“Oh.” I purse my lips, hugging the plate of cookies a little tighter. When she eyes them I can practically see her mouth salivating. “Don’t even think about it, ma’am. These are for the senior center. Would you really want to steal cookies from the elderly?”
“Well,” she tilts her head back and forth, thinking it over, “I guess not.”
“I really do need to be heading that way so I can get home. My mom has a dinner tonight that she needs to get to.”
“Tanner hasn’t been over to see Paisley yet?”
I ignore her question, not wanting to talk or even think about that touchy subject. Tanner’s been out of the hospital for two weeks and he hasn’t come to see Paisley once. I’m beyond livid about it. He’s her father; he’s been a huge part of her life even when we weren’t together. She asks about him all the time. At first she was beyond upset, but gradually, the fits have lessened and now she just seems sad whenever she asks about him. I don’t know what to say. I really don’t. It breaks my heart to see my daughter hurting.
“How is your house guest doing?” I ask tightly and Monroe fidgets on her bare feet before shrugging.
“Okay, I guess. I really don’t see him much. Miller has him doing some big job right now and he’s gone all hours of the day. Maybe that’s why he hasn’t been to see Paisley.” I’d heard that Tanner was staying with him and not at the house.
Against my better judgment, after I left the hospital, I headed to my parents’. I just wanted my mom, but instead, I got the ice queen.
“You knew this would happen, Amelia. Why you never listen is beyond me,” Mom had said in a condescending tone.
“Don’t you dare make excuses for him, Monroe. Don’t you dare.” I point a finger at her, narrowing my eyes but she crosses her arms over her chest, holding her stance.
“Amelia, you have to understand he’s been through a lot.”
“So you think it’s okay that he basically forgot that he has a daughter?” I screech.
“No, of course not! That’s not what I’m saying and you know it. You have to try to keep your feelings out of it this time and I know how horrible that sounds. It’s just…Marissa was such a big part of his life for so long. He’s trying to figure out how to live without her,” she adds quietly, the guilt seeping out of her eyes for saying it, but still, she said it.
“And what was I?” I mutter. “Someone to occupy his time until she figured her shit out and got on the straight and narrow? I know that makes me sound like a bad person. I know she’s gone. I know he needs time to cope but she was already out of his life. He divorced her and for good reason. We were happy—all three of us were so happy, and just one thing changed that all.” I groan in frustration, throwing my free hand in the air. “I’m done talking about this. I could go over everything again and again until I’m blue in the face and still not understand his reasoning, so I’m just done. Please don’t mention his name to me again and if he suddenly remembers he has a daughter, we’ll figure things out.”
“Okay.” Monroe shrugs, her lips mashed into a straight line. I feel the tension crackling in the air between us and I don’t know what to do about it. Monroe’s trying to be Switzerland, I think, but I need her to be my best friend right now.
“Well I’m going to get going then.” I walk to my car, refusing to look back. I feel like I just lost my best friend and it’s tearing me apart. One more thing that I’ve lost. I shake my head and start my car, heading towards the senior center. I’m determined to push all of the negativity and drama out of my life and if Monroe wants to have an attitude about things, well, then maybe she can’t be a part of my life any longer. The thought makes my eyes tear but I shake my head once again and take a deep breath before pulling out of the parking lot. No sense in spilled tears; I’ve slowly learned that old adage.
The receptionist at the front desk greets me brightly when I walk in and her eyes widen when she sees the plate of cookies in my hands. “Oh, Amelia, they are just going to love you, sweetheart. Go on, sneak them into the activity room before one of the aides sees you and decides to hold them hostage.” She rolls her eyes. “Sometimes they act more like wardens than caregivers.”
I giggle. “Oh, Susie, you know they’re just trying to help, but everyone needs a little bit of sweetness in their life every now and then. I brought some sugar free ones especially for Henry.”
“You’d better watch out. Henry has eyes for you and now you’re bringing cookies specially made for him? Watch out, darling. He might be old but he’s still feisty.”
