by Hamrick, R M
“I was still caught up on 'things' when others weren’t. I was amazed at how little they survived with,” Dwyn said as he dropped two Erlenmeyer flasks.
With the fence torn down, Audra and Dwyn gathered all the nearby zombies and placed them in the plaza area to roam around and make inspection difficult. It gave them a chance to speak alone.
“Hey, I want you to understand, I talked with Lars. They liked their jobs. They liked hurting us,” Audra said.
“But did you talk to the one I…”
“These were the same thugs that hit us on I-16. They’ve been doing this for a while. You only did what you had to do,” she said half convincing him and half convincing herself.
Dwyn had done what was necessary. He was always protecting the group. He had shown up at Lysent’s plaza because he recognized their negotiations were too good to be true. Audra knew it too, but she hadn’t discouraged Vesna. She’d cheered her on because it had a chance of benefiting her. Audra felt she had taken advantage of the group. And now Dwyn had to deal with the predicament her choices had caused.
Audra refocused her efforts on destruction. In a particularly brilliant move, Audra staged zombies poking out each building’s windows, just itching to get out. That would create a sense of urgency. No one would want to be around when they broke free. They had fun burning an unused building, too. Anything to distract the coming scouts and themselves.
They minimized the number of temperature-controlled refrigerators and hid them away. If the lookout signaled someone was coming, they would cut the power to them. Audra hoped that the scouts would not scavenge their solar panels, but at least they could not carry them off same-day with the sheer number of zoms in the plaza.
With the place a mess, they packed up their supplies and left. Audra hoped they got the timeline correct and would not be out in the woods for long.
“It feels so sad to leave the place looking like this. It’s like we were never here,” said Satomi.
“That’s the point,” said Ziv gruffly.
The scientists longed for impact like Audra longed for Belinda. It was a worthier cause.
“You were – because I’m here,” said Gordon, leaving the plaza for one of the first few times in several years.
They set up their tents a good distance away from the laboratory, and someone ventured back to keep watch. They used their tents from their travels to the laboratory, and now they had gotten to know each other more and were enjoying the time together in camp. It also left time for the scientists to consider what went wrong with Subject Four. At worst, nothing should have happened. Instead, the antiviral had killed the man. Ziv, who had created most of the process, was more defensive than helpful.
During a quiet moment during dinner, Audra broached their next decision.
“We need a new leader.”
She still was not sure if she meant ‘we’ or ‘you’, but she knew the group would function better with a leading voice. They were all specialized, and someone needed to look up and make sure they were going in the right direction.
Ziv sat up taller. Audra rolled her eyes. He wanted leadership so he could order others into danger and stay out of it himself.
Satomi hesitated but then offered, “I nominate Dwyn. He is fair and doesn’t seem to have a personal agenda.”
Dwyn smiled at Satomi’s compliment. “I fear I don’t have enough experience,” he said glancing at Ryder, “knowledge,” glancing at Satomi and Gordon, “or skill,” glancing at Audra, “to be your leader.”
He continued.
“I nominate Ryder. She was the first person Vesna recruited. She has engineering and science knowledge, and she also has shown great leadership here at the laboratory.”
“I’m just thankful to be along for the ride,” said Gordon munching on his oat bar.
“That should be your election slogan: Take the Ryde,” giggled Satomi.
They all let out a little noise before grief settled upon them again. The lightness seemed to remind them all they were choosing a new leader because theirs had fallen.
“Maybe you should hear what I think before you elect me. I don’t agree with Vesna’s plans. Greenly is murderous and Lysent has to go, but did you see those zombies?”
Audra had never heard that word come from any of the scientists’ mouths. It was always infected, sick, or subjects. Never zombie.
“Those are the infected that Vesna wanted to awaken. Can you imagine their pain? They were in pieces.”
Silence remained over the group. It was true. They were not viable people.
“Yes, it would topple the corporation, but at what cost? I think we should forget the aerosolization project. It’s not working and I don’t think it’s what we want to do. We can talk about it, but none of us seemed as dedicated to that part of the plan as Vesna. We will still honor her, but we need to decide how we will continue our work.”
* * *
Audra was on lookout duty, up high and tucked away, when they came. She heard the crunching and clomping of horses and saw the movement in the woods on the other side of the laboratory. She pushed a button on the remote rigged by Ryder. It stopped the generator from turning on and alerting the riders that electricity still flowed. Audra used another relay device, built by their bored engineer, to alert the campsite crew.
Before the intruders reached the plaza fence, Dwyn had crawled up next to Audra. He did not want to wait at the campsite for news. They watched the two on horseback circle the plaza, gathering three or four zombies behind them. One horse kicked at a zom that got close to its rear. The commotion attracted more. Audra smiled. The more zombies they gathered, the more rushed their inspection would be. One rider gave the other his reins, and as they passed near a tree, the rider jumped off, out of sight. The zombies continued their path of following the horses. Dwyn gave her a little jab with his elbow, expressing that he was impressed with their moves. She was, too.
