For Want of a Memory

by Robert Lubrican

  "He's not here, you idiot," snapped Jessica.

  "Did you search the house?" asked Mitch, looking at her.

  "Of course not," she said darkly. "I believe my friend, which is more than I can say for you!"

  "I'm just trying to do my job," said Mitch. "I don't like this any more than you do."

  "So you want to search my house?" asked Lulu. Her voice was flat.

  "I guess I do," said Mitch, feeling less and less good about this. He was going to have to stay clear of the Early Girl for at least a month. Longer if he found Kris hiding here.

  What came onto Lulu's face looked suspiciously like disappointment, but she waved her hand toward the back of the house. "Have at it," she said.

  He knew, somehow, that he wouldn't find "the fugitive," as he now thought of Kris, but he went through the motions, looking anywhere a grown man might be able to hide. There was an access port to the attic, but when he stood on a chair and lifted the panel, dust floated down, convincing him it hadn't been opened recently. He returned to the living room to hear Jessica talking.

  "Sweetie, I'm sure he just had to go back to New York City to sell his book or something. He'll be back. I know he will. I've seen how he looks at you."

  "But why didn't he tell me he was going?" moaned Lulu. "First he didn't tell me about this stupid accident he was in and now this."

  "He's all mixed up, still," said Jessica. "He can't remember things. That has to be hard on a person. He's probably just trying to find out some stuff about himself or something."

  "He didn't kiss me goodbye," said Lulu softly. She was talking about the last time she'd seen him.

  "He probably thought he could run down there, get things done, and then hurry back, and that you wouldn't even know he was gone," said Jessica. "Then, maybe his publisher needed him to do something or ... I don't know ... he just got delayed."

  "Why hasn't he called?" asked Lulu.

  "Maybe he cut off his phone in New York, while he was gone or something."

  Mitch went into the room. Jessica wasn't helping her friend, making excuses for Farmingham. If he'd run, he was gone for good, or at least until the FBI caught up with him and dealt with whatever was going on. He didn't buy Jefferson's comment that Kris wasn't in trouble. The accident and the bullets couldn't be good, especially if they involved the FBI. Maybe it had been one of their undercover agents who'd been run over.

  "Maybe he'll show back up," said Mitch. "But it's possible he won't. If he does, though, I need to know about it, Lulu."

  "Geez, Mitch," complained Jessica. "Can't you see she's all torn up about this? You don't have to be such an asshole."

  "I'm just doing my job," he said.

  "Well do your job by protecting the public, instead of picking on one of them," said Jess. "Maybe he's gotten into another accident. Maybe he's lying out there hurt somewhere and needs help. Why aren't you looking for him that way? In fact, I'm going with you. I'll help you!"

  Jessica took his elbow. He either had to jerk away from her or go with her. He decided that, since Kris wasn't at Lulu's, he might as well go elsewhere. Maybe Jessica would have some ideas of where to look. Lulu obviously wasn't in a frame of mind to help.

  He reminded Jessica to put her seat belt on as they pulled away from the house.

  * * *

  Stress brings out odd things in people sometimes. Mitch was stressed and so was Jessica. She had been coming up with all kinds of arguments designed to give her friend some hope, but she didn't believe them. Not really. Like Mitch, she was sure Kris would have said something to Lulu if he was going to run away. Unlike Mitch, she was afraid something had happened to him to prevent him from contacting Lulu.

  The problem was there was nothing she could think of to do about it. She felt helpless. It was also the first time she'd ever been in a police car. She used the various differences between a regular car and the patrol car to try to distract herself from worrying about Lulu and Kris. She looked curiously at the radio, the shotgun in its clip on the dash, and the myriad of buttons and switches that did different things.

  Mitch was also frustrated and tense. He'd ended up genuinely liking Kris, but now he had a bad feeling about things. He tried to convince himself that bad feeling was at odds with the facts. Kris had confided in him, with that cockamamie story idea. Mitch had known what was going on and he truly believed that Kris wasn't at all sure about his memories. He was pretty sure Kris wouldn't just run over somebody and drive away. He wasn't that kind of guy. The gunplay in the matter complicated things, though. And Jefferson had said it would all go away, like it was no big deal. He couldn't figure that part out. Jefferson, despite his assurances that Kris wasn't in trouble, hadn't really helped.

  He realized, quite suddenly, that Jessica was wearing some kind of perfume. It smelled delicious, faintly like peaches.

  For years afterward, the two of them would shrug their shoulders about how things had turned out. Neither of them could explain it.

  It started with Jessica questioning Mitch about what he knew. Lulu hadn't been able to explain much, except that Kris was in some kind of trouble involving an accident and that somebody had shot at him during said accident. As Mitch filled her in, they drove around, more or less aimlessly, looking for a car that both of them knew, somehow, they'd never find.

