Dancing in the Lowcountry
Page 28
Back in her room, alone and tipsy, Ella’s mood was still elevated as she prepared to undress and thought about Edmund and what a wonderful evening everyone had enjoyed. Then she couldn’t help but notice through the connecting door the faint, uncanny sound of Goldie chanting one of her bizarre prayers, this time a clear, steady descant that, as Ella listened, somehow seemed to be mysteriously directed at her and had an almost consoling effect. Opening a window wide to a tepid breeze and the comforting sound of waves breaking, what she detected next were the distant strains of “Sentimental Journey” being played down below by the band. This, in turn, reminded her that Tyler would be leaving the next day, and when she began dwelling on Tyler, there was little she could do to keep the reality of his precarious condition from surfacing ominously in her disoriented mind. Being forced to consider how serious his medical problem might be only stirred again unbearable emotions about the secret she’d failed to reveal to him, and reflecting on this dilemma only compounded her confusion over him, and her family, and her friendship with Edmund, and the swarm of crushing memories and dreams that seemed to control every instinct more and more.
Holding onto the back of the large chair as the music resonated, her head reeling, Ella seemed to forget where she was, and began crying helplessly. Then, as if a strange voice inside were coaxing her to come to grips with her anxiety, she suddenly felt the urge to go back downstairs, exactly for what reason she didn’t even try to figure out. All she knew was she had to follow the impulse, and return to the music, and listen to this beckoning voice in her soul.
So without even locking the door or taking the pocketbook that contained her compact and cigarettes and bourbon and gun and photographs and other items she deemed essential to human survival, she made her way to the elevator, and across the dim reception hall redolent of sweet myrtle and old cypress, and down to the terrace where only a few couples were left drinking or slow dancing before the band decided to end the session. For a moment, she simply stood in the background and watched and listened. Then, compelled by the strong intuition, she went over to the weathered stairs leading down to the beach, mindlessly stepped out of her low crocodile pumps, and, grasping the rail carefully, proceeded to make her way down to the strand dimly lit up by the soft glow of the half moon. At first she felt a little frightened, but when she recognized the muffled sound of “I’ll Be Seeing You” now being played by the combo, she wrapped her arms around herself, closed her eyes, and began swaying in place on the sand to the soothing melody. Slowly she wavered, then turned and moved to and fro to the distant beat of the music, then stepped from side to side in cadence with the languid words of the song reverberating in her mind.
“May I break in?” she then thought she heard a voice asking over the gentle modulation of the waves.
“Who’s there? Who’s that?” she mumbled in a frightened tone.
“Don’t you recognize me, Ella?”
“Who is that?” she repeated to herself, her feet still moving.
“It’s me, Ella,” the voice rang more sharply in the silver realm of memory.
“Jonathan?” she muttered as the music played on from above. “Is that you, Jonathan?”
“Can I have this dance, Ella?”
“Is that really you, Jonathan?” she asked again, extending her arms to him. “Oh, Jonathan.”
“I’ve come to say good-bye, Ella,” he said in his soft, familiar accent, holding her and looking into her eyes. “We never really got to tell each other good-bye, and the time has now come.”
“Oh, Jonathan,” she repeated wistfully. “Can you ever forgive me?”
“I’m not asking for forgiveness, sweetheart. I’m just here to say good-bye.”
“I’m so sorry about everything, Jonathan, and I’ve never stopped remembering our wonderful times.” She began to sob, feeling the back of his curly hair and recognizing the clean scent of his neck. “I’ve never forgotten anything.”
“You have to forget, Ella. It’s time to forget and say good-bye to me and the past.”
“But that’s all I have left, Jonathan—my memories. The only thing I have are my memories.”
“That’s not all you have left, Ella. You have a son, and Tyler’s soon going to need you more than he ever has. Nothing is more important now than Tyler.”
“I’ve never told him about you and me, and there’s so much about him that reminds me of you.”
“That doesn’t matter anymore, Ella. I no longer matter. All that matters now is Tyler and what you do with the rest of your life. You’ve been trapped too long, Ella, but now you’re free.”
“You can’t leave me, Jonathan,” she whimpered, feeling him pull away. “I feel so alone and need to remember you and those days.”
“Those days are over, Ella,” he said in a mature tone as she reached out and watched him gradually fade, a warm smile on his smooth, youthful face. “You’re needed, and you still have a life to finish. You have to let go now, Ella. The past is over, and you’re finally free. You’re free, Ella.”
“Don’t leave me, Jonathan. Please don’t leave me.”
“Good-bye, Ella.”
“Jonathan…”
“Good-bye, Ella,” he repeated faintly, his voice soon silenced by the steady drone of the lapping waves.
Feeling an arm trying to clutch her waist as she continued to sway back and forth, Ella opened her terrified eyes and hazily saw Edmund standing next to her still dressed in his dark green jacket and tie.
