Remember Me Always: A Contemporary Romance

by Angela Snyder

  "I feel like…I feel like I don't want you to leave. I feel like that piece of me that you filled up when you came back is being ripped out of me once again."

  I slowly absorb his words. "But why do you feel like that? Do you know why?"

  He shakes his head.

  And therein lies the problem. He'll never know why he feels a certain way about me because he'll never remember me. He'll never love me like he did, and that is the sole reason why I have to leave. Even if the circumstances have changed a bit, it doesn't fix everything. It just makes it more complicated, and that's exactly why I'm running away. I can't keep tugging on my heartstrings, because one day this heart is going to irrevocably break.

  "I have to go, Colt."

  "Penny, wait."

  I watch him carefully as he stalks towards me. I hold up my hands. "Don't. Please don't," I beg. He stops walking and tilts his head to the side as he looks at me. I'm slowly crumbling before him. If he touches me, I won't be able to leave, and I know I have to…for both our sakes. "This is just the way it has to be." I give him a small smile through my tears. "At least now when I come back into town you'll remember me," I whisper before turning away.

  "Always," he whispers back.

  At first, I walk down the hill, and then I start to run. I run and run and don't stop until I'm at my car. Buddy is leaning against the trunk when he sees me. He opens his arms, and I run into them. I can't hold back the tears any longer, and Buddy doesn't say a word as I sob in his arms. His hand strokes my back and he hushes me, soothing me as best he can.

  "I know, Penny. I know," he whispers in my hair. "It's going to be okay. You'll see. It'll all work out in the end."

  His words are comforting, but they couldn't be farther from the truth. Nothing will ever be okay again.

  Shelby Rae stands off to the side with a sad look on her face. "Are you stayin' or goin'?" she asks solemnly.

  "Going," I murmur. "Definitely going."

  Shelby Rae gives me a sad look, but nods before getting in the driver's side. I hug Buddy one last time. "I think I'm gonna miss you most of all, Buddy," I tell him, my voice breaking with every single word.

  He breathes me in deep and hugs me so tight I can feel my ribs creaking in protest. "You come back and visit, you hear?"

  I nod as he releases me. "Take care of him."

  "You know I will. But who's gonna take care of you?"

  I give him a small shrug. "I'll figure it out." I open the passenger's side door. "Bye, Buddy."

  "Bye, Penny."

  Shelby Rae is practically sobbing as she puts the car in drive and pulls out of the parking lot. "Are you okay to drive?" I ask.

  "No," she cries, "but I'm gonna do it anyway."

  I reach over and gently rub her back as she cries. "We need to make a promise right here and now. Promise to keep in touch. Don't let the distance stop us from being friends."

  "Agreed," she says with a sob.

  * * * * *

  COLTON

  PENNY IS GONE.

  She's fuckin' gone.

  Forever.

  My hands slam into the punchin' bag over and over again. My muscles scream in protest from the physical exertion, but I can't stop. I need to get all of this anger out of me before I fuckin' explode.

  "Colton," says a voice from the doorway.

  I know it's Buddy, but I don't want to hear his bullshit right now. "Go away, Buddy," I say before landin' a right hook into the bag. The wooden beam above that the bag is attached to groans as I continue to land blow after blow.

  "Penny's goin' to New York. She's gonna marry that asshole Tucker Hayward and be miserable for the rest of her life, and you don't fuckin' care?"

  "Not now, Buddy!" I yell, growlin'. I punch the bag one last time before taking a step back. "She's gone, and there's not a goddamn thing I can do about it!" I hiss through gritted teeth.

  "She just left. She just left ten minutes ago, Colt. You can run after her. That's what the hell you can do!"

  "And tell her what exactly? I don't remember you, but come back to town so we can torment each other for the rest of our lives?"

  "You didn't see her right before she left, Colt. I've never seen her like that before." He shakes his head sadly. "Shit." He wipes a tear away from his face, and I stand there in stunned silence. I've never seen Buddy cry before. "She was devastated…completely broken." He frowns and looks up at me with narrowed eyes. "Because of you."

