The Secrets Women Keep

by Fanny Blake

  ‘Well, do it then, Dan. What’s stopping you? You’ve never been someone afraid to express themselves. Why not now?’

  He didn’t look up from the cushion. ‘The thing is, I’ve met . . .’ He hesitated. ‘Someone who . . . Oh God, this is so hard . . . so difficult to know how to . . .’

  A sound of impatience escaped Eve; enough to stop Dan from continuing. He looked out of the window into the distance, lost in thought.

  The ringing of the phone interrupted the awkward silence that had fallen between them.

  ‘Eve, could you get that?’

  She leaned forward to hear him better. His voice was little more than a murmur.

  ‘I can’t speak to anyone right now. Tell them I’m not here.’ He buried his head in his hands.

  Eve turned back to the desk. ‘Hello.’

  ‘Auntie Eve? Is that you?’ Jess’s cheerful voice was a welcome distraction. ‘How long have you been there?’

  ‘Jess! Great to hear you. We arrived on Monday.’ She swung the office chair round to face Daniel, who was shaking his head, zippering his mouth. ‘When are we expecting you?’

  ‘That’s what I’m phoning about. I need to speak to Dad about it all. Is he there?’

  It took a nanosecond for Eve to decide to ignore Daniel’s gestures. ‘Yes. He’s right here.’

  Daniel’s eyes widened at her flagrant disregard of his request. He wasn’t used to non-compliance by anyone, least of all his family. And Eve knew that. He shook his head again, trying to impress on her that she was doing the wrong thing.

  Amused by his reaction, and enjoying being the one in control, Eve held out the phone and said loudly enough for Jess to hear, ‘It’s Jess, Daniel. She wants to speak to you.’

  He clenched his jaw, gripped the cushion then flung it on the floor in anger.

  Eve raised her eyebrows, cocking her head to show she was not impressed. As he snatched the phone from her, she reached for the cushion and got up to tuck it behind him.

  ‘Jess?’

  If she couldn’t see for herself how grim he looked, Eve wouldn’t have guessed anything was wrong. He made a dismissive gesture with his hand, asking her to go. This time she respected his wishes and slipped out, leaving him to it.

  She found Rose sweeping the floor in Jess’s room. Like the other bedrooms, it contained the minimum of furniture. Beside the bed was a small nursing chair holding two more of Rose’s tapestry cushions, and a single mattress on the floor with a knitted Peter Rabbit and a Paddington Bear on its pillow. Above it hung a mobile made up of brightly coloured hot-air balloons that swayed in the breeze blowing through the open window. Beside it was the Alice in Wonderland chair that Rose and Daniel had made together. Eve leaned against the door jamb and waited while Rose brushed the dust into the long-handled dustpan.

  Only when the job was done did she look up. ‘Did you get hold of Amy?’

  As Eve relayed their conversation, Rose was totally engaged. ‘Yes, I can see why you’ve got to go home,’ she concluded when Eve finished. ‘I wish you could stay, for my sake, but you need to sort this out.’

  ‘You’ll be all right. Anna and Jess will get you through.’

  Rose looked horrified. ‘I’m not going to talk to them about Daniel. You don’t think I should, do you?’

  ‘Not until you know what’s really going on. Then you can decide how much they need to know. By the way, Jess just called.’

  ‘She did?’ Rose face lit up with pleasure at the news.

  ‘I left Daniel talking to her. He didn’t exactly leap at the opportunity but I didn’t give him a choice.’

  Together the two women returned to the kitchen. Rose began to empty the dishwasher, putting things away, while Eve went out to the terrace, where she sat at the table, picking up a copy of the previous day’s paper. She found a crossword and began to fill it in.

  Suddenly there was a shout. ‘Bloody, bloody girl.’ As she got up, through the doorway Eve saw Daniel come into the kitchen. Rose swung round.

  ‘What’s happened?’ she asked, but not in a way that suggested she much wanted to hear the answer.

  Daniel looked as if he was going to go to her, but he caught sight of Eve coming through the doorway and stopped. ‘Jess has seen fit to lecture me about my shortcomings as a father. She said she had to make sure we all know where we stand before she arrives tomorrow.’

  ‘She is coming then?’ Rose’s relief was all too evident.

  ‘Yes, she is. And without that wastrel Adam, thank God. But I’m not going to be spoken to like that by my own daughter.’

