What Kind of Day

by Mina V. Esguerra

  Or talk about it with her now.

  “So, where’s Ms. Llamas?” Ben asked, as the last of the students filed out of the auditorium. “I’d like to see her before I head out.”

  “She’s coming,” Louise said. “She just texted me.”

  Maybe it was better this way, that she hadn’t watched him speak, that he didn’t see her, that he could contain his inevitable response to her or at least have it be witnessed by only a few people. Maybe this was—

  “Ben!”

  It was a familiar voice; just not the one he was expecting.

  Benjamin Cacho

  So I’m here, sitting on your chair. At the faculty room. I wanted to ask you what happened, why you’re teaching marketing now. But apparently you’re not, and instead you’re teaching Web Video, and the Ms. Llamas whose students invited me to speak to the business majors was Melly, and not you. It was confusing, but I’m all caught up. I forgot she had the same last name? But then I remembered that I don’t know everything about everyone in the world, and I got over it. I asked Melly if I could talk to you, but of course that is entirely up to you, but she said I could sit here in the faculty room and that would be fine, because I spoke in her class today.

  How are you, Naya?

  * * *

  See This Manila

  No, it was my idea to invite you. She needed a speaker for career day and I thought you’d be great. Were you? I’m pretty sure you were.

  I’m fine, Ben. Thanks for asking.

  * * *

  Benjamin Cacho

  She replies!

  I think I did okay. I don’t know if any of them are going to follow this career path, but I hope I impressed upon them the idea that we all have to work hard, and continue to be compassionate.

  * * *

  See This Manila

  Did you tell them that they’ll need to choose their monster?

  * * *

  Benjamin Cacho

  I didn’t. Damn. I wanted to ask you if I should say that.

  * * *

  See This Manila

  Maybe that’s too advanced. Or too personal.

  * * *

  Benjamin Cacho

  I tried to get in touch with you but you didn’t reply.

  * * *

  See This Manila

  I’m replying now.

  * * *

  Benjamin Cacho

  Why aren’t you here?

  * * *

  See This Manila

  Took the class on a little trip. Still on-campus, but not in the building. I won’t be going back there. Sorry I missed your talk.

  * * *

  Benjamin Cacho

  You had to take them out of the building the same day I’d be here?

  * * *

  See This Manila

  I arranged the speaking gig, Ben. You needed me to cheer you on?

  * * *

  Benjamin Cacho

  I miss you. That’s all.

  * * *

  See This Manila

  Oh.

  We can meet today.

  If you have time.

  * * *

  Benjamin Cacho

  I have nothing but time, Naya. Took a leave and everything.

  * * *

  See This Manila

  I feel so special. See you at sunset?

  * * *

  Benjamin Cacho

  Where?

  * * *

  See This Manila

  The best place to watch it. According to me.

  * * *

  Benjamin Cacho

  You told me where that was, right?

  * * *

  See This Manila

  I told you where to find it.

  24

  Intramuros, 5:20 p.m.

  * * *

  Taking a leave for the entire work day for a ninety-minute speaking engagement seemed over the top, but soon he was congratulating himself on the foresight. If he hadn’t done that, he wouldn’t be free to travel across the metro in the afternoon, right in the middle of rush hour. At this time of year, the nights were longer, and the sun set earlier.

  He would have missed the best sunset view in the city, according to travel expert Naya Llamas.

  It had rained in the afternoon the past two days, but this day was thankfully dry, and the sky was beginning to turn orange-pink behind hovering light gray clouds. Parking was a little bit of a hassle but eventually, hotel security helped him out, alerting him to a free space across the street. He made it to the rooftop restaurant right on time.

  Right on time. For what? Sunset was about to begin, but it happened every day.

  Ben saw her on the roof deck, holding her phone to take a photo of the view. She looked exactly as she did when they met, like she was dressed for a tour. Ponytail, tee, jeans that looked comfortable. If he didn’t clear his throat indiscreetly, she probably wouldn’t have turned around.

  Which underscored how likely it was that she didn’t need him. Wasn’t waiting with bated breath for him.

  Still, there they were.

  If he was seeing her for the first time, on this roof, would he approach her and say hello? Ben didn’t do that, on regular days. He was the kind who braced himself for social gatherings, hid in kitchens when it got too overwhelming. If he were on this roof and he saw her, he’d look, and…not do anything. And that would be his mistake. If Naya had issues about his travel persona versus his real one, then too bad—that “real guy,” he no longer existed. Ben looked and felt exactly the same, but he knew he was different. Like someone told him to look in another direction—and there it was, a stunning sunset, impossible to look away from and forever in his memory. He couldn’t explain it. It had a lot to do with her, and he wanted her to know that. He wanted to introduce her to the person she helped create.

  Naya smiled, then shook her head a little. “You wear the same thing every time I see you.”

