by K. T Fisher
"Yea I'm fine I was just scared I was going to say too much."
"Not long now honey."
We walk out the room Jax took me to and into the empty room we were in before the ceremony began. All the wedding party is in here while the guests walk over to the marquee.
"I still love him Jess."
I whisper and hang my head low.
"Of course you still love him, you didn't stop."
This is so bleddy hard! Sophie is approaching us so I try and calm down.
"Hey babe, you OK?"
I smile and nod my head.
"As long as I have my girls I'm fine."
She strokes me arm and pouts at me.
"I'm so happy for you two."
"Thanks Kendal. I can't believe I'm married, I was crying so much."
"We were all blubbering Soph."
Our laughing gets cut short when Rhys stands by Sophie and kisses her on her cheek.
"Kendal, can we talk?"
Sophie and Jessica silently walk away together. They don't go too far. I look back to Sam and his looking at me with his big brother caring eyes.
"You OK?"
"Yea."
"You staying?"
"Of course. I'm not going anywhere."
He grabs me into a big comforting hug and it feels nice. I've really missed Rhys. I didn't realize how much until now because all I always thought about was Jax and Finley. It wasn't until now that I'm in his arms I feel like I have my big brother Sam back. If you ever had to design the big brother you wanted I'm pretty sure everyone would have a Rhys.
"Why did ya leave Kendal?"
He holds me back by the shoulders to look at me when I don't answer.
"He said that you told him you couldn't take the girls and all the attention. I know that's not true."
He gives me that disapproving look when he knows I've been lying.
"Whats the real reason Kendal? I tried calling but I couldn't get through and you weren't at home."
I turned my phone off and then chucked it away without turning it on. I knew I would be upset with what I saw if I turned it back on and I'd be tempted to see Jax again. They didn't know where Maisy lived so I stayed with her for a while until I knew they were out of town and then have the courage to tell my parents. I feel more worried about revealing everything to Rhys than I did Jax. He has always been able to read me well and always knew when I was lying about something.
"You three would go off and have fun while Jax would be stuck with me. He didn't need me keeping him back Rhys."
He cocks his head to the side and frowns at me again.
"Kendal I don't believe a word of that. He still loves you Kendal, his never stopped."
"She still loves him too."
I gasp when I hear Jessica behind me. I turn to give her my traitor glare.
"Jess shut up!"
I do the whisper shout at her. She shakes her head and Sophie's beside her not knowing what to do. Why can't everyone just stop and enjoy there wedding day?
"Kendal it's true so stop trying to hide it."
She walks right up to me, obviously my glare hasn't put her off from coming near me. She looks up to Rhys and I know she has now moved onto Sophie and Maisys side.
"Since the day she left him she's been miserable. Happy, care free Kendal was gone. She tried to move on but it didn't work out. Last year her ex asked her to move in with her and she couldn't because she can't commit to anyone else. Jax still has her heart."
Maisy stands by Jessica, not looking at me at all. I might as well not be here at all.
"And seriously, Harley was hot. If she could have moved on it should have been Harley. But she couldn't"
I look down to my shoes. Wishing and praying to be somewhere else, anywhere but this awkward conversation. Everything that's being said is true. Jessica the traitor looks to me.
"Just tell Jax you still love him."
"You do?"
I freeze. Oh my god. Jax heard that? Floor please swallow me now. Rhys is shaking his head but his smiling. Totally ignoring that Jax just interrupted.
"Sounds just like Jax. His tried and failed because of Kendal. He still loves you Kendal."
Why is everyone talking about my love life like I'm not even standing here. I feel someone grab my hands and I look up to see it's Jax. He looks straight into my eyes and I think I can see hope there. Well he just told me he wants me back and now that big mouth over there just blabbed that I still love him. He knows his task is easier which I do not need when I'm trying to do the right thing and keep my feelings for Jax out of this for Finley.
"It's true Kendal. I still love you, I need you back."
"I-I can't do this right now."
I'm shaking like crazy right now. I leave them standing there. They can carry on talking about me, I'll deal with Jess later. I hear Rhys say 'let her go', probably to Jax. I can't believe he still loves me. After four years and now his fame he still loves me. I can't ignore the stab in my heart thinking of him with other girls but I tried to move on too. I failed but I can't be mad at him for trying too. I can't believe Jax heard what Jessica said, maybe she said it because she knew Jax there? I had only just told her I was going to tell him about Finley tomorrow, maybe she thought he should know about my feelings too? I didn't want that though, I just wanted Jax to know about Finley so he can spend time with his dad. I'm not hoping to be a happy family although I can't ignore the feelings that have rushed back just seeing him again. Now I have thought about me Jax and Finley together it hurts to tell myself no.
