Crazy Love

by Lee Kilraine

  He moved one hand down over her abdomen and slipped open the button on her worn blue jeans. The sound of the zipper echoed in the quiet space. Dropping to his knees in front of her, he slid her jeans down and off her legs. He pushed her bra up and his breath rasped in and out while he looked at her breasts. “Beautiful.”

  He kissed his way around her breasts, leaving no inch of skin undiscovered before sucking her nipple into the warmth of his mouth. Such sweet torture.

  Her heartbeat pounded in her ears while her pulse raced. God, she’d missed feeling like this. She wanted to scream with pleasure and cry in agony. But the exquisite pleasure kept going. He moved to her other breast, wrapping one arm around her hips like he couldn’t get close enough to her. And then he started with his fingers. One at a time. Oh lord, what amazing things this man could do with a single finger. He started with the featherlight touch of his pinkie. Along her cotton briefs. She moved her foot, widening her stance unconsciously because, good gracious, the man had nine more fingers to go. When did she become such a pleasure hussy?

  If her belly button were the equator, his mouth covered the northern hemisphere and his fingers handled the southern. All the topography. Every hill and dale. And he took the scenic route, taking his sweet, sensuous time. His fourth finger found the dampness of her panties. His thumbs hooked under the edges and found her heat. Fingers seven, eight, and nine slipped in and worked together in some orgasmic trick deep, deep into her need and want, sending a jolt down to her toes. Her labored breath was the only sound in the echoing space. Until he found her clitoris through her damp cotton panties and she screamed as an orgasm ripped through her.

  Oh God, she’d forgotten what it felt like, yet she hadn’t. Because for the past three years she’d been clinging to all the precious memories of her time with Joe. A sob rose out of the dark, wounded part of her heart. The idea of new memories layering over old, obscuring and pushing them out, was another guilty burden she wasn’t ready to bear. Had this been a mistake? She knew she needed to move past this, but why did it have to hurt so much?

  She shook her head, peeled Tynan’s big, warm hands from where they cradled her hips, and stepped away, leaving him on his knees. “This was a mistake.”

  “Probably.” Tynan sighed and leaned down, picking up her jeans and holding them out to her. “Is this where you tell me you’re married?”

  She snatched them from his hand and slid them back on while he stood up to tower over her. That word smacked into her. Married. What the hell, universe? Now you’re mocking me? She had to gather herself to stop the hysterical sob trying to claw its way out of her chest. “No. I’m definitely not married.”

  “Well, that’s good.” Tynan’s phone rang over on the stack of drywall. He ignored it while he searched Lu’s face and digested her words. “You know, I can never get a handle on what you want from me. I’m getting a lust-hate vibe from you”—his phone started ringing again—“but—”

  “You should probably answer your phone.” Lu’s emotions were like a stack of dry kindling in a lightning storm. Anger at the unbearable weight of guilt that pressed down on her. Guilt that he’d made her come and shatter into pieces. Guilt that he had made her want more. Much more.

  He blew out a breath, stalked over, and snatched up his phone. “Hey, Frank, what’s up?”

  Whatever Frank was saying wasn’t making Tynan happy. What were the odds that the Grapevine worked that fast? She estimated pretty high when Tynan ended his call by stabbing his phone viciously and growling out a choice cuss word. Well, the timing couldn’t be more perfect because she had the urge to strike out at the big target in front of her.

  “Dammit.” He tossed his phone over onto a stack of bags of drywall mortar. His hands raked through his hair before he threw his hands on his hips. “I can’t believe this.”

  Her heartbeat picked up its tempo and she actually squeezed her hand around one wrist to feel her racing pulse. “What is it?”

  “That was my Realtor.” The anger in his gaze when it landed on her was fierce. His eyes blazed like laser beams, hot enough to set her on fire. “He said someone put an offer in on my cabin and the owner accepted it.”

  She swallowed and it echoed in her ears. “Oh well, that’s too bad.”

  “Too bad? That’s it? You don’t understand. I’ve been saving money to buy that cabin. It’s perfect for my plans.”

