“Hi,” I murmur quietly and he nods once. I feel as if I’m getting the cold shoulder here. Shouldn’t it be the other way around?
“So you finally decided to come visit me?” he asks, breaking the silence, his tone void of any emotion.
“Well,” I start, gulping. “I wasn’t sure what to say. I wasn’t sure how to handle the situation. I just…” I sigh, throwing my hands in the air and collapsing into the empty chair. “I don’t know, Tanner. I have so many questions but I’m not sure I’ll like the answers.”
“So do I even have a chance or have you already made up your mind?” he quietly asks.
“I just want to hear the truth, Tanner. That’s all I’m asking.”
“Alright.” He grimaces as he shifts in bed, turning his body towards me. “You know that Marissa had a problem with drugs?” I nod and he continues. “She kept calling me that morning, so much that I couldn’t ignore it any longer. She was in trouble and I had to help her.”
“Why?”
He laughs dryly. “I don’t know the answer to that. She didn’t have anyone, Amelia. I had to help her.”
I want to chalk it up to Tanner being a good guy because he is—at least I think he is—but I don’t think that’s entirely the case. Marissa wasn’t just anyone, she was his ex-wife. “You were supposed to be done with her. You divorced her. We were a family; you walked out on Paisley and I on a lie.”
“It wasn’t like that. I was helping her as a friend—that was it. Nothing more. And I’m sorry for not telling you where I was going in the first place. I screwed up and I’ll regret it for the rest of my life.”
“I don’t know if I believe you.”
He grimaces, shaking his head. “What don’t you believe, Amelia? Why would I lie to you now?”
I straighten my shoulders even though I just want this conversation done. I need to get this all out. “Maybe you never really ended things with Marissa. Maybe you were just playing both of us the whole time. Maybe that’s where you really were when you were out of town for work. I don’t know, Tanner. Every different possibility has been running through my mind since I found out about the accident…and that you were with her.”
My eyes connect with his and I suck in a breath when I see the tears silently sliding down his face.
“Its my fault she’s gone,” he says in a broken whisper. “I should’ve done something to save her. As soon as the truck flipped, I don’t remember anything. I woke up and I was here. Was she suffering? Was she in pain? Did she try to get me to help her? That’s what I’ve been thinking about. The girl that I loved for so long isn’t here anymore.”
I pull my eyes away, blinking furiously. I can’t stand the pain etched across his face and to know it’s there because of Marissa. I know he’s hurting that she’s gone and it hurts for me to hear that. I’m trying to suck it up and be compassionate but the turmoil that’s taken over inside my head is saying otherwise.
I pat his free hand to try to reassure him but I doubt it helps. I don’t know what to do or say. It’s so hard being helpless when it comes to the ones you love.
He squeezes his eyes shut and pushes out a ragged breath. “God, I’m such a jackass. I’m sure you don’t want to hear this shit, Amelia.”
“I can’t expect you to not care, Tanner,” I answer quietly, trying to choose my words wisely, however hard it is for me to say them. “I’m sure… it’s difficult.”
I end up staying in his room for two more hours with him sleeping on and off. He asks about Paisley and talks about when he’ll be able to go home but we seem to dance around our own relationship. By the time I’m leaving, I don’t feel any better. In fact, I feel even more confused. I think I believe Tanner; I want to believe him but trust is what I needed most in a relationship with him and I don’t know when or if I can ever trust him. Could I really live like that?
Chapter 26
Amelia
After a sleepless night, I drag myself to the bakery. I’ve been neglecting it by throwing a sign on the door that we were temporarily closed. I’m sure it’s been the talk of the town—the whole Tanner-Marissa mess. Her funeral is tomorrow. I’m sure Tanner will want to go if he can. I don’t know if I can or if I would even want to. I didn’t like her for obvious reasons but I never wished her dead.
“Hey, you’re here.” Monroe meets me halfway on the sidewalk between the studio and the bakery. “I thought maybe you were heading to the hospital again.”
