Finding Somewhere to Belong

by C. C. Masters

  Detective Myrtle gave me a brief nod and went back to writing in the notebook.

  “Detective Finn, I’m guessing that since there are two police detectives standing in front of Evelyn’s house...” My voice cracked, and I paused to take another deep, calming breath. Then I managed to continue. “...that something…bad has happened.” I tried to keep my composure, but my heart was pounding and a deep sense of dread was slowly filling me.

  Detective Finn gave me a brief evaluating look. “Miss Heights was found this morning by her neighbor, who was picking her up for church. The circumstances are under investigation at this time, but I can tell you that she has passed.”

  I stared at him in horror and disbelief.

  Detective Finn had to have caught on to the storm of emotions that were raging inside of me. He gave me what I guess was supposed to be a comforting smile, but it came out as almost a grimace. “I know that this is difficult, but I am going to need to take down your info and have you come down to the station for a statement. I’m sure that as a friend of Miss Heights, you want to do everything you can to help with the investigation…”

  His voice started to fade into just an indistinct blur, and a sense of numbness settled over me. His partner stepped in, and I robotically gave him my information as he wrote it down in the book.

  “You live in Port Idris? Isn’t that a bit of a drive?” His question drew me out of my daze as I tried to process his words.

  “I’m staying in Seaside this weekend, housesitting so I can take care of my friend’s dogs while she is out of town,” I mumbled.

  Detective Finn’s eyes snapped to mine immediately. “What kind of dogs?”

  I blinked, confused for a second as to why he would ask that. “Shih Tzus?” I replied, a question in my voice.

  He seemed almost disappointed. “Those are small dogs, right?.”

  “Yes.” I frowned. “They are about eight pounds now but will probably be fourteen or so when they are full grown.”

  He lost interest again. Strange, why would…suddenly, it hit me. He was questioning me about dogs, but should he instead be asking about wolves? My heart started pounding again, panic chasing away the numbness.

  His voice had faded out as I was consumed by my thoughts, but I tuned back in when he reached towards me to hand me a business card. “…give you a call when we need you to come in.” They both nodded at me and turned back to the front door. I could tell that I had been dismissed.

  Another man in a full-on hazmat suite opened the front door. Both detectives stood up straight, giving him their full attention, and the three of them started to murmur quietly.

  I started to back away, still in panic mode. Why would he need to be wearing a hazmat suit? I was horrified, and a small part of me thought that if I could just get out of here, this would all just go away. I could drive back down the street and come back to Evelyn’s house again. This time, she would be waiting me at the front door with a smile.

  I almost bumped into a uniformed officer coming up the driveway. “If the detectives have your info, you are free to go,” he told me sternly. The three men in the doorway stopped their murmured conversation, remembering that I was there. They watched me head back down the driveway to my car before continuing their conversation and then going back into the house.

  I climbed in the car and sat with my head pressed on the steering wheel. I tried to slow my breathing and get control of all the emotions running through my head. But maybe it wasn’t her? They could have made a mistake. If there were wolves involved…I swallowed, not wanting to create any mental imagery, but hope slowly started to fill my heart. Maybe…

  I sharp knock on my window brought my head up immediately. Mrs. Peterson waved at me. I got out of the car and leaned on the car door to support my shaking legs.

  Mrs. Peterson reached out for my hand. “Isn’t it so sad? I couldn’t believe it! I will never get the image of poor Mrs. Heights just lying there…”

  “So, it was her?” I sharply interjected.

  She looked at me with pity. “That’s right, dear, I forgot you were so close to her. It was definitely her.” She leaned in closer to me. “There are all kinds of rumors going around, though.”

  I looked at her in disbelief for a moment. If she had come to pick Evelyn up for church, it would have been only hours ago that she was found. Why is there gossip about this already?

