Only Her Heart

by Lyn Cote

  “What does that mean?”

  Oh, Jack. “It means this is a place you come to forget about work.” She pointed to the smartphone that he’d drawn out of his pocket. Crows overhead squawked on a lone phone line as though making rude comments at them. “I should not have let you bring that thing here.”

  “You sound like it’s covered with a fatal bacteria.” Jack eyed her and shifted restlessly.

  “As a matter of fact, it is infected...with anti-vacation bacteria. I’m afraid we are going to have to put it into quarantine.”

  Jack’s proximity ignited tension in Annie. She tried to ignore how all her nerve endings felt like they had been hooked up to an electric fence.

  “And that means?”

  Jack sounded baffled and uneasy at the same time. Not a good combination. Undaunted, she inched forward and lifted her chin until their noses were nearly touching. Why can’t I just step back and protect myself? “That means we’re going to put it back in your duffle and leave it there.”

  “Annie! I’ve got to check my accounts every day.”

  She pressed both hands against him, forcing him back farther into the boughs of the pine. Sensations—Jack’s solid chest and the evergreen needles and scent—shook her concentration, but she went on. “Going on vacation means not working. That means not checking on accounts, period.”

  “What if something happens...what if there’s an emergency? People, companies depend on me,” Jack squawked like the crows.

  “I told you that Patience and Claire will call us here if there is an emergency. They will check the business e-mail for us.”

  “No, I...” He clutched his cell to him as if it were a babe in arms.

  She laid a hand on the warm skin just below his short sleeve. “You know I’m right.” She knew she should break their contact but couldn’t. “I blame myself. I should have prepared you for this, insisted you take a vacation every year for the past five. Then this wouldn’t be such a shock to your system.”

  She leaned closer, irresistibly drawn to him. “Now we’re going into the cabin,” she informed him gently, “and you’re going to put away your phone.”

  He shook his head as if in disbelief. “Not my phone.”

  “Give it to me...please.” She held out her hand. “Come on. You know I’m right.”

  Jack held firm. “Annie, I... Annie...”

  She closed the final, thin space between them. Why couldn’t she keep her distance? His breath fanned the hair over her right ear, making it tickle. She shivered. “Jack,” she said in a soothing voice, “you know I’m right. You want to have fun. You wouldn’t have come with us if you hadn’t wanted to. You never do what you don’t want to do. You want to have fun. I know you do.”

  Jack appeared to be having trouble catching his breath.

  “Jack?”

  His mouth hovered over hers.

  “Jack,” she whispered, heat rolling through her body, warming her face. She heard the twins burst out of the cabin door, pound down the wooden steps and come running. No, don’t interrupt us now.

  “Mr. Lasater, come on! We waited for you to go swimming with us. Come on!”

  Jack gazed down at her.

  What flickered in his eyes? Disappointment? Was he feeling what she was? Seeing the twins from the corner of her eye, she reached for the cell, but didn’t wrest it from his grasp. Then she realized the twins had done her a favor. That’s right. I’ll let the twins do the work of persuading him.

  “Jack, you can’t go swimming with the cell,” she teased.

  “All right.” Slowly, he relinquished it to her.

  She let out an exaggerated gasp. “Great. Now we’re officially on vacation.” She stumbled backward from him, shocked suddenly by her insistence and her success. And most of all, by how close she’d come to kissing Jack, her boss—again.

  She was lucky to have two small boys along. If they couldn’t run the best interference between her and Jack, who could? “Okay, boys, give me and Mr. Lasater a minute to get changed and we’ll be right with you.”

  The next bright and beautiful morning, all of them sat in the large picnic shelter near the main office. Dressed in shorts and summer dresses, many of the resort guests had gathered for an informal Sunday worship service. After a full day and night at the resort, Annie had begun to relax—except when Jack was right beside her, as he was now.

  And another cause of tension—in front of them, Mike and Sandy sat shoulder to shoulder. That didn’t bother her at all. But watching Jack stare at the backs of their two parents did. Jack might be right for once. Sandy and Mike might be more than friends. And why not?