“Not right now.” I shake my head and unlock the front door. She follows me inside and I inhale deeply, having missed the smell of this place. “Lydia was taking Paisley to the hospital to spend time with Tanner. I might go later.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” Monroe plops herself onto the counter as I begin to aimlessly pull stuff out of the refrigerator, really not sure what I’m in the mood to bake as far as muffins go for the morning, but I just know I need to bake.
“Talk about what? The fact that he was with her?” I slam a mixing bowl down onto the metal countertop. “God, I feel like such a bitch. I’m jealous of her, plain and simple. And she’s not even alive!”
Monroe’s eyes water and I feel another stab of guilt. “I’m sorry, Roe. I know you guys were sort of friends.”
She shrugs. “Not really, but it’s still hard. Marissa was in her own world. Every once in a while I could see the girl that Tanner fell in love with so long ago, but not very often. Tanner loves you, Amelia. He just couldn’t stop himself from trying to help her.”
“Yeah, I get that.” I crack two eggs. “Or at least I’m trying to but that doesn’t make his lie any easier or the fact that he did it reversible.”
“I know, Amelia. I hate to say it, but Tanner screwed up big time. I don’t know if there’s any coming back from that.”
“I know.”
Monroe grabs the strawberries that I pulled out and starts chopping them up. We work soundlessly side by side and soon enough, the front case is filled with muffins, scones, and danishes. I haven’t eaten a single one and I’m amazed but with the way my stomach has been eating itself up, I’m not surprised. The front doorbell rings for the first time since I’ve gotten in and Monroe eyeballs me for a brief second before heading towards the front and greeting the customer. I’m thankful that she’s here and I don’t know if I really have the patience to deal with people this morning.
The bell rings several more times and I get lost in baking two cake orders that need to be filled for later in the day when Monroe comes back to replenish one of the trays with muffins.
“I had some extra batter from the cakes so I whipped up some cupcakes. I’m gonna set ‘em out in the display case.”
“Amelia, I wouldn’t—”
“She’s probably embarrassed to show her face around here, poor dear. That boy just couldn’t leave that girl alone even though everyone knew she was trouble. That poor child.”
I stiffen, clutching the pan in my hands so tightly my knuckles start to turn white. The old biddy who is clearly talking about me at least has enough decency to look embarrassed when our eyes lock and she sputters out some sort of apology before hightailing it towards the front door with her friend tagging closely behind.
This right here is what I can’t handle. With the way I was brought up, my mom was always sticking her nose where it didn’t belong and talking behind everyone’s back about who cheated on their wives or who had more money than who. It makes me sick to my stomach then and now, hearing myself being talked about around town was even worse.
“I need to get out of here,” I mumble, turning around to run smack dab into Monroe, her lips set into a tight line.
“I was trying to warn you not to go out there. It’s been like that all morning and they don’t shut up, no matter how much I glare at them. Do we need to go smack a bitch?”
“Monroe, that’s someone’s grandmother.” I sigh, tugging off my apron. “It’s not her fault she has nothing better to do to pass the time. It’s my
own fault I put myself in this situation and I’m sick of feeling sorry for myself.” I throw back my shoulders and point my nose in the air. “I’m going to see Tanner and if there’s someone who doesn’t like it, they can get the hell over it. God, we need to move out of this town.”
“We as in who? You and Tanner?” She purses her lips, waiting for my answer.
“I don’t know, Monroe. I’d like to think that Tanner and I can work things out.” I twist at the ring still on my finger. “Scratch that. We are going to work things out. Tanner messed up, but we all make mistakes. Now, I need to be with him and be there for him like I should’ve all along.”
“Alright, sweetie. Well I’m here if you need me. I’ll lock up after I clean up bit of this mess.”
“Don’t worry about it.” I wave my mind. “I’ll come back later tonight.”
“Mmhmm,” she murmurs, already wiping up a cloud of flour. “See you later.”
