Finaly My Heart's Desire (Meant for Me Book 2)

by St. James, Brooke

  I was cut off midsentence by my mom saying, "Here they are," as she peered out of the window.

  "Have fun, okay?" I said to Thomas. "I'll be right upstairs and I'll see you in a little bit."

  I barely made it to the stairway in time. I was only halfway up when I heard the door open and Thomas beginning to yell out everyone's names. I had to run so quickly that I was breathless by the time I closed my door. I sat on my bed, catching my breath and feeling a bit like I was in some alternate universe.

  As my breathing and heart rate slowed, I realized I could hear everyone talking downstairs. I couldn't make out what they were saying, but I could definitely hear voices. Was it actually true that Shane Rollins was in my house? What were the chances? I tried to make sense of the fact that he apparently accepted Christ on a day when I was fervently seeking God's guidance. I tried to tell myself it meant nothing, but somewhere deep inside I thought it might be the sign I'd been asking for.

  I wanted to go downstairs and see for myself that he was there just to prove that I hadn't been hallucinating during the whole exchange with Thomas. I found that I wanted to see Shane, and part of me didn't care whether or not I was bruised, but the other, more rational part, knew it was better for me to remain where I was.

  I was distracted and tempted by hearing their voices downstairs, so I grabbed my phone and plugged in a pair of earbuds in an effort to drown out the sound. I chose some music and stretched out on my bed to wait for some time to pass.

  It was about fifteen minutes later when my door opened. I hadn't heard it, but I saw the change of light through my closed eyelids, and I squinted at the door to see who it was. Micah was standing there with a concerned expression that told me he knew what had happened. I sat up onto my elbow, pulling out my earbuds and offering him a smile.

  "How you doing, sister?" he said softly as he came toward me.

  I continued smiling as I sat up cross-legged.

  Micah sat down next to me. He let out a long sigh has he took in the bruising on my face. It was obvious by his expression that he wanted to say a lot of things, but was holding them back. "Are you okay?" he asked, staring into my eyes sincerely.

  I gave him a slight nod. "I'm okay."

  "You know we won't let him hurt you again, right?" he asked.

  I nodded.

  "Was it the first time he did something like this?"

  "First time it was this bad," I said.

  He put a hand on my back, and I leaned over, resting my head on his shoulder. Just then, there came a gentle knocking on my door. It began to open just as gently and I saw my mom peeking in. She smiled at us as she came to stand at the foot of my bed. She took a deep breath as if worried about what she was going to say. "So the plan about Thomas keeping quiet didn't really happen," she explained.

  "I didn't want to tell her that," Micah said looking at her wondering why she came up to make that announcement.

  Mom leveled him with a stare. "Well, it seems now that everyone knows, you're not the only one who's worried about her," she said. She shifted her attention to me. "Carly wanted to come up and check on you too." I nodded, telling her I was okay with seeing Carly. Mom let out a little frustrated huff, so I looked at her with a questioning expression. "I don't understand it," she said, "but that other guy is insisting on seeing you too."

  "Who?" Micah asked, sounding equally as frustrated and confused.

  "Shane," Mom said. I could tell she was dumbfounded and a little weirded-out by a stranger wanting to see me in my current condition.

  My heart nearly leapt out of my chest. To my own dismay, I smiled. I just couldn't stop it from spreading across my face. I glanced at my mother and brother, who were both confused as to why this news would illicit such a reaction.

  "I'm okay saying hi to both of them," I said. "But send them up separately if you don't mind."

  "Are you sure?" Mom asked, still extremely hesitant. "I don't mind sending Carly up, but are you sure about—"

  I cut her off. "It's fine. I recognized him from a long time ago. We had a conversation about it. He probably just wanted to check on me."

  "You recognized him?" Micah asked. "From where?"

  I sighed and shook my head, trying to think about what I should say, but I was too confused to do anything but tell the truth. "I had a crush on him when I was a kid, and I recognized him at your wedding."