  ‘Like what?’ Anna had been drawn to the kitchen by the sound of raised voices. ‘She’s nearly twenty-nine, Dad. We are adults, you know, whether you like it or not.’

  ‘Not you too!’ Daniel spun round to face her. ‘I’ve had enough from the women in this family. I’m going out.’

  ‘Where to?’ Anna, a pad of paper in her hand, had obviously come in search of him.

  ‘For a run.’

  That was always the answer, Eve recollected. Face down emotional trouble with physical exercise. When Daniel couldn’t cope with a problem, there was always the squash court, the swimming pool, the gym.

  ‘Isn’t it too hot to go running now?’ Rose was putting the cutlery back in the table drawer and spoke as if she was barely interested. ‘Why don’t you go for a swim instead?’

  ‘Because I don’t want to be told what to do, where to go, or how to behave. I’ve had enough of that for one morning.’

  From where she stood, Eve could see that the Daniel she’d been talking to earlier had vanished. Now he was pulled up to his full height, his face set as if he was controlling himself.

  ‘But Dad, I wanted to talk to you.’ Anna ignored Rose’s slight shake of the head in her direction and held out the exercise book towards him. ‘I’ve sketched out what everything will look like.’

  He took it as if it was the last thing in the world he wanted. ‘Later.’ Exasperated, he slapped it on the dresser with such force that a couple of plates wobbled. Eve reached out to rescue them.

  Rose’s measured ‘Daniel, please’ was only just audible under Anna’s furious ‘Dad! For God’s sake. I only want to show you my—’

  ‘Well I don’t want to see them. Not now.’ He strode out past Eve towards the washing line, where, sending pegs flying, he ripped down his running kit. The three women gaped after him as he marched back into the house to change, saying nothing as he clipped his thigh on the corner of the table. Rubbing his leg as he exited the room, he left them pinned to the spot, not quite knowing how to react. Eve was the first to crack. She hadn’t seen such a petulant display of temper since her teenage sons’ performances. Reminded of them, a short laugh escaped her that she quickly turned into a cough. But not quickly enough. Anna, who by this time was rescuing her book, couldn’t disguise her shaking shoulders and the splutters that she was having difficulty controlling. The two of them, infected by each other, burst into uncontrolled laughter. Rose stared at them both. Eve was bent double in the doorway while Anna had picked up the book and was sitting on the floor, equally hysterical. As soon as one of them stopped, the other started them off again. After a minute, during which she looked as if she might burst into tears, Rose pulled out one of the kitchen chairs and sat down as if she had no energy left in her body. Gradually a smile crept across her face, until she could no longer hold back and even she had no choice but to join in.

  11

  Perhaps laughter really is the best medicine, reflected Rose. She had felt better since the hysteria that had taken them over as Dan left the kitchen. More than that, Eve had been a great listener. She knew the right things to say, but also managed to keep her peace when they weren’t wanted. Rose wouldn’t consider confiding in anyone else. Giving away her most private anxieties didn’t come easy.

  Now they lay side by side in the shade of two parasols by the pool. Terry had retired to his favourite hammock above them, leaving them
to it. Daniel had yet to return. He’d probably thought better of running in the heat of the day and had stopped off in the tiny roadside restaurant on the Siena road. Most likely he’d cool down over one of the house specialities and a cold beer. He sometimes went there when he wanted to think or to while away time with Ignazio, the laid-back owner of the place, before walking on. They were probably playing cards. Anna was in the pool, treading water in the deep end, only her head and the sharp bony crest of her shoulders showing.

  ‘Do be careful, darling,’ Rose advised. ‘Your shoulders are burning.’

  ‘Mum, I’m a pro tanner and know what I’m doing.’ That don’t-mess-with-me tone was back.

  Glancing at the tube of factor 10 sun cream, Rose doubted that she did, but she couldn’t be bothered to argue.

  ‘You OK?’ Eve looked round the edge of her Kindle. Her big black sunglasses covered half her face. They reminded Rose of a giant bluebottle, but she was too polite to say so.

  ‘Actually, more fine than I was expecting,’ she replied. ‘I’m keeping calm and carrying on now. What else can I do? I might feel differently when Dan gets back, but right now I want to enjoy having you all here, and look forward to Jess and Dylan arriving tomorrow.’

