Rebel Rockstar

by Marci Fawn

  For the rest of the night, I try to stay close to Faith.

  One reason is I want her to see Becky throw herself all over me.

  Another, I don’t trust any guy Faith’s with. This preppy guy looks older, and he has a weird look on his face that I don’t really trust. I’m ignoring the fact Faith has neglected to apologize for standing me up. Instead, I raise my red plastic cup to her every time she looks in my direction. And that’s quite a few times, actually.

  Her date finally removes her from his grip, and from his gestures I manage to make out he’s going to the bathroom. Becky’s off getting drinks for us, and for a short while, Faith and I have a staring contest. I’m daring her to look away, and she looks pissed as hell, staring right back at me.

  Fuck knows why she’s the one getting upset. I’m the one who got stood up – again.

  Finally, Faith motions for me to come closer. I look around, feigning ignorance, and pressing a hand to my chest, mouthing the words ‘me?’ Faith nods furiously. And I just shake my head, shrugging with a grin on my face. “Come and get it,” I shout across the room.

  A deep blush colors her cheeks and she looks angrier than ever. She looks like she’s about to leave the room, when she finally gathers the courage to start walking up to me. Not really walking, actually, she’s more like stomping on the floor as she gets across the room.

  Faith’s only a few steps away when a gaggle of girls with Becky in the lead step between us. I look over the girls’ shoulders, just in time to see Faith’s fearless expression change into a scared one. And I’m fucking furious already. No one, and I mean no-fucking-one, messes with my girl.

  I can't hear the girls talking, so I step a little closer, my eyes fixed on Faith. I won't let these girls taunt her, but I'm not about to step in just yet.

  "Oh, if it isn't the little nerdy girl," Becky smirks at Faith, and my blood boils in my veins. God fucking damn it, girls really can be rude as hell.

  "I'm surprised you know who I am," Faith replies, a smile plastered on her lips. "I didn't mean to crash your party, Becky..."

  "Then why are you here?" Becky cuts her off sharply, glaring at her. "I don't remember telling you about it, and I sure as hell didn't tell anyone to invite you, either."

  Faith's blushing, her gaze now turned downwards towards the floor. "I came here with Jason," she says softly.

  "Jason?" One of Becky's friends raises her brows. "Bex, that's the hot college guy who leads the debate team or some other stupid shit. He sure as hell didn't come here with this girl. She's way too ugly for him."

  I can see Faith flinch at her words, but it's like I'm glued to the spot. I can't approach them, can't defend my girl. I need her to stand up for herself, for fuck's sake. If she doesn't learn how to do that, she's going to have a helluva hard time in life.

  "Yeah, I should've figured," Becky laughs in her face. "Why don't you get lost, geek girl? I'm assuming you followed River here. Everyone knows your obsession with him, you stupid boring bitch."

  Apparently, she's not aware of me standing only a few feet away. Becky steps closer to Faith, glaring at her with a threatening expression on her face.

  "Leave. My house. Now. Or would you rather be humiliated further? I can call everyone here, make them know what a trespasser you are," she hisses at Faith. "You're pathetic, Faith. River will never, ever like you. What's there to like?"

  Her eyes go over Faith's features. The thick glasses in the dark frame. So damn cute. The too-long hair, falling down her back. The baggy clothes that hide a body I grew up seeing blossom. The freckled face that is now blushing something fierce.

  I've finally found the strength to move my legs. I know Faith well, and I can read her face like an open book. She's on the verge of crying, her eyes puffy and her face red. She's not about to step up for herself, but I'll be damned before I let these girls bully her.

  "Step aside, Becky," I say coldly to the girl I was kissing only moments before. She looks up at me with surprise, followed by a triumphant look.

  "Oh, look, Faith, it's your imaginary boyfriend," she chirps with a syrupy-sweet voice. "He's probably here to help me throw you out, aren't you, River?"

  She gives me an expectant look, and Faith raises her eyes to mine, her bottom lip quivering. She's so damn beautiful, even like this, when she's vulnerable and upset as fuck.

