Rebel Rockstar

by Marci Fawn

  "River..." I manage to get out weakly. I give him a desperate look and he smiles at me, baring his teeth. "Please."

  "Please what, baby?" he coos.

  "Please..." My eyes are darting across his face. Even I don't know what I'm asking him for. "Please kiss me again."

  His lips trace a pattern along my collarbone and I gasp, louder this time around. "And what else?" he taunts me.

  I'm wriggling under his touch, unsure whether I want to break free or get closer to him. "God, River," I moan. He's pushing me. I don't recognize my own voice anymore, the words leaving my lips as alien as my throaty tone. "Please, touch me. Touch me everywhere."

  He lets go of my wrists and gives me a warning. "Keep your hands up. Don't you dare fucking move them."

  I nod, feeling dizzier than ever.

  He grabs the small of my back with one hand and presses me against the wall gently. His other hand lingers at my throat, gently stroking my skin. "Arch," he orders me, and I give him a lusty look. "Arch your back, baby."

  I don't mean to, but my body is acting of its own accord. My back arches, pushing my body into his hands. His hand roams down, across my décolletage and finally down the middle of my breasts. He's not touching them, but god, it feels good. He stops when he reaches the waist of my skirt. I'm fully clothed, yet I've never felt more naked in my entire life.

  River looks into my eyes for permission. I don't know what he wants to do with my approval, but I'm already nodding. And then his hand reaches my thigh and I'm burning, burning, burning.

  "Fuck," I mewl.

  "Nice skirt," he smirks at me.

  I'm wearing a pleated skirt that I might've outgrown last summer. I thought it looked fine at home, but now it feels scandalously short.

  "I remember when it was knee-length," River murmurs into my ear, sending shivers down my spine. Then his hand is on the inside of my thigh, and he's slapping my legs apart. "Can you spread your legs for me, baby?"

  I moan his name, my eyes glazing over as I obey. Oh my god, this can't be happening. He's going to touch me in places even I haven't explored, right here on the street. And if he doesn't touch me soon, I'm going to beg him to do it. I don’t know how far I can go, or if I’ll even be able to voice my inhibitions to him.

  I moan again. His hand reaches up higher on my thigh, his other hand joining it. I open my legs for him, needing his touch, wanting him, not knowing what he’s going to do. Am I going to lose my virginity in an alley like this?

  “More, baby. Open more,” River’s lips brush against my earlobe as he bites down. I hurry to obey. It’s not enough for him. His hands slide up the inside of my thighs to my hips, pulling my skirt up over my waist. My panties are completely exposed, and I blush furiously, wondering if he can see the wet spot. His eyes aren’t on mine anymore…

  He probably can. Oh god. His hands slide back down to my thighs, pushing them as far apart as they can go. I close my eyes in embarrassment. I was so mean to River earlier, and now we are here, doing what I’d thought about before, and I couldn’t open up like he’d asked me to…

  He brushes a hand into my hair, and I open my eyes to see him staring at me with fire in his eyes. His hand runs down my cheek, pushing my hair behind my ear before continuing down my neck.

  “River,” I gasp.

  “Shh,” he quiets me, lightly squeezing my neck. I shut up immediately. His hand slips from my neck down my chest, tracing my stomach, as he gets closer to my burning core.

  A crashing sound pulls us apart. My hands go to his chest immediately, feeling the hard muscles there. I bite my lip, wanting to feel my hands against him a different way. I need to push him away. Someone’s coming. But River doesn’t move an inch.

  It’s like the risk of someone coming and seeing us only excites him more, and as he pulls me to his chest, I feel something hard against my thigh, something I’ve never felt before.

  He doesn’t try anything, to my dismay. I bury my head in the crook of his shoulder, breathing heavily.

  Wanting to talk.

  Not knowing what to say.

  We wait.

  Can he feel me trembling in his arms?

  “No one here,” he says, kissing the top of my head again. Our eyes turn to look for the source of the sound. The light is dim back here. I can only see the smoldering look in his eyes against the black drop of the alley, and that’s just because a streetlight lets me see him.