  It wasn’t even intentional. He did wear this, and variations of this, every day. If he saw her tomorrow, she’d see him in pretty much the same outfit. She didn’t realize how much she’d already seen, how much of him only she knew.

  Or maybe she did.

  “You too,” he said. “Hi, Naya Llamas. I’m Benjamin Cacho. Legal age. Joining you on this roof deck of my own free will…”

  She blinked. “We don’t have to do this.”

  “…joining you wherever you want to take me, out of my own free will…”

  “Ben. You sound like you’re saying vows. Stop being weird.”

  “—let me finish or it won’t be binding—I promise you if any pain befalls me on this journey, it will be entirely my fault. There, you will not be liable. Please take me with you.”

  “Oh my God.” She looked away, toward the sky changing color, and then faced him again. “You’re kind of dramatic.”

  “I think it’s a good idea. In case you’re not sure if I know what I’m signing up for.”

  “That’s not binding.”

  “You have my word. I like giving my words value.”

  Dear God, why does he sound like he’s reading a contract, and why is it still kind of hot?

  When did she become into this? Into guys who wore practically one kind of outfit. Who worked in government. Who lived close enough to have a real relationship with. Naya thought about it, and came to the following conclusions: the outfit suited him, so why mess with it; yes, he worked for a senator and she’d call him out on shit if she needed to; proximity was not a bad thing. That last one was what she’d mulled over the longest. She was an adult, damn it. Naya wanted to think that if she wanted to end a dry spell she could do so in a responsible manner with another consenting adult, and not have to slink into a relationship to do it.

  But here they were.

  “I should tell you that I’ve never really been in a relationship before,” Naya said.

  His brow quirked. “That’s what this is?”

  “Isn’t it?”

  “Fair enoug
h. Yes, that’s what this should be, I think.”

  “I have never been in one. Like, with no pre-determined ending. And with the other party pretty much in the next neighborhood. Have you?”

  “No relationship experience either,” he admitted. “But it was because of law school, then work. Always work.”

  Oh wow. She was looking at him but also looking past him, at the best sunset view in the city. In her heart of hearts, the best in the world. He saw that her attention was divided and he looked outward too, toward a Manila skyline that was layered, complicated.

  “Wow,” he said. “It’s…different here.”

  “Different how?”

  “Sunset by the bay is beautiful. It’s seeing the sun dip into the water. It’s always awesome. But this…”

  This was the same sky, colored by fire, showing a city that was old, and new, and rebuilt, and built over. It was a Manila that was shiny tall buildings, and dilapidated houses, and within quick minutes it would plunge into darkness, and be lit instead by electric stars.

  “It’s everything,” Naya said. “I’m not afraid of flaws.”

  “I love that about you. Your passion for things—I might have caught it.”

  “You already had it.”

  “Not the way you do.”

  “If we’re going to do this, if we’re going to be in a relationship…I think we should figure out how to be with each other on normal days. Like, when things aren’t completely falling apart for either of us.”

  “That’ll be easy.”

  “You’re such an optimist.”

  “What would a normal day look like, anyway?”

  Okay, so even Naya had to pause. “I teach three times a week now. And schedule tours one day a week, if I can fill it up.”

  Ben shrugged. “I’m deputy communications director now, so I have staff. Work’s still work, but I can take days off like this when I have to.”

  “Wednesday nights are dinners out with Melly. No boys allowed.”

  “I’m sure I’ll be able to find something to do.”

  “I like good food and all but when it’s just me, I’ll probably be having instant ramen.”

  Ben flinched. “Okay, that we can work on. Or I can make you my emergency sandwiches.”

  “Whole wheat bread.”

  “Okay.”

  “Okay.”

  They both stepped closer to each other, and Naya’s mind kind of blanked. She felt his hand grab hers, and then he was close enough to kiss.

  “Is that all?” Ben asked, as if surprised. “Did we cover all the important stuff?”

  Yes—no—“Of course not,” Naya said. “But we’ll make it work.”

  “One day at a time.”

  “Yes.”

  “So we start today. What kind of day do you want it to be?”

  It was a good day. She taught her two classes, and it was easy for her to get into that groove. Naya was sharing what she knew, and it was something the school found important. She received some nice messages from this guy. She headed over to this hotel to prepare for a future tour.

  It was a regular day.

  She raised her hand, touched his mouth with her fingers. Then kissed him. This was fine. It was wonderful. It was a kiss that he wanted, and gave back. It fit into her good, regular day.

  Their days would be like this now. Not bad at all.

  Epilogue

  One month later

  * * *

  Saturdays were now the best days.

  Reclaim your weekends was advice from Naya that was easy to take, because she also provided the best reason to do it. He did work on weekends usually, but there was a lot to do and no good reason to refuse any of it.

  The thing David said about him being burned out—okay, made sense.