  Wait, I should know better. I grew up in a small town, so I know how petty and callous people can be when it comes to gossip. I had always thought of Mrs. Peterson as one of the good ones, though. Not a gossipmonger. She had 3 boys, was a working mom and drove a minivan carpool to soccer practices for the team.

  I guess I took too long to provide any additional rumors or gossip for her to spread around, because she straightened back up and sniffed. “I guess we should leave all that up to the police.”

  “Yeah…” I responded as my mind ground through the facts that I had. She turned away and started to head up the street, where a small group of neighbors were straining their necks to see what was going on at Evelyn’s house.

  “Mrs. Peterson!” I called out.

  She turned halfway towards me reluctantly. Obviously, her heart was set on a more captive audience.

  “When you found her, was she…I mean, do you think she suffered?” My voice cracked on the last word, and tears threatened to overwhelm the brief sense of calm that I managed to find.

  Mrs. Peterson looked uncomfortable for a moment. “Well, I’m not sure I should say.”

  She looked at me sympathetically. “I know she is in a better place now, dear. Whatever she went through in the past, I know she is happy now.” Mrs. Peterson turned back and hurried toward the group of neighbors who were now awaiting her arrival with rapt interest, no doubt to see if she had managed to get any more details out of me.

  I got back in my car. I could not even catalogue all the emotions I was feeling right now. Guilt for not being there when she needed me, for not being able to protect her. Grief that I would never see her smile again. Angry that someone had taken her from me. Embarrassed at how selfish that I was for thinking of myself. What had she gone through? What was she thinking in her last moments? Sadness. Was she with her daughter now?

  My mind went back to “the talk” we had eight years ago. Had she moved on, or was she hanging around as a spirit, waiting to see if I would follow her directions? She had wanted me to just run and not look back if something like this happened.

  I didn’t want to run. I wanted to find who was responsible for this and rip them apart. If I was honest with myself, I wanted to find who was responsible for making her life miserable, for causing the death of her daughter, for making her run and live her life in fear.

  I needed to do something other than sit here wallowing in my emotions. I couldn’t help Evelyn while she was alive, but I really had nothing left to lose now that she was gone. First things first, I needed to figure out who did this and if they were going to come after me next.

  I needed to plan and be smart about this. If wolves were involved, I needed to get into the house to smell the crime scene. If I was in wolf form, I would be able to smell if there had been wolves there and I could catalogue their scents for later. If I ever came across those wolves again, I would know them by their scents.

  I started up the car with a purpose. I needed to get into the house after the police are done but before they finished cleaning up any trace of what happened. My resolve started to slip and my horror at picturing what it was that happened caused nausea to come back up. I pushed away the images and tried to focus on my plan.

  I checked the clock. Kelsey would be back in a couple hours. I had time to get back to her house, pack up the rest of my weekend stuff in my car and then take the pups out to the beach for a little while until she got back. They had just gotten a bath, but I needed to do something other than just sit and wait.

  Chapter 2

  While waiting for Kelsey, I ac
complished everything on my list, plus I had also cooked her favorite dinner: chicken marsala. I had figured that I should keep moving and working on things to keep my mind busy for now, at least until I had time to be alone and process everything. Deep down, I wondered if this was me trying to stay in denial of what had happened.

  I was just putting the final touches on my culinary masterpiece when I heard the front door open and close. Kelsey was home, her heels clicked down the hallway as she headed to the kitchen.

  “Anna, OMG, that smells divine.” Kelsey came into the kitchen, striding along in her super high heels and cute little dress. Kelsey was blonde like me, but that’s where the similarities ended. Where I was tall, she was petite. She was a size 0 to my size 8. She was heart stoppingly gorgeous, always perfectly made up and dressed up; I was the girl in jeans and a messy ponytail.

  Being around her always made me even more self-conscious about myself. I was usually uncomfortable with my height being 5’10,” but towering over her made it even worse. I was tall even in grade school – taller than all the boys, so they had taken to calling me a “gorilla” or “big bird,” and that’s how I have thought of myself ever since. A big, hulking gorilla.