“Easy, my dear,” he tried to console, holding her tightly as her stockinged feet slowly stopped moving in the cool sand. “You must be having a bad dream, but it’s now over, it’s all over.”
At first she said nothing. Then, beginning to realize who was now speaking, she put her arms around him and began crying and trembling uncontrollably.
“It was Jonathan. I saw Jonathan, and we danced, and talked, and…then he disappeared. He just disappeared.”
“There, there,” he said, handing her the handkerchief from the breast pocket of his jacket. “You just imagined it all.”
“But I did see Jonathan,” she sobbed hysterically. “It was him. It was Jonathan, and he hadn’t changed one bit, and we danced and talked and then…then he told me good-bye and just disappeared.”
“Maybe he was trying to tell you something important,” Edmund whispered, patting her back gently. “But it’s all over now, my dear. Your dream’s over.”
“But it wasn’t a dream, was it? He was there. Jonathan was there. He’d come back to help me and tell me what I had to do about Tyler, and my own life, and—”
“It was a dream, Ella,” he interrupted, trying even harder to break her trance. “You’re tired, and you had a vision, but Jonathan’s gone now, maybe gone forever, so why don’t we go back upstairs and sit down?”
“He just disappeared,” she persisted. “We were dancing and talking, and then, like a ghost, he just faded away and kept telling me good-bye.”
For a few more moments, Edmund simply stood and held her till the weeping and quivering began to subside and she gazed down at her feet.
“Oh Lord, look at my stockings,” she stammered with embarrassment when they finally turned to head for the stairs. Just look at my stockings, Edmund.”
“Forget about your stockings. We can buy some more.”
“What are we doing down here on the beach, Edmund?” she then asked feebly. “And where are my shoes?”
“You were just wandering. I called the room over and over, and when you didn’t answer, I came looking for you and spotted you down on the beach. You could have stumbled, you know. I guess we all had a little too much champagne tonight. Your shoes are up here on the deck.”
Now holding his arm tightly as they negotiated the loose sand, her voice strengthened and she started to act in a more normal manner. Up on the terrace, the music had stopped.
“Mercy, down on the beach this time of night. I must be losing my mind or something.”
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“You’re not losing your mind, my dear. I think you’ve just had a good deal of pressure on you, and we had a big night, and it all got the best of you for a while.”
After they’d retrieved her shoes, Edmund suggested they sit on the empty porch and talk, and the first thing Ella did was pull off her mangled stockings and slip barefooted into her pumps.
“Are you feeling better now?” he asked.
“Oh, I’m fine, Edmund. “It’s late, and I’m a little tired, but I’m fine.”
“Maybe you just had a little too much champagne tonight,” he hinted casually.
“Don’t be absurd. I’m sober as a judge,” she said as if now oblivious to what had happened on the beach.
He simply chuckled and took her hand as they rocked slowly and remained silent for awhile.
“I’m thinking about all I intend to do when I get back home,” she finally uttered on a much more serious note. “I have lots to take care of, and my major concern is Tyler. He could be sicker than he lets on, you know, and I’ve got to be there when he needs me. I plan to have a long talk with his friend, Barry. Barry and I need to have a long, serious talk.”
“Do you think you’ll ever have that long talk with Tyler about his real father?”
She sat reflecting, then said with conviction, “Oh, no, Edmund, that’s no longer important. That’s all in the past, and I know now I have to be realistic and deal with the present and future. You were right when you said some secrets should remain secrets. No, what matters most now is for Tyler to get well, and I think he’s going to need me. I think he’s going to need me and Goldie a lot. And if he won’t come to us, I’ll go to him.”
“You’re a good mother,” Edmund said, squeezing her hand, then remaining silent while they both rocked. “Do you care to discuss what inspired you to go on the beach?” he eventually asked. “You seemed pretty lost in your thoughts or memories down there.”
Ella again hesitated, as if she’d already forgotten the episode or was debating whether to comment. “Well, you see, Edmund, I think I’ve been lost in my memories and dreams for far too long, but all that’s going to change. It has to change. Remember what you also said about losing control of things at our age? Well, I think I did lose control. I lost control of the past, and what I’m starting to realize…what’s dawned on me, Edmund, is that losing control over something like that is really what makes us old. You know, it’s not loneliness, or aches and pains, or even the loss of dear friends and relatives. It’s getting bogged down in our memories and hopeless fantasies—that’s what drains the most zest out of life at our stage of the game. Am I making much sense?”
He leaned over and planted a kiss on her cheek. “That’s probably the most sensible thing I’ve heard you say.” He dropped his head on the back of the chair. “Now, can I ask you a bold question?”
“You can ask me anything, Edmund.”