  ‘Good. That’s more like it.’ Eve put down her reading and removed her sunglasses before rolling over on to her front. She adjusted the top of her swimsuit, less secure now that she had managed, with great difficulty, to engineer her left arm out of the one and only arm hole. ‘I bet there’ll be a perfectly good explanation.’

  ‘Thanks for listening.’ Rose didn’t look at her, but lay on her back, eyes closed, doubting.

  Eve half turned her head. ‘Don’t be daft. Any time. You know you only have to say. And no, I won’t say anything to Terry. I know what he’s like!’ Smiling, she reached for the straw fedora that she’d borrowed from the sunhat collection hanging on the hall wall, and jammed it on the back of her head. ‘This sun’ll turn my hair to straw.’ She shut her eyes, letting one hand drop to the ground. ‘Better make the most of my last day,’ she murmured.

  Rose didn’t move, enjoying the sensation of the heat on her body. As her eyes closed, the years rolled away, taking her back to the time when the three of them first met: Daniel, Eve and her. How different life had been, packed with dreams and expectations. Enrolled at the Edinburgh College of Art, she and her fellow students had had little to do with those at the university. That at least had been the case for her until the evening she attended a black-tie dinner-dance celebrating her flatmate Morag’s twenty-first. When Morag had first told her of her parents’ plans, to say Rose was apprehensive was an understatement. She had never been invited to anything so grand in the Cornish backwater where she’d been brought up. But as the occasion approached, she began to share the excitement, despite the nagging anxiety over what she would wear.

  ‘Oh, I’ve got something you can have,’ Morag offered when Rose confided her worry, a little bit of her hoping that that would be the excuse she needed not to go. Her friend rummaged on the hanging rail she used as a wardrobe until she produced a deep green satin evening dress.

  ‘I’m going shopping, so this old one’s yours. I’ve only worn it a couple of times and it’s beautiful,’ she added, seeing Rose’s dubious expression. ‘You’ll look great in it.’

  She was right. The dress fitted as if it had been cut for her and made Rose feel like another person: confident, attractive, as good as the rest. She remembered how she had wished her parents had been there to see her. There had never been an occasion at Trevarrick when she had needed to wear something so classy.

  She and Morag had arrived at the function room together, excited and a bit tipsy from the gin and tonic they’d sunk for Dutch courage. Rose immediately lost Morag to the party and found herself talking to a young man she had never seen before. He had torn himself away from a group where he was the centre of amused attention and come to her rescue as she had stood uncertain on the edge of the gathering.

  ‘You obviously know everyone,’ she’d said, impressed by the way he kept smiling and nodding at people who passed.

  ‘Not a soul,’ he said, beaming at her. ‘I’ll tell you a secret. I haven’t been invited. If I hear there’s a black-tie do on somewhere, I sometimes gatecrash.’ He laughed at her astonishment. ‘If you look the part, no one stops you getting in. They always assume someone else must know you. I usually meet someone I like and there’s always free food and drink – good food and drink at that.’

  Before she had time to express her outrage on Morag’s behalf, he asked her to dance. Then, when the music stopped, he asked her again. Then again. When, during supper, Morag came across to find out who this handsome interloper was, Rose introduced Daniel as though she’d known him for years. Before Morag could object, he had engaged her in conversation. Rose had long forgotten what about. Any objections Morag might have had melted away as she was drawn in, laughing at his jokes as he focused on her as if she were the only girl in the room – apart from Rose, whose hand he did not let go.

  As for Rose, she was smitten. She went home in a daze, unsure what had just happened to her. She couldn’t forget the irrepressible chancer who had rescued her evening. When he phoned the next day, she accepted his invitation to the cinema without a moment’s thought. Before long, they were going everywhere together. It was during that term that she met Eve.

  They had left Daniel’s flat in Inverleith Terrace to go to Paddy’s Bar. The Rose Street pub was already overflowing with customers. As soon as they pushed their way in, Dan froze. Rose immediately sensed that something was wrong, even though the smile hadn’t left his face.

  ‘Dan!’ A young woman, flamboyant in a ra-ra skirt that matched the scarlet slides in her hair, elbowed her way through, exotic-coloured drink held high. A reluctant-looking man followed in her wake. Daniel’s grip tightened on Rose’s hand. Just as the woman reached them, someone gave her a shove so her drink slopped over Rose’s white broderie anglaise blouse.