  "Becky, calm down," I tell my make out partner. "I invited her. I don't get why she shouldn't be here, and you're being a total bitch to her. But it's your house, so I guess she'd better leave."

  Becky grins at me like she's proud of what I've said. "That's right, little Faith. Walk on out of here," she hisses at Faith, making a rude motion for Faith to get lost. "You're not wanted."

  "Yeah, Faith, this place isn't worthy of you," I wink at my best friend, grab her by the arm and lead her to the front door. The whole room's gone quiet now, apart from the music blasting through the speakers. Everyone's staring at us.

  "River!" Becky says angrily, obviously upset at me. "Get back here. She can get out by herself, the door's right there."

  "I'm afraid we," I point from Faith to myself, feeling her shiver in my grip. "Are a package deal. Any party unworthy of Faith doesn't deserve my attention. But you guys have fun!"

  I wink at Becky, grinning at her shocked expression, right before leading Faith outside. I can feel her trembling, her whole body shaken by tremors. She's not crying, though, and for that, I'm proud of her.

  "Are you okay?" I ask her softly once we've made our way into the front yard of Becky's house. Suddenly, Faith throws her arm out of my embrace and glares at me.

  "I didn't need your help in there, River!" she spits out. "I can handle my damn self."

  "I wasn't handling you," I tell her calmly. "I was getting rid of an obstacle for you, that's all. You don't need to listen to some lame prom queen's bullshit. Do you really care what Becky thinks?"

  Faith looks furious, her cheeks blushing something fierce. "Of course not," she lies through gritted teeth, hesitating for a moment before going on. "But my date's in there, River!"

  "Right, the oh-so-mysterious Jason," I roll my eyes. "Wasn't he supposed to keep you company? I didn't see him anywhere when those girls were attacking you."

  "Those girls?" Faith laughs out loud, the sound bitter and angry. "Let's not forget you had your tongue down one of their throats only minutes before stopping them."

  "Yeah, I didn't know they'd pick on you, did I?" I say, rubbing my eyes. "Look, Faith, let's not fight. I'll go in there and get your date, if that's what you want. Just don't make this day shittier than it already is, not today - please."

  "Fine, get him!" Faith screams at me. "I don't want to be stuck here with you, River. Just get Jason, and leave me alone."

  She's being unreasonable, and I'm a stupid prick for nodding and heading inside. I'm a jerk for actually finding Jason deep in conversation with another girl who doesn't hold a candle to Faith's beauty. And I'm a dumbass for bringing him outside and letting him save the day.

  I leave the lovebirds chatting on the lawn and head back to the party. I should just get over her. It's becoming painfully obvious Faith wants nothing to do with me... Yet I'm more in love with her than ever.

  37

  Faith

  As soon as River leaves and I'm left staring at his retreating back, I feel empty and drained of all emotions. I'm already regretting sending him away, but it seems to be my default whenever I'm near him. I'm just so afraid... Of his new status at the 'cool guy', his new popular friends, his bike, his boxing. I'm just scared I don't measure up, and I'll never be good enough. I guess he just proved me right, because he walked away.

  My mom used to say, any guy who is worth having will fight for you. And while River sometimes puts up a fight, he never really sticks around long enough to make sure I'm okay. He always leaves that job to someone else - usually my dad, or in this case, Jason.

  I have to bite my tongue to stop myself from begging him to come
back, and he disappears amidst the other people at the party in the next second. I'm too afraid to go back inside, so I just cross my arms in front of my body and sulk on the lawn, freezing in my T-shirt and jeans.

  Finally, River comes back outside in what seems like hours later, even though it's probably only been minutes. I give him an angry look and we lock eyes, his gaze just as enraged as mine. It’s only when he reaches me that I notice he brought Jason with him.

  "Hey, Faith!" Jason says with an awkward smile. "Where'd you go? Spent so much time looking for you."

  I mumble back something incoherent and Jason grins at River. "Thanks for telling me where she was, man. See you around?"

  River looks like he's about to knock Jason out, but he just nods with his lips in a thin line before disappearing back into the house. And even though I don't want it to, it still hurts like hell. It seems that however hard I try to deny it, I will always have a thing for River Xavier.

