Crazy Love

by Lee Kilraine

  He put his hands on his hips. “What is it with you today? Did I miss something here? Because I’m getting a feeling you’re pissed at me, and for the life of me I can’t figure out what I could have done to make you so mad.”

  Oh. My. God. She wanted to hit him. Although she’d been doing that for a few hours now and she didn’t feel near enough satisfaction from it. She wanted to throw herself at him and tear away at anything and everything she could reach. Couldn’t figure out what he did to make her mad? Sure he couldn’t.

  She dropped her hammer and walked away from him, down the stairs, and straight out the front door. Once outside she let out the guttural scream she’d been holding inside since yesterday afternoon when she’d heard him confess his guilt. She threw so much into the scream, she felt the pressure in her head and ears.

  Everything behind her in the library went silent. Hammers stopped pounding. Saws stopped ripping. The radio silenced on a dime. She’d bet they were all crowded at the windows staring down at her. They’d probably chalk it up to PMS.

  Whatever. She felt better, if only for the moment, and she hadn’t taken Tynan out with the nearest tool at her disposal. That was a win-win. Not ready to face working next to him yet, she grabbed the bag lunch she’d tossed in the lobby and sat up against a wall to eat.

  She took her time eating the BLT she’d made for herself. Between Frock Foods, the small grocery store in town, and the refrigerator in her hotel room, she’d been able to avoid having to grab lunch from the diner most days. Dinners, sadly, were a different story; after a full day of working construction she was too tired and sore for anything but dropping by the diner.

  Mmm. Fresh local tomatoes and thick slices of smoked bacon with just a touch of mayo and a slice of ripe avocado. She’d had to toast the white bread slices with the iron and a piece of tinfoil, but it had worked just enough to add a bit of crunch. Closing her eyes, she escaped into the pure pleasure of a good BLT.

  The guys wandered in, each grabbing their meals and finding a place to sit or lean. For once, they left Lu alone other than a few sidelong glances sent her way. Everybody seemed to be in a don’t-poke-the-bear mode. Perfect. She could sit and let the conversation swirl around her while she kept picking at how to solve her Tynan problem.

  “How far along do you think we’ll get before we break for your camping trip, Tynan?” Craig took a swig of Gatorade. “Are you going to bring the electricians in before you go or wait?”

  “Wait. Now that the walls are all open and we can see what we’re dealing with, I think the reframing will take at least a week. There’s a lot more water damage than I expected.”

  Junior nodded. “That’s on account of the roof. It should have been replaced years ago.”

  The roof conversation went on for six hours. Maybe it was five minutes, but shingles, tar paper, vents . . . it felt like longer. She kept eating her sandwich and let the conversation float past and sifted through her list again. She’d ruled out his family and his truck. He didn’t have a girlfriend. What else mattered to the man? His business? No. Messing with his business would affect the rest of the crew, and she’d grown to like them in her short time working with them. That wouldn’t be right.

  “When do you leave?” Juan sat next to her, drinking coffee from his thermos.

  “Friday. I’m only gone two days this time. Cutting it short to stay on schedule here. I’ve got Steve’s crew coming to rewire the electric when I get back, and that’s a big job, plus HVAC, so I can’t afford a delay.”

  Lu moved on to her apple. The grocery store carried foods grown by local farmers and the apple tasted fresh-picked this morning. Crisp, sweet, and juicy. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, then froze when she felt Tynan’s gaze on her. How long had he been staring at her? His eyes intense, only he was fixated on her lips and didn’t seem aware that she’d noticed his attention.

  She took another bite of her apple, this time using her tongue instead of her hand to catch the sweet juice that dripped. One slow glide along her bottom lip. She chewed and swallowed the bite. Tynan lifted his paper cup of coffee to his lips, still focused on her mouth.

  She puckered her lips in a kiss and mouthed a line from the romance book. Tynan choked on his drink, coughing and sputtering, until he finally dragged in air. He glowered over at her, and she could have smirked at that small victory. The fact that even Tynan’s glower, with his strong jaw and wicked gaze, had her craving a real kiss from him had her frowning instead.