  I run my wrapped hands through my hair and pull at the ends. "I don't know what you expect me to do, Buddy. You told me just a few days ago that I need to let her go. So I let her go!"

  "I also told you to get your shit together, but I don't see that happenin'!" he growls.

  Frustrated, I start unwrappin' my hands. "Yeah, well, that probably will never happen, Buddy. You know that as well as I do. I died in that lake that night along with Connor." A large part of me doesn't want to go on with life because Connor died. "I should have died that night instead of him." I never uttered those words out loud before to anyone, but they ring true.

  "Do you really think Connor would have wanted you to sulk and throw your life away like this?" Buddy asks, exasperated. "If it were the other way around, would you want Connor to live with all that guilt, never wantin' to remember his life before the crash and never bein' truly happy?"

  I curl my hands into fists at my sides. Buddy's right, but I'm not gonna tell him so. I wouldn't want Connor to carry this burden around. I would want him to live and be happy. But Connor is dead, and it's me who's alive. I shake my head and walk past Buddy. He's hot on my heels as I make my way towards the house. I throw myself into an old rockin' chair on the porch, and Buddy goes in the house. A few minutes later, he returns with two cans of cold beer. We crack them open at the same time and drink in silence.

  My eyes scan the yard, and they rest upon somethin' that wasn't there earlier. An oval stone is restin' above the place where we buried Mack. "What's that?"

  Buddy follows my gaze. "Penny left it."

  I stand and walk over to the grave. A memorial stone is restin' on top of the dirt. The words written on the stone repeat over and over again in my mind. You will forever be in our hearts, and we will remember you there always.

  That's exactly how it is with Penny. Even if my brain can't remember her, my heart just can't seem to forget. I wonder if she knew what she was doin' when she picked out those words. It's almost like a sign.

  "When…When did she put that here?" I ask Buddy when he leans against the big shade tree.

  "Right before she said goodbye to you."

  Feelin' frustrated, I rake my hands through my hair. "I shouldn't have let her leave."

  "Nope. You shouldn't've."

  I glance at Buddy and notice that he has somethin' tucked under his arm. "Did she leave that too?" I ask, motionin' towards the object he's holdin'.

  He hesitates before handing it to me. "She left it in the apartment. I thought maybe you would want it."

  I stare down at the photograph. It's a picture of Penny and me when were teens. I have my arm around her, and I'm starin' down at her like she's my whole entire world. "I look happy," I mutter.

  "That's because you were, Colt," Buddy retorts.

  My eyes stay on the picture as the memory of that day inexplicably replays in my mind. "You took this picture." I hesitate, not pressurin' myself to remember, but lettin' the memory flow freely through me. I don't try to block it like I always do. "The three of us went to our favorite swimmin' hole by the old abandoned train tracks. We spent all day there, and you took this picture." I close my eyes for a moment. "On the way back, Penny cut her foot on a sharp rock. We wrapped her foot in my t-shirt, and the two of us had to take turns carryin' her four miles back to your truck."

  Buddy raises a brow and asks, "Penny told you that?"

  "No." I swallow hard before tellin' him, "I remember."

  CHAPTER 25

  PENNY

  I DON'T THINK I've been
so miserable before in my entire life. It's been a month since I returned back to New York, and things are going as well as could be expected. My days in New York are filled with traffic, paperwork, running errands, making and taking phone calls and people talking at me instead of to me. Tucker has been great with trying to get me settled in, but I'm starting to realize that New York will never feel like home.

  Sitting in my office at the end of day, I finish the last of my paperwork and slowly recline back in my leather chair. I sigh as I stretch out my sore limbs and kick my high heels off under the desk, wiggling my toes to try to get the feeling back into them. Who knew being a campaign manager would be so damn hard? And maybe I'm just overdoing my job duties…because that's what I do…I'm an overachiever. I've always been that way. I think it was instilled into me at a young age to excel. Hell, my mama claims I could talk in full sentences at twelve months and I was walking way before that.

