The Miracle Man

by Sharon Sala

  The doctor’s eyebrows rose as he listened to the big man’s shaky voice. “Look, Mr. Monday, during a woman’s pregnancy and the ultimate act of birth, the only real thing a man can take credit for is the sex of the child. Whatever else happens during the pregnancy and birth process is the mother’s and the doctor’s business. You just sit back and wait for it all to happen. If there should be a complication, thanks to your warnings, we'll be well prepared. But I do appreciate knowing your family history. It will help me prepare for things I might not have foreseen.”

  “I told you it would be fine,” Toni said, and tried not to think of another woman dying without being able to give life to the baby that she and Lane had created.

  “I will believe it when I see that baby and know that my wife is fine and not before then,” Lane said stubbornly.

  “I take it you wish to be in the delivery room,” the doctor said.

  “I have to be,” Lane replied, taking Toni’s hand as he spoke. “I need to see for myself that she will be all right.”

  He doesn’t mean that the way it sounded, Toni told herself. He doesn’t really care about me on that level. It’s just fear, and not love, that I hear in his voice.

  But the notion had still been set, and when the checkup was over and they were on their way home, Toni dozed with her head against his shoulder, and dreamed of a man and a baby and matching eyes of blue.

  * * *

  “You sure are big,” a young Hatfield announced. “Are you a giant?”

  Lane eyed the stair-stepped brood of children surrounding his chair, and tried not to grin. They were so serious that he felt they at least deserved his full attention.

  “Nope,” he said, and ruffled the dark brown hair of the nearest child. “Do I look like one?”

  “Yes,” they chorused, and then giggled.

  “Well, you all look like little squirts to me. Are you?”

  A small blond girl giggled. She was David and Laura’s youngest, and the Sunday dinner that Lane was given to endure seemed destined to be a series of questions and answers. First from the grown-ups, now from their children.

  “I'm not a squirt,” the child said. “I'm Chelsea.”

  Lane laughed, and lifted the tiny child onto his lap. “Hello there, Chelsea. You sure are pretty. Just like your aunt Toni.”

  She nodded, apparently well aware of her worth in her family. “Did you really marry my aunt Toni?”

  “Yes. Is that okay?”

  “I guess so,” she said, giving his face and hands special consideration. “You don’t even have to stand on a chair to do the tree, do you?”

  Even the adults who were trying not to listen laughed along with Lane at the little girl’s reference to decorating the Christmas trees that stood in every Hatfield home. And it was fairly obvious, even to the babies, that Lane Monday did not stand on chairs to do anything.

  Toni watched from across the room, wishing she believed Lane when he said that she was pretty, and wanting desperately to be the one sitting in Lane’s lap, and not her niece. She was tired and aching, and sleepy beyond belief, and she could have used that broad strong shoulder to lean on.

  Her spirit was still willing, but her body was giving out on her on a daily basis. At eight months pregnant, she completed daily tasks with slow deliberation, not wasting a motion or wanting to retrace a step.

  She shifted in her seat, and then stood, bracing her back with her hand as she slipped from the room. Maybe if she could just find a quiet place to lie down for a minute, she would feel better.

  It was instinctive, but the moment Toni left the room, Lane seemed to know it. It was as if she’d turned out a light behind her. The sense of loss was physical as his gaze lifted from the child in his lap to the people sitting and standing around the room.

  He stood, making a game out of dumping the little girl on her head in the chair that he had just vacated, while he searched the room for a sign of his wife.

  “Where did Toni go?” Lane asked.

  Both Justin and David looked startled at Lane’s obvious concern. “Why, she’s right over...”

  The chair was empty.

  Lane walked out of the room without waiting for an answer. He would see for himself.

  * * *

  There were no empty beds. They were full of napping babies in various stages of development, from toddlers to crawlers. The youngest baby, Lucy, claimed the baby bed for her own.

  Toni sighed and then smiled at the sight of the babies in slumber. “I should have known better,” she said, and then turned and walked straight into Lane’s outstretched arms.

  “Oh!” she gasped, and would have staggered but for the strong clasp of his hands upon her arms. “I didn’t see you there.”

  “But I saw you,” he whispered, aware of sleeping children and his weary woman, and held out his arms again. He groaned beneath his breath when she walked into the hug without complaint. Little by little, she was coming around. He just had to have faith that she would finally realize what she meant to him.

  “Are you ready to go home?” he asked as he stroked the back of her neck with a gentle, massaging touch. “You look tired.”

  Toni leaned sideways against him, remembering a time when their bodies fit much closer, and tried not to cry, although it was something that happened often these days.

  “Yes, I am. Thank you for asking.”

  He frowned. “I don’t need to be thanked for taking care of what’s mine.”

  Oh, Lane, if only I believed that you meant that. But the only sign that she gave of how moved she was by his words was to lay her head a little closer to the middle of his chest. It felt safest to be closest to his heart.

  She entered the living room beneath the shelter of his arm, although from Toni’s point of view, Lane was simply helping her stay on her feet.

  “What’s wrong?” Justin asked when he saw how Toni was leaning.