  "...so I'm really sorry, but I'll have to head back home now. Faith? Is that okay? Faith?"

  Jason's words finally reach me and I look up at him. "Sorry, what?"

  He laughs at me and ruffles my hair, something I've always hated. "Went someplace else in your mind, did you?" he teases me, and it rubs me the wrong way. I hate it when people use a patronizing tone with me.

  "Yeah, sorry," I say in a clipped tone. "You were saying?"

  "I said I just got a phone call from my mom. My little brother apparently crashed dad's car, and I have to head there to smooth things over. I don't want the next time I see Quentin to be in a casket."

  He laughs easily, and I give him an uncertain look. "So, you're leaving?"

  "Afraid so. Anything else I can do for you before I go?" he asks, giving me a deep look.

  "No, that's okay," I say moodily. "Thanks for bringing me here. It was nice hanging out with you."

  One part of me is disappointed he didn't try to make a move, while the other is still preoccupied with thoughts of River. But when Jason leans forward to hug me, he goes in for a kiss. Before I can stop myself, I instinctively turn my head to the side so it only ends up being a peck.

  "Hope to see you again soon, Faith," Jason whispers in my ear. Next thing I know, he winks at me and he's gone, leaving me at the party. Only when he's pulling away in his car do I realize he was my ride.

  Today is really not turning out to be the best day. I sigh heavily and head to the back of the house. There's a huge pool there, but also an area with an empty playground. I think Becky has a younger sister - she must be the one using the swing set and the slide.

  I plop down on one of the swings and stare at the ground. Even though I fight them hard, the tears are threatening to spill from my eyes. And really, it's no one's fault but mine.

  I messed everything up. I stood River up and was so rude I didn't even tell him I'd made other plans for the party. I assumed he'd just forget to pick me up, anyway. But dad's call from an hour ago proved me otherwise - River had been at my house and apparently looked 'a bit upset' when I wasn't there to meet him.

  And Jason was perfectly nice to me as well, while I treated him horribly.

  I deserve everything that happened, I decide with resolution and sigh heavily. I messed up this night royally, all because of my horrible insecurities. I kick at the grass on the ground, mumbling something to myself.

  "Who's the stupid, stupid idiot?"

  I look up, blushing. River's leaning against the metal rod of the swing set, his eyes gleaming with mischief. And for the first time in months, I feel like I can open up to him.

  "Me," I say softly. "I was mean to Jason, and... I let you down. I'm sorry, River."

  He sighs and sits down on the swing next to mine. For the next few moments, we hang suspended in the air. River's tall as hell, so his legs reach the ground, while mine flail in the air.

  "I will admit it's not the best day I've had," River says, giving me a sideways look. "But it seems like you've been having a hard time, too, Faith."

  I shrug, my gaze glued to the ground. I may have opened up for a moment, but that doesn't mean everything I kept bottled up will just come to the surface. Even though I'm talking to River, my dearest and oldest friend... if I can even call him that anymore. I've probably ruined any kind of relationship we had.

  The first fat tear rolls down my cheek and hits my jeans-clad knee.

  "Hey, Faith," River says softly. "Don't cry, baby."

  His word of endearment actually makes my heart stop for a second. God damn my stupid crush on River Xavier. I should've gotten over it years ago, when I first realized I wasn't worthy of his attention.

  "Please, baby," he says again, getting off the swing and coming to kneel in front of me. I finally let my eyes float to his, surprised to find his gaze filled with compassion and kindness. I really am a massive bitch. River's been nothing but nice to me and all I do is push him farther and farther away.

  "Faith, it's going to be all right. I know things are a bit weird right now. Is there something else going on?" River asks gently.

  I shrug again. "I miss my mom a lot," I say simply. Not that River doesn't know. When she died, I spent weeks crying on his shoulder. But now that we've stopped hanging out, I haven't really been able to speak about her. Dad gets touchy whenever I bring her up, followed by worry for my well-being. I'm really handling it okay - if losing your mom at sixteen is something you can handle okay.

