Diana’s brooding eyes studied Elana for a long moment. There was only one way the woman could have known all of this: somehow she must have run across and read Tartuk. Diana had been playing a hunch from overheard tidbits from the Inn. She had known that these men were Maltar’s crew, that they were hurrying to meet him — and hopefully, Garrison — and that the two were probably the men they’d followed from the Keep. But exactly where and why they were traveling so hastily, she could not have guessed. Worried, she finished her stew. For all her good intentions, Elana could have been killed.
“I do know they are going to the Priory,” Elana assured her quickly, misreading Di’nay’s concern.
“For the past two and a half days, I have been expecting Tartuk to appear behind me,” Diana began tiredly. “May I ask if you found him or he you?”
“He was about to put an arrow into your back,” Elana said almost inaudibly. “I — dissuaded him.”
Again death. “I’m glad you were not hurt.”
“And I that you were not.”
Sweet Goddess! You could have died so easily — a coldness gripped her heart. She truly could do nothing right with this woman. She felt numb, her body cold, but she was too exhausted to care; it felt like a kind of defeat. Whatever reason the Goddess had for throwing this woman into her life, Diana was lost. She had failed to comprehend the purpose just as she had failed to strike a balance in their friendship — and generally failed in her judgment.
Too weary for tears, Diana struggled to her feet and fetched her pack. She fumbled for her blanket, then bleakly paused, finding the tea pouch in her palm.
She returned to the fire and gingerly extended the small bag to Elana. “I don’t much feel like tea tonight,” she murmured and turned to spread out her blanket, pinching the temperature tab too high. Maybe it was the altitude? “You’re welcome to some if you like.”
“Thank you.” She watched anxiously as Di’nay rolled herself into the blanket. Emotional fatigue… but she did nothing. Had not she wished just to have the Amazon here safe? Still — Elana shivered with the intensity of that exhaustion as Di’nay slipped off into a restless slumber.
† † †
Diana woke as painful memories crowded her — memories of Elana. Her body hurt, protesting as she rolled to her side and curled tight. She felt as if she’d been physically beaten. She’d slept too many hours, none of them good; the night had been spent in a cold, black void that had imprisoned both her mind and body.
The trickling echo of the running water inched into Diana’s awareness — a familiar, innocent sound. Memories of home with rain drizzling through gutters and across window panes came to her. She grasped for that elusive serenity. The ache in her body relaxed somewhat. But this fragile composure was an uncertain respite, but one she needed for however few the moments.
Then, startled, Diana realized that Elana was not there. Swiftly she sat up, her gaze sweeping the shadowy interior. The woman’s blanket was neatly spread. Her pack held the dent of her once slumbering head. The fur-lined cloak and blue tunic were tossed over the rock — but the crossbow was gone.
Diana scrambled to her feet, grabbing her sword. Outside, the wind whipped down from the hidden pass above, but the snow had stopped and the narrow trail had been blown clear. The clouds were still gray and gloomy, hovering low.
Diana walked to the edge of the trail and stared into the murky mists below. Visibility was barely ten meters. Icy pins stung her face as the swirling snow was picked up and hurled back again.
Damn. Her chilled fingers flexed and clenched about her sword’s hilt. The sun churned faintly through the mire. It was near mid-day and the blizzard had passed at dawn, judging by the wind-swept trail. Precious hours had been lost.
Abruptly Diana twisted as, scuffling and sliding, Elana descended the embankment above the cavern. Amidst ice and gravel the woman skidded over the last few feet to the trail. Breeches and boots were stained damp. Her skin was flushed dark, and her braided hair was disheveled. She carried her crossbow in one hand, balanced a hoofed animal carcass across her shoulders with another, and had two rodents tied to her hip.
Elana deposited her prey on the more level ground. The hoofed beast was nearly a hundred pounds, Diana guessed. The circular tusks and protruding canine teeth did not look endearing.
“Morning,” Elana offered flatly and disappeared inside. She returned after exchanging her crossbow for knife.
“Almost afternoon,” Diana said gratingly. She pressed the seam closed at her collarbone against the cold.
“We’ll not see it.” Elana tugged the hoofed beast nearer the trail’s edge. “I did not wake you because the storm will return soon — perhaps an hour.”
“We could have been half-way to the Gate by now.”
“There is no shelter between here and the summit,” Elana said firmly, distinctly, as if she were instructing a child. “It is a full day’s hike. We would not make it. We need food, not a death trek.”
“What is that?” Diana pointed at the animal.
“Schefea.”
Diana squinted against the wind and frowned. “They’re poisonous.”
“I intend to eat it, not be attacked by it. May I borrow your sword?”
“I was told their meat is toxic to humans.”
“Only if you don’t gut it properly. The venom is in its digestive track. Your sword?”
“Why?”
“To discard its head.” The knife waved at the grotesquely snarling jaws. “The raw venom is acidic enough to burn bare skin. It is produced in the saliva glands. It is much easier to skin the thing if I do not have to deal with the head.”
Diana stepped nearer, gripping both hands to the hilt. “Where?”