  ‘Oh God, I’m sorry.’ She flapped her hand at the spreading stain as if to magic it away. ‘Cinzano and orange.’

  Rose stood motionless, aware of the eyes of the pub on her, waiting to see her reaction. But the shock of the icy liquid had taken her breath away.

  ‘Rose.’ Dan heaved a despairing sigh. ‘Meet Eve . . . and Will.’

  ‘I know, I know,’ fussed Eve, ignoring Dan’s glare. ‘Come to the Ladies’ with me. You can take off your blouse and borrow my cardigan. I don’t need it.’ The cardigan in question was red cashmere that had obviously shrunk in the wash so it looked like felt rather than wool. The sleeves hardly reached Eve’s wrists.

  As Rose discovered later, Eve had no need of it because the crowded pub was sweltering. But by the time she realised this, the two women were well on the way to becoming friends, the rinsed-out blouse crumpled up on the bench between them. Later, Dan told Rose that that was the evening when he and Will had been forced to mend fences. He hadn’t spoken to either Will or Eve since they had hooked up together. At the time, Rose was blissfully ignorant of what was going on. Thanks to an unspoken pact between the others, she remained unaware of the tangle of their lives for months.

  ‘What are you smiling at?’ Anna dripped some water over her mother as she bent over beside her, arranging the towel on the third lounger.

  ‘Just memories.’ Rose propped herself up. ‘Actually I was thinking about when we all met.’

  ‘When Eve threw her drink at you?’ The story had become part of family folklore.

  ‘Not threw, Anna,’ Eve interrupted, removing her sunglasses to squint at her, her eyes screwed up against the sun. ‘Someone pushed me. It couldn’t be helped.’

  ‘Was Terry there too?’

  Rose was pleasantly surprised by Anna expressing interest in their past, however idle.

  ‘God, no!’ Eve propped herself up on her elbows. ‘Your mother didn’t introduce me to him for years. I had to get married and divorced and mo
ve south before then.’

  ‘So on the rebound then?’

  ‘Anna!’

  Had all that therapy taught her daughter to be so tactless, or did it just come naturally?

  There was a crack of a twig as Terry got out of the hammock. The sound of him clearing his throat.

  Having straightened the towel, Anna angled the lounger to get an even exposure and lay on her back, her ribs and hip bones prominent in the sun.

  Eve just laughed. ‘Hardly. Once I set eyes on Terry, I knew he was the man for me.’

  She really sounded as if she meant it, thought Rose, grateful that her brother’s feelings had been spared and briefly curious again about the dynamic of their marriage. If she hadn’t known, she would never have guessed at the hostilities of the previous night. Of course their courtship took place so long ago that Anna’s remark shouldn’t affect them. All their relationships had changed so much since then, shifting like sand. What had once seemed so certain had in fact been transient.

  ‘Good to hear it.’ Terry’s voice floated down from above them. ‘Oughtn’t you to be getting ready? It’s four thirty. We’ll have to leave at seven to get you to the plane.’

  Eve rolled on to her side, clutching the top of her swimsuit. ‘Oh God, is it really? Thanks, darling. I’ll be right up.’ She began collecting her belongings and stuffing them in her metallic-weave beach bag. ‘Bloody Amy Fraser. I really don’t want to go now.’

  ‘And we don’t want you to. Do stay.’ But Rose knew that Eve’s mind was made up really.

  Her friend reached across and squeezed her hand. ‘I can’t. You’ll get on fine without me.’ The look she gave her reminded Rose of all they’d discussed.

  Anna lifted her head, the sinews in her long neck standing out like ropes. ‘Where’s Dad? He went out hours ago.’

  ‘He probably spent the afternoon with Ignazio. But he’ll want to say goodbye to Eve. He’ll be back soon.’ The sinking feeling Rose had, as she foresaw an evening of awkward negotiation at best or confrontation at worst, was tempered by the knowledge that at least Jess would be with them the next day. Eve was right. The affair must be symptomatic of some unaccountable mid-life crisis, not something that would last. They’d got carried away last night. She’d taken the whole thing too seriously and let the situation get out of hand. But: Miss. Love. Come back. The words echoed in her head like the tolling of a funeral bell.