  Chapter Ten

  That afternoon Lu stayed working as far away from Tynan as she could get. She’d volunteered for the solitary job of cutting the rest of the nails from the mile-high stack of elaborate dentil molding while she pulled herself together. Talk about yin and yang. She wanted to punch Tynan hard in the abdomen and then kiss it and make it better. And then let Tynan kiss her and make her better. Argh. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

  Time to regroup. No sense in getting sidetracked from the original goal. She had come to Climax to track down Tynan Cates. Check. She’d had no trouble finding him, and after a bit of finagling she had gotten close enough to talk to him. Darn if she didn’t smack full speed into that old expression, be careful what you wish for.

  A few weeks ago her only complaint had been that she was stuck. Three years after losing the love of her life, she wouldn’t say she was still grieving. She’d crawled through and rolled around in her grief for the first year. By the second year she’d had to readjust her thinking. She and Joe had been a couple since freshman year of high school, best friends since third grade even, so she’d never made any plans that didn’t include him. She’d never envisioned a future for herself that didn’t star Joe.

  So it had taken more than a year to begin to envision a life without him. Just her. Her poor friends and family had been so patient with her. But even so, she could see it cost them. Seeing that was how she had finally pulled herself together enough to go back to work at the bakery.

  The bakery had been a safe landing place. Her parents were relieved when she went back, actually making it out of bed and into work every day. The thing of it was, Lu knew Joe would kick her behind if he saw her wallowing. He would sit back, all calm, cool energy, and call her out. He’d say she was settling. He’d say she was taking the easy way out. And then he’d dare her to go after what she really wanted.

  She knew he would because that’s how she’d ended up finally going to culinary school. And why she had ended up adding in the extra year of study in the farm-to-table restaurant program. Three years ago that had been her dream, and she’d known exactly where she was headed. And then one cold November day, three years ago, a government car pulled up to her apartment and shattered her whole world. She had been stuck ever since.

  Over time she’d crawled through the deep well of grief and sadness, but it still left so much confusing emotion hiding behind dark places. They jumped her when she least expected. Loneliness. Anger. Guilt. She’d tried ignoring them all this last year. Hoping that getting up every day, being around people, and keeping busy at the bakery would eighty-six all of those emotions. That hadn’t happened, and today they all pressed in on her. It was as if the anger had opened the door, ushering the rest of them into her life again. Like unwanted guests at a party who refused to leave.

  Loneliness. This one was a kicker because it wasn’t about a lack of friends. She had those. Good friends and family who loved and cared about her. No, this was the loneliness of a woman for a man. For intimacy. The problem was, she was one of the lucky ones who had found her once-in-a-lifetime love. She didn’t regret loving Joe for even half a second. She’d fall in love with him all over again, even if she knew ahead of time how short their time would be together.

  So, since she knew she’d already had the love of her life, she would need to solve her loneliness with lust. And the only man she’d lusted for since Joe was Tynan Cates. The more she thought about it, the more she thought sex with Tynan was the perfect plan. Becau
se when it was over, when the white-hot lust that sparked between them finally flamed out, they could go their separate ways. She would leave Climax and there’d be none of the drama and awkwardness of bumping into an old flame.

  The anger was a trickier problem. Because right now the person she was most angry with was the same man she was lusting after. Tynan Cates. Go figure. The question was, if she ignored the anger, would it just go away? Because she really needed it to if her plan was to move forward with her life. And to be honest, she’d been angry for a while now. First at God, then at life in general, then at Joe, then the military. There was no way to get even with any of those. They were all too big or too existential or too . . . dead.

  Tynan Cates was the first real, live, flesh-and-blood, touchable target for her anger. So weirdly, thanks to Tynan, for the first time in three years she felt unstuck and moving in some direction, with a purpose. Sure it was probably the wrong direction, but at least she was moving. Once she got used to living again, she could make a direction change or even a U-turn. Who knows? All she knew was she had let anger eat away at her for three years and now she finally had a place to dump it, and Tynan Cates looked strong enough to handle it.