  Now Saturdays were the best. He still worked late hours on most days but the transition to Tana taking over as chief of staff came with a more forgiving approach to no-work weekends. He didn’t want to completely shut off so he developed an alert system with his new team, and so far, four weeks already, nothing had needed escalation.

  So, four weeks now, he’d been able to spend Saturday waking up beside her.

  And get decent hours of sleep at the same time. Best life.

  That day, however, he woke up with a seed of dread in his gut, and he realized what it was.

  “Ah shit,” Ben said, pushing his face into her neck, a thing he liked to do now, but this time partly to hide from what he knew was going to happen.

  “I’m going with you,” Naya said, apparently already awake. “It won’t be as bad as it usually is.”

  “Do you promise.”

  “I thought you said things were better when we did it together, Ben.”

  “I meant sex. And that one time you went to the bank with me.”

  “Sexy banking.”

  “Sexy waiting in line for things.”

  “You know what this is, right? The whole newness of it. You love everything.”

  “I didn’t love the ferry ride.” Ben recently had the so-called pleasure of riding the Pasig River Ferry, thanks to Naya. He didn’t get sick on the boat, didn’t fall into the water, but he wasn’t swearing off land transport anytime soon.

  “Exactly. You won’t love everything, even if we’re doing it together. And maybe that’s okay.”

  He knew that, of course. But maybe for the first time in his life he could let go a little, and let someone in, and trust someone when she said the boat ride on unclean water wouldn’t kill him.

  It didn’t kill him. He didn’t find it as fascinating as she did, but it didn’t kill him.

  Relationships were about compromise, apparently.

  “You know what, you don’t have to go to this party,” she said.

  “I wish.”

  “You can do whatever you want.”

  “It’s Esteban’s chief of staff.”

  She laughed, still a lovely sound even when slightly mocking his drama. “I don’t even know what that means.”

  “It means I should be there, and I already said I’d go.”

  “Then we’ll go. I love that restaurant. We go for the food, every time.”

  She was still in the middle of that sentence when the reflex kicked in, which was great because he had been training himself not to forget it.

  You don’t get to complain, because this is another day with her.

  “Fine, fine,” Ben said, closing his eyes, pressing his face more into her neck, falling into peppermint-scented comfort. “I won’t argue.”

  “It’s okay to argue.”

  “Oh I know how you get when you’re all fired up, lady. I think I’ll save my energy for that party I don’t like.”

  “I don’t think so.”

  He heard this, not seeing her face because of how they were spooning, but he could imagine her smile, the look of mischief in her eye.

  “I think,” she said. “You should spend all your energy now on something else. Then sleep and recharge for later.”

  He didn’t see her face but he felt her push back against him, making her intentions very clear.

  She said she knew where they were going, and of course he was going to trust her.

  Yes, he still hated the parties. Years on the job, and after fighting to get it back—his “reward” was attending someone’s chief of staff’s birthday at this French restaurant.

  A server had approached him and asked if he wanted vins rouges. Ben had blinked. He knew what was being asked, but he just stood there, not choosing.

  “Red or white?” As promised, Naya had stayed by his side the entire time. Sure it had been barely an hour since they arrived, but he’d been distracted by the whispered explaining of who this person was and why they had to say hello. She seemed unfazed by the VIPs in attendance, even when people reacted to her being introduced as his girlfriend.

  Well, that was what she was. Ben admired her poise.

  “We should go to France,” he’d said. “We
should go everywhere. We shouldn’t be staying too long in places like this.”

  She’d smiled at the server and shrugged. “Nothing for us right now, thank you. Ben, let’s go this way.”

  They weaved through the important people, then made it to a side door, that led them out into an empty hall. Marble floor, high ceiling, illuminated by a token lamp by the door. But they weren’t done walking. He followed her out a smaller door, down a lit hallway, and up a flight of stairs in what seemed to be another building. A hallway of lockers on one side, and closed doors on the other. She peeked through the glass insert of one door, then he was being pulled inside.

  When she flipped a switch and light flooded the room, he saw they were in…a kitchen? An empty kitchen. But with rows of long tables, set up like a classroom.

  “It’s a kitchen lab,” Naya whispered. She smiled. “There’s a culinary school literally connected to the restaurant. I’ve been to a cookie-making class here. Thought it might relax you.”

  He was about to object to that, but the point was he was away from the party, and they probably would have been kicked out from the actual kitchen. It was a good time to think about that, why he wanted to retreat when he was at events like this one. Hiding in the kitchen—or anywhere—didn’t help him relax. They helped him pass the time until it was fine to leave.

  Maybe he was extra nervous, because this was the first event since he got back to work, and certain people he never cared for would be around. Maybe it had to do with how he’d introduced Naya to David and Tana, and him suddenly thinking it was like she’d met his parents.

  Workplace parents, in a way, because his mom and dad would never get to meet her.