  Lane answered for the both of them. “She’s tired. We're going home. Thank you for dinner and the family welcome. She will call.”

  Toni didn’t even bother adding to his comments other than sending a smile and a couple of kisses to a niece who demanded what she called “bye-bye sugars.”

  She wondered as they drove home if she dared let herself get used to someone making decisions for her. Having a broad shoulder and a warm body to lean on was a luxury she could get used to fast.

  * * *

  It was almost dark when Lane burst through the kitchen door, slamming it shut behind him, trying to outrun the cold gust of air that had been on his heels.

  “I wondered where you had gone,” Toni said nonchalantly, trying not to let him know that she even cared. She’d awakened from her nap to an empty house and realized how much she’d come to depend upon his presence for comfort.

  “I was helping Abel feed the livestock,” he said, stuffing his gloves into the pocket of his coat before hanging it on a peg by the door. “He says it’s going to snow before morning.”

  Toni shrugged. The man that she’d hired months earlier to help her with the heavy work had taken a definite liking to Lane.

  “If Abel says it will snow, then it wouldn’t surprise me.” And then she smiled at the thought of the Christmas tree in the living room and the presents tucked far underneath the spreading branches. “In six more days, it will be Christmas. It would be nice if we could have a white one.”

  Lane frowned at the thought of snow and ice. “I don’t want to be stranded up here,” he muttered, unaware that he’d thought out loud.

  Tears stung Toni’s eyes, and she turned away, unwilling to let him see that he could hurt her this badly, simply by admitting that he didn’t want to be around her.

  “I know I'm not the best company, but you asked for every bit of this, you know.”

  Lane groaned, caught her in his arms, then turned her to face him. “I didn’t mean I didn’t want to be stranded with you. I meant I didn’t want you to be stranded, honey. When are you going t
o get it through your head that I want you safe?”

  “And when are you going to stop making me crazy talking like I'm a doomed woman? How do you think that makes me feel, Lane? I've never had a baby before. I want this to be a positive experience, not one where I go in expecting to breathe my last gasp on a delivery table while you stand there pointing and saying 'I told you so.'”

  Shame made him acknowledge the truth of her words, although he couldn’t let go of his fear.

  “You're right,” he said quietly, and tilted her chin with his fingertip. “I'm sorry. I'm a jerk.”

  “I already knew that,” Toni said, then looked away so that he would not see her smile.

  “How can I make it up to you?” Lane asked, and nipped the lobe of her ear with his teeth before cupping her hips with the palms of his hands.

  “Don’t,” Toni said, trying to twist out of his arms. “I'm ugly. You don’t want to—”

  “My God,” Lane said, and shook from the need to make love to her. “How can you say that? Better yet, how can you think it, lady? Do you feel this?”

  He grabbed her hand and slid it down the front of his jeans. It wasn’t the zipper that bulged against her palm. Her eyes widened as he wrapped her in his arms and whispered against her cheek.

  “I lie beside you and watch you sleep and think I've never seen a woman as beautiful. You smile and my damned legs get weak in the knees. I've loved you far longer than I had a right to. And I don’t care anymore whether you believe me or not. I had what I thought was a really good reason to leave you behind. You, my hardheaded woman, have proved me wrong.”

  “I don’t believe you, you know,” Toni whispered, and let his hands wander across her body because it felt too good to make him stop.

  “Oh, hell, I know that,” he muttered, and picked her up into his arms as if she didn’t weigh an ounce.

  “Where are we going?” she asked.

  “To bed. I want to show you something.”

  “What?” she asked.

  “How many ways there are to make love without rocking the boat...and our baby.”

  She gasped and unconsciously covered her belly with her hands. “You can’t actually mean you want to...that we can...” She ducked her head and then closed her eyes when he laid her gently in the middle of the bed. She heard the rustling of clothing being removed and moaned softly. “I don’t want you to see me like this.”

  “Why not, love, why not?” he whispered. “I'm willing to let you see me like this.”

  Toni opened her eyes and couldn’t tear her gaze away. He wore nothing but the jutting proof of his desire and a fire in his eyes that burned white-hot.

  Her voice shook, but her gaze never wavered as she made a place for him on the bed.

  “Oh, Lane, what was I thinking when I pulled you out of that flood?”

  “If you weren’t out of your mind then, I can assure you that before we're through tonight, you will be.”

  * * *

  “It snowed.”

  “Good morning, love,” Lane whispered as he walked up behind her, kissing the back of her neck before peering over her shoulder and out the window. “Of course it snowed. Abel said it would, remember?”

  Toni remembered a whole lot more about last night than Abel’s predictions. She’d never known a body could soar when weighed down with a burgeoning anchor.

  “Oh!” she gasped, laughing when the baby kicked and rolled inside her like a tumbling pup. “Feel that! We're not the only ones awake.”

  Lane’s eyes turned dark with emotion as Toni grabbed his hands and held them flat against the skin on her belly. But old memories got in the way of new joy, and he dropped his hands and turned away. As badly as he wanted to share Toni’s joy, he was unable to let himself care. If he cared too much, it might jinx them all.

  “Don’t,” Toni urged, pulling him back around and then stepping into his arms. “Don’t be afraid for me or for your child. We're going to be fine.”