  Then before Annie’s startled eyes, her dad put his arm around Sandy’s shoulders and Sandy sent him a shy smile. So Jack had been right. Her dad and his mom were...an item.

  Conflicting emotions cascading through her, she glanced up at Jack. The stormy look on his face told her that he hadn’t failed to notice her dad’s move. At this public demonstration of affection, she felt a bit blindsided herself. She’d thought the two of them were drawn to each other, but were they declaring themselves a couple here and now?

  A hymn was announced and they all rose, holding a tattered sheet with words to several traditional songs. Someone strummed a guitar and began, “What a friend we have in Jesus.”

  Jack shifted on his feet, restless.

  “All our sins and griefs to bear,” Annie joined in, observing how her dad and Sandy shared a song sheet. Well, she couldn’t have chosen anyone better for her dad. The only problem now—Jack. She leaned close to his ear. “Don’t be so obvious,” she whispered.

  He glanced at her, obviously disgruntled.

  “Let it go.”

  Now he glared at her.

  Dear Lord, what am I going to do with this man? He’s going to upset his mom if he keeps this up. And she doesn’t deserve that. “What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer,” Annie sang in her tenuous soprano voice. This is hard, Lord. I didn’t think my dad would marry again. But he has a right to love again. I know that. Still, she felt a stitch in her side, a growing pain.

  Her mother’s face floated through her mind. Her mother had been gone nearly a decade. And Sandy was definitely a sweetheart. Annie swallowed down her own emotional reaction to her father becoming interested in another woman. “Oh, what peace we often forfeit,” she sang. “Oh, what needless pain we bear. All because we do not carry everything to God in prayer.”

  The hymn ended and everyone shuffled around and reseated themselves.

  Andy promptly climbed onto Jack’s lap while Austin hurried around the bench and clambered onto his grampa’s lap. Austin put his arms around Mike’s neck and stared over Mike’s shoulder at Annie and Jack.

  “I’m not a preaching pastor,” said a slight man in his early thirties who was standing at the front. The wind blew his long hair around and he pushed it away from his face. “I’m a youth pastor at a church in Milwaukee. But the Groshky’s asked me to give a brief message today in this beautiful natural setting.”

  His easy conversational style made his congregation settle down and give him their attention.

  “As I stand here, I’m filled with gratitude for the opportunity to be able to steal away from the city for a week of sunshine, swimming and fishing.”

  The audience responded with applause and some murmurs of agreement.

  “God has created a beautiful world. But man, because of his desire for his own way, has caused a lot of problems. Here it’s almost easy to forget that drugs are destroying lives and evil men plot murder. But we’re taking a vacation from all that.”

  Annie and the people around her sobered. She thought of the hacker and whether he would try to breach Jack’s new system.

  “Use this time away from everyday responsibilities,” the preacher continued, “to tell each other the things you’ve been too busy to say, like ‘I love you.’ ‘You mean everything to me.’ ‘I’ll do whatever it takes to fix thing
s between us.’ And the hardest of all, ‘You’re right.’”

  A few chuckled at the last phrase.

  The youth pastor grinned. “I say that final one a lot. Maybe I need to say it even more often.” He glanced at a pretty young mother in the front row and grinned. “I don’t think I have to belabor the point.”

  “I’d just like to remind you that the Lord wants us to settle any disagreements or grudges we have before we come to Him to worship. In His Sermon on the Mount, Christ said—” He lifted his Bible and read, “‘—You have heard that the law of Moses says, do not murder. If you commit murder, you are subject to judgment. But I say, if you are angry with someone, you are subject to judgment...’”

  Annie glanced at Jack. You are angry, Jack. Please let it go.

  “Jesus goes on to teach the crowd who had gathered in a natural setting, just as we have gathered here, The Lord’s Prayer. Let’s stand and recite it together.” The preacher raised his hand.

