“Really? Are you telling me the truth?” She squints, trying to read me. She can probably see right through me, but I continue my game of denial. Maybe if I deny it, what happened will somehow erase from my memory. Poof.
“Uh, yes. Why wouldn’t I? No sneaking around with Tanner is ever going to happen, so please get the idea of us having this magical reunion out of your pretty little head, Monroe. Ain’t happening, never, ever—and I can pinky promise you on that.” I hold up my pinkie and she throws her hands in the air.
“Alright, alright. I believe you. Jeez… I think someone needs her coffee. I’ll be right back,” she throws over her shoulder as she walks out to the storefront to get up cups of the coffee she brewed.
I blow a hair out of my eyes and start dumping more ingredients into my bowl. Why did I agree to let her in this morning?
***
I’m flat out exhausted. I’ve busted out two cake orders, filled the front case with an assortment of goodies, baked my muffins for tomorrow already, and boxed up all of my monthly subscription orders and sent them on their way—but I still feel like I haven’t done enough. I jump to my feet to help a customer when the door dings, but all I see is a vase of moving flowers, towering so high and filled so wide that I can’t even see who’s behind them.
“Amelia?” comes a muffled voice and I inhale deeply, breathing in the sweet scent of the beautiful flowers.
“Yup, that’s me.”
“Well there, now I can see that smiling face.” The vase is set down on the countertop and a delivery man peeks around the flowers and I grin when I see its Mr. Schinkley from the florist shop down the street. He stops in almost every day for a half dozen cookies. I’m pretty sure he eats them all on his way home before Mrs. Schinkley knows about them. “And these are for you, miss. Someone sure knows how to treat their lady.” He winks and my eyes widen.
“Well, I wasn’t aware I was anyone’s lady. Please tell me there’s a card?”
“You don’t know who they’re from?”
“Nope,” I shake my head. “I actually can’t remember the last time I got flowers. This is a nice surprise.”
“Well I’m glad that I could make your day then,” he smiles, his bushy gray eyebrows popping up. “Oh and there was one more thing… From your mystery man.”
“Um… Alright.” He hands me a blank, sealed envelope.
“I gotta head back to the shop. You have yourself a nice day.”
“Hold on, Mr. Schinkley. How ‘bout a cookie for the road?”
I grab a cookie out of the display and pop it into a bag for him and grin when I see his eyes light up like a kid on Christmas morning. “And now my day just got even better. You sure are the sweetest, Miss Amelia. Anyone who’s snagged you better know it.”
I smile, waiting until he’s out onto the sidewalk to open the envelope. The last thing I need is to be the talk of the town—you think you leave high school when you graduate, but really, you’re stuck in it for the rest of your life. Gossip spreads like a wild fire around here. I swear, that’s all the older people like to do.
I rip open the crisp white envelope, only to be left even more confused when I read the single sentence that’s written in black, on a small square of paper:
Can we start over?
I purse my lips, rereading that simple line over and over until the words start to blur together and make no sense—not to me, at least. I guess it could be from anyone that’s been in my life. Maybe an ex-boyfriend from long ago, maybe from Danny, but I doubt it because I haven’t heard a word from him since I broke things off other than the two voicemails that he left for me but I deleted without listening.
I’m not given much time to think about it, as the door suddenly opens once again. At least I seem to be keeping busy today. I stuff the envelope into the pocket of my apron and slide the glass vase to the side. My mouth pops open when I see Tanner walk through the front door, looking around before glancing at the flowers on the counter, a smile spreading across his tanned face.
He’s clearly stopped in straight from work, with heavy work boots on, a pair of worn jeans that are ripped in several spots, and a tight fitting shirt that reveals a sliver of his stomach when he waves a hand at me. Yup, hot, dirty construction worker is definitely at the top of my list. Too bad it’s Tanner. “Hey, what brought you in?”
“Oh, you know, looking to get some cupcakes on my way home. My daughter loves ‘em.”