  The last emotion left was guilt. She’d been squeezing her eyes tight, avoiding looking this one in the face for a long time. She probably would have kept ignoring it, but the more she was around Tynan, the more it ate at her. Okay, maybe she still wasn’t ready to deal with this one yet. She’d start with the loneliness and anger and when she’d cleared the decks of those, then she’d pull out the guilt that poked her like a sharp, painful needle and examine every angle of it.

  Her to-do list looked like:

  #1 Figure out a way to take her anger out on Tynan.

  #2 Have sex with Tynan (or a near facsimile of it, depending on the truth of the rumors).

  That wasn’t too twisted, was it? Oh God, it so totally was. But the thing was, she hadn’t felt this alive—this engaged—in three long years. She’d been numb for so long. Frozen in pain. Wrapped in a cocoon tight enough to keep real life from intruding. It was time to break out of that cocoon to face and feel whatever emotions were coming back to life. So she wasn’t emerging as a beautiful butterfly but more like a praying mantis—who bit the head off the male after she mated with it.

  She needed to rethink this. She needed to talk herself out of this. She needed to get away from Tynan so she could think this through with a clearer head. Which meant she needed to find a kitchen fast, because cooking and baking centered her. She’d head over to the diner and ask Dave if he would let her cook in the diner’s kitchen. If she offered to make up a recipe for a new dinner entrée as a bribe, he might even say yes.

  Her gaze landed on Tynan. He stood over near the corner, discussing something with a guy with “Herb’s HVAC” across the back of his T-shirt. Tynan gestured with his muscular arms, up to the open ceiling where the old system stretched overhead. He just oozed his testosterone and good looks all over the place, not even caring about who he affected. Typical.

  Oh boy, she needed to whisk something with a ferociousness. Too much angst and jumbled feelings rolling around in her chest. She was afraid they’d spill out into an angry tirade if she stayed around Tynan for even one more minute today.

  “Excuse me, Tynan?” She waited until he stopped talking and turned around to look at her. “I’m taking the afternoon off. I need a mental health break.”

  “Uh, okay.” The man looked clueless, but he gave a slow nod. “That’s probably a good idea.”

  * * *

  The first thing she did after peeling away from the curb at the library was run over to Frock Foods for some better beef, with a higher fat content, because a good, juicy burger needed fat. She also picked up a few of the more unique spices she would need in case Dave didn’t stock them.

  Thirty minutes later Lu was standing back to back with Dave in the small diner kitchen creating new burger recipes. She and Dave hadn’t even spoken to each other. She’d just shown up with a grocery bag of supplies and walked into the doorway of his kitchen with raised eyebrows, and he’d given one nod and she’d gotten to work.

  She had decided on two kinds of burger patties, one a spicy southwestern and the other a veggie special with grated carrots and mushrooms. Oh how she’d missed the healing power of cooking in the kitchen. Cooking, not baking. Over the last year baking had been a lifeline, but cooking with spices and local food posed such a creative challenge to her, one she’d only dreamed about until Joe had pushed her to go after that dream.

  The aroma of the spices and the clear, staccato sound of her knife soothed her as she chopped, then lightly mixed the beef mixtures. Using a spoon, she scooped out a close estimation of five ounces of meat for each burger. She shaped each into a rough ball, seasoned them with salt and pepper, and then it was time to cook up a test burger.

  Lu set four rough patties on the flat top in a puddle of melted butter. After thirty seconds she smashed each burger down once and let them cook for two minutes. Next she added thinly sliced onions on top and carefully flipped each burger over, cooking for another two minutes. She added chipotle cheese to the spicy burger, a creamy Swiss to the veggie burger and covered them with a lid for one minute to let the cheese melt.

  “Burgers are up,” Lu announced and pulled the lids off the flat-top grill.

  Dave pulled them off, plated them on the buns, and then the three of them stood and stared at the burgers while they waited for them to rest.

  “Please, please, please, can’t we just eat it now?” Renee begged.

  “No,” Dave and Lu answered together.