  The informal congregation rose. Jack held a drowsy Andy in his arms while Mike held Austin.

  “Our Father who art in Heaven.” The pastor led them.

  When they came to the part “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us,” Annie glanced up at Jack’s sober face. Was he listening? Didn’t he see how his lack of forgiveness for his father was a burden? And a block to his future?

  And then her prayer ended a bit different. If only you could read my mind, my heart and accept my love, Jack. In some way the two were related, she knew that, but was helpless to change it. Only God could but only if Jack wanted that.

  The next day, Annie and Sandy were in the kitchen making supper. At the table, Sandy sat stirring a deep chocolatey brownie mix from a box. At the sink, Annie rinsed and began tearing lettuce for a salad. In the huge room behind the women, the boys were taking a break on the couch and watching the only cartoon show on the only TV station they could get on the cabin’s ancient rabbit-eared TV. Outside the kitchen window over the sink, Jack and Mike were grilling chicken.

  Annie listened to the cartoon antics and Sandy stirred the batter in the bowl while humming to herself. Jack and Mike stood on opposite sides of the grill with their hands in their pockets—the picture of men avoiding one another.

  Annie sighed.

  “Are they still acting like jerks?” Sandy asked.

  Surprised, Annie turned, but grinned. “I’m afraid so.”

  “What are we going to do with them?” Sandy broke another egg into the batter.

  Annie looked out the window. Her dad glanced at Jack and said something. “Dad just said something to Jack,” she reported.

  “Good.” Sandy cracked another egg.

  Annie studied Jack, waiting for him to respond. Finally, Jack said something. Her dad nodded. “Jack finally said something.”

  “Wow,” Sandy crooned. “They better be careful—they might actually start a conversation. What’s wrong with men?”

  Annie shrugged. “Hold it. They’re facing each other.”

  “Wow!”

  “And now...Dad’s talking and Jack’s listening.”

  “Be still my heart!” Sandy pressed a hand to her blouse.

  Annie chuckled. It was a relief to laugh about the tension between the two men in their cabin. She, and evidently Sandy, too, had been aware of it though they hadn’t discussed it. But more reassuring was the way Jack’s stiff posture was loosening and the way he was actually listening to her dad. I don’t know what they’re talking about, but thank You, Lord.

  Five days later, after night had cloaked the sky above the tall pines, Jack and Annie stood in front of the cabin. Though it was well after their bedtimes, Austin and Andy stood between them. The four of them all stared above at the full moon. Though happy to have the boys with them, Annie thought fleetingly of basking in the moonlight with only Jack beside her.

  “Okay now, boys—” Jack looked down into their upturned faces “—I’m going to show you how to find the North Star, just like my dad showed me when we were on a camping trip.”

  This comment surprised Annie. Jack rarely mentioned his father and especially not in terms of happy memories.

  “What’s the North Star?” Austin asked, his chin jutting skyward.

  “That’s the star that people use to find their way at night if they get lost,” Jack said.

  “Uh-huh,” Andy agreed. “But we’re not lost.”

  “Well, you need to know how to know this before you ever get lost,” Jack explained.

  The twins nodded at this bit of wisdom.

  Annie smiled because she knew that Jack’s star lesson was way beyond the boys, but the attention he was giving them could only be good. And in two days, they’d be back in Chicago, facing their bickering parents. Dear Lord, please let Melissa and Troy make progress before we get home. I don’t want them to break up. They do love each other.

  “Now...” Jack dropped to his knees on the pine needle-littered ground in front of the cabin, so he was at the boys’ level. “Look up there. Follow my arm.” He raised his arm toward the night sky.

  Andy leaned against Jack’s right shoulder while Austin leaned against the left. Both boys stared upward.

  “Now I’m pointing to the Big Dipper—”

  “What’s a dipper?” Austin asked.

  “It’s a...it’s a...” Jack fumbled for a word.

  “It’s like a cup with a long handle,” Annie supplied. It was easy to see why the twins adored Jack. He gave them his full attention. How did he know how to do that?