  His hand is on my cheek again. “Looks like a shipment crate fell,” he grins wickedly. I look around. Whatever band is in there must be storing some extra equipment out in the alley. The crates explain enough. He pulls my face to his and gives me a short kiss before pulling away. My mouth is tingling.

  “Let’s crash this place.” River winks at me.

  There’s a dark door almost disguised by the color of the wall surrounding it. Eventually, we find it with River leading the way. He always leads the way, ever since we were children. I would get hurt following him around, but to be honest, I could follow him forever.

  He turns to me with a smirk, his hand on the knob as our eyes lock. My legs go weak again, shaking from remembering his touch on me and from imagining his fingers on me again. His eyes are full of lust and mischief.

  “We’re not actually breaking in here, right?” It sounds lame the minute I say it. I can’t help it. I wanted – want – to do this, but now that we’re actually going through with it, it seems so… Bad. So deliciously River.

  He raises an eyebrow at me and pulls his hand away from the knob, pretending to care about what he’s doing. I cock my head at him questioningly, knowing he’s only trying to humor me. He cocks his head back, and it’s so…

  “Enjoying the view, Faith?” He breaks out into a grin again, and then nods at the door. “Now, are you doing the honors, or am I?”

  I mumble a response, trying not to stutter. River merely laughs at me and gets to work on the door lock. I watch him nervously, stepping from one foot to the other with my heart pounding louder than ever. I’m sure someone could find us just by following my rapid heartbeat.

  Moments later, we are in. I don’t know how River knows how to pick locks. I don’t know why I’m surprised, but I guess when I see River, there’s two people standing in one place. The devilish young man before me, and the scruffy little boy scraping his knees while we ride our bikes together.

  He’s upgraded to motorcycles, I remind myself.

  “What was that?”

  Oh my god. Did I say that out loud?

  “Nothing,” I say innocently. We’re so close now, but compared to that moment outside… There’s so much tension, so many unanswered questions. I move closer to him, unable to keep eye contact. He’ll just smirk at me again… And I want to get lost in his touch one more time.

  River grabs me by the arm and marches me inside. I feel like a petulant kid being punished, but at the same time, it’s giving me tingles all over, just being this close to him, and having our skin touch.

  In the club, some kind of rock band is playing, mixed with club music. Nothing I listen to, but, looking at River, it seems like he’s in his element. I huddle closer to myself but he pulls me back to him again. His hand goes to the small of my back.

  He’ll keep me safe.

  I know he will.

  I don’t know why I behaved like such a bitch today. Looking back, I remember all the horrible things I’ve done – forgetting his birthday was merely the cherry on top. I ditched him for Jason, yelled at him when he tried to defend me and then stormed off, making him come after me.

  I guess it’s my insecurity talking. Ever since River became River 2.0, I’ve been so desperately afraid he would realize I’m not good enough for him. I’m scared one day I’ll wake up and he won’t be trying to be my friend anymore. He’ll just give up.

  I guess I wanted to push him away myself, before he had the chance to hurt me.

  “Something on your mind?” River turns to me. We’re still walking deeper i
nto… Whatever this place is. I think it doubles as a club and a music venue. Some places do that, I think. I wouldn’t know – I don’t even have a fake ID yet.

  But even as we move, he’s only focused on me. And on making sure no bouncer sees us. River might be able to pass for older, but I… I am definitely an eighteen-year-old girl.

  “I’ve been a bitch,” I whimper. “I’m worried… about us.” I hope he doesn’t think that sounds as pathetic, even though the whiny tone of my voice lets me know it does. We aren’t even anything yet, even though he touched me in that way. But at the same time, this is River. I’ve been half in love with him for years, and I don’t think I’ll be able to go back to just being friends.

  I don’t even notice it when we come to a halt. His hand is rough on my arm, but not in a way that hurts me. River would never hurt me. I trust him.