  I had confided that in Kelsey once after we had quite a few drinks, and she looked at me in surprise before looking me up and down. “I guess I have always wanted to be taller.” She paused and then looked again. “But I wouldn’t want everything to be proportionally bigger, you know, like, I would still want to have slim thighs and everything.” That had not make me feel better about myself.

  I did yoga and ran daily, so I was fit and in shape, but I was more curvy than slender. On my good days, I tried to reassure myself by saying I was more Kate Upton than Kate Moss. When Kate Upton had first started out, everyone told her she was too fat to be in the business, but look at her now. On my bad days, I couldn’t even convince myself of that.

  Kelsey smiled and happily got a couple of plates out of her cupboard. “Kitchen or dining room?”

  “Actually, Kels, I can’t stay.”

  Kelsey pouted her perfect lips. “Annnaaaaa, I need you to catch me up on everything since I’ve been gone.”

  I rolled my eyes. “The puppies and I ate, went on walks, and slept. Consider yourself caught up.”

  “Oh, fine. What I wanted to say was that I want to tell you all about my weekend. I have pics!” She excitedly slid into one of the counter stools and scrolled through her phone. “Gregor is just so amazing,” she gushed. “I can’t believe I just spent the weekend on his yacht.”

  I was happy for Kelsey, but I really could not keep the fake smile plastered on my face for much longer; I was barely holding myself together. I needed to get out of here and be alone.

  “Kels, I really gotta go,” I stated as I picked up my bag. “Enjoy the dinner, the puppies are sound asleep in their kennel.” She looked surprised for a second, then frowned.

  She cocked her head at me and tapped her fingers on the counter, setting down her phone.

  Her eyes narrowed. “C’mon Anna, I know you don’t have anywhere to be. It’s not like you have a social life outside of hanging around me and my friends.” She stood up and came towards me. “Why are you being so selfish right now when I told you I want to talk to you?” she asked callously.

  And this was mean Kelsey. Mean Kelsey made appearances regularly when she didn’t get her way, but as her trusty sidekick, I was usually not on the receiving end of her bitchiness.

  I felt a flash of irritation at her reaction to me wanting to leave. I’m being selfish? I was not in the mood for a confrontation tonight, and I could not handle talking about Evelyn right now. Kelsey’s strong points did not include being emotionally supportive. I didn’t know what else to do, so I just sighed and stepped around her. “Bye, Kels.”

  “Fine, you can just forget about the party on Friday.” The intensity of her viciousness stopped me mid-stride. I looked back at her for a second to see pure rage on her face. She picked up the pan of chicken marsala, stepped over to the trash can and dumped it. She looked me in the eyes the entire time. Hurt bubbled up inside me, and a part of me felt betrayed. After all that happened earlier today, my only friend had turned against me.

  I pushed away the feeling; this was just how she reacted when she felt she had been slighted. About a year ago, I canceled my plans with her to go out on a date with a guy I had a crush on. I was so excited, as I almost never date, usually because when I am standing next to Kelsey, I am completely invisible to men, but also because of the trust issues I had.

  It was difficult for me to open up and trust this guy enough to say yes to a date. Kelsey was not at all impressed that I had forced myself to step out of my comfort zone and try to live life like a normal twenty-something-year-old woman.

  Not only was Kelsey not happy for me, she was very vocal about me ‘abandoning’ her for some guy who didn’t even like me. She then made a point to sleep with the guy a few days later. I guess she proved her point that he didn’t really like me after all.

  I was devastated at the time. I had reached out to someone and attempted to leave my safe bubble of isolation, and it had ended in disaster. But afterwards, I figured I should be grateful to Kelsey. I mean, she saved me from dating that guy and getting attached to him. If I had fallen for him and then had my heart broken, things could have been much more difficult for me.