Elana pointed near the top of the neck. With a single, efficient swing that barely drew a spark, Diana severed the muscle and vertebra. Wordlessly Elana kicked the head over the cliff’s side and squatted to dig her knife into the brown hide.
“And those two?”
“Grubbers,” Elana returned without a glance. “They’re relatively harmless root-diggers. But the meat is good roasted.”
“Are we anticipating company or do you expect the storm to last that long?” It was a lot of meat for two people.
“It has the earmarks of a blizzard. We may be here a ten-day.”
Diana glanced skyward as a few fresh snowflakes were thrown about. “In an hour, you say?”
“Yes.”
Diana refused to recognize that it meant seclusion with this woman. Instead she set her mind to their practical needs. “I’ll get my knife.” She didn’t know anything about schefea, but the smaller pair she could manage well enough.
† † †
Elana sighed audibly and sank back into the soothing depths of the steaming pool. The storm had eased for a moment, and Di’nay had marched off with her miniature transmitter. She still had not been able to reach her commander; she needed to try again — weather permitting.
It was more like the pause between inhaling and exhaling than a break in a storming blizzard. But Elana understood Di’nay had needed the distance. All afternoon and evening she had kept busy — first with the skinning, then with the salting — then laundry, bathing, tending weapons, fire and finally roasting their dinner. And all the while the silence had stretched between them in longer and longer intervals. The tension was as tight as a wet leather knot shrunk dry — and as unmalleable.
Elana’s gaze fell to the small box centered in the fire ring. Di’nay had pulled it from her green satchel of tricks when faced with the problem of their dwindling fuel supplies. It was a heating element that was not much larger than a thick slice of bread, but it radiated an amazing amount of heat and light. The wood that was left could be reserved for cooking now.
The small device reminded her of Di’nay’s complexities and she shivered. In spite of the Amazon’s personal discomfort, she had only chosen to use the heating element as a last resort. Her commitment to the
delicate, non-technological balance of Aggar again impressed Elana. But the cultural differences between them were magnified.
No, Di’nay was not being overly conscientious for Commander Baily’s sake. She was escaping.
Mother, ten days? Elana felt daunted by the prospect of spending — wasting — so much time and energy between them. They would begin to hate each other — especially snowbound and in such close quarters. There must be some sort of compromise that they could reach.
She climbed from the pool, brushing the clinging droplets from her skin before damply donning her clothes. All the while, she was wondering exactly what it was that Di’nay was struggling with. She could feel the Amazon’s bitterness as well as her attraction, but the ambivalent faith Di’nay held for her own perceptions was not easily explained by deciphering amarin.
She simply had no answers, Elana admitted wearily as she settled by the fire, uncoiling the braid atop her head to shake her hair loose. Her sensitivity was probably clouding her judgment in this particular instance. Then again, perhaps it was simple… perhaps Di’nay herself did not know what she wanted? Amazons were human, Elana remembered, smiling faintly as her comb attacked her tangles. However seldom she tended to equate that mortal status with Di’nay, it was true. And, in reality, it was that mix of vulnerability and strength that drew her to the woman.
Elana hugged that knowledge inside so that even Di’nay’s sullen return did not perturb her immediately. In many ways, just having the Amazon safe and near — knowing the Mother had granted a respite from the mission — was a gift to be treasured. At least now they had time to deal with the murky conflicts of this friendship.
“Is there any more tea?” Diana asked brusquely, shedding her green cloak. She had not bothered to don clothes over her fieldsuit.
“Certainly.” Elana reached for Di’nay’s cup.
“I can do that!”
Elana gritted her teeth and patiently handed the still-empty cup to her. So much for treasured gifts of togetherness.
Di’nay’s tight-lipped frown reminded Elana of an irritated, pouting child — no, not irritated, Elana corrected, shifting her gaze away from the woman. Injured was a better description — injured and still hurting… “Di’nay — ”
“Yes.”
…and brittle. Elana suppressed a sigh. “Did you reach your people?”
“Thomas is not — ” Diana forced a breath. Things were obviously not getting any better between them. She pinched the bridge of her nose, vaguely hoping to relieve the aching tension in her head. “I beg patience. I have no cause to be angry with you. The answer is no, I did not reach them.”
As the amarin shifted Elana recognized that the silent cry for distance had lessened. There was a tentative desire to mend — to make peace. Elana turned the comb over in her hands, gathering her courage. Come what may, it was time to talk.
Diana glanced at her forcing half a grin, “I do apologize. Should we find a suitable penance for me? Perhaps the dishes for a ten-day?”
Elana moistened her lips. “Perhaps… just talking?”
There was a pause before a guarded, “Certainly. About what?”
“About us.” Elana was acutely attuned to Di’nay’s discomfort. “About what happened — what is happening.”
Diana stared at her tea, thinking absurdly that she hated it lukewarm. “All right. What do you think is happening?”
Elana hesitated, biting her lip. Her blue eyes dropped to the comb again. “I’m not certain. Something changed when… when we were kissing that night.” Her gaze sought Di’nay’s face. She swallowed hard at the drawn, closed expression and the tightly leashed amarin. “We were so close….” Elana felt disbelief ripple through the Amazon, and she abruptly realized something. “I did enjoy your touch, Di’nay.”