  But I miss talking about her. Remembering her. Seeing her smile when I walk down the stairs and she's made pancakes for breakfast.

  "I know, baby," River says softly. And suddenly, his hand is on my knee and it feels so good to be touched, to have someone care for me, that I start to cry uncontrollably. Sobs rack my body and I'm gasping for air.

  Next thing I know, River pulls me up from the swing and wraps me up in an embrace. It feels so familiar yet so alien at the same time. His hands are stronger, more muscular. His scent is more masculine - deeper and muskier. But at the same time, it's still River. My best friend. My first love, not that he knows about the latter.

  "You know," he says softly, stroking my hair. "She always made me a cake for my birthday. Remember that?"

  Somehow, his soothing motions manages to calm me down a little and I sob quietly now, smiling through my tears. "Yeah," I say with a sad smile. "Carrot cake, your favorite. And I hated it and always moaned about it every year."

  I lean my head against River's shoulder and snuggle closer to him. For once, I'm not delving into dangerous territory. I'm not thinking about his lips on mine, or his hands on my naked skin... Okay, maybe now I am. But it feels so good to be held like this, for the first time in months.

  "I know," River laughs. "I thought of it for the whole day. It really isn't the same without her. My mom baked a cake and burnt it gloriously. Smoldering chocolate lava cake really doesn't compare to your mom's carrot."

  I laugh, and after a second, pull away and give River a confused look. "What do you mean?" I ask in confusion. "Why did you have a cake today?"

  River smiles slowly at me, and it finally hits me. "Oh my god," I whisper. "Oh my dear god. It's your birthday today."

  "Yep," he says with a grin. "I'm nineteen."

  "Shit." I rip myself out of River's embrace and cover my mouth with my hands. "River, I completely forgot. I messed up so much... I can't believe it slipped my mind."

  The whole day replays in my head, and it's even more awful than I remember it. He came to talk to me. I was rude as hell. He invited me out, I stood him up. And I yelled at him countless times just today. I really am a bitch.

  "Don't worry about it, Faith," he says with a small smile. "Happens to the best of us. Remember when I forgot yours when you were four? It was no big deal."

  "Yeah?" I raise my eyebrows at him, panicking. "I made you eat a dirt cake instead of the strawberry shortcake my mom made."

  "There might've been a worm in it," River grimaces, and I wail.

  "River, I'm so sorry," I man
age to get out. "I can't believe I forgot!"

  "How about you let it go?" he asks, his grin growing wider. "But you can finally wish me a happy birthday, how about that?"

  I step closer and take his hand in mine, trying to look as sincere and serious as possible. "River," I say with a solemn voice, making him crack up. "I wish you the bestest, most amazing, special birthday ever. And I hope you find a better friend than me to spend the rest of it with."

  "Well, there's only a few hours left," he says, pointing up at the night sky. It's a full moon tonight, and the evening is pleasant and cool. "What do you say we make the best of it? Want to make it up to me for forgetting?”

  I look at him for a long time, thinking about his question. And just like that, I realize there's nothing I'd rather do in the world than spend the rest of the night with River.

  "Yes," I say with a small smile. "Yes, let's make it a night to remember."

  He grins as he pulls on my hand, leading me somewhere with a wink. "Way ahead of you, baby... Way ahead of you."

  My heart stops again when he calls me that... I'm such a fool for him.

  38

  River

  I know she didn't forget about my birthday on purpose. Knowing about all the stuff going on in Faith's life, I really can't blame her for not remembering. Still, the way she wishes me a happy birthday makes me the happiest guy in the world. And I'm determined to spend the rest of the day with her, just like we used to.

  We walk over to my bike and I hand Faith a helmet.

  "Are you for real?" she asks doubtfully, shaking her head. "I really don't want to ride that thing."

  "Are you walking?" I ask with raised eyebrows, and she rolls her eyes, putting the helmet on.

  "Looks good on you," I say with a cheeky grin, which earns me a muffled thanks from Faith. She climbs on behind me and I rev the engine, getting ready to get us the hell away from Becky and her gaggle of clones.