  When Mitch said he'd thought maybe Kris had hidden the car in the woods, to go hide at Lulu's, she scoffed, but then suggested they leave town and look for the car.

  Then, somehow, they ended up parked in those woods and, somehow, they ended up leaning toward each other. Neither remembered unfastening their seatbelts, but both remembered their first kiss. Neither remembered how it came to be that Jess' shirt came off, but both would remember quite clearly how his mouth found her fat, black nipples. Both would remember for the rest of their lives when she sank down on him, taking his manhood inside her. She was naked. He was still in his uniform, though his pants were down around his knees.

  Then there was a period of jerking and moaning and kissing as they acted like teenagers out in Daddy's car.

  When it was over, they just stared at each other.

  "Shit," said Jessica softly.

  "It wasn't that bad," said Mitch, trying to smile. He was wondering how in the world this had happened.

  "I never thought it would be you," she said.

  "You're telling me that?" His voice sounded weak.

  "You just took my virginity," she said. Her eyes welled up with tears.

  "Hey, don't cry. I'm sorry," he said. His stomach churned. What had he done?

  "I'm not mad," she bawled. "I'm haaaaapeeeeeee!"

  It almost evolved into a second chapter, right then and there, but she pushed him away.

  "Not here," she panted. "Take me home. I'll show you my naughty nurse outfit."

  Two hours later, he drifted off to sleep in her arms, his patrol car still parked outside. It occurred to him that somebody would notice, and that there would be hell to pay if Dabney ever found out about this, but he decided not to leave her bed anyway.

  Through it all, neither felt guilty for forgetting all about Lulu or Kris, and the problems both were facing.

  Chapter Thirty-one

  Kris knew it was going to be Lola before he even opened the door. It was always Lola. He still hadn't given her a key. He'd told her it was because he only had one and hadn't had time to have another one made.

  "I need your credit card," she said, smiling widely.

  "Why?" he asked.

  "The rings are ready," she said.

  It was the last straw.

  It got ugly very quickly, as he said there would be no rings and no wedding, no credit card, and no key to his apartment. He thought she might start throwing things, but she didn't. Instead, her face took on a horrible aspect and she shouted, "You can't do this, you prick! What about the baby?"

  "Baby?" He was stunned.

  "I'm pregnant, you son of a bitch!" she screamed. She pulled up her sh
irt. It didn't show from the outside, but once the skin was bared, there was a discernable bulge there.

  Kris felt panic, initially. He couldn't abandon a woman if he'd gotten her pregnant.

  Then, in a flash of insight, he remembered they hadn't been to bed since he'd come back. He'd kept putting her off. Not only that, she was obviously at least two or three months pregnant, if he could actually see it. He'd been gone for four months ... longer actually.

  "I've been gone for almost four and a half months," he said, his eyes wide.

  Lola blinked and then frowned. "You came back two months ago. You don't even remember that?" Her voice sounded hesitant, rather than irate that he couldn't even remember getting her pregnant.

  "Two months ago, I was in Connecticut," he said. "I was writing a book. I never came back here until a week ago last Monday."

  "Of course you did," she said, looking scared for the first time. "We had sex. You got me pregnant."

  "You bitch!" He turned around and walked away from her, because he knew that if he could reach her, he'd punch her out. "Get out."

  "Noooo!" she wailed. "You were gone! I didn't know where you went. I couldn't find you. I tried to, but nobody would help me. And I got lonely. I didn't know if you'd ever come back! It was only once ... I swear! And it wouldn't have happened if you'd told me you were a real author and that you were going away to write a book. This is all your fault! You can't do this to me!"

  He turned around. "I didn't press charges against you for breaking into my apartment. If you're not gone in ten seconds, I'm going to do exactly that. You can have your fucking baby in prison for all I care!"

  "Noooooo," she whined. "He's married. I can't go to him. I love you. You love me. We were going to get married," she moaned.

  "Ten ... nine ... eight ... seven ... " Kris intoned, looking at his wrist. The effect was somewhat diminished by the fact that he wasn't wearing his watch at the moment. He got to three before she wailed and ran back out the door.

  He felt only sadness as he closed it after her.

  * * *

  What brought Kris out of his doldrums, or at least lifted his spirit somewhat, was a phone call from a man who announced he was Mr. Templeton, from Miffen and Combs. Kris recognized the voice of the man Lola had taken him to see.

  "We sent your romance novel to a group of test readers. We just got the results back and they all have glowing things to say about it. We feel even better about it now than we did before," said Templeton. "I need you to come down so we can negotiate about the price."

  "Certainly," said Kris, feeling hope and happiness for the first time in a long time.

  He was less happy when he got there and Templeton handed him a check, beaming widely.

  Kris took the check and looked at it. It seemed like it wasn't much money, and he wondered immediately how he could survive on an author's income.