  And if you're not, I will not survive twice.

  Chapter 16

  The days rolled one into the other until finally Christmas arrived, bringing a false frivolity with it that had little place in the reality of their lives. The intensity of Toni’s fears increased on a daily basis. Facing the fact that she loved Lane without hope of a lifetime together was unbearable. But she wouldn’t let herself pretend that he would stay after the baby’s birth. Once he saw that they were safe and that he had not been responsible for another woman’s death, she fully expected him to leave.

  And Lane watched her coming closer and closer to her time, and spent countless nights awake, watching for a sign of impending danger, praying that he would be able to prevent another tragedy from occurring. Life without the child that she carried would be heartbreaking, but life without Toni would be impossible to bear. All he could do was hope for the best and pray that they both survived.

  And so they existed, day after day, not saying what was in their hearts, and pretending that nearly all was well.

  * * *

  Lane propped himself onto one elbow as he played with the tousled curls that lay across Toni’s forehead, careful not to wake her as he kept watch. She slept without moving, weary from daylight to dusk from the burden of the child that grew bigger with each passing day.

  It was instinct that made him feather his fingers across the swell of her belly, desperate for some kind of assurance that all was well within. But when the tiny kick of little feet and bumping elbows vibrated beneath his palm, he buried his face against her shoulder and shook with fear. So much life. So much danger.

  Toni sighed, and rolled over on her back, unaware that the man with whom she lay was on sentry duty at her side.

  Lane watched her eyelids flutter and knew that she was near to waking. When her arms stretched high above her head and she arched her back like a slumberous cat, he rolled over, grabbed the small box from the bedside table that he’d put there earlier, and leaned down and kissed her the rest of the way awake.

  “Merry Christmas, love.”

  Unaware of the turmoil with which he’d spent the night, Toni rolled over in bed and then sat up, rubbing sleep from her eyes as Lane dropped a small package in what was left of her lap.

  “What is this?” she asked.

  “Your Christmas present. Open it.”

  “My hair,” she muttered, and started swiping at the curls that had escaped their tie.

  “Lady, you would drive a man crazy just to prove that you could,” he growled. “I love your hair. I like it in knots. Open the damned present.”

  “I need to go to the...”

  Lane groaned and rolled over onto his back. “Go,” he said, and pointed toward the bathroom door. “I should have known better than to try to compete with Mother Nature.”

  Unable to wait for her return, he tore into the wrapping himself, and when she came out, hair combed, face washed, ready to open her gift, Lane met her at the door with it already in his hand. He spread her fingers and then slipped the ring onto her finger and didn’t know that he was shaking until he took a breath.

  “It’s a sight better than handcuffs, don’t you think?”

  Tears blurred all but the glimmer of stones from her vision.

  “Does this mean you're going to keep me?” she asked.

  He groaned and then held her. “You don’t listen very well, do you? I already told you I'm here forever.”

  “I don’t know why you still care,” Toni said. Guilt pricked her conscience on a daily basis, and this show of affection only made it worse. “I begged you to make love to me. Then I lied to you. I tricked you. I used you, Lane. You should hate me...why don’t you?”

  He sighed, and rubbed the small of her back where he knew that she always hurt.

  “Beats the hell out of me, woman,” he said softly. “All I know is I don’t want to let you out of my sight.”

  “What about when this waiting is all over and I've had the baby?” Toni asked. “What will
you do with your life then, Lane?” What will you do with mine?

  “It will never be over for me,” he whispered. “I'm always going to be waiting for you to come into a room and light up my life.”

  Toni sighed. She’d heard it before, but she needed to hear it again. Maybe if she heard it enough, she would really begin to believe.

  “And you really don’t mind that you had to transfer your job location?”

  He grinned. “Naw...I'm sort of looking forward to it,” he said. “For a lawman, one place is just about as good as another. I like the business and don’t much care where it’s done. Besides, I'm enjoying this time off. I've even learned enough about farming and ranching that Abel has stopped laughing at me.”

  She leaned against his chest and lifted her hand, tilting her fingers so that the brilliance from the circlet of gold and diamonds caught the rays of early-morning sun coming through the bedroom window and reflected it back into her eyes.

  “Do you like it?” Lane asked anxiously.

  Toni smiled through her tears. “I love it.” And you. Maybe one day I'll be able to say so without making a fool of myself.

  His grin said it all. Impulsively, Toni threw her arms around his neck and did something he wasn’t expecting. She kissed him. Hard. With something close to desperation.

  Their lips met. His were firm and slightly shocked; hers were soft and warm, begging for an acceptance that she already had and just wouldn’t believe.

  “Ah, Toni girl, I love you so much.” He wrapped her in his arms. “How did I ever exist without you?”

  She took his words to heart and pretended that it was so. “Want some breakfast, or do you want to wait for lunch?”

  They were going to Justin’s for the holiday meal, and Toni knew from experience that the feast would be endless.

  “I don’t want to wait for anything,” he whispered, and feathered kisses down the side of her neck.

  She blushed. “Would you like your present now?”

  “Please,” he groaned, and took her back to bed.