I need some fresh air so I walk back though the double doors. Everyone's happily talking and making there way into the marquee that should really be called a circus tent. I just need five minutes to clear my head. I'll be in that circus tent soon and so will Jax, can I even eat a meal yet? Obviously I'm not going to get those five minutes to calm down by myself because when I come outside I see Max and Leo leaning against the house watching everyone. I'd bet money that they were scouting the crowd for any girls. Scouting to see who they were going to try and seduce later tonight. Maybe I can sneak of in the other direction but Leo notices me, he starts to smile at me but then it falls into a frown.
"Whats up Kendal?"
He pushes of the wall and walks up to me, Max joins him looking just as concerned.
"Just need a breather."
They both raise an eyebrow, if this was any other time I would have thought they looked funny but I'm not in the mood.
"Everyone's talking about me like I'm not even there!"
Max places a hand on my shoulder.
"Yea well this is a pretty weird situation."
"So what have you been up to?"
I shrug my shoulders but I'm thankful Leo hasn't asked me about Jax.
"The usual."
Again Leo raises his pierced eyebrow.
"Well, I don't know what the usual it is anymore seeing as you walked out on us all four years ago. Why did you do that? You didn't even say bye to us."
Well shit I didn't think of that back then. I just gave Jax lie of an excuse and ran away scared. I didn't say bye to the guys.
"I'm sorry, it was pretty quick and I just left. I couldn't come back. I wanted him to have what you guys had. Music and girls."
They both scrunch there faces up. Seriously whats up with all these matching comical faces?
"Kendal that's crazy talk. You think he wants cheap and easy pussy when he had you? They have nothing on you. Surely you saw that, were you blind?"
I hang my head ashamed. Maybe if I told them because I was pregnant they would understand or they would think it was worse. I've come from one confrontation and straight to another. I hear a smack and look to Leo holding the back of his head.
"Back of Leo. Shes just had all this in there."
Max takes me into a hug and then releases me.
"So where you living now then? Last time we saw you, you were at home."
"No I left home three years
ago. Only twenty minutes from here."
"You finish college?"
Well this is better than talking about me and Jax.
"Yea fully qualified hairdresser. Then I did make-up, nails and tanning."
Leo points to my mouth.
"Do I see new piercings?"
I laugh and it feels good.
"Yea my tragus and tongue since I last saw you."
"Sexy, any tats yet?"
"I might have my sons name."
They both nod.
"Jax did tell you didn't he?"
"Yea and also that your alone."
Leo looks to Max and frowns and then back to me.
"I didn't know that you were alone Kendal. The dad not around?"
I shake my head.
"Who is it I'll knock the fucker out."
"Look it's fine OK?"
I see Tanya and Maisy walking out to me and I escape this now awkward conversation. Tanya places her hand on my arm and I know its a silent question to ask if I'm OK so I giver her a nod back.
"Hey honey, everyone's sitting down for the meal, you coming?"
Maisy's looking behind me and Tanya lifts her eyes up to and then back to me. I turn and see Jax, Rhys, Sophie and Jessica walking towards us. As soon as I see Sophie and Rhys I feel like shit. This is spoiling there day. I give Sophie a tight hug when she's close enough.
"I'm sorry about all this Soph."
I whisper in her ear, she squeezes me and whispers back.
"Don't be silly, lets get drunk later and forget it all."
Rhys pats my head and says sorry but I wave it away. I see Jessica getting closer to me but give her a glare that stops her in her tracks.
"Kendal"
I shake my head ignoring her sad tone.
"I wana strong drink before I talk to you Jess."
I walk away and leave her standing with everyone else but I hear her tell Tanya and Maisy to follow me. I see on the board at the entrance that shows the seating plan that the bridesmaids and Leo and Max are on the table right near the top table. Thankfully Jax is on the top table but his still right in my view. I sit at our table and Tanya and Maisy go to the bar that's set up at the far end. This is turning out to be a very stressful and confusing day. The girls return with drinks at the same time as Jess walks in with Leo and Max. She sits right next to me and I take big gulps of the drink Tanya sets in front of me. I don't want to be mad but I can't believe she outed my feelings like that. Jax walks by and takes his seat at the top table.
"Why aren't you two and Rex at the top table?"
Leo shrugs.
"Jax is making a speech and his brother wanted to sit with his wife and kids."
"Rhys doesn't trust you to so a speech does he."
I can't help the grin on my face, I would definitely not trust those two making a speech in front of my parents. Jessica puts her hand on my leg and I look at her sad face.
