya goin'?" I blurt out before I can stop myself.
Without even glancin' my way, Penny nervously bites her bottom lip before sayin', "I have a date."
Anger courses through me as I watch her walk away. My eyes settle on Tucker Hayward sittin' at the bar. He smiles as Penny walks towards him, and I feel helpless as I watch them leave together.
"Fuck," I mutter under my breath. Angrily, I scoop more ice into the bin and have to force myself not to throw the empty bucket when I'm done.
"You two still haven't kissed and made up?" Buddy asks.
I shake my head.
"Well, it's seriously killin' the vibe in the bar. You can cut the tension with a damn knife."
"I'll fix it," I tell him. I have to, because I don't know how much longer I can go without seein' and touchin' and kissin' her. She became my whole world in the matter of a few weeks, and I feel like the rug has been suddenly ripped away from under me.
"Make sure you do. Penny's only here for another couple of months, and I ---." He abruptly stops talking. "Shit," he mutters under his breath.
My eyes widen at his words. "What? What did you say?"
Buddy's mouth opens, but no words come out. He just said somethin' he wasn't supposed to. "Uh…Uh…" he stammers.
"What do you mean she's only here for a couple of months?"
Buddy runs a hand over his face. "I wasn't suppo
sed to tell you." He sighs before sayin', "Penny's goin' back to New York at the end of the summer. She's gonna be Tucker's campaign manager. He's runnin' for state senator. Hell, he might even be president one day."
His words swirl around in my mind until I'm so furious I can't take it any longer. She's leavin'? Penny is leavin'. I thought I'd have more time. But more time to do what? I haven't exactly been swayin' her choice towards stayin'. I've been pushin' her away. It's what I do best --- push those closest to me away. And I've been doin' a damn fine job with Penny. In fact, I deserve a medal for the biggest asshole of the year.
The chime above the door rings and in walks Ruby Sue with a big smile on her face. Her eyes land on me instantly. "Hey, baby," she says with a sexy voice. "Did ya miss me?"
Yep. I definitely deserve that medal.
* * * * *
The countdown to Penny leavin' is like a huge alarm clock above my head. Every time I try to talk to her, she ignores me. If she's not gonna give me a chance to explain, how can I get her to change her mind about leavin'? It's killin' me that I can't hold her in my arms. Our times we spent together run over and over again in my head. I can't stop thinkin' about her. I miss her, and she's still here. How am I goin' to handle it when she's gone for good?
I walk into the bar, and my level of anger jumps from zero to a thousand the moment my eyes land on Tucker Hayward. He's sittin' at the counter, and Penny is behind the bar. He's nursin' a beer, and Penny is leanin' over, givin' him a clear shot of her breasts in a low cut top. The sad thing is she probably doesn't even realize she's givin' Tucker a show. But I'm sure he knows, and I'm sure he's enjoyin' it.
Steppin' in front of the bar, I slam my hand down on the wood to garner her attention. She jumps and glares at me. "Where's the grocery list?" I ask. I sound pissed off without even really meanin' to, and she instantly goes on the defensive.
"I didn't finish writing it out yet, Colt," she says before turnin' her attention back to Tucker.
Remember Me Always: A Contemporary Romance Page 22
