“Marissa, people would care. You have plenty of people who love you. You just need to get some help and stay clean.”
“You make it sound so simple, Tan. But it’s not. No one understands.”
I could hear her softly crying again and I groaned, already knowing what I was going to do. I had to. “Where are you? I’ll be there in a bit.” I got the address from her, grimacing when I realized where exactly that was—a few towns over, where all of the crack heads hung out. I’m sure she fit in well over there, but she didn’t belong. My Marissa was sweet and caring with just a touch of a wild side. This Marissa was a strung out junkie who wasn’t mine or really anyone’s anymore.
And then I left Amelia and Paisley by telling a lie. That’s where I went wrong. Lies are never a good thing; they always come around to bite you in the ass in one way or another.
When I pull onto the dirt driveway, I spot Marissa right away, sitting on the dilapidated porch that looks like it’s about to collapse. Her head is down, resting on her curled up knees. She looks rough. Her head doesn’t move when I get out of the truck and slam the door. She still doesn’t move when I walk up the sidewalk, dodging empty beer cans and God knows what else that litters the cracked concrete.
“Ris.” I put a hand on her shoulder, shaking her slightly and her head slowly lifts.
Her eyes are blurred and unfocused but a wave of relief rushes over her face when she realizes it’s me. “You came.”
“I told you I would. Let’s get you out of here.” I help her up, realizing that there’s no way in hell she is able to walk, so I scoop her into my arms and get her into my truck. I expect her to pass right back out and I have no clue where to take her so she won’t be alone, but I just head back towards town.
“I’m sorry I messed everything up,” she whispers and I turn to see tears streaking down her cheeks, thick black smudges fanning against her skin.
“Marissa,” I start but then shake my head. She won’t remember any of this conversation anyway and even if she does, it doesn’t matter. I had wasted so many breaths on trying to talk some sense into her. I don’t know what else I can really say that I haven’t already. “It’s alright, don’t worry about it. We just need to get you some help and then you need to keep up with it. That’s all.”
I pat her thigh and she sighs. “Tanner.” I feel her moving from her seat, closer to me and I grip onto the steering wheel, my knuckles turning white. “Remember how good we were together? We could have that again. I just need to get clean. And then we could have the family that I always wanted to have with you.”
“It’s too late for that.” I wince when her hand lands on my thigh and I peel it away. “And keep your hands to yourself. I’m with Amelia, nothing’s happening.”
“That stupid bitch messed everything up. If she wouldn’t have gotten herself knocked up, we would still be together,” she whines.
“No, we wouldn’t be,” I snap. “I tried so hard with you but you didn’t want my help.”
“Let me give you some help.” She pushes her hands back to the front of my jeans, squeezing my dick between her hand and I groan, jerking at the steering wheel.
“Fucking stop it, Marissa.”
“Don’t fight this, Tanner.” She unclicks my seat belt, trying to push herself onto my lap. I grab onto the steering wheel, trying to fight her off at the same time but it’s too late. I’ve already lost control and there’s no going back.
Chapter 23
Amelia
Lydia meets me at the front entrance of the hospital and she’s a mess, tears rolling down her cheeks and her eyes bloodshot. I panic when I see her, gasping for air as I try to control my own breathing. This can’t be good; not at all. Paisley clings to me and I can tell we’re scaring her. I have to be tough for her right now.
“What happened?”
“Oh, Amelia.” Her voice breaks. “Monroe is already here. Let’s get Paisley with her and then we’ll talk.”
“Okay.”
The ride on the elevator is silent—too silent. Luckily, Monroe is waiting for us right when we step off. I feel guilty for shoving Paisley into her arms, but I need to know.
“Tanner was in an accident. A bad one,” Lydia says, fresh tears leaking from her eyes. “He was out on 119. They’re really not sure what happened but his truck rolled several times.”
“Oh my.” I press a shaky hand to my mouth. “What was he doing out there? He said he had errands to run. He was supposed to be bringing dinner home for us. I don’t understand.”
“So you don’t…you don’t know who he was with?” She worries at her bottom lip that’s already chapped and red.