  "He's not the one from the YMCA is he?" Mom asked.

  I nodded, hoping she didn't remember how bad I had it.

  "Are you sure you're up for having them come up here?" she asked. "Because I can tell them you need rest."

  "I'm okay with it," I said.

  Mom left, but Micah stayed in there for a few more minutes, asking all the questions a concerned brother would ask. He still had his hand on my back and he rubbed me gently before he left. "I love you, sister, and I'm so sorry about this. Please call me if you need anything."

  I gave him a smile. "I love you too."

  "Dad said you're planning on dropping off everything Robin gave you later today," he continued. "Let me know if you need or want me to be around for that."

  "I think we'll be able to handle it, thank you though."

  He rubbed my back again. "I'm gonna send the other two up when we're done eating," he said. "If you change your mind between now and then, just text me and I'll tell them they can see you some other time."

  I nodded and before I knew it, Micah was headed for the door. I sat there, imagining what the scene must've been like when Thomas let the cat out of the bag and wondering what Shane said about wanting to come see me.

  It was about thirty minutes later when Carly knocked on my door. I knew it was her knocking because she said, "Hey Em, it's me, Carly," while she knocked.

  I told her to come in, and she did. She sat on the bed with me and reached out to give me a gentle hug that was filled with care and regret. She asked me how I was doing and had me tell her a little bit about my ordeal. She asked me all the same questions everyone else had about whether or not it was the first time he'd done something like this and if things were over between us. She told me that Micah had been uncertain about Robin for some time, but thought he would hurt me if he said anything. She said that's why she'd pushed for Shane when I told her who he was.

  "You should have seen how adamant Shane was about coming up here," she said, after telling me all that.

  "Really?" I asked. "What'd he say?"

  "He wasn't about to take no for an answer once he heard what happened and that you were up here. He was the one who made your mom come up here to ask if we could see you."

  "Micah seemed surprised when mom came up here to ask me that," I said. "I assume you didn't tell him anything I told you."

  She shook her head. "I didn't, because I thought it wouldn't amount to anything. Neither of us knew things were so bad with you and Robin."

  "Just because things are over with me and Robin doesn't mean it will amount to anything with Shane and me," I said.

  "I know, but he seemed really concerned for you."

  I had been staring at my lap, but I turned to face her. "Tell me the truth. Do you think it would be weird with Trish? I know you guys are good friends, and I wouldn't want to—"

  I stopped talking because Carly was shaking her head. "No," she said. "Obviously, you don't know if anything will happen between you and Shane, but that shouldn't be a factor. Trish is the one who broke up with him. She's fine. She liked him, but there was something missing between them or she wouldn't have broken things off."

  "Did you tell her he was my Shane?" I asked.

  "No, of course not. If I told anybody, it'd be Micah, but like I said, I didn't even tell him. I might mention it to him now that things have changed between you and Robin, but I promise I won't mention it to Trish until you want me to."

  "I already told Micah a little bit about it when he was up here a minute ago," I said. "I didn't tell him everything, but I had to explain a little since he and
Mom thought it was weird that Shane wanted to come up here."

  "Okay, that's good," she said. "Because I hate to keep stuff from him." She paused before adding, "Did you hear what happened at church this morning?"

  I let out a little laugh. "Yeah, Thomas came in the house announcing it."

  "Micah had been sharing with Brock since he started working with him. We had no idea Shane was even coming this morning, let alone that they would make a decision like that."

  "It's pretty cool," I said.

  "Yeah it was. Thomas cried his eyes out, which made the rest of us cry too."

  I could just imagine it.

  Carly patted me on the thigh and turned to me with a sincere smile. "I love you, and I want you to call us if you need anything."

  I smiled back at her. "That's exactly what Micah said."

  "He'll probably want to come up again before we leave," she said.

  I nodded, and she headed for the door.