  His plans? Like he was the only one in the world with plans that got ruined? She’d had plans, too, dammit. And so what; so he wouldn’t have the perfect cabin to vacation in? Oooh, what a big loss. Excuse her if she didn’t feel bad. “Well, I guess you win some, you lose some.”

  She could feel the anger vibrating around him like a force field. Like static electricity, and it went to her head. It was a little exciting and a lot intimidating to see his tamped fury.

  “That’s not very helpful.” The intensity in his gaze brushed her back when it locked and loaded on her. “I don’t think you know how badly I wanted that cabin.”

  “I think I do.” She leaned her back against the wall and tried with all her might not to smirk or gloat. “Because as it happens, you’re pretty adorable when you’re mad.”

  “Lady, you don’t know what you’re saying.” He pointed toward her and took a step forward, moving his imposing body into her personal space. His tension and heat surrounded her.

  “You know, I’m pretty sure I do.” If he only knew how easy he was getting off when it came to getting something precious, something you loved, ripped from your life. “Read my lips . . . I’m the proud new owner of the cabin off Rural Road 56 next to Yadkin’s State Park.”

  “You’re the one who bought my cabin out from under me? What the hell, Lu?” Tynan stepped back with an incredulous stare. “Why? Why in God’s name would you do that?”

  Why? Because I wanted to hurt you just the way you hurt me. I wanted to steal something important from your life and leave you broken and confused and bleeding from the inside. This was the best I could do.

  Only it wasn’t working out the way she’d imagined. She had expected to feel a rush of satisfaction. Some small feeling of emotional restitution—not the tangle of emotional turmoil tying her stomach in knots. Not confusion. Not the urge to pull the words back and rethink her actions.

  “I don’t know why you did what you did—coming here under false pretenses, lying your ass off—because it’s clear you had no construction experience.” His whole body tensed. His hands, the hands that had just touched her body like they were reading a love story written in Braille, were now clenched into fists. And then a growl rose from his chest and his eyes turned cold and hard as they pinned her to the spot. “What really pisses me off is that I confided in you. I told you something I hadn’t told anyone else, and you used that against me. That’s just twisted. What the fuck was the point?”

  And now there was the unbearable weight of guilt. That he’d made her come and shatter into pieces. That he had made her want more. She’d never felt this way before about another man. So she struck out at the big target in front of her again. “To take something from you that you cared about.”

  “You’re crazy, you know that?” Anger rolled off him in waves and almost knocked her over. “You’re fired.”

  The satisfaction she thought she’d feel by taking something from Tynan? It didn’t materialize. Instead she felt pain, much more pain. A big ball of pain, growing in size as it gathered speed and raced toward her. She couldn’t handle more pain. “You can’t fire me because I quit.”

  * * *

  Tynan held himself in check and watched silently as Lu turned and made her way down the staircase. He didn’t move until he heard the rumble of her car pull away from the library. Holy hell. She was crazy. It was the only explanation for what had just happened over the last hour. But he’d be damned if he’d let her drive him crazy by trying to make sense of it. Hell no. He grabbed his hammer from the stack of drywall and spent the next hour destroying a
perfectly good wall down on the second floor that he’d have to turn around and rebuild tomorrow. Nope, nothing crazy about that.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Lu checked out of the Honeybee that evening and drove toward home. She was confused and hurting and, dammit, she needed her mama. She played her radio loud during the whole three-hour drive to keep her mind distracted from the thoughts she wanted to avoid. Her mama was always the voice of wisdom; she’d help her figure out what to do. Of course she’d probably get a lecture, too, but the awful twisted feeling in the pit of her stomach told her she deserved one.

  She hadn’t meant to deceive Tynan like that. Not really. The plan had been so simple at first. Talk to the man just enough to figure out how he’d moved on after death. Striking out at him had never been part of the original plan. She sure as hell never planned on kissing him. Oh boy, she’d made a mess of everything.

  It was dark when she pulled up to the house she grew up in. She had her own small apartment closer in town, near the bakery, but she craved the comfort of her family. Parking her car along the curb in front of the two-story colonial house with the wide front porch, she was relieved to see only the faint glow of the light on Mama’s foyer table. That meant she could slip into her old room and try to get some sleep before turning herself inside out explaining what she’d done.

