Finding Somewhere to Belong

by C. C. Masters

“No, I don’t think I can. I didn’t realize how much of life I was missing out on. When I look at going back to my life the way it was before it just seems…empty.”

  Caleb nodded. “I felt the same. I had always been on my own and had always felt like an outsider. Then Austin let me into the pack on a trial basis and my life changed. I suddenly had other people to support me and care about me. If I didn’t leave my room for a day, I had someone knocking and asking if I was okay or bringing me food.”

  He smiled at me. “You might not realize it, but you fit in here.”

  “I don’t feel like I have anything to offer,” I told him sadly.

  “You’re the heart. You bring us all together and turn us from a group of guys doing the best they can into a family.” He smiled at me.

  “I don’t know,” I said hesitantly. “You guys already seem like a family without me.”

  “Do you think any of us would have insisted on ‘family dinners’? But I think that was something that all of us craved deep down. We all want to belong and be part of something larger than ourselves.”

  Caleb was smart. I wondered if he were right. Could I contribute something valuable to the pack?

  “What about pack meetings? Don’t you guys have male bonding time?”

  He laughed no. “It’s more like a cross between a business meeting and, hmmm, what do you call it in the Navy?”

  “Quarters?”

  “Yes!”

  I was suddenly struck by an idea. “How would Austin feel about a weekend BBQ, with the whole pack invited? Not like a ‘mandatory fun day’; just a casual ‘if you are free, you should come by’.”

  “I think that’s an awesome idea,” Caleb told me encouragingly. “I know a lot of guys would come because they want to meet you.”

  I was starting to get more excited. “We could make it like a pot luck. We could have guys bring meat they want to grill or chips or drinks and just hang out here in the house or around the pool.” I took a moment to envision that and had a smile creep over my face.

  Caleb also had a warm smile. “I think Austin would like that. I think he wants the pack to be more like a family but doesn’t know how to get the guys to buy into that. We have a lot of wolves that were once lone wolves and are nervous about gatherings.”

  “Aren’t lone wolves joining a pack rare?” I asked curiously.

  Caleb nodded. “Yeah, Austin takes it on a case-by-case basis.”

  He hesitated. “Have you met Alex and Tony?”

  “Yeah, what’s their story?” I asked him. I was curious, Alex and Tony had both helped with the medical treatment I had given to Robbie, and they both seemed like good guys. Austin had also mentioned that they had spoken well about me to other pack members, so it seemed like they liked me, too.

  Caleb cleared his throat and looked down at his empty plate. “Tony had Alex with a human woman.”

  My jaw dropped. Alex was only half-wolf?

  He was just like Evelyn, with one foot in both worlds.

  Caleb continued. “The pack-master wanted Alex put out of the pack when it became obvious he would never change into a wolf. Tony refused, he took his wife and son and left the pack.”

  “Oh, wow. That must have been really hard for them.”

  Caleb sat his soup bowl on top of his plate and reached out for both of mine. “The pack-master didn’t take it well. He retaliated by killing Tony’s wife.”

  I was horrified. “That’s awful!”

  Caleb looked sad. “Tony and Alex have been on their own for the last ten years. They were reluctant to be a part of a pack, but Austin promised Alex a safe place to live. I think Tony only agreed because he was tired of hiding and worried he couldn’t protect Alex on his own.”

  My heart warmed, thinking of how Austin was giving good people fresh starts. “I like Alex and Tony. I’m glad they are here,” I told Caleb.

  Caleb smiled back at me and then stood to take our dishes to the sink. “Me, too. Alex is a cool kid. He wants to go to school to be a nurse.”

  “That’s awesome!”

  “Yeah, Austin offered to pay his tuition if he gets into nursing school and keeps his GPA up. He does the same for the twins when their GI Bill doesn’t cover everything.”

  I was surprised. Austin seemed like he really went above and beyond what the usual pack-master did to take care of his pack.