"I'm sorry Kendal. I just had to tell Rhys, I can see by how Jax looks at you that he loved you. I just want you happy. Hug?"
I fall into her open arms.
"Lets just have fun today and worry tomorrow."
Can't argue with that.
Chapter 26
~Jax~
When Max followed me out he lead me over to Leo but all they wanted to do was check the women out. I left them to it and went to sulk in a corner. Should I have told Kendal I want her back? Well I've done it now and looking at her standing with Sophie and Jessica she looks sad. When I see Rhys and they speak alone I'm pleased for him, the guys missed Kendal as much as me. When I see Jessica break them apart I can't help but gravitate towards them, when I get close enough I hear everything Jessica tells Rhys. When I hear Maisy say the name of her ex she used to try and move on with I wan't to kill this guy. I get so angry at hearing about her being with guy I'm about to leave but then I hear Jessica say to Kendal she needs to tell me she still loves me. I don't care that Rhys tells her my feelings because I've already told Kendal I want her back. If she loved me then why did Kendal leave me? I don't buy all the crap she fed me four years ago anymore.
When I speak up I see Kendal stiffen so I walk right up to her and tell her it's all true what Rhys is saying. She's biting that lip of hers again, trying to fight her emotions.
"I-I can't do this right now."
She quickly walks away from me so I start to go after her but Rhys catches my arm
"Let her go man."
"I need to talk to her."
"She just needs space."
So I just stand there, watching her walk away. Rhys and Sophie drift away leaving me and Jessica standing side by side. I feel shit that this is happening today.
"It's good to see you Jax."
"You too Jess."
I look from where Kendal goes outside and to Jessica.
"How has Kendal really been Jess?"
Her face looks sad as she thinks about my question.
"She's been OK, not happy like she used to be but OK. Finley keeps her happy though, whenever there together she has a smile on her face. His the only good part thats happened out of all this."
"What do you mean?"
Her cheeks blush a little and she clears her throat.
"Erm just that he keeps Kendal happy."
Okaayy, that was a little awkward and I don't know why.
"It it true Jess?"
Jessica smiles at me sadly.
"Everything I said is true Jax and by looking at you, I'd say you look as miserable as Kendal."
"You can tell huh?"
"I'm not blind Jax, I've seen how you look at her. You haven't stopped looking at her since she walked down that aisle. She still loves you Jax and she's going to kill me for telling you for all of this but it's all true. I'm sick of seeing her unhappy, she puts on this fake smile but I can see past it. The thing is she left you because she loves you, as stupid as that sounds."
"That doesn't make any sence."
If you love someone you stay with them, you don't leave them. I never wanted to leave her, she obviously didn't feel the same as me.
"You don't understand. She stood on the sidelines watching you four get more popular by the day. That meant more groupies. She knew this was your dream before you met her. The band, the fame and the girls that come along with rockstars. She thought she was keeping you from living the dream you always dreamt of, keeping you back. So she left you to live that dream."
I'm stunned, that was a different speech. She left me because she thought my dream included the girls? When we first started the girls were a bonus but as soon as I met Kendal that all changed. I wanted nothing to do with other girls because I had my gorgeous Kendal. She added to my dream, did Kendal really see herself like that?
"Jess, I didn't want the girls. I had the girl. My girl. I felt sorry for the guys because I was living the best dream, playing music and falling in love. The fame wasn't a huge dream of mine but if you want to play music and get better it comes with the package. It gets annoying to be honest but I never forgot her. I think about her everyday. Now I've seen her again I can't let her go. I know I sound like a pussy but I can't, if she loves me I'm fighting for her. She can't get rid of me again."
Jessica starts to cry but she's smiling at me.
"Please don't give up on her Jax. I want her to be happy. I didn't realize how much she loved you but seeing her without you these four years it's obvious. She loves you, please don't let her go. No matter what Jax, fight please."
I feel like there's more she wants to say to me but Sophie and Rhys come back. It's time to eat and when we walk outside I see Kendal. She's talking to Tanya and Maisy, Leo and Max are standing close watching her. They look to me and wink, I watch Kendal and Sophie as they have a little moment together. Jessica tries to approach Kendal but by the look she just threw at her I wouldn't go near Kendal either. She looks pissed and I can't help but feel sorry for Jessica, Kendal's too hurt to see she's just trying to help her. When Kendal storms off with Ta
nya and Maisy behind her I say sorry to Jessica.
"Don't worry, she will forgive me. She loves me too much."
She smiles but I can see she's hurting. I don't think I ever saw Kendal act like that with Jessica.