  Grabbing her bag from behind the driver’s seat, she made her way quietly into the house, but sure enough, Mitzie, her mama’s Yorkie, heard her and came out of some dark space barking a menacing warning at her.

  “Sssh. Mitzie, it’s me.” Mitzie’s bark morphed into high-pitched crying, happy to see her. Lu moved quickly to pet her, hoping to quiet her down before waking anyone. “Hey, Mitzie girl.”

  Just the smell of home relaxed her. The lemon oil her mama used to polish the furniture with every Thursday. A hint of cinnamon from her mama’s baking day. The thick scent of roses. She turned her head to look at the foyer table. Yep, sitting in the soft halo of the foyer lamp was the cut-glass vase holding the flowers Daddy got Mama every week. She grinned at the cluster of pink roses. Roses either meant an anniversary or he was working his way out of the doghouse. Oh, Daddy, what did you do this time?

  She scooped up Mitzie in one arm and grabbed her bag with the other and headed up the stairs to her old room. Was it the third or fourth stair that creaked? Darn; it was the third.

  “Lu? Is that you, baby?”

  “Yes, Mama. Sorry to wake you.” Mitzie licked her chin. “Is it okay if I spend a few days?”

  “Always, Lu, you know that. Go get some sleep and we can talk tomorrow. I’m working early, but I’ll be home after three. Everything okay?”

  “I don’t know, Mama.”

  * * *

  Lu crashed and crashed hard and didn’t wake up until after ten in the morning. Her mama must have come in and gotten Mitzie for her morning walk. Lying in her twin bed, Lu looked around the room of her youth. The sheer lace curtains softly blew where she’d cracked the window open two inches last night. Brrr. She slid out of her bed, slamming the window shut and diving back under the warm cocoon of blankets.

  Her mama hadn’t changed her room at all since she’d moved out. Silly Mama. She’d always said she was going to turn it into her craft room, but she’d probably put things on hold after Joe died. On account of Lu coming home and spending almost the whole winter here in this room, only dragging herself downstairs or into the shower when she could see how worried her parents were.

  Her bulletin board was still full of all things Joe and Lu. Her dried-up wrist corsage from their senior prom. The prom king and queen sashes they’d worn still swagged over the left corner of the board. Photos of Joe he’d sent from basic training and his first deployment. Oh boy, that seemed like a long time ago. The fact that Joe’s memory wasn’t as fresh and vivid three years later squeezed her heart painfully. They were slowly fading, like photos exposed for too long.

  But maybe this was the necessary step she needed to take to move forward. The one she’d been fighting for so long.

  She closed her eyes tight, bringing up the memory of their first kiss. Except another more recent kiss flashed into her mind. It sizzled with heat, burning across her thoughts, and she curled up on her side in a ball of confused pain because Sergeant Cates had kissed her—and she’d enjoyed it. Pressure squeezed her chest until it hurt to breathe.

  The air whooshed out of her lungs. She wanted to pound on Tynan’s chest for making her feel like that. For making her feel like she’d betrayed Joe’s memory. For making her feel anything at all.

  Tears came and morphed into heavy sobs until she was all cried out. Her throat throbbed and her eyes stung, but she had needed to release all the angsty emotion in order for her to think calmly about what she was going to do. She forced herself to get up and go into the bathroom.

  After a shower and breakfast she did what she always did when she needed to think. She cooked. Taking stock of what her mama had in her refrigerator, she decided to make chicken Marsala for dinner and a coconut custard pie for dessert. She plugged her iPod into the speakers sitting next to the toaster and lost herself in Garth Brooks and cooking for the next few hours.

  Lu was washing up the last of her mixing bowls when her mama got home and swallowed her up in a much-needed embrace. She wouldn’t have made it these last three years without the magical power of her mama’s hugs.

  “I normally love work, but knowing my baby was home waiting for me made it feel like prison.” Her mama rubbed her back and then stepped back, brushing Lu’s hair off her face. “Now tell me what’s going on, Lulubelle. What happened in Charleston?”