  I began getting nervous the instant she left. I had already checked myself in the mirror while they were eating, but I ran a hand through my hair and sat up straight just for good measure.

  I heard footsteps coming up the stairs as soon as she descended. A few knocks sounded on my door, and I yelled for the person I assumed was Shane to come in. I stared at the door as it opened and he came into view. In spite of everything I was dealing with, the sight of his face gave me the same feeling it had all those years ago. I felt the urge to doodle his name and mine with a heart around it on a piece of paper. I had to stifle a smile at the thought.

  He was wearing khakis and a red plaid button-up shirt that was perfect for Christmas. My eye roamed over his body before moving to his face again, and I watched as he came toward me. I could see the change in his expression when he first noticed my bruise.

  Chapter 13

  The blinds were open in my bedroom, and there was a lamp switched on, but it still wasn't very bright in there. I was thankful for this, because Shane was inspecting me closely, and I had no makeup on whatsoever. I was positioned on the edge of my bed with my right foot hiked up on the bed, and the left one dangling. He walked cautiously toward me, first taking in my bruised face, and then scanning my body for other injuries. He didn't say a word in those few seconds that he approached; he simply stared at me with great concern.

  I thought he was going to stand next to me, but before I knew it, he sank to his knees in front of me. His face was about at the level of my waist, so I looked down at him with a curious smile wondering what in the world he was doing kneeling down.

  Shane didn't return my smile. Instead, he stared at me with a pained expression. "He did this because of me," he said.

  It was definitely more of a statement than a question, but the pain in his eyes made me respond with, "No." I paused for a second before adding, " It wasn't because of you, and it wasn't because of me. There's no one to blame but him."

  "I know that," he said, "and you're right, but it set him off seeing us together the other night. I knew it did; I could see it in his eyes. I could see it with the way he kissed you when we went downstairs. I knew he was capable hurting you, and I didn't do anything about it."

  I could see by looking at his face that he was deeply affected by guilt and regret. It was an odd feeling seeing him down on his knees like that—tortured, like he was somehow responsible for what had happened to me.

  I stared down at his face. I had memorized every last curve of it years ago, and it was still the same, only more mature. He had been clean-shaven for the wedding and the Christmas party, but today, there was some dark stubble dusting his jaw. Without even thinking, I reached out to touch his cheek. I cupped my hand around his jaw feeling the need to assure him he wasn't at fault. He closed his eyes and gently placed his hand over mine, holding it in place as if relishing my touch. He let out a sigh as he opened his eyes to look at me.

  "I'm so sorry," he said, offering me the hint of a smile.

  I slipped my hand out from in between his hand and his face and used it to pat the bed, indicating that I wanted him to sit beside me. He did so without arguing. He sat on my left side, close enough for my dangling leg to touch his.

  "I heard about church this morning," I said, changing the subject.

  He smiled at me and shrugged. "Brock kept coming home from work telling me all this stuff Micah was sharing with him, and the next thing I knew, he was dragging me to church this morning. I didn't expect it to end up the way it did, but something struck me when I was there, and I had to act on it."

  "I think it's wonderful," I said.

  He smiled. "I think your family's pretty wonderful," he said. "Thomas had me cracking up down there. Carly told me a few stories about him, but I didn't grasp how cool he was till I got to talk to him today."

  "What'd he say?"

  "Well, first of all, it was obvious that your parents didn't want him saying anything about your current condition, but he did anyway. I could tell he knew he wasn't supposed to and he still did it. It was really funny the way it all came out, but I could see that his intent was only to help you. He wanted us to be aware of what happened because he loves you so much."

  I shook my head and smiled, imagining Thomas blurting it out in his simple, blunt manner.

  Shane let out a little laugh. "And then he went on to list all these reasons why he knew you weren't gonna marry Robin."

  "He did not," I said.

  "Yes he did."

  "What'd he say?"