  “How did Austin meet the twins?” I asked curiously. There was so much that I did not know about them, and I really wanted to know their story.

  “They came with Cody,” Caleb told me. “Cody was in the Marines with their father; they were like brothers. Cody and Mark spent most of their time together on deployments in Iraq and Afghanistan. Mark had no idea what the twin’s mother was doing to them.”

  “Wow.”

  “Yeah,” Caleb responded.

  “So, where is their father?”

  “He committed suicide. He came back from Afghanistan pretty messed up. He found out his wife had been sleeping with their pack-master and other males in the pack the entire time they were married. She told him the twins weren’t his and that she wanted him out of the house and out of the pack.”

  “Oh my god. I can’t imagine.” No wonder the twins had issues with trusting females.

  Caleb nodded empathetically. “It was just too much for him. He shot himself.”

  “Shit.” I stared down at my plate.

  “Yeah.” Caleb sighed heavily. “They were lucky Cody took them in.”

  “So how did Cody get the twins?” I asked nosily.

  “They were angry with their mother and tried to run away. Their mom wouldn’t take them back, so Cody kept the twins with him when he could and got out of the military to take care of them. They joined the Marines once they were old enough to escape the pack. Austin recruited Cody, but Cody made the twins a package deal.” Caleb cleared his throat uneasily. He probably didn’t like telling other people’s secrets.

  “The twins just got out of the Marines a year and a half ago when they were offered different assignments for their next duty stations. They did not want to be separated.” I could understand that. They definitely had separation issues and were never far apart.

  “How did they manage to stay together in the first place?” I asked inquisitively. I had always assumed that the military sent you where they wanted you, regardless of where you want to go.

  “The Marines offer a ‘buddy program’. You can join up with someone, and they guarantee that you will go to basic training and your first duty station together. After that, there are no guarantees.”

  “I noticed they don’t like to be separated.”

  Caleb nodded. “Yeah, I’ve never even seen them agree to sit separately until you came along. They put you right in the middle of both of them. All of us were shocked. I think having you here has been good for them. They’ve never had interest in getting attached to anyone but each other before.”

  “I wonder why?”

  “You’re very sweet, and I think it appeals to them to have someone who needs them as much as they need her.”

  I couldn’t argue, I did need them. But I didn’t see how they would need me. “That’s why Austin has been okay with them staying close to me?”

  “Yeah, I think he and Cody have been really glad that you have been keeping their trouble-making and shenanigans to a minimum. They are dangerous when they get bored.”

  “Well, they are Marines.”

  Caleb laughed in appreciation. “I could tell you some stories about Marines…”

  Caleb and I traded funny stories for a while. I told him how the different branches of military had been explained to me when I first started working for the Navy.

  “When the Navy hears the phrase ‘secure the building’, they turn off the lights and go home; the Marines kill everything inside and set up a base for their operations; the Air Force takes out a five-year lease with the option to buy.”

  Caleb laughed. “I haven’t heard it
explained that way before, but it’s sounds accurate to me,” he joked.

  Caleb glanced down at his phone in regret. “I’m having so much fun, I hate to say this, but I do need to get back to work.”

  I glanced at the time; we had spent almost two hours together. “Hey, before you go, can I ask you something as the communications expert?”

  I could see him wavering. “What do you need?”

  “Can you hook me up with everyone’s number?”

  He laughed. “I can definitely do that.”

  He forwarded his contacts for Austin, Cody, the twins, James, and himself. I also asked him for the group message he had for the pack as a whole. I was going to check with Austin first, but I thought it would be a good idea for me to contact the pack for a weekend BBQ.

  I wanted to make it clear to everyone that I wanted to get to know them all. I thought that offering them beer and grilled meat would make a good first impression.

  Caleb was back upstairs, and I was trying to organize all the new contacts in my phone when I heard Cody yell out, “Yo, anybody here?”

  I jumped up and skipped to the front door. “Cody!” I said brightly.