“He sure is. I’ll be on the lookout.” She waves before I head towards the activity room and I turn around, bumping straight into someone and barely holding onto the cookies.
“Oh, I am so sor—” My eyes connect with a familiar set of green eyes and I straighten myself. “Danny? What are you doing here?”
“Well, I could ask you the same thing. And with cookies?” He licks his lips. “I’ve missed your goodies.”
My cheeks flame and I look down at my toes, finding them awfully interesting.
“I mean your cupcakes and your cookies and your pies and your… never mind. I’ll shut up now.” He smiles bashfully, tucking his hands into his pockets. “I was visiting a patient, actually.”
“Oh, after hours?”
“Well yeah, he doesn’t have any family around and he’s a great guy, but lonely. I just stopped by real quick to catch up.”
“You’re such a good guy.”
He shrugs. “Nah, anyone would do it.”
“No they wouldn’t. Not anyone. Just you.”
He shakes his head, grinning. “So what are you doing here? With your cookies?”
“Well she’s here to see her boyfriend of course,” a worn voice says from behind Danny’s shoulder and I giggle, peeking around him to see Henry and those grey bushy eyebrows of his.
“I sure am. Hey, Mr. Smith.” I wiggle my fingers, giving him a bright smile, but his face turns sour.
“I told you none of that Mr. Smith mumbo jumbo. Now, what’s that there you’re holding?” He reaches for the plate but I shoo him away.
“Uh-uh, not so quick. I have some here that are just for you.” I pull back the plastic and hand him four of the cookies that I made with Henry in mind.
“Are these those sugar free crap? Why can’t I ever have anything good?”
“Mr. Smith, sir, not to sound rude but whatever Amelia here touches is anything but…how did you put it—crap? How ‘bout you take a taste first?”
Henry eyes Danny cautiously before giving one nod of his head. “Well alright then, least I could do since you took the time to make them just for me. You’re such a sweet girl. You know that? Any man would be lucky to have you.”
“Well I thought I had a man,” I retort, raising a brow at him.
“Nah, you’re a little too young for me. I’ve got eyes on the new girl that just moved in. Her name’s Joan.” He sighs and I bite back a laugh at his dreamy expression. I guess love comes at all ages.
He finally takes a bite of one of his cookies and he groans around a mouthful. “Well I’ll be damned, that is good. Well not just good—excellent. How ‘bout a dozen more? I’ll even pay you for those ones. In fact, a dozen a week, as long as you make the delivery.”
“Now let’s not get a head of ourselves.” I laugh and he pats me on the back.
“Thanks, dear. Now I need to get these back to my room and hide them so no one sees my stash. Those damn prison guards won’t believe that they’re sugar free, always thinking I’m up to no good. You’d better hold onto that one, boy,” he says to Danny. “Or someone’s gonna steal her right out from underneath your nose.”
“Oh we’re not—” I try to explain but he’s already taken off down the hall, his eyes darting over his shoulder every once in a while to make sure he’s not being followed.
“He sure is a character,” Danny says and I tuck a piece of hair behind my ear, nodding in agreement.
&nb
sp; “Well, I really need to drop these off. My mom needs to get leaving so I need to get home to Paisley.”
“Oh, alright then. How’s Tanner been feeling?” he asks as he follows me down the hallway.
“I wouldn’t know.” I place the cookies on a free table and watch as the residents all swarm around like bees to honey. I’m sure they won’t last long; next time I’ll have to bring more. “I should get going.”
“I’ll walk you to your car,” Danny offers and I shrug and let him follow me out.
“Amelia,” he says, opening my door for me and I slide in, “why don’t you know how Tanner is?”
I stick the key in the ignition and shrug. “Because we aren’t together. We haven’t been since he was in the hospital. He ended things.” I turn back to look at Danny and his mouth drops open before it clamps shut, his jaw working.
“Why?”
I laugh dryly, gripping the steering wheel. “Your guess is as good as mine.”
“Amelia, you don’t deserve to be treated that way. I hate to see you stuck in such a vicious cycle. It’s not healthy.”