“With? No, what do you mean?”
“Amelia, honey. Maybe you should sit down.”
“I don’t need to sit down, Lydia,” I snap before swallowing through the lump in my throat. Lydia was clearly upset, understandably so. “I’m sorry. Just tell me, please. I want to see Tanner. I need to see him with my own two eyes to make sure he’s alive and okay.”
“He’s alive, Amelia, but he’s pretty banged up. He hasn’t woken up and when he does…he’s going to be in a world of pain. I already know. I know my son.”
“Lydia.” God, this woman is grating on my very last nerve at the second. I know she’s hurting for her son but so am I. Frustration builds in my chest and I feel like a ticking time bomb ready to explode.
“He was with Marissa,” she explains quietly and my heart sinks straight down to my toes. I can’t catch my breath. My ears must hear wrong. Why would he have been with Marissa? We’re starting a future together. There’s nothing holding him to her any longer. They’re done—at least that’s what he made me believe. Maybe he had been lying about how busy he was with work lately and having to be gone days at a time sometimes. Maybe he wasn’t actually working. Maybe he had been with her.
My knees wobble and I catch myself on the wall behind me, pressing my back into the smooth coldness and slamming my eyes shut. “Why?” I ask quietly. “Why were they together?”
“I have no idea, sweetie.” She sniffles. “But… Marissa… she… Marissa didn’t make it.” Her sob echoes in the empty hallway and my heart seizes in my chest. Had I heard her right? “They pronounced her dead at the scene. Tanner was close behind but they got to him in time. Our boy is going to be alright. I know he is.”
I manage to swallow, my throat aching and tight with tears. “Why…? Oh my God, she’s dead?” I’d never liked the girl—I had plenty of reasons not to—but to know she was killed makes my heart ache. She was so young and still had her life ahead of her and now…she’s just gone.
But I don’t understand why they were together. They’re divorced. Was Tanner cheating on me? I trusted him—I thought I trusted him. There are so many unanswered questions but I don’t know when I would get answers.
I don’t remember getting to Tanner’s room. Lydia leads me there, but it’s as if walking through a thick fog, unable to clear it away and escape. My breath catches when I see Tanner. He looks horribly pale, a rash of bruises covering his face and several casts. This isn’t my Tanner.
“He’s going to be okay?” I whisper, more to myself than anyone but Lydia is there, patting me on the back. He looks anything but okay.
“Yes, they said he’s going to be just fine. He’s banged up is all. There will be some time he needs to recuperate but we’ll be able to bring him back to good health. Right?”
I silently nod as she looks at me expectantly. The truth is, I have no idea what to think about this whole damn situation until I can actually talk to Tanner. With how it looks, I want to run in the other direction and never look back, but I can’t do that to him. I at least need to let him explain himself. Besides, he looks horrible and seeing him lie there, looking completely broken, tears me apart inside.
I sit with him for hours, clutching his hand and not removing my eyes from him for a single second to make sure he’s still breathing and with me. He’s going to b
e okay. He has to be okay. Doctors have filtered in and out, droning on and on to Lydia, who’s been listening intently. I haven’t been able to focus on a word. I’m just waiting for him to wake up.
And then, he finally does.
Chapter 24
Tanner
I can barely open my eyes; the pain is excruciating, every body part throbbing. What in the hell happened? I try to shake away the fuzz but it refuses to leave.
“Tanner?” I hear a quiet familiar voice say and I struggle to reply, the words stuck in my throat as the white sterile room I’m in comes into sight, temporarily blinding me.
“Ris?” I croak, blinking my eyes completely open and I bite down on my tongue when I see Amelia hovering at the end of my bed, a quick of flash of pain dancing across her face that she quickly tries to cover up. Why in the hell did I think I was with Marissa?
Then everything comes rushing back to me in an instant. I left to help Marissa, I picked her up, she wouldn’t leave me alone, I tried to keep her off of me…and then I lost control of the wheel.
Amelia steps closer, the pain replaced by a look of concern as she hesitantly reaches a hand towards me and takes my hand in hers, squeezing. “You’re okay, Tanner. You were in an accident.” I watch as her throat works and I can tell she’s trying not to fall completely apart. I fucked up big time and I want to explain but the energy isn’t there.