“Okay.” I squint at him, wondering if being out in the sun so long has caused him to be slightly delusional. “Actually I do know, since she’s my daughter as well.”
He ignores my comment and instead sticks out his hand, reaching across the countertop. “I’m Tanner Cox, great to meet you.” I look at his hand in wonder—Tan and calloused, clearly the hands of a working man. I remember all too well what those hands were doing to me the last time they touched me, so I choose not to place mine in his, other his damn magic powers would work their magic on me and turn my brain to pure mush. “Um… I know your name is Tanner. Are you alright? Do I need to call your mom? Did you fall off a ladder or something today?”
He ignores me, continuing whatever the hell this is. “And you are?”
I mash my lips together, refusing to play along with this game that he’s trying to play. He huffs out a breath, clearly getting frustrated, before pointing at the flowers. “These are nice. Who’d you get these from?”
“Um… I don’t know, there wasn’t a card.”
“No card?”
“Well there was a card but…”
I eye him suspiciously as he studies me. “So, are you going to answer the question?”
“You sent the flowers?” I ask quietly, even more confused now. Tanner and I have barely talked since the weekend of our trip—maybe a few sentences at the most, and they were only pertaining to Paisley. “But why?”
“Because I want us to start over.” He pulls a hand through his hair before sliding it down to rub at his neck. “Do you think we can do that?”
“Tanner, I don’t… I don’t understand. You pretty much wanted nothing to do with me; you said what happened between us that weekend shouldn’t have happened. I can’t have you playing these games with my head, Tanner Cox. It’s not good for my sanity. Do you really want the mother of your child to end up in the mental hospital?”
“Amelia,” his lips twitch, but when I glare at him they flatten out, “we got caught up in the moment, but don’t you believe for a second that I didn’t want you. I sure as hell went to my room with a rock hard dick in need of a release.”
“And am I supposed to feel sorry for you?” I cross my arms over my chest. “Because I don’t.”
“You shouldn’t. I took care of the problem on my own.” His teeth sink into his bottom lip, dragging ever so slowly, and I twitch on my feet. Don’t think about him doing that, don’t think about him… ugh, too late. “Did you really think I didn’t want you? Because I’ve always wanted you.”
“Tanner—” I’m trying to stop this, but he’s not letting it happen. He keeps powering forward, regardless of whether I want to hear it.
“And I still want you—even more now. But you deserve the best and that’s what I’m trying to do. I had to get some shit taken care of, and I did. So now, here I am.”
I purse my lips, squeezing my arms tighter around myself. “What shit did you have to get taken care of?”
“You sure are nosey, girl.”
I arch a brow and he rolls his eyes. I’m pretty sure I have every right to be nosey. “I wanted to get the divorce taken care of. I didn’t want anything holding us back. I didn’t want to start things the wrong way with you again.”
I’m processing his words. Tanner is divorced now. Tanner wants to start something up—with me. A fresh start. Is that really possible? I’d be lying if I hadn’t thought about it. I would like to think I could do it for Paisley, but that would be for the wrong reason; it would have to be for me and my happiness
.
“So.” He clears his throat and I look up, he’s wringing his hands together and his blue eyes are wide and crystal clear as he stares intently back at me. He’s nervous. I’ve rarely seen this side of Tanner. “Will you go on a date with me? I want to give you everything you deserve, and we never had a first date.”
The air is thick with what we did have: a tension-filled nonexistent relationship, and a whole lot of screwing—hot, mind blowing, ingrained in my brain forever screwing. When I wasn’t annoyed by Tanner when we first met, I couldn’t keep my hands off of him. Well, that’s not completely true. I couldn’t keep my hands off of him even when he was being annoying.
“I don’t know why you’re assuming I even want that type of relationship with you. After everything that’s happened,” I answer quietly. His face crumbles, but I have to really consider things before I can give him any sort of answer. I can’t just rush into a relationship with him because he’s done with Marissa. Could I even let myself do that? I would have to completely let go of the past so I wouldn’t tarnish something new, if that was even possible. “Can I have some time to think about it?”