  “Don’t be,” his voice is softer than I’ve ever heard it. “You and me, Faith… We’re forever. We’ve both always known that.” He tucks a stray strand of hair behind my ear.

  Then his arm drops from mine and he’s back to his old self. He nods to our far left, and I notice a stand full of food and… Liquor? “I’m getting us drinks. Do you want something?”

  I’ve never drunk.

  “A Coke?” I offer lamely, and River grins at me.

  “I wasn’t gonna get you drunk, Faith,” he says in a calming tone. “A Coke it is.” He winks at me and heads for the bar.

  I’m alone. I watch his retreating back, wishing his arms were around me instead of swinging at his sides as he goes on a quest for liquids. I’ve never noticed his saunter before. He walks with such swagger, it almost makes me giggle out loud.

  A light touch on my arm, the other one, the one not still burning from where River touched me, catches my attention. I look up to a tall man smiling down at me. I think he might’ve said hey or something, but it’s so loud and my thoughts are elsewhere.

  “Excuse me?” I manage to shout over the music. He’s grinning at me like the cat that just caught the mouse.

  I don’t know what he said. A closer look reveals he’s not bad looking. But he’s not River. I nod at him, hoping he’ll go away while my River – not my River; I correct myself – gets back.

  He doesn’t.

  Instead, he takes me into his arms and carries me on stage.

  The singer! My ears rumble with the sound of the band behind me.

  The front row is full of smiling teeth that remind me of sharks and eyes full of malice, and suddenly I’m scared. I’m back on my feet, my arm raised in the air. Entwined with this guy’s.

  “What’s your name, baby doll?” the bearded guy asks me, grinning like a predator. I gulp the lump in my throat, feeling myself tremble in his arms. I’ve never had a panic attack before, but I’m pretty sure this will be the first time I experience one.

  River.

  Where is River?

  My eyes scan the people in front of the stage who are all staring at me with huge, judging eyes. I’m shaking. And then I see him, standing out from the rest of the people here like a sore thumb.

  River is color when the rest of the world is in black and white.

  He’s the ray of sunshine on a cloudy day, the silver lining after a whole week of storms.

  And as his eyes connect to mine, I see the concern grow into anger, and he saunters towards me. My savior.

  He comes out of the crowd, jumping onto the stage. He doesn’t make a scene. Instead, his arm grabs my other one, and he raises his fist into the air with me.

  The crowd erupts into cheers as River shouts something at them. I can barely make out the words.

  “Are you ready to party?” he yells, and the people below the stage whoop with us.

  Safe. Safe again. My heart starts to pound slower, letting me breathe.

  “Who’s this?” The singer stares at River. They’re almost the same height. It’s not a look of rage, just one of… Curiosity? “Your little boyfriend?”

  Neither of us correct him. Our arms have fallen, but River’s hand is still wrapped around mine. He squeezes it comfortingly. The other band members laugh, saying something about teenage sweethearts. They’re talking, but my attention is on River. Until I notice the man staring back at me.

  “I think we’re leaving, actually,” River’s eyes are less curious. More angry. More… Possessive. Possessive of me, maybe. I don’t know. Can’t tell.

  He tugs me alongside with him, his hand dropping mine. His arm goes around my shoulders next and he kisses me hair tenderly. He grins at the band singer who is looking at him with bloodshot eyes. I’m only now realizing the guy is drunk as heck, and the smell coming off him is sweat mixed with alcohol.

  “Enjoy your gig,” River winks at the singer. “And I’ll enjoy my girl.”

  The singer roars and makes a swing for River, but we’ve already jumped off stage and are making our way out. My heart is still pounding, but River holds on to me tightly, and despite my out of tune heartbeat, I feel safe.

  40

  River

  My girl.

  Another man hitting on my girl. Not going to fucking happen. Never going to happen.

  My fist clenches, and I wish I could take out my frustrations on that asshole, thinking he can just pick up Faith and drag her along anywhere he damn pleases. I’d dropped our drinks running to her aid. I wanted to drop another kind of punch on that dick’s face.