My eyes are heavy as she continues to hold my hand and I hear her say something about getting a nurse right before I mutter, “I’m sorry.”
The next time I wake up, I hear my mom’s voice, talking quietly to someone else. I’m hoping it’s Amelia, but when I peel my eyes open, I see a doctor flanked by two nurses, who are intently taking notes as he speaks.
“Oh, Tanner!” My mom rushes over the minute she sees my eyes open and she blankets my upper body with hers.
I groan and she jumps back. “Oh I’m so sorry.” She gingerly pats my arm, the one not in a cast, and I grimace.
“It’s okay, Mom. I know you were just excited to see me.”
“Thank the Lord that big head of yours wasn’t injured.”
“Yeah, I think that was about the only thing,” I hiss as I try to sit up straighter, but don’t make it very far.
“Well at least you’re awake. Do you think you would be up for a visitor? Paisley’s been asking nonstop about seeing you.”
My hopes slightly diminish that it isn’t Amelia that wants to see me, but Paisley is also on my mind. “Do you think she’ll be alright seeing me like this?”
“I think she’ll be just fine. Kids are resilient. She’ll probably think the casts are cool, especially if I give her a pink marker to color on them with.”
“Well I don’t know about a pink marker,” I grumble.
My mom holds a finger up at me and cracks the door open, talking to someone in the hall. I try to crane my neck to see who, but I can’t see past the door frame. I sit back with a wince of pain but grin when I see Paisley’s blonde curls bounce in.
“Daddy! I miss you. Grammy said you got boo boos. Are you okay?” My mom lifts her up so I can see her better and I put on my bravest face as she rests a small hand on my cheek.
“Yeah, I’m okay, baby girl. Your dad’s a super hero, remember?”
She nods furiously. “I remembered. I told Mommy that when she cry.”
I look to Mom but her eyes dart away at the mention of Amelia. “Well, I’m glad you’re taking such good care of your mommy and being a big girl for me.”
She fills me in on all the fun she’s been having with her Aunt Roe and Uncle Miller and how they let her pick three things out from the vending machines. I’m struggling to keep my eyes open, though the pain is starting to become unbearable as well.
“Okay, honey. We’ll leave you alone for a while, get some rest.” I feel both of them kiss me on the forehead and I struggle to open my eyes.
“Mom, how’s Marissa doing?” The guilt claws at my stomach that I even have to ask, but I need to know. My mom’s feet freeze and she slowly turns around, her face blank as she shakes her head back and forth. Panic clutches at my chest and without a word, I know…I just know. My injuries were bad enough; she was half my size. How would she have survived? How would she have been okay?
My throat tightens and a garbled sound breaks free before my vision is blurred and I see Marissa; the Marissa that I knew and loved for so long, the Marissa that’s now gone and won’t ever have a chance to turn her life around, my Marissa. This is all my fault.
“Honey.” My mom’s back at my bedside, Paisley’s head tucked into her shoulder. She pats my hand and it’s then that I realize how tightly I’m gripping the bed sheet. I feel as if I’m having an out of body experience. She can’t really be gone. I’m dreaming. I need to wake up. God damn it, Tanner, wake the hell up! “I’ll get the nurse; she’ll bring in something to relax you. I’m so sorry.”
Chapter 25
Amelia
“Is Daddy coming home?” Paisley asks with a hopeful glint in her baby blues that are so similar to her father’s.
I sigh as I slide on a pair of jeans. “I don’t know, little lady. We’ll have to wait for the doctors to say it’s okay for him to come home. Alright?”
“Okay.” She pouts, my answer obviously not making her happy.
“Hey, buck up, buttercup. Aunt Roe’s coming over to hang out, remember?”
She claps her hands before running out of the room, probably on a mission to find everything girly that she and Monroe can play with. A part of me just wants to stay here with them. For the past week I’ve been going to the hospital and for the past week I’ve been sitting outside Tanner’s door, afraid to go in. I still haven’t seen him since the day he woke up. Fear isn’t the only feeling that’s been gutting me—anger, confusion, betrayal. I need answers, but I haven’t been able to make myself search for them yet.