He holds up his hands, a sad smile tugging at his lips. “Take all the time that you need.”
Chapter 13
I’ve seen Tanner four times since he came into the bakery. Four times that I’ve acted as if the conversation we had never existed. Four times where my brain and heart were battling against each other in a game of tug of war. I don’t know if I can handle a fifth time. I need to make a decision. I’m either going to tell him yes or no and get it done and over with so I quit putting myself through this torture. That seems easy enough, right?
I’ve picked up my phone and set it back down a total of ten times. My stomach is dancing and I’ve been on the verge of throwing up ever since I decided that I needed to make up my mind. Why in the hell am I so nervous?
“I don’t think I can do this,” I whisper out loud before shaking my head and forcing my finger to tap at Tanner’s name. The phone only rings one time before I hear his voice on the other line, like he was expectantly waiting for my phone call. I almost hang up.
“Amelia.” His voice is low with just a hint of nerves. At least I’m not the only one.
I clear my throat before wetting my lips. “I think we need to talk.”
“Alright.” He presses out a breath before clearing his throat. “You’re right, we do.”
“Paisley just went to bed for the night. Do you think you could come over?”
“I’ll be there in five.”
He ends the call and I jump to my feet, my nerves fluttering. My feet carry me straight to the kitchen and in a hurried frenzy, I start pulling out a slew of ingredients. I guess not only is angry baking my thing, but I can add nervous baking to that as well. I’m just sifting the flour when I hear the gravel crunch and a door slam. A light tapping sounds on the front door and I wipe my hand on my apron before pulling it over my head and heading towards the door. Here goes nothing.
“Hey.” Tanner grins at me when I open the door and he leans in, pressing a hand against the top of the frame, and in an oh-so-sexy way that pulls on the worn t-shirt he’s wearing, giving his muscles a hug and causing my mouth to water at the sight. “You been baking?”
“Huh? Um…yeah.” I step back, letting him in.
“Well thanks for thinking of me. I hope it’s something I like.”
I purse my lips and head towards the kitchen, pulling my apron back on and opening up the canister of sugar.
“Not that I don’t like everything you make,” he adds, plopping down on a bar stool and I eyeball the sugar as I add it into my mixing bowl.
“Quit trying to suck up.” I point a finger at him. “Now, lets talk.” I avoid his eyes as I cream in the butter and he sighs loudly.
“What exactly do you want to talk about?”
“Everything,” I reply simply.
“Fine, you want everything? I’ll give you everything. But can you at least look at me?”
I drop my spatula and bring my eyes up to his. He gives a nod of his head before clearing his throat. “The first time I met you, I thought I hated you.”
I snort, knowing the feeling was mutual. He holds up a finger and I seal my lips shut to let him continue. “I think a lot of it had to do with the fact that I was just mad at life at that point. I had just walked in on my wife, the woman who I’d been with for years, fucking some other guy—in our bed. I thought I had hit rock bottom and there was no coming back from that. I was done—and then I met you.” He shakes his head, one corner of his mouth rising. “Everything changed when that happened; it was like my whole life shifted in one split second. You were such a sweet girl when it came to anyone but me, and I loved that about you. You were so damn gorgeous, I couldn’t force myself to look away, even though you acted like you hated me. And you challenged me about everything. Then things started to change between us. We found out that we actually liked each other—a lot. It wasn’t all about the sex for me, Amelia. It never was—even though we had a lot of it. My favorite part was afterwards when I had you wrapped in my arms.” My heart squeezes at his confession. Tanner had never told me any of this or let on that there was much more between us than just hooking up. I had felt something more, but I knew he was coming out of a bad relationship. I figured I was a random fling and the feelings were one sided.
“But then Marissa needed my help and I was the only one that could do it. I had to help the girl that I’d fallen in love with so long ago. I couldn’t turn my back on her.”