  "He said that Robin didn't make you laugh or even smile very much, and that he never once said he loved the Lord. He said he didn't like Carly's dog, Roscoe, and that one time when they were riding in the car together, Robin gave a lady a Butterfinger."

  "A Butterfinger?" I asked, looking at Shane.

  Shane smiled. "It took me a second to figure it out, but I realized he was saying Robin flipped someone off."

  I let out a laugh. "That's what he calls it? I've never heard him say that before."

  "Your parents hadn't either, because they asked him what he was talking about and he showed them by pointing to his middle finger while making a face like he knew it was forbidden. None of us said anything, because he was serious. It seemed like he really thought that was the name of it."

  Shane and I smiled at each other. "I like it," he said. "I'm gonna use it sometime."

  "The finger?" I asked, joking around.

  "The phrase," he clarified, even though he knew I was joking.

  We both stared at our laps for a few seconds before he said, "Please tell me you broke up with that guy."

  My answer was still sinking in, so I found that I couldn't say it right away. It took me a few seconds but I finally responded. "I did," I said. "I guess I haven't really officially done it since I haven't talked to him, but my dad told him it was over between us, and I have plans to return the car and everything else this afternoon."

  "What car?"

  "My car. He's the one who bought it."

  "So you won't have a car?" he asked.

  I shrugged casually even though the idea I was really disturbing. "Yeah, but we'll figure something out. I'm sure my parents will help me out with something until I get a job."

  "You can borrow my truck if you need to," he said. "As long as I can get to and from work."

  "You're not responsible for what happened," I said since I assumed that was the reason for his generosity. "He hurt me before he ever saw us talking the other night. I had bruises on my arms at Micah's wedding."

  Shane took a deep breath and stared toward the ceiling at my words. I could tell he was agitated.

  "And just so you know, he didn't hear anything we said the other night."

  Shane glanced at me. "Well I meant everything I said. It's probably bad timing for me to repeat it, but I was a fool for not noticing you all those years ago. I wish things would've turned out differently. If that was the case, you wouldn't have those bruises right now."

  "It's not so bad," I
said, touching my own cheek. "It'll heal."

  "How about your back?"

  "How'd you know about my back?" I asked.

  "My informant."

  I glanced at him quizzically, and he smiled.

  "Thomas," he explained. "How is it?"

  "It's stiff right now, but it's just a bruise too."

  "You know I can help you if it gives you trouble, right? That 's what I do."

  I nodded. "I'll look you up if it keeps hurting, but I'm sure I'll be fine in a few days."

  We sat quietly for a few long seconds. I imagined myself going to the place where he did physical therapy. I tried to picture what it was like. I wondered what was going through his mind as we sat there. He shifted slightly and ever so gently wrapped a hand around my shoulders. I gave into his gentle nudging by leaning over and placing my head onto his shoulder, much the same as I'd done with Micah.

  "Thank you for letting me come up here," he said.

  "Thank you for coming to check on me. I couldn't believe it when Mom said you guys were having lunch over here, but I'm glad I got to see you."

  I stayed there with my head on his shoulder, breathing in the clean, earthy smell of him. He sighed as he gently rubbed my shoulder. "I meant what I said about my truck. You're welcome to use it if you need to."

  At that second, my bedroom door opened, and we looked up to see my dad's masculine form looming in the doorway. I hadn't even heard him coming up the stairs, and his sudden appearance startled me. His expression was easily readable. He did not like the sight of Shane's arm around me. His distaste was so apparent that I took my head off of Shane's shoulder and sat up straight. Shane dropped his arm slowly as if he really didn't want to.

  "Hey Dad," I said.

  "What's going on up here?" he asked, looking at Shane.

  Shane's posture changed slightly. He sat up a little straighter, but otherwise stayed by my side.

  "I remembered Shane from years ago," I said. "He used to work at that YMCA I went to with Kaitlin all the time. I saw him at Micah's wedding and then again at Robin's party the other night. He just wanted to check on me to make sure I was okay."