Once the tiny herd turned the corner, the dismounted rider approached the downed fence and stepped inside. Audra stifled a giggle as the man encountered a zom behind every door he opened. The man glanced into the laboratory and saw smashed flasks and things upturned. Another building was burned out. The man spent all of five minutes there before hightailing it out of the plaza with two zombies chasing him. He escaped when they got caught in the fence opening and tore at each other. At the sound of his whistle, his partner sped up in his lap around the plaza to meet him with his horse. The rider had lost all but one zombie. Audra was not even sure how. The man mounted up, and they left the way they had come.
Dwyn squeezed Audra’s hand in celebration. Audra looked over with a warm smile before realizing they were sharing the same space. No longer in lookout mode, she could sense the warmth radiating off his body. Their faces close, Audra could see the curls of his hair sticking to his forehead.
Audra rolled out and left to notify the others.
* * *
“I knew Vesna before… all of this happened.”
Ziv stood next to Vesna’s memorial while everyone exchanged glances. Ziv always seemed so detached or at least reserved. It surprised them that he was speaking of her.
“Her husband, he got me this job at the laboratory, just a few weeks before all this happened.
“After, I didn’t have much in terms of family around here, so Vesna took me in. She let me be a part of this. And even though I don’t always agree with the way you all do things, I wish I could have given more to her. And I will stay here and find the courage to fight because she believed in me… in all of us.”
With quiet tears, the rest shared their piece. And when there were no words left, the scientists returned to their laboratory and their work, leaving Audra and Dwyn in place. Dwyn gave her a light touch on the arm which seemed more for him than her. Despite having access to an antiviral, death seemed closer to them than ever before. He needed to know and touch life, to make sure it still existed. Audra did not respond. She did not want the touch
to lead to a hug, to being wrapped in his arms. There was only one she was obliged to - and she was so far away.
The group was safe and doing well. She was proud of their pivot concerning the aerosolization. Audra’s stubbornness and determination had sided with Vesna’s direct confrontations, but she had seen where that had led them. And her desires isolated her from the others, no matter how much she cared for them. As her foot tapped the ground, her knife in its holster weighed heavy. It had been there for years, years she had been working for Lysent just like Lars. She needed to stop helping Lysent and instead, take care of her own.
That was what Vesna had done, even when her own took off with antivirals. The death hung close to Audra like a heavy tapestry she was trying to hold up. She was not sure how to help the group and help her sister. She needed to choose.
Dwyn was still at her side.
“You’re thinking about leaving, aren’t you?”
Audra wanted to say no. In truth, she wasn’t sure, but in action, she had hidden her pack in the woods before the ceremony.
“I need to know she’s alive, Dwyn.”
Audra could not be sure of Rosie’s words.
“And, I have to get her out of there by myself,” she continued.
“Don’t you understand that you are a part of this group? We can all work together to save your sister. You don’t need to do it alone.”
He was trying to persuade, but it confirmed her ideas. He was right. She was a part of this group. But she had one last thing to do, and it pressed on her heart.
“You can’t help. None of you can,” she said.
She marched to her bag and slung it onto her back before breaking into a jog. She could hear the thuds of Dwyn’s feet on the ground, following her. For once, he caught her. He touched her arm, and she pulled away. He grabbed it more forcibly.
“Just stop, Audra!”
She punched him in the face. Hard.
“What the hell!” he said and then noticed that the girl was already in tears.
“I can’t let you. I can’t bring more thugs here. I can’t risk you all - you’re doing something good. And I’m - I’m doing something worthless but at great cost.”
Dwyn’s face screwed in confusion.
It was time to confess. It was time to give it up.
“She doesn’t want to be saved… she never did,” she spat out, remembering the last words.
Audra reached into the side pocket of her bag and handed Dwyn the ever-accessible letter. It had been in her pocket when Lars attacked months ago. She still had it to remind her, a letter her sister had written years ago. She walked off, disgusted that she would risk his life, Vesna’s life, the scientists’ lives for hers.
Audra,
I cannot do this anymore. I cannot walk around the woods, surrounded by the dead, hoping not to join their ranks. I cannot continue to rely on you, slow you down, and make you stumble. I do not want you to save me. I never did.
Take my supplies. I will not need them.
The falls are not far. Do you remember how much fun we had there? How our family was together? Laughing. Enjoying. Living.
Do not go there. I will be there, hanging from the uppermost bridge.
I want to spend my last moments where I have wanted to spend all my moments.
With love,
Belinda
With every rescue, Belinda had grown colder, angrier, and less grateful. Audra had believed if she took care of her a little longer, saved her another time, Belinda would get a handle on it and thrive. She just needed more time than others.
Dwyn read it over and for the second time, caught up with her.
“But, she got bit?” he asked, confused.
“She either got bit on the way there, got lost, or decided against hanging herself. She tied herself to a tree, not realizing there would be a cure. That she was not ending the burden, but increasing it with her infection.
“I just wanted her to be happy.”
“Sounds like she couldn’t be. And that’s not your fault. That was never your fault.”