My eyes drop to the countertop and I flick at a speck of flour, not really wanting to hear the reason why he chose her over me but I needed to be strong and listen. That was the only way I could work through this. “Marissa got into drugs. Bad.”
My eyes fly upwards and my mouth falls open. “Drugs? What do you mean?”
“I mean, she got mixed up with some people that she shouldn’t have and she became addicted. I couldn’t turn my back on her when I found out.”
“But Tanner, she cheated.”
“She was coked up; she didn’t know what the hell she was doing,” he argues, but his tone is weak, like he doesn’t know if he even believes what he’s saying.
“That’s not an excuse.”
“It doesn’t matter now.” He shrugs, his features pinched. “At the time, I thought I could help her. I know it doesn’t sound good, but what I had going with you was so new, and Marissa…Marissa had been a part of my life for so long. I had to help her. So we worked things out and I stood by her side.”
I clamp down on the inside of my cheek, stewing over what he just told me. I unclamp my lips when I taste copper. “But what about when I told you I was pregnant? That didn’t change anything for you?”
“That changed everything, Amelia. But I also had to tell Marissa that night. She took off, and when I found her, she was nearly dead with all of the shit she had in her system. My head and heart were playing a mean game of tug of war about what to do. I was with Marissa, and even though you told me you were pregnant, I felt like I needed to stay with Marissa. She needed me.”
“I needed you too.”
“I know. But you’re so much stronger than her. I hate to say it, but she’s weak. After everything I sacrificed for her, she still couldn’t keep clean and I was done by that point. I knew I’d made a mistake. She didn’t want to change.”
“Are you saying she was doing drugs again? Around our daughter?”
“Of course not!” he snaps, slamming his fist down on the counter. I place my hands on my hips and glare at him. “I would never let anything like that happen around Paisley. You have to believe that. Marissa turned into a complete stranger. She started disappearing more and more often. I knew something wasn’t right. We had been living separate lives for awhile. I was trying to hold everything together, and it was exhausting. So I finally got myself out of the situation. It was something I should’ve done a long time ago.
I haven’t been happy for a long time. I knew the last time I was really happy, and that was when I was with you. I didn’t think I deserved you after everything, but I want you so bad, Amelia. I can’t stay away. I was hoping somewhere deep down inside you, there was one last chance for me.”
The oven beeping to let me know its preheated gives me the perfect distraction to pull away from his heavy stare, and I swipe at the tears that are brimming as I pick my mixing bowl back up. My stomach is in knots over what decision to make. I can see the pain that Tanner is in, but he wasn’t the only one. The situation with Marissa was difficult, but I’m still not dealing well with the fact that Tanner stayed with her because of it. But that’s in the past, Amelia. Could I really move on with him? I take my time plopping dollops of batter onto the cookie sheets, chewing on my lip the entire time. I would never know if I didn’t try. Right?
I turn around slowly, lifting my eyes to Tanner, whose face is blank and unreadable. “Okay,” I whisper.
“Okay, what?” His jaw ticks.
“Okay, I’m willing to try things again,” I answer in a shaky breath. “But Paisley doesn’t need to know. No one needs to know. Not yet, anyway.”
“You’re completely right,” he answers, a slow grin spreading across his tan face. “So when are you gonna let me take you out on a real date then?”
***
“I don’t think I can do this,” I tell Monroe, heading to pick up my phone. I just need to tell him I changed my mind. Monroe is the only other soul that knows this date is happening. I know I told Tanner that I didn’t want anyone to know, but with Monroe it’s different. I need someone to talk to about my inner turmoil; otherwise I’ll throw up everywhere.
“Oh yes you can. Now go get ready.” Monroe pushes on my shoulder before pointing to my room. “You can do this, Amelia,” she repeats forcefully. “You are Amelia Emerson, the girl with the most confidence I’ve ever met, and you’re gonna own this date. You’ll be leaving him panting by the time you’re through with him.”
Southern Sweets (Midnight) Page 9