“I’m not stuck, Danny.” I slide on my sunglasses. “I’m done. There’s no going back. Not now, not ever.”
He grimaces, probably not believing me. Leaning down, he half smiles. “Well, I hope that’s true. Give me a call when you’re ready for that coffee.”
“Alright,” I answer before he softly shuts my door and waves, even though I know that probably won’t happen. I’ve given up on love and there’s no way in hell I’d put Danny through another round of Amelia.
Chapter 28
I’m exhausted after a long day at the bakery. Holiday season is upon us and things have been crazy busy, which is always a good thing but my energy is slowly depleting. Christmas is my favorite time of year though.
It hasn’t always been my favorite holiday. In fact, growing up it was probably my least favorite. At home with my parents, it was so sterile, minimal decorations, boring party after party, and expensive showy presents when all I wanted was an Easybake Oven. God I had been so jealous of all the girls at school when they talked about their Easy bake oven’s. I put it on my list year after year and my mom would glance at it with an upturn of her nose. “Amelia, that would cause such a mess. If you want some cookies ask Mrs. Sully but you really should watch what you eat anyway.”
Once I had Paisley, the disdain that I felt for Christmas disappeared. I wanted to make every holiday special for her, so I tended to go a little nuts when it came to decorating. And it was the day after Thanksgiving, so I could now officially decorate in my book. Paisley would be excited. Tanner still hasn’t come back around, even for Thanksgiving.
I turn my car the opposite way of how I usually go home. I tell myself it isn’t because I’m going past Tanner’s house; it really isn’t. And I don’t purposely slow my car down a couple of houses before his. Nope, no way do I do that. But then I see that it’s completely dark, so I slow down to a stop and my mouth falls completely open when I see what’s centered right in the front yard. His house is for sale? That can’t be right; my tired eyes have to be deceiving me. I pull my car into drive and creep into the driveway before turning it off and stepping outside. I look at the garage first to see that it’s empty so I won’t have the possibility of running into him.
I press my nose to the side window and even more shock slams into me. The living room is completely empty. I step to the next window, which brings me to his bedroom—completely empty. I round the corner to the backyard—all of the outdoor furniture is gone. All of Paisley’s outdoor toys are gone. Everything.
I lean against the back of the house. Tanner is gone? He just…left? How could Monroe not have said anything to me? We were talking again, but she did as I asked and didn’t bring up Tanner. Surely she would feel it necessary to bring something like this up though. This affects Paisley more than me. I’m always going to put my daughter first; before my own feelings, before everything.
I pull out my phone and bring up my contacts, hovering over his name for several seconds before I finally just do it. He answers on the first ring. To say I’m surprised is an understatement.
“Amelia.” His voice is low and flat.
“Tanner, where are you?”
“What do you mean?” He clears his throat and silence hangs between us. I don’t know what to say to him. I’m at your house, all creepy stalker-like. I really wasn’t driving by to spy on you. Why’s it for sale? Why is it empty? Where are you? I bite down on my lip and shake my head.
“I just…”
“Amelia, I was wanting to call you. I…how was Thanksgiving for Paisley? Did she ask about me?”
“Um…yeah, she did.”
“I’m sorry I haven’t been around. I just…everything has been so hard.”
I gulp, nodding in agreement as I press against the house—the empty house. It’s kind of symbolic in a way. How can I have so much in my life—Paisley, the bakery, my family—but still feel so empty?
“I want to see her,” Tanner says hesitantly. “Do you think that would be okay?”
“Tanner, I’m not going to keep her from you but you can’t just come in and out of her life. She needs you.” And so do I, I want to add, but I don’t. I’ve given up hope for us but I know that he’s a good dad. I can only hope that he’ll remember how to be a good dad again.
Chapter 29
Amelia
“Mommy!” Paisley squeals, bouncing from the couch to the loveseat. “When’s he gonna be here?”