“I know you’ll be frank, but is there any chance…Once you’ve had time to take care of all you have to do back home, I was wondering if there’s any chance we might see each other again. Just shut me up if I’m making a fool of myself, but I could fly back down to visit you, or perhaps you’d like to come up and see where this old codger lives. I figure we don’t have much to lose, and we do seem to get along well, and”—he laughed—“I think we both realize the grass is no greener on the other side of the fence for either of us. Right?”
It was now she who took his hand and turned to face him in the dim light. “Are you propositioning me, Edmund?”
“I guess that’s exactly what I’m doing,” he laughed again, wagging a finger in the air in his special way.
“Well, I can tell you I’d be insulted if you weren’t,” she said, nervously touching the side of her mussed hair. “Of course, I have no idea how much I’ll be involved with Tyler and Barry in the coming weeks, and there’s lots I need to work out with my other two children.” She hesitated a few seconds, as if already wrestling with an important decision. “I might even get myself one of those pocket phones. But yes, Edmund, nothing would make me happier than for us to continue this friendship. You’re a very special gentleman, you know.”
“Flatterer!” he exclaimed playfully, turning around only to see that the lounge was now closed. “Confound it! A nightcap would have been nice.”
His remark apparently triggered some urgent awareness in Ella’s mind, for, dropping his hand, she suddenly leaned up and began searching frantically every area of space in and around the chairs.
“Is there something wrong, dear?” he asked worriedly, looking about to see what could possibly be bothering her.
“Yes, there certainly is. Where’s my damn pocketbook?”
A READING GROUP GUIDE
DANCING IN THE LOWCOUNTRY
James Villas
ABOUT THIS GUIDE
The suggested questions are included to enhance
your group’s reading of James Villas’s
Dancing in the Lowcountry.
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
A very special Southern society plays an important role in the evolution of Ella Dubose’s life. How is Ella both a heroine and victim of that society—as a young lady and elderly woman—in all its different ethical and moral manifestations?
Much as she’s portrayed as an old-fashioned Southern lady caught up in the clutches of her past, in what ways might Ella be construed as a modern woman?
Ella’s younger son, Earl Jr., and her daughter, Olivia, do not come across as very sympathetic characters. Do they have any redeeming qualities, and if so, what are they?
Nobody can doubt that Ella’s and Goldie’s relationship is highly unusual and complex. Exactly what role does Goldie play in Ella’s life and the psychological development of the narrative? Does Ella truly believe herself to be superior to Goldie, and is Goldie truly subservient to her domineering mistress?
Is Ella immoral—both as a young, carefree girl and a mature married lady? In what ways?
Was Ella truly in love with Jonathan, or has she always been in love mainly with an idea—or a fantasy? Likewise, did she ever really love her husband, Big Earl?
Before—and even after—his traumatic awakening about his sexual identity, were Jonathan’s emotions over Ella ever genuine? Is it realistic to believe that he was ever really attracted to her sexually?
What strength does Ella possibly gain for her lifelong obsession with Jonathan’s memory and the past?
What are the true reasons for Ella’s special bond with her gay son, Tyler?
In what ways does Tyler stand apart from the other characters in this novel, even while serving as a motivation for much of the action?
What is most important to Ella: romance and passion, marriage, or motherhood? Could this eccentric lady have survived without any one of these factors?
In what ways is Ella’s relationship with Edmund at once totally different and quite similar to those with Jonathan and Big Earl? Has there been any development in her emotional makeup over the decades?
Edmund purports to understand Ella, and the reader suspects that, in a short period of time, he may indeed have plumbed the depths in her confused soul that have never been explored. If so, how does he accomplish this?
Determined as Ella is to finally reveal hidden truths to Tyler about the past and his identity, she ultimately decides that his precarious welfare is more important than her need to resolve an overwhelming ethical dilemma. Is she right or wrong in her decision?
Can Ella be deemed a loving, responsible wife and mother?
Nothing ever seems to be as important to Ella as her pocketbook. What might the pocketbook be said to symbolize in this novel?
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ISBN: 978-0-7582-6481-7
Table of Contents
Chapter 1: A Fresh Peach
Chapter 2: Flesh and Blood
Chapter 3: Dull Gold
Chapter 4: The Squaw
Chapter 5: Keyboard Tinkerbell
Chapter 6: Grits and Grunts
Chapter 7: Nobody Argues with a Gun
Chapter 8: Waccamaw Neck
Chapter 9: The Whole Ocean of Truth
Chapter 10: Wisteria
Chapter 11: In the Gazebo
Chapter 12: The Queen City
Chapter 13: Feedin’ the Crabs
Chapter 14: A Distant Clap of Thunder
Chapter 15: Defeated Soul
Chapter 16: Imperfect Bond
Chapter 17: Awendaw
Chapter 18: The Yellow Pine
Chapter 19: Magic
Chapter 20: Sharks’ Teeth
Chapter 21: Prevarication
Chapter 22: Last Dance
A Reading Group Guide
Discussion Questions