  Lu blew out a breath and leaned her back against the counter. It had slipped her mind that she’d told everyone back home that story. Her aunt had covered for her as long as she’d promised to touch base with her every few days.

  “Actually, I never made it to Charleston.” Lu walked over to the kitchen window and looked out, watching the branches on the pine trees swaying with the wind. “I went to Climax instead.”

  “I know. Your Aunt Steph called me. Why in the world did you go to Climax?”

  She leaned her forehead against the cool glass. “I went to track down Sergeant Cates.”

  “Oh, Lu, you didn’t.”

  Her muscles tensed at the censure in her voice. “I did. Not only did I not find what I was looking for, I made a big fat mess of things. God, I’m not sure I’ve ever done anything so stupid before.”

  Her mama blew out a breath. “It can’t be as bad as all that. I mean, you were only away two weeks. So if you didn’t find what you were looking for—you didn’t find Sergeant Cates?”

  She couldn’t stifle the harsh laugh that bubbled up in her throat. “Oh, I found him all right.”

  “Tell me what happened.”

  And like a dam bursting, everything spewed forth. Her crazy plan. How Tynan hired her and what he was like. How she had deceived him and the lies she’d told. Learning construction while she’d plied him with questions, so sure he had the answers she needed.

  Unable to stand still, she paced, arms flying wildly as she told her the whole story. Well, almost the whole story. There were some parts she couldn’t tell anyone.

  “So basically I would have been better off if I’d never met Tynan Cates. He outright said he was responsible for Joe’s death. I know Joe thought the sun rose and set with that man, but I’m not sure he really knew him.” Feeling deflated after dredging up all the details, Lu dropped down onto a chair. “Not only am I not unstuck, now I’m right back where I started three years ago with this anger eating away at my insides.”

  “Well, Lu, you do have a mess on your hands.” Lu’s mama moved over to peek in the oven. “This pie looks about done, baby.”

  “Oh! I forgot all about it!” Lu jumped up, grabbed the mitts from the drawer next to the oven and pulled the pie out in the nick of time. “Wow, I haven’t burned a pie in years. I’m leaving messes everywhere I go. I�
��m not sure what to do next.”

  “Oh, I think you do.”

  “I need to go back to Climax and clean up the mess I left behind.” She pulled the dish towel off the oven door handle and folded it and refolded it before looking back at her mama. “No. No, I can’t go back. I mean, there aren’t any answers there. It’s pointless.”

  “I don’t think so. First off, it really isn’t fair what you did to Sergeant Cates.” Her mama always went straight at things, which was why she hadn’t told her about her plan. “I don’t care what he said, he isn’t responsible for Joe’s death. He probably just feels guilty—like you do.”

  “What? I don’t feel guilty.” Her gaze shot away from her mama.

  “Don’t you?” She waited, giving Lu time to wrestle with her thoughts.

  Lu had shut out those thoughts three years ago, and she’d been stuck in place ever since. They landed like a heavy weight on her heart. “God, yes. If I hadn’t taken so long figuring out I wanted to go to culinary school, Joe wouldn’t have reenlisted. Then I added in the farm-to-table classes. That added another year. I know Joe didn’t want to distract me from finishing school, so he reenlisted for another three years because of me.”

  “I’m not saying Joe didn’t factor that into his decision to reenlist, but the thing is, Lu . . . he loved the military.”

  “He did.” She reached out to grab the nearest kitchen chair for support, then sank down onto it. “He really did. He was happiest outside in the elements, and the Army let him do that.”

  Her mama sat and took her hands in hers with a firm squeeze. “He was proud to serve. I’m almost certain he’d have reenlisted even if you had already graduated.”

  “Then why do I feel so guilty?” Lu wasn’t aware she was crying until a tear hit the back of her hand.

  “It’s part of being the one left behind.” Her mama grabbed a tissue from the box on the table, dabbing the tears from Lu’s cheeks. “I bet Sergeant Cates is dealing with the same thing. Maybe worse because he was there. Joe was simply in the wrong place at the wrong time. That’s war.”