  I had not told Evelyn the whole story, but I did tell her I went on a date and would not be seeing the guy again. She looked sad but said, “It’s for the best. You really shouldn’t be going out and meeting strange men. What if you ran into another wolf?”

  She was right, of course. I scolded myself for believing I could pretend to be a normal girl and resigned myself to being single for life.

  I hunched my shoulders forward as I passed through Kelsey’s front door and quietly closed it behind me. I tried my best to clear my mind on the drive home, but I was a mess of emotions. I felt guilty about leaving Kelsey; she might react in a harsh manner, but deep down it was just because she was hurt. She had not had the greatest childhood either, but her defense mechanism was going on the offensive before anyone had the chance to hurt her.

  Kelsey and I had become friends our freshman year in college. We had been randomly placed together as roommates and had bonded quickly even though our personalities were opposites. I was quiet, shy, and awkward. Kelsey was outgoing, fun, and outspoken. I liked to stay in and study, she liked to go out and party. I helped make her a little more responsible, and she helped make me a little more adventurous. We had struggled on occasion because we communicated differently and sometimes things didn’t quite translate. That was why I wasn’t too worried about tonight; we would work things out like we always did.

  As it was not yet dark by the time I got home, I figured I would go for a run and blow off some steam so I would be calmer for tonight’s secret mission. I had thought about staying in Seaside, as it was a 45 min drive home and then another 45min back, but I realized that I probably needed dark clothes to sneak into the house unseen. The drive helped to keep me focused on something other than my volatile emotions that swirled just below the surface.

  After my run, I showered and put my pale blond hair into a tight bun so none of the strands could escape. I headed to my closet to evaluate if any of the contents would be suitable for a nighttime reconnaissance mission. Black yoga pants were a yes; stretchy would help me move fast and comfortably.

  I looked at the rest of my selection of black in disappointment. A black tank top would work, but it would leave too much of my pale skin exposed. A black dress was also a no, for obvious reasons. My only black blouse was a no. I did have a black hoodie, but it had bright graphics, and with my luck they would glow in the dark.

  I pulled on the yoga pants and black tank and decided to stop at the store for a black hoodie and hat. A black ski mask would scream burglar, so if anyone did stop me, I would have absolutely no reasonable explanation. Maybe I cou
ld find a black ball cap? I pulled on some sneakers so I could use the “out late for a run on the beach” excuse if I were stopped.

  After a successful stop at the store for my black clothing items, I slowly drove past Evelyn’s house to see if the coast was clear. Unfortunately, I saw the Peterson’s light still on; it looked like they were all in the living room with a direct line of sight to Evelyn’s house. I sighed; I would have to have to wait for them to go to bed first before I could do any late-night snooping.

  I drove around the block slowly while I considered my options. In all honesty, my plan was highly dependent on me being able to shift into a wolf, quickly get the scents I needed, investigate what I could, then shift back and leave. Now that I was here for it, I was doubtful about my ability to carry out this plan.

  Could I sneak into the house unseen? Yes. Could I change in to a wolf so I could investigate? Yes. Could I quickly get the scents and conduct a short investigation before changing back into a human and sneaking back out of the house unseen? Hmmm, probably not.

  I liked to think that I had control over my wolf, and in a way I do. I don’t shift accidentally, but it is difficult for me to control my wolf once I let her out. Once I change into my wolf tonight, she is going to want to run free and get out all her pent-up energy before she does anything that human-me wants her to do.

  And I was not sure I could convince her to change back into a human quickly. That is going to be a very difficult challenge. I was kind of banking on the extreme importance of the mission to hold her to task, but I wasn’t quite sure I could do it.

  There was a state park not too far from where I was now. I had initially identified the park as a possible place to let my wolf out when I first moved here but had crossed it off the list when I realized how close the nearby campground was. I was worried about campers going on late night explorations and running into my wolf. I wasn’t worried about my wolf hurting anyone, but I did worry about being spotted and making it on the news.