  My cell phone rings, and I'm quick to check the caller ID. Speaking of the devil…or my mama, in this case. "Hi, Mama," I answer.

  "Hello, Penelope. How are you?"

  "Fine," I say nonchalantly. My parents call a few times a week to check up on me. Shelby Rae and I have talked a handful of times since I moved. I haven't heard a peep from Buddy or Colton at all…not that I really expected to, but it would be nice to know that they care enough to call.

  "How is Tucker's campaign going?"

  I roll my eyes. She asks this question every time we talk, and I am starting to wonder why she calls so often when we really have nothing new to talk about. "Very well. The early polls are saying he's a shoe-in for state senator."

  I can hear my mother clapping her hands on the other end of the line. "That's wonderful news! And how are you and Tucker doing?"

  I cringe at her question. "Good." Tucker has taken me under his wing since I've been here in New York. We've spent almost every minute of every day together, and I could seriously use a break. I think often about returning home, but there is nothing for me to return to. Not anymore. There's a rumor going around the office that he was ring shopping last week. And so everyone is anxiously waiting for him to the pop the question to me…everyone except me. I honestly don't even know if I would tell him yes or no at this point. Some days I feel like running away, and others aren't so bad. One thing is for sure, though --- I'm not happy. Saying yes to an engagement that I don't really want would be the worst thing I could do. I don't love Tucker. How could I when I'm still in love with someone else?

  I hesitate before muttering, "I think he's going to be proposing soon."

  My mother doesn't say anything for a few seconds. Then she asks, "Penelope, why are you saying that like someone just died?"

  "I…I don't know." I want to tell her that I hate it here. I want to tell her that I want to come home. I want to tell her so many things, but I don't. With tears gathering in my eyes, I quickly say, "Mama, I have to go. I'll call tomorrow. Okay?" I don't even give her a chance to say goodbye before I hang up the phone.

  I stare up at the ceiling and force myself not to cry. That's all I ever feel like doing anymore. For the second time in my life, I regret leaving Willowbrook. I don't know what I was thinking to be honest. I thought things would be better, that I would feel better, but I was wrong. So wrong.

  Yawning, I shut my computer monitor off for the night, slip my heels back on, grab my coat and purse and make my way out of the office building. I pull on a large, heavy coat and push through the main lobby doors. Even though it's only fall here in New York, it feels like winter to this southern girl. I hail a cab in record speed, thanking the heavens above for not making me wait on the dark street by myself.

  Once inside my tiny apartment, I kick off my high heels and strip out of my coat. I make a quick call for a pizza to be delivered before I change out of my work clothes and into a comfy pair of pajamas.

  Several minutes later, there is a knock at the door, and I quickly grab my money from the counter to pay the pizza delivery guy. But when I open the door, Tucker is outside.

  "Hi, Tuck," I say with a lack of enthusiasm that I hope he doesn't detect. Tucker and I spend almost every waking moment together, but he never gets tired of seeing me after hours. It's not that I don't like Tucker. I do. But sometimes I just feel like I'm being smothered by his affection.

  "Hey, Penny." He steps inside and scoops me into his arms. I breathe in his scent that isn't quite the scent that I long for. Colton always smelled so spicy and warm, and I could just melt into his arms. Tucker smells wonderful, but it's not what I want…what I crave.

  I gently pull away from Tucker. "I'm waiting for a pizza. Do you want to join me?"

  "Pizza again?" he says with a disgusted look. "Let me take you somewhere nice, Penny. Let me wine and dine you like you deserve."

  I do my best not to roll my eyes. Tucker acts like he's too good for a lot of things, and it seems like it's mostly the things that I like. I don't know why I never noticed that before. Moving to New York definitely opened up my eyes…to a lot of things.

  "I just wanted a nice, quiet evening at home," I explain.

  He raises a brow. "Is that a hint for me to get lost?"

  I grin and smooth down the lapels of his jacket. "We've spent every day together this past month."