***
My feet are at the threshold of Tanner’s door when I spot Danny next to Tanner’s bedside, the two of them deep in conversation. It’s strange to see them together. Although Danny and I didn’t date for that long, him and Tanner butted heads like crazy—well, more like Tanner butted heads and Danny tried to handle the situation like an adult. Looking back, I’m guessing it had to be due to jealousy. I don’t know, everything was so confusing lately. I just want a drama-free life; is that really so much to ask?
I clear my throat, stepping farther into the room and both of their heads pop up. “Amelia, hey.” Danny smiles softly before tucking a pen into his white doctor’s coat. “Just checking in on our patient here. Looks like he’s doing well. Should be out of here pretty soon, I’m guessing.”
“That’s great news.” I push a smile onto my face. “Right, Tanner?”
He mumbles something, a deep scowl now set on his face. Danny shrugs, grinning and still cheerful as ever. “Are you ever gonna redeem that coffee break with me?”
“Maybe one day.”
“Well, alright. As long as you at least think about it. Tanner, I’ll be back in the morning.”
Tanner grunts in acknowledgement, his eyes turned away from me. I slide into the empty seat next to his bed, swallowing the lump in my throat. Just get it over with, Amelia. Like ripping off a Band-Aid.
“We need to talk.”
“So talk,” Tanner answers, still refusing to look at me. “Tell me all about you and Dr. Danny’s coffee date.”
“Tanner,” I snap. “Dan has nothing to do with our talk. You need to tell me why you left that day…why you left us…for her. Again.”
“Don’t, Amelia. Fucking don’t.” He finally looks at me and his nostrils are flaring, his eyes on fire as he glares hard in my direction. He’s mad, but I can’t care right now. “Don’t talk about Marissa,” he bites and at the mention of her name, his eyes glaze over. “Its all my fault she’s gone. All my fault. I should’ve done something. Instead I divorced her and let her continue on the broken path she was on.”
“Tanner,” I start, trying to be understanding. He’s in pain, I know this and I hurt so much for him. Marissa was a huge part of his life, one I have to recognize no matter how much I don’t like it. He needs time to grieve and I need to give him that.
“She called me,” he interrupts, his voice low and shaky. “She called me again and again. She needed my help. What was I supposed to do?”
“You could’ve started by telling me the truth.”
“Yeah, and what would you have done? Would you have let me go and help her? The answer’s no, Amelia. You and I both know that. So I left without telling you. I thought I would be home in no time, but then I picked her up from this shitty ass house where only drug addicts and crack whores belong and…” He trails off and I grip the arms of the chair, bracing myself for what’s to come next.
I squeeze my eyes shut, willing it to stop but I need to hear what happened. Everything.
“Marissa got upset; she was talking about getting back together, about making it up to me. She wanted me to give her another chance.” He shakes his head, pushing the tips of his fingers to his eyelids. “But I was all out of chances. I was starting my life over with you and Paisley and we were going to be a family.”
The word ‘were’ sticks out, the fact that he’s talking in past tense causing my entire body to tense. I didn’t know if I could prepare myself for what he was about to say.
“She started grabbing at me and I smacked her hands away and then she tried climbing onto my lap. I didn’t know what the fuck she was trying to do but I was fighting her off and that’s where everything goes black. I lost control of the truck and ended up here. And found out…” He swallows thickly. “Found out she was gone.”
“I’m sorry, Tanner.” I grab his hand and he doesn’t pull away. “I know how hard this must be for you.” Inside I’m happy to know that nothing happened between them, even though that should be the last thing on my mind and I know it’s selfish but I can’t help it.
“You need to go, Amelia.” He shakes his hand out of mine and my eyes widen, the warm familiar feeling of his hand gone all too soon.
“What?”
“I said you need to go,” he repeats in a stern voice.
“O-kay…” I slowly push to my feet, stamping down the hurt feelings that he doesn’t want me here. “Well, I’ll come back in the morning. Do you need me—”
“No,” he interrupts, his jaw tight. “I don’t need you and I don’t want you coming back, Amelia. I don’t want you here.”