  Faith knows me, she always has. “River, wait!” she says as I drag her out of that shitty club. It wasn’t even a good concert. I shouldn’t have suggested we go.

  I make sure she is okay until we get out of the club, but then the rage takes over. I drop her hand as soon as the cool night air hits me, and stalk outside, running a hand through my hair.

  I ignore her. I’m not trying to be a dick. It’s just that now isn’t a good time for my baby to start trying to assert herself. And that’s exactly what she is…

  My baby girl.

  Out on the sidewalk, I drop my arm from her shoulders. I take her hand again. The night is young and that place was fucking packed, but the streets are empty now.

  “River,” she looks up at me again. She’s so small, and she has to step on her tiptoes just to meet my eyes. “What was that about?”

  Her voice is shaky as fuck. She’s probably mad at me or at least confused about the way I dragged her out of there. I feel something rising up in my chest, a familiar feeling I used to have when I needed to defend myself against an angry father’s accusations. We’re close, he and I. But that doesn’t mean there’s no love lost between us.

  Wait a fucking second. I look down at her, confused. Is she mad at me?

  “I’m not going to apologize for that,” I feign indifference, even as my chest pangs with longing as she drops my hand. She’s going to leave now. Ignore me again. Today was the worst day, then the best day, then the worst again.

  Nothing happens.

  She moves her little body close to me, wrapping her arms around my chest. She tucks her head in again, just beneath my chin. “Thank you,” she whispers.

  I’m staring at her, and then nodding, my head bumping against hers. I laugh awkwardly and squeeze her closer. It is then that I have a fleeting thought, one that changes everything.

  I love her…

  It has to be love for her to do this to me.

  There is no way for me to admit that aloud, though.

  “What do you say we leave this place?” Her voice changes, less soft now. Like she’s trying to be me. I catch her chin in my hand and stare at her.

  I can’t believe this. I can’t control my grin. She’s Faith. She will never be like me, and that’s just what I love about her.

  My arms go around her and I lift her in a spinning twirl before placing her on her feet again. I start walking, calling back to her.

  “Now that sounds like an excellent idea.”

  She’ll follow me. She always has. Always will, I hope.

  But th
en, an even better idea comes to mind, and I look back at her with that face she’ll recognize from pre-K. We used to get in trouble chasing after kids from other classes together, when we were supposed to be napping. “Race you.”

  And I do.

  I outpace her easily, slowing down so she can keep up with me. It’s the only time I’ll slow down my pace for her.

  My cock twitches in my jeans, reminding me of how beautiful her legs looked pulled open earlier and of how a little of her very noticeable wetness wound up on it. I ignore it as best I can. I’m not a romantic, but Faith can’t be a one night stand.

  I know she’s a virgin. It has to be special.

  We’re still running, and I’ve never felt freer in my life. A look over my shoulder reveals a grinning Faith and I know she shares the sentiment. There’s a special kind of freedom in running around like this – carefree.

  Faith has a burst of speed, and I let her take advantage of it. I could beat her at this game, but I don’t want to. She gets to my motorcycle first.

  “I win!” She jumps up and down on her feet, pouncing so happily, just the way she used to. I haven’t seen that from her in a while. Her hands go to the back of my bike, trying to open up the compartment so she can get to the helmets out. She pouts when she realizes she can’t do it, and it makes me grin.

  She’s so frail… We’ll work on that. As hard as she hit in the gym earlier, it’s not like she’s had to do it before. And carrying books didn’t do much for her strength-wise, it seems. Maybe Jason carried them around for her. I scowl, banishing the thought.

  Fuck Jason.

  Faith has always been mine.

  Opening the compartment, I take out her helmet and toss it to her, resisting the urge to buckle it up under her chin. Her hair falls around her face and gets stuck in the material as she tries to pull it on. My helmet is already on, but then again, I have more experience than she does. More experience with many things, as it might seem…