  “Hey, Anna.” He grinned happily at me. “These must be the puppies,” he said. He leaned down to give each of their heads a scratch.

  “I missed you at dinner last night.”

  “Me, too. Sorry I had to miss it.”

  “No worries. The twins are already jealous that I told them I was making you brownies tonight.”

  He laughed.

  “You do like brownies?” I asked cautiously.

  “Oh, yes. I especially like to eat my brownies in front of the twins and tell them how delicious they are.”

  “I told them you would probably share if they were nice,” I teased him.

  “We’ll see.” He winked. He walked to the fridge and stared into it for a moment before grabbing a bottle of water.

  “The guys delivering the table just called and said they will be here in the next thirty minutes. I wanted to be here to inspect it.”

  “I’m so excited!” I told him. “Austin said there would be space for us to have family dinners inside now.”

  He chuckled. “I heard about the family dinners.”

  “Are you not a fan?” I asked worriedly, taking a seat at the counter with my own bottle of water.

  “I am. I just haven’t gotten to go to one yet,” he sulked jokingly.

  I grinned happily, glad that Cody was going to play along with the family dinners. “I’m sorry. As a consolation prize, you can pick what we have for dinner tonight.”

  “Oh, man. I need to think about this.” He took a seat at the counter, deep in thought.

  I tried not to giggle at how serious he was taking this. “I can give you options, based on what I have here.”

  “Okay.” He focused on me, waiting to hear his choices.

  I listed what we had and gave some suggestions.

  “You know, ever since I moved here, I’ve become a big fan of southern comfort food,” Cody told me contemplatively.

  “Ah, I think I have some attractive options I can offer you,” I joked.

  Cody gave me a suggestive grin. “I’m sure you can.”

  I blushed but kept focus on the food. “Bacon mac and cheese, chili, cornbread and brownies for dessert?”

  “Girl, add some fried chicken, and I will be yours forever.”

  “Deal, but can you handle both fried chicken and chili?” I asked flippantly.

  He nodded seriously. “Yes. Without a doubt.” He paused. “I don’t want to miss an opportunity to taunt the twins, but how do you feel about apple pie instead of brownies.”

  I smiled. “Lucky for you, I have vanilla ice cream on hand for such an occasion.”

  He groaned. “I am definitely in love with you now.”

  I giggled. “The feeling might be mutual when I see this table you have promised me.” I was surprised at how easily I could flirt back with him.

  The doorbell rang in time to save me from further flirting. It was the furniture delivery team. Cody had them bring in a large table and had them set it up with the optional leaves for more room.

  I sighed with pleasure when I saw it set up with plenty of room for everyone. Thanksgiving was still several weeks away, but I had some ideas of what I wanted to do. Hopefully, Austin was agreeable to letting me plan a Thanksgiving dinner here.

  I started to get excited. And Christmas? I bet the twins would go along with me planning a real Christmas. When I was growing up, my uncle and his wife would have Christmas every year. I would be assigned to cook breakfast while they all opened their presents for each other. They would all laugh and take pictures of each other opening presents while I looked on from the kitchen.

  My uncle would be in one of his good moods. Christmas meant he could show off on how generous he was. He would make sure his wife got their kids all kinds of presents so they could post the pictures on social media and pretend they were a perfect family.

  I used to dream about being in a family who I could have a real Christmas with. I know the twins would cooperate with me, and probably Cody. Austin would probably agree; maybe he would even let me decorate the house for the pack!

  I was ready to start dancing around the house in joy at the thought, but I had to force myself to calm down. I didn’t know what the pack did for the holidays; maybe they all went elsewhere to celebrate with their families back home?

  They were from all parts of the country. Would Cody bring the twins with him wherever he went to spend the holidays? My heart started to sink when I thought of spending the holidays here alone. This would be the first year without Evelyn.

  Cody walked over as I tried to push back my tears.

  “Is it that bad?” he asked me with concern.