The words cut into Audra. She had dared to repeat similar words to herself once or twice, but he spoke them with such certainty. For a years-old happenstance, it stung like a raw hurt. She retrieved the worn letter from his hand.
“I should have seen it coming. I protected her from death every day. We were surrounded by it and I didn’t see it in her eyes. Death got to her anyway.
“Death is everywhere. I wanted to take this back from it. I will not let it keep taking from me.
“Vesna is gone! But YOU, YOU will stay safe! Satomi will stay safe. Ryder will stay safe. Because I’m leaving to finish this. You can’t help me with this one. I need to do it on my own.”
Audra took off on a run again. Dwyn tried to keep pace, but even without a pack, he could not keep up for the third time. He let her go.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
She saw it up ahead.
A glimmer of blue.
Not from the sky, but at eye level.
Audra drew closer, afraid of what she might see.
Blue flannel.
Her sister’s shirt.
And there was her sister.
Her face washed and her lips stained with berries. Belinda’s effort toward beauty was her signature, one lost at the end of the world. No one had time for beauty, art, or music over shelter, food, and survival. Well, that was not true. Belinda had time for them. Her blond hair was always combed and straight, occasionally oily when water was scarce. She whittled her figurines - robins and blue jays, a squirrel with a fluffy tail, once a whale with a waterspout. And when Belinda was not fearful, angry, or sad, she hummed throughout the campsite.
Her eyes were no longer blue.
They were gray.
Her skin was soft.
But it was gray.
Audra touched her skin and looked into her eyes and saw hauntingly nothing.
Belinda opened her mouth and reached toward Audra. And for a moment, Audra considered letting her.
She was all her sister had. And her sister was all she had. She had nothing now, but a broken promise to her mother. She dismissed her father’s voice settling in the back of her mind. Belinda did not deserve this, no matter what her father said.
With a firm but gentle touch to not bruise her, Audra held each of Belinda’s arms against her sides. She locked her elbows to keep distance. Belinda struggled a bit against her captor but remained calm. In these transformative hours, did Belinda still have some cognition to her? Would she be able to understand anything Audra was doing or saying?
“I’m sorry,” Audra whispered.
Audra noticed Belinda’s rope tied around her waist and looped around the thin pine they were standing underneath. Belinda had taken the time to restrain herself so she could not hurt others. With the rope secure, Audra backed off. Belinda remained calm, but still opened her jaw whenever her sister dared to move. Her groans frightened Audra. She hid behind another pine tree, her back against it. Audra stared into the woods. What was she going to do?
* * *
An unexpected visceral response accompanied her proximity to the Lysent plaza. The last time she was here Vesna was murdered, and Belinda almost died. At least, Audra was told she had escaped death. She had to be sure. A deep inhale and exhale lowered Audra’s stressed shoulders away from her ears. She stepped onto company property.
“Hi Rosie,” said Audra presenting herself to the receptionist.
“Audra!”
Rosie's eyes welled up and a smile Audra recognized from her mother warmed the woman's face. Audra knew it was true then. Rosie had saved Belinda from her stupidity and naivety. Audra opened her mouth to thank her but found no words.
“It’s good to see you. You know we’re under a six-month ban, right? You’re often out for a while. I wasn't sure if you heard the news.”
“Yes, I found out when I got back in town. Nasty business going on with a villager, right? I’d like
to visit my sister, let her know it will be awhile longer before I earn enough.”
Rosie smiled graciously and shuffled through paperwork. No one seemed perturbed by Audra’s presence. They must not have known the identity of Vesna’s companion.
“Just give me an hour to set it up. There aren’t a lot of visits today.”
Audra was escorted into a room like so many times before. She would sit on the pristine white pine chair and watch her sister until they asked her to leave. She had watched her for years, but now she understood. She was in pain, on fire, trapped in that body.
Belinda moved to the acrylic glass at the sight of her sister. Audra lured her out of sight of the door, to a section of acrylic with air holes drilled near the bottom.
“I’m sorry,” she said for the millionth time.
It didn’t begin to cover it, but she said it anyway.
She pulled out a syringe that Satomi had synthesized for this moment. Audra had made her promise to not tell anybody although she was sure she had told Ryder. Audra lay on her stomach and reached the syringe through the air hole, seeking the space between Belinda’s toes. She injected slowly as to not excite Belinda and so it would not bruise. Belinda did not react at all. Her physical sensation seemed dulled by her illness and isolation.
Audra stood up and put her hand against the glass and apologized once more to her sister. She wished her sister would match her hand. She would soon if all went well, but for now, her gray eyes remained lost. Audra knocked on the door. Clyde came by and escorted her out.
“She was looking a little sallow. Could you have her checked out?”
“Of course, for a fee… since she’s not scheduled for a checkup. We’ll have Rosie set it up,” he said.
“Thanks, and of course. It’s like us going to the doctor… costs money.”
“Yes, ma’am. There’s Rosie. Enjoy your day.”
“I’ll come by tomorrow. I’m sure it’s nothing, just want to be sure.”