The last sentence repeats over and over in my head, but it’s not making sense. Not at all. “Tanner, what do you mean?”
He ignores my question. “Miller’s going to come by and get my stuff. I’m going to stay with him for a while after I get discharged.”
“Tanner, I can take care of you. Why would you need to stay with Miller?”
“Amelia,” he groans, “you’re not understanding what I’m trying to say here. I don’t want to be with you anymore. It’s over.”
“Wh-at?” I sputter, taking a step back. “I don’t understand.”
“What in the hell don’t you understand? We’re not good together, Amelia. This is the easiest way for the both of us.”
“Easy? Are you serious right now, Tanner? What in the hell is easy about this? What about Paisley? What do you think this is going to do to her? You aren’t thinking straight. I’ll leave, but I’m coming back in the morning. We’ll talk about this then.”
“No we won’t.” His nostrils flare. “Go, Amelia and don’t come back. We’ll figure things out with Paisley later. I’m not ready to see her right now, either.”
“You’re going to refuse to see your daughter? Tanner Cox, you have got to be the biggest asshole that has ever existed in history,” I screech. “What is wrong with you?” The question falls on deaf ears. I bend down to grab my purse, my hands shaking and my eyes beginning to water as my throat clenches. “I hope to God no one ever treats Paisley like you’ve treated me. Don’t bother trying to crawl back to me after this because I won’t be waiting. I’m sick and tired of letting you hit my heart back and forth like a damn ping pong ball. This was the last time, Tanner.” I pull the ring off my left finger that I had been so excited to have put there just a short time ago and throw it at his head. It pings off his forehead with a loud thump and clatters onto the floor.
“Good, Amelia. That’s exactly what I needed to hear. Now please get out.”
“Oh, now you’re going to use your manners? Your mama would be ashamed if she saw how you were treating the mother of your daughter right now. After everything we’ve been through, this is how you’re going to end things?” I stomp my foot before whipping the door open. “You really are a piece of work. Ugh!” I scurry out of the room, not bothering to look back and high tail it straight out of the hospital to my car, not allowing myself to fall apart until I’m tucked safely inside and that’s when I break. Clutching the steering wheel, the
tears stream down my cheeks and they won’t stop; they just won’t. I don’t understand what happened back there. Not at all. He told me the truth and I believed him, it wasn’t a deal breaker. He didn’t do anything wrong, besides not tell me where he was going and I could understand why he didn’t. I probably would’ve told him not to go. Maybe she would still be alive and we would still be together—or maybe not.
I wipe at my eyes, sniffling as I pull my car into drive. I need to get back home to Paisley. She’s my sole purpose in life—always has been and always will be. Maybe we wouldn’t have the family that I pictured, but I sure as hell won’t let her suffer because of that. I’m determined to give her everything she needs and make sure this shakeup would affect her in the smallest way possible.
I’m done worrying or thinking about Tanner Cox.
Chapter 27
Satisfied with what I accomplished for the day, I pull off my apron and throw it in the hamper. I’ve gotten a lot done and it feels good to be back in the kitchen baking. It’s right where I belong and I don’t even have to angry bake. No, I’m completely okay with Tanner’s abrupt break up. Completely a-okay.
I grab the plate of assorted cookies that I made before switching off the open sign and locking the door behind me. I pass by Monroe’s studio but backtrack when I see her through the wide window, her classroom empty. There’s no way I can pass by my best friend when she’s not with a class. She spots me from the window and waves me in.
“Hey, girl. No class tonight?”
“No.” She wipes at her forehead that’s covered in a sheen of sweat. “The recital’s in two weeks so I’m working out some kinks in the choreography for certain pieces. I needed some alone time before I drag everyone back in here and after that we’re going to be dancing our booties off until the day of the recital. I think they needed a little break.”
Southern Sweets (Midnight) Page 15