  Cheryl, the second waitress working the afternoon shift, peered through the serving window. “Oh my gawd, what is that heavenly smell?”

  “Burgers. Lu’s burgers.” Renee didn’t take her gaze off the burgers. “Waitresses get a taste since we need to know what kind of food we’re serving, right?”

  After letting them rest exactly three minutes, Dave cut each burger into quarters, took a sample of each for himself, and passed the plate around.

  They each took a bite. Lu made a mental note to adjust the smoked paprika in the spicy one, but Renee and Cheryl moaned in ecstasy. Dave took another bite of the veggie burger, chewing slowly while Lu waited for his opinion.

  “Dave Yolen, don’t even pretend that isn’t the best burger we’ve all eaten. Park your ego over in the corner and get these burgers on the menu for dinner tonight. Or I’m quitting.”

  “Okay.” Dave nodded and stared over at Lu. “Maybe think a little harder at taking the job, huh?”

  “Thanks, but I don’t think so. I’ll go sit out in a booth and write down the recipes for you, though.” She moved over to the sink and used a slice of lemon for the onion odor before using hand soap. Renee handed her a sweet tea and a pad of paper on her way through from the kitchen over to a corner booth. Sliding onto the seat, she sighed and got to work writing down the spices, remembering to lower the paprika a smidgen. She was just finishing up writing out the second recipe when someone slid in the seat across from her.

  “Hi, there! I’m Barbara Jewel.” The woman reached across the table to shake her hand. “If you remember, we met at Beatrice and Agatha’s book club. Do you mind if I join you?”

  “It was a pretty memorable night. No, please, sit down.” Lu smiled across at Barbara, who had already settled herself in the booth. She was used to the friendliness of small towns; it was just that since Joe’s death many of the folks back home didn’t know what to say to her, so she hadn’t experienced that small-town intrusiveness in a while.

  “Are you planning to stay in Climax? I’ve heard you’re staying over at the Honeybee, which is a lovely little hotel, but it’s not home, is it?”

  Lu tilted her head. “Um, no, but you’re right. It’s lovely.”

  “I only bring it up because I’m a Realtor. An excellent one, so if you’re looking for a house here in Climax, I’m the perfect person for
the job.” Barbara pulled a notebook out of her purse, opening it up on the table in front of her. She slipped a pen from a leather loop inside and sat poised, ready to write. “Are you thinking of settling down here in Climax?”

  “Well, no, I didn’t say—”

  “Because living long term in a hotel can get expensive awful quick.” She looked down and made a notation in her book, then looked back up. “Don’t you like Climax?”

  “Sure. It’s a nice little town.” Lu liked Climax just fine. It was pretty much a carbon copy of her own hometown.

  Barbara smiled a big toothpaste commercial grin. “It is. It’s a wonderful town to raise a family. Our schools are some of the best in the state.”

  Nodding and smiling, Lu wasn’t sure why that would matter to her. “Congratulations, but I don’t have a family or kids.”

  “We’ve got a lot of single men here too. And we’re close to some big cities, like Greensboro and Charlotte, so there’s a thriving singles scene and also museums and such.”

  “Oh, well, that sounds nice.” She took a sip of her iced tea, not really sure if the woman was just being friendly or circling around to sell her a bridge to nowhere.

  “It’s more than nice. Property values are going up, up, up around here. It’s a smart investment.” Barbara tapped the table between them with perfectly manicured and painted nails. “You’ll want to get in before the market takes off. What kind of house did you say you were looking for?”

  “Actually,” Lu cleared her throat, not wanting to offend the woman, “I didn’t. I’m not in the market for—”

  Barbara laughed. “Of course you aren’t. And here I am trying to rush you. We’re just real friendly here in Climax, and we love when new people move in. It adds so much energy to our town.”

  As nice as the woman seemed, Lu was ready to wrap this up. Cooking had calmed her down closer to a DEFCON 3 level, but her anger at Tynan still simmered like a burning coal in her stomach. “Climax has been nothing but welcoming to me, so I understand your enthusiasm for your town.”