  “No!” I said adamantly. “It’s that awesome. I was just thinking about the holidays…”

  “Oh, yeah.” Cody reached an arm around my shoulder and squeezed. I tried to relax. I was starting to be okay with the twins touching me, but Cody was still new to me.

  Luckily, Cody didn’t seem to notice my discomfort, lost in his thoughts. “Austin will probably go all out for this year’s holidays. Our pack is pretty much complete, now that we have you.” He smiled at me warmly.

  I felt a sense of warmth filling me. It felt like Cody wanted me here just like the twins did. The head delivery man interrupted the moment and asked Cody to sign some paperwork. Cody examined the table for damage before signing for it.

  I was starting to get excited about dinner tonight and having everyone there. “Hey Cody?” I asked as he walked back inside from escorting the delivery team out.

  “Yeah?”

  “Is it usually you guys for dinner, or do you have some of the other pack members here for dinner sometimes?” I asked thoughtfully.

  “If anyone is here working on something with us, they stay for dinner, but usually it’s just us. Why do you ask?”

  “I just wasn’t sure how much we would need for dinner,” I told him. “You male wolves eat so much, I’m paranoid about running out of food.”

  He laughed. “Yeah, it’s horrifying if you look at how much we spend on food every month. It takes a lot to feed us.” He flexed a muscle and grinned. “But it’s worth it, right?”

  I turned bright red. Um, yeah. It was totally worth it; these guys were seriously built, but there’s no way I was going to admit that to Cody.

  I just shrugged and started pulling things out of the fridge to plan for dinner. I had a lot of time, but I at least wanted to start the chili simmering in the Crock-Pot. Plus, I kind of needed something to do until the twins came back.

  Cody took a seat at the kitchen counter. “I heard you are an expert cook?”

  “Oh, no,” I told him. “I’m the head chef, but I utilize multiple sous chefs.” I pulled out the Crock-Pot and started lining up my ingredients.

  “Is that right?” He laughed.

  “
Yep, what are you doing now?” I asked facetiously.

  He grinned ruefully. “Um, helping you prepare dinner?”

  “Excellent answer,” I told him assertively.

  I set him to work peeling apples after I assured him there was no way possible that he could mess it up. He watched me dance around and sing to the puppies as I measured out ingredients for the chili into the crock pot.

  “You know, I was a little nervous about you joining the pack, but now I’m really glad you did.”

  “Really?” I asked, a little hurt. He had not wanted me in the pack?

  “I didn’t think you liked me the first couple times we met,” Cody told me honestly, watching for my response.

  I cleared my throat. “I was really nervous about meeting another wolf. You were my first.” I blushed at how that came out and turned to mess with the dial on the Crock-Pot to hide.

  He chuckled. “Well, as your first, I hope I didn’t disappoint.”

  I turned even redder. “Um…” I tried to think of something to say. “You’re kind of a big guy. I was a little intimidated.”

  He burst into laughter, and I realized a second later how bad that sounded. “Um…I mean -” I could not even think of one thing to say to make this less awkward.

  “I meant that you’re tall…” I tried to explain self-consciously.

  “I know what you mean,” he told me reassuringly. “Austin filled me in later about your past. I think if we had known more about that, we would have approached you differently.”

  “Uh –” Now I really didn’t know what to say. Exactly how much did they know about my past?

  “I meant about your fear of being found by wolves,” he clarified.

  I nodded as if I had not just almost had a panic attack. “Yeah, I realize now that everything I heard about wolves might not be true, but I’m still learning.”

  “You’re handling all of this really well. I think all of us were expecting you to have a mental breakdown,” he told me bluntly.

  “Well, the twins have really helped me a lot,” I told him honestly.

  He smiled at me. “I’m glad. I was worried about how they would react to you, and about how they would react to a female wolf in general.”

  “Yeah, I understand they may not have had great experiences with female wolves in the past,” I said absentmindedly, measuring out spices for the apples that Cody was almost finished cutting.