For a moment you did, Diana thought begrudgingly.
“But then it — it all came crashing apart again, and I felt… so lost?”
Diana began to tremble, caught somewhere between fear and anger. Blessed Goddess, why couldn’t people just care for people? Why were expectations always so wound up into everything? Her throat ached with the pain she had caused Elana, and she barely managed to say, “As Daughter of Mothers, I beg your forgiveness!”
Elana stiffened, but held silent.
“It has never been my intention to hurt you — ever.” Diana almost choked on the anguish but she forced the words, “It was never my intention to seduce you. I swear it by the Mother’s Hand!”
“Perhaps it should have been.”
Pain turned to bitter irony as Diana said, “Would it have been so easy to follow the Council’s designs? Would you be any more comfortable with me right now?”
“I suggest,” Elana murmured quietly, fearfully, “that we are having problems because you are not comfortable with yourself.”
“Truth.” Diana accepted the blame wholly. “You’ve done nothing wrong.”
Elana’s breath hissed in frustration. “You said that after we kissed! I do not understand it any better now than I did then.” She shook her head, the long curls shimmering forward into a curtain that hid her face. She tried again. “You once said that — for you — making love required caring as well as attraction. I had come to believe that we cared for each other — that we were strong friends?”
“Friendship is different from….” Diana was not sure that it was so very different now.
“You have also said,” Elana continued more firmly, her temper gathering, “that you are not demanding a commitment from anyone until you are home. Or has that changed?” At her pause there was no reply from the woman. She demanded, “At least tell me why we are so ill-suited as lovers, Di’nay? When we both desire the same thing, why is it so forbidden to you?”
The amarin of anguish washed through Di’nay and struck Elana harshly. A torrent of sarcasm and anger came tearing through the pain. Confused — hurt, Elana’s eyes sought the wind-bronzed face.
But the Amazon’s face was a mask of cold stone. “Can we spare enough wood for fresh tea? This stuff’s getting bitter.”
Elana felt her skin tone darken. “Like your temper?”
Diana grabbed the heater, jerking it from the fire ring. She would not be baited!
With a chilly silence Elana dropped the wood beside the Amazon, leaving the woman to start the fire herself. She stalked across the sand to her pack, suddenly — defiantly — dissatisfied with Di’nay’s alien brew. She would drink her own tea!
“Why no answer to my question?” Elana spat bitterly, rummaging savagely through her pack. The sarcasm faded from her voice as she said, “Is there some rite of purification I have not done, Di’nay? Or that you have not? Why is it not just that we want to be together for a while?”
Because I would want you for life! Diana shouted silently. The raging frustration strained her control to its very edges. “Simple! Woman — there is nothing simple about it!”
“Don’t you think I know that!?!!” Elana shrieked, squeezing her eyes shut against the pummeling emotions and struggling to rein in her temper as her skin took on the dark richness of mahogany. “Mother, if it were simple I would not need you to explain it to me — !”
“No!” The stick cracked in Diana’s grasp and pieces flew against the cavern wall, splintering with the force. Diana spun, crouched like a cornered animal. “Leave me alone! Because you’re young and — and feel a bit of something — you think you know me, girl?! You think I want you to?! You? A little Council pawn with a… a reckless sense of duty and — ?”
Elana exploded with fury. Blue flashed and from across the cave she struck — and Diana saw no mere girl or Council pawn. Tall and lithe of limb — strong with a power of soul and body, a woman stood. So still she stood — skin shimmering with health — eyes blazing with defiance — a strong, supple figure of confidence and truth. Here was no child. Here was a woman of ability!
Diana’s head split with the intensity, and a black schism shattered the picture in h
er mind. She reeled down into darkness.
† † †
Diana awoke to the scent of freshly brewed tea. She found herself beneath her blanket. The back of her head felt as if it’d been struck by a rock. Her eyes shut again as she realized what had happened. No wonder the Council had never explained the Blue Sight to the Empire.
But — Mae n’Pour — how Elana must have resented her blindness! Council aside, cultures aside, she deserved more credit than Diana had granted — in all things.
“I beg your patience, Diana n’Athena.”
Diana drew a deep breath, finding her head clearing. She tried sitting up and was pleased as the pain receded altogether. She was feeling more normal by the second.
“Are you all right?” Elana’s whisper was almost inaudible.
She should have known that, Diana thought. Elana sat beside the dying embers of the fire, her arms hugged tightly around her knees. Her shoulders were hunched forward as her long hair hid her face.
“Yes, I am,” Diana returned quietly, thinking those blue eyes must be shut.
A broken gasp caught in Elana’s throat and she bit her lip to stay the tears.
“You owe me no apology,” Diana said. She shifted the blanket aside. “We both lost our tempers. We’ll know better next time.”
There should not have been a first time. Elana buried her eyes against her knees.
Shadows of Aggar (Amazons of Aggar) Page 25