  "I thought we were going to negotiate," said Kris.

  "This is a first book for you, in this genre," said Templeton. "If it does well, and you write more of this kind of book, I'm sure your compensation will increase." He smiled. "We're taking a chance on this." He fussed with things on his desk and then slid a piece of paper across it toward Kris. "Just sign here," said Templeton.

  Kris remembered that Templeton had said something about an advance for the Kangaroo Pounder book. He still hadn't been to the bank yet, to find out what his account looked like, but he knew he'd paid for six months rent on Chastain's lake house in advance.

  "How much was that advance you gave me before?" he asked. He watched wariness come into Templeton's eyes.

  "That has nothing to do with this book," he said.

  "Then I'll take this book to another publisher and sell it there. Perhaps I can start paying you back that advance that way," said Kris.

  "There's no need to be hasty," said Templeton.

  "How much do I owe you?" asked Kris.

  Templeton thought he was being clever by giving Stevens the figure. He thought it would cow the man.

  "And you're only offering me a tenth of that for this book?" asked Kris.

  "Well ... " said Templeton uncomfortably. "You've never written anything like this before. We don't know how it will be received. We can't offer you full price for something untried, now can we?"

  Kris stood up and held out his hand. "I think I'll shop around a bit."

  "You're in default on our agreement," said Templeton. "It would be a shame if we had to sue one of our best authors."

  "If you're willing to threaten to sue one of your best authors over something like this," said Kris, "then I don't want to publish with you. I lost my memory, not my mind. I think our negotiations are at an end."

  "Sit down ... please." Templeton was sweating now. "Look. My boss said I had to drive a hard bargain, okay? These are very irregular circumstances."

  Kris sat, still holding the check. "Okay. I don't remember anything about negotiating this kind of thing, but I know how I feel. You pay me what you think is fair for this book. We'll see how it does. If it hits the bestseller list, like my other books did, and I find out you short changed me, it's the last book I'll ever publish here. I've been through hell lately and the last thing I want to deal with is a publishing house that's going to rip me off."

  "We're concerned about your ... output," said Templeton weakly.

  "I owe you a book that will recoup the advance," said Kris. "Either I'm good or not. I don't know how much my memory loss will affect things, but you seemed interested in what I did write after that happened. I'll write you your book, and if it doesn't cover the advance, then I'll pay it back. That's all I can offer. But I don't have to accept less than my work is worth."

  Templeton stared at him for another fifteen seconds and then stood up. "Give me a minute," he said. He didn't wait for an answer. He just left the room. He was back in ten minutes, with another check in his hand. He reached for the one Kris was holding and replaced it. It was a sum that staggered Kris' mind.

  "This is for the romance novel, free and clear," Templeton said. "If we do better than usual, we get the profits and you get no additional royalties. If it tanks, we take the loss. But you still owe us the original book and we're interested in the other idea you had, about this whole mess you got yourself into." He sat down, still sweating. "Deal?"

  Kris stared at the check and swallowed. He didn't know if he'd ever been confrontational before the accident, but he was a sudden and enthusiastic adherent of haggling now, and would be for the rest of his life. He stood, offered his hand, shook Templeton's, and left without saying another word.

  "I'll call you when we have the paperwork ready!" was the last thing he heard the man say.

  * * *

  "I'm sorry!" moaned Jessica to her best friend.

  "You don't have to be sorry," said Lulu. "Why would you be sorry to find a man and fall in love with him?" She looked tired. "Even if it is Mitch Connel," she added.

  "But it's not fair!" moaned Jessica. "I mean you lost ... " She couldn't finish that thought. Just the mention of Kris' name would cause pain.

  "So," said Lulu, trying to ignore the unspoken name. "How did all this happen?"

  "I don't know," wailed Jessica. "We were out looking for ... him ... and we were talking, and the next thing I knew I was on top of him!"

  "Did you at least use protection?" Lulu took protection very seriously.

  "I didn't know it was going to happen!" moaned Jess. "I didn't plan for it to happen. It never even occurred to me it might happen."

  "You've thought he was cute for years," said Lulu.

  "Okay, you're right, but I never thought he'd be interested in me. I just don't understand."

  Lulu smiled a tired smile. "I think it's funny that, after all these years, you lost your virginity in a car, to the cop who sneaks around trying to catch kids making out in cars."

  "This isn't funny, Lulu!" said Jess. "I'm crazy about him. I've never felt like this about any man, and we only spent
one night together!"

  "Yes, but it was the night you lost your virginity," reminded Lulu.

  "I didn't know it would be like that!" moaned Jessica. "What do I do, Lulu?"

  "How does Mitch feel?"

  "I don't know. How am I supposed to know that?"

  "Oh ... I don't know ... maybe talk to him?" Lulu looked disgusted.

  "I can't talk to him," sighed Jessica.