Today, is a new day though, and I’m determined to get my answers. Our future teeters on it. The trust that I’d given him is now marred and I don’t know if we’ll be able to go back from this.
As soon as Monroe knocks on the door, I’m grabbing my purse and keys with a swift goodbye and heading to my car. If I falter for just a second I might change my mind and lose my determination.
I want to see Tanner; I really do. When I think of how I could’ve possibly lost him…it’s as if my world is ending, like I can’t continue to breathe without him. But I feel betrayed at the same time and that’s eating away at me.
Once I slide my car into a spot, I take a deep breath, push open my door and walk with determination into the hospital, jabbing at the button on the elevator impatiently. I knock on Tanner’s door before peeking my head in and spotting Lydia, who hasn’t strayed far from his side. Her eyes widen and she holds up a finger before whispering something in Tanner’s ear as he gets checked over by a nurse. I can’t help but watch how he interacts with her. Is he flirting? Is that just the type of guy Tanner is? Is he a serial cheater?
I step out and press my back against the wall of the hallway. Get it together, Amelia. You’re likely to drive yourself insane.
“Amelia?” a familiar voice calls, laced with confusion. “What are you doing here?”
“Hey, Danny.” I weakly wave before I bring my eyes up to his. “How have you been?”
“Well,” he laughs dryly, “not too bad, I guess. I’ve been keeping busy with work.”
I eye his white doctor coat and the dress shirt underneath it, a black tie on and the clipboard that he’s holding. I didn’t even think about running into him here.
“Oh, that’s great,” I answer absentmindedly and blow out a breath. As if my stomach isn’t already a mess, running into Danny makes it even worse. I don’t like how I ended things with him and just because I’ve moved on, or at least thought I had with Tanner, doesn’t mean that goes away. Our relationship wasn’t all that serious but I could’ve ended things a little bit better.
“What are you d
oing here, Amelia?” His eyes flick towards Tanner’s door and I can tell he knows he is in there. Hell, he’s probably his doctor.
“I really don’t know,” I mumble more to myself.
He places a hand on my shoulder and I look up to see a concerned look on his face. “Amelia, are you here to check on the father of your child or is there something more going on between you two now? You know you deserve better than that.”
“It’s complicated, Danny.”
“Right.” He laughs. “Do you want to grab a cup of coffee from the cafeteria and tell me about those complications? I’ll promise to only give you my doctorly advice.”
“Your doctorly advice?” I arch a brow. “Is something I’m doing bad for my health?”
“Most likely. You don’t look like your bright cheery self. I can tell something’s eating at you. Let me help.”
“Why would you want to help me? I was a complete bitch to you. It wasn’t right. I’m sorry.”
“No worries.” He tucks his hands into his pockets. “Like I said, you can call me when you’re ready. I guess you’re not.” He shrugs and I see his eyes lock in on my left hand. I’ve been twisting away at the ring, contemplating about taking it off, but I need to talk to Tanner first. No matter all of the red lights and everything telling me just to run the other way, I need to hear him out as to why he was with Marissa, why he lied and didn’t tell me the truth.
“Danny…” I start and then shake my head. I can’t do this right now, not with everything that’s going on with Tanner. Honestly, I don’t owe him any kind of explanation. “Do you think I could get a rain check on that coffee?”
“Sure.” He smiles tightly, tipping his head at me. “I’m sure we’ll run into each other again. Just let me know.”
I watch as he walks away and until he disappears around the corner before taking a deep breath and turning back towards Tanner’s door. The nurse slips out and I cautiously take a step forward.
“C’mon on in.” Lydia grabs onto my hand and pulls me into the room, probably afraid I’m ready to bolt. “I’ll give you two some alone time. Bye, sweetie,” she calls over her shoulder and then Tanner and I are left alone. The door closes soundly and my sneakers squeak as I step closer to his bed. He’s watching me intently but his face is blank.
Southern Sweets (Midnight) Page 14