  He pulls me in close and presses his lips against my neck. "And I've enjoyed every second of it," he confesses. When I don't move or say anything, he backs away. "Fine. My girl needs some time alone. I get that." He winks and says, "But you can't get rid of me for too long, Penny." His kisses my cheek softly before saying, "I'll see you tomorrow at the office."

  Plastering a phony smile on my face, I shoo him out the door and say goodbye. The pizza delivery guy is coming up the hall as Tucker is leaving. I pay the man and take my pizza and eat it quietly in my apartment. It feels good to be myself in New York, but it's the exact opposite of how I wanted to feel in Alabama. I loved working at the bar and cooking and baking. I haven't baked a single thing in this tiny apartment. The kitchen is barely big enough to move around in.

  I eat my pizza and go to bed. I lie there staring at my cell phone's wallpaper, grinning from ear to ear. It's a picture of the whole gang from the bar. Colton is standing beside me, and he's looking down at me. I know he didn't do it intentionally, and that makes me smile even wider. He almost always looked at me when we took pictures. His daddy used to say he was so drawn to me that he couldn't even look away for a split second to get a picture taken.

  Sighing contentedly, I put my phone down and go to sleep. My dreams are filled with Alabama, the bar and, most importantly, Colton James.

  * * * * *

  IT'S LATE AT night on Saturday…or maybe early Sunday morning when my phone starts ringing. My first instinct is to roll over and forget about it, but then my brain starts to force my body to move. Without checking the caller ID, I answer. "Hello?"

  "Penelope."

  It's my mom, and I can hear the tremor in her voice. I sit bolt upright in bed and clutch the phone to my ear. Something happened. Colton. "What…What's wrong?" I say, stumbling over the question.

  "It's your father."

  I gasp, but my mother quickly says, "I need you to get on the next flight here. I've already arranged everything at the airport for you. I'll text you directions."

  "What happened? Is he…is he…?" I can't even get the question to leave my mouth. Even though my relationship with my parents has been strained, I'll always love them. They're my parents. I can't even imagine them not being in my life.

  "He'll be okay, Penelope, but we need you home."

  "Yes. Of course." I hurry up and get out of bed. "What time do I leave?"

  "Eight. You have a couple of hours to pack. Bring everything, Penelope, because I don't know how soon you'll be able to make it back to New York."

  I nod even though she can't see me. "I'll start packing right now. Mama?"

  There's a silence on the phone for a moment.

  "I love you, Ma
ma," I whisper with tears in my eyes.

  "I love you too, Penelope. More than you will ever know."

  She hangs up after that, and I scramble to pack everything that I brought with me to New York. A million thoughts go through my head. Was my father in an accident? Did he have a heart attack?

  A text from my mother comes through on my phone, and I check it quickly. It gives me the airport name, direction and departure time. I shower quickly and finish packing and am ready to head out the door when there's a knock. I stop in my tracks and sigh. Tucker. We were supposed to meet for breakfast.

  I open the door, and Tucker stands there smiling. His smile quickly fades, though, when he notices the luggage I'm toting behind me. "We're just going for breakfast, Penny. I didn't know you were going to bring everything but the kitchen sink," he says in an attempt to lighten the mood. His eyes meet mine and he frowns. "What's going on?"

  "My dad." I struggle with the words, and Tucker quickly takes me in his arms as I breakdown. "My mom called me and booked me on a flight that leaves at eight. I don't even know what's going on. I didn't even ask her. It could be anything. He could be…dying, and I…" My voice hitches as a sob escapes me.

  Tucker rubs his hand up and down my back, soothing me. "It's okay, Penny. It will be okay. Here," he says, grabbing some of my luggage. "I don't want you to miss your flight. Let me drive you to the airport."

  "You don't have to do that, Tucker. You ---."

  "I want to," he says, interrupting me, and I know it's final. If there's anything I've learned about Tucker Hayward over the past month, it's that he's almost as bullheaded and stubborn as me.

  We make our way out of the apartment building and to his car. The ride to the airport is filled with tension, and I know Tucker doesn't want me to go, but he can't make me stay. At a red light, Tucker pulls my hand into his. "Penny, if you need me to come with you…"