“Soon, Paisley. Soon. Now calm down a little bit, child.” I take a deep breath before busying myself with straightening the pillows and smoothing the afghan. This is the first time I’ll be seeing Tanner since the hospital.
He was ‘working’ on things he had said and wanted to be a hundred percent for Paisley before he saw her. I guess I should be happy that he was working on himself for Paisley, but I can’t say that it didn’t sting when he mentioned nothing about our relationship. I think it was right in that moment that I realized Tanner and I would never be again. I don’t know why I didn’t realize it sooner.
So, he kept in contact with Paisley over the phone. I’m not sure if he was still staying with Monroe and Miller or where exactly he’s calling home nowadays. I tell myself that I don’t need to care. I’m slowly letting go of any hope that I had been clutching onto.
Deep breath in, deep breath out, Amelia. It’s going to be totally fine. Gravel crunching makes my head spin towards the wide front window overlooking the parking lot and that Paisley’s nose is pressed against. She pounds her fist on the glass, a high pierced squeal sounding from her tiny body. “Daddy’s here! Daddy’s here!”
Thank goodness she’s still young or she probably wouldn’t have been so excited about seeing Tanner after his long absence from her life. I had told Tanner that we would fall back into him seeing her gradually and see how things went. I don’t need him to up and change his mind.
“Oh, he is! How ‘bout you go get your backpack out of your room so you have all of your stuff with you?”
“Okay!” She sprints from the couch down the hallway and I take another deep breath before I step towards the door. I’m opening it just as he’s reaching out a hand to knock.
“Amelia,” he greets me, one side of his mouth lifting up in a small smile.
“Hey,” I say tightly, crossing my arms over my chest. “No more casts?”
“Nope, I’m finally free from all of that junk.”
“That’s good.” I turn my head, willing Paisley to come down the hallway so I don’t have to be alone with him any longer. “She should be coming any minute. She was just grabbing something out of her room.”
“Alright.” he rocks back on his heels. “I wanted to talk to you alone about a few things anyway.”
“I don’t think there’s much to discuss between us, unless of course it has to do with Paisley.”
“Well, I guess in a way it does.” He shrugs.
“I just wanted to tell you I’ve been seeing someone,” he says so nonchalantly, I’m sure that I’ve heard him wrong.
My heart drops to my toes and my mouth pops open in shock. “That was awfully quick,” I mutter.
“No, no, no…not like that, Amelia.” He grips at the back of his neck. “I mean I’ve been seeing a therapist.”
“Oh,” I answer simply, not sure if I feel relieved. Should I really even care if he’s moved on?
“With everything that happened, I needed it. I never thought I would be admitting I have to talk to someone about my feelings, but I did. And it’s helping. I’m in a better place for Paisley now.” He swallows thickly, his eyes pulling up to look at me. “You didn’t deserve the way I treated you, Amelia. How I ended things…wasn’t right, but I thought it was for the best at the time. I see things differently now. I was in a really bad place.”
“I guess that’s understandable,” I reply, moving my eyes away from his.
“I love you, Amelia.”
My head snaps back towards him and anger boils in my chest. Did my ears just play a trick on me? Did that really just come out of his mouth? After everything? My hands curl into fists and I grind my teeth together. “Fuck your love, Tanner. I needed to hear that a long time ago and now it’s way too late.”
“I’m not expecting you to run back into my arms and I don’t want you to. I want better for you. You’ll always be the one who got away and I’m not chasing. I want you to be happy; I want someone to love you with everything they have—something I should’ve done in the first place but I was too stupid dealing with my own shit to realize it. I deserve your hate and honestly, the fact that you do, makes me feel a little bit better.” He sighs. “I just want things to be easier for us. Can we try to get along for Paisley? I don’t want her to suffer because of the past.”
“She won’t. The two of us can communicate just fine. I don’t have any ill will towards you, Tanner. And I don’t hate you. Not right now, at least. Just don’t go throwing that love word around. It won’t ever be the same between us again. You can love me as your child’s mother, but that’s it.”
Southern Sweets (Midnight) Page 16