  “Right.” Jack grinned at her.

  “And that’s the big one?” Andy asked.

  “Yes,” Jack said. “Watch how I trace it. It’s just like your connect-the-dots books. See, here’s the bowl of the cup and here’s the long handle—”

  “Is it a bowl or a cup?” Andy asked, leaning harder against Jack.

  “The bowl is the round deep part of a cup that holds liquid,” Annie said, as the lake breeze wafted around her ankles. I wish there weren’t so many cross-currents here. I need to know more, understand better. Why had Jack turned against his dad when Sandy and Cliff broke up? Why had he taken it as a personal betrayal, when others in the same situation didn’t?

  “Oh,” Austin said. “I see.”

  “And now the North Star is over in this direction,” Jack continued.

  The boys imitated Jack as he rotated to the right.

  “Here’s the Little Dipper, and the North Star is directly at the top of the handle.” Jack put an arm around each boy. “How’s that?”

  “Ooh...” the twins enthused.

  Had Cliff been like this when Jack was a child? He must have been, or how could Jack know just how to behave with the twins? That gave her something to ponder.

  Mike and Sandy came down the porch steps behind them. “Can you two put the twins to bed?” Mike asked. “We’re going to go for a moonlight stroll.”

  “Sure,” Annie replied.

  “Have fun,” Jack said. “We’ll get the twins turned in.”

  Annie looked up at Jack’s expression. His words had come out easily and without any edge. Had he accepted the fact of their parents as a couple? After telling the twins to mind, Mike and Sandy wished them good-night and strolled away, holding hands.

  Soon, Annie and Jack settled the twins into their bunk beds and, without exchanging a word, wandered back out onto the porch again. “What a beautiful night,” she murmured, looking out at the moonlight rippling like silver ribbons on the rippling water.

  Jack came up behind her. “Do you think my mom will be okay with your dad? I mean...not just tonight, but...as a couple? Will they be all right together?”

  Chapter 11

  Annie turned to look at him. The intense expression on his face drew her closer. How could she make him understand? No matter—she had to try. Her peace of mind and that of everyone else concerned depended on it.

  “Of course, Jack. My dad and mom loved each other and
were good to each other. Don’t you see that your mom and my dad are already great together. Don’t you see that?” she repeated.

  Chin down, he nodded.

  “Then, that’s good, right?” she ventured, edging closer to him.

  Turning away, he gazed out at the lake. “I just never thought Mom would get serious with anyone again.”

  “Why not?” This was more than mere possessiveness on Jack’s part. She could feel it.

  Leaning away from her, he propped his hands on the rough porch railing. “Because of her health problems...how bad she felt after my dad left her and before he left her.”

  After his reply, Annie’s hope, of persuading him to accept her dad and his mom together faltered. To describe his attitude as grim fell short. To progress up to merely glum, he’d have had to sound much more cheerful.

  “Jack—” the touched his arm tentatively “—your mom is a wonderful woman. But when I realized that you were right, that my dad was interested in your mom as more than a friend, it surprised me, too.”

  “Why?” He settled onto the porch railing with one knee bent. He faced her. An owl hooted in the distance.

  “He loved my mother so.” Annie felt her throat thicken. “Mom’s been gone almost ten years and he’s never dated anyone. That’s why I didn’t think it was more than friendship at first.”

  “Never?”

  His white shirt glowed in the moonlight making it her focus on him. Her fingers itched to stroke its soft cotton. She shook her head. “When she’d been gone about a year, friends started trying to ‘fix’ him up with dates. But he wouldn’t have anything to do with it. Mom was too special...he’d said.”

  “What happened to your mother?” Jack leaned forward.

  His nearness made her quiver. “Cancer. She got sick the year before I started high school and they thought they caught it, but it came back after a year and then...” Annie lifted her shoulders a fraction of an inch. Speaking of her mother’s death still had the power to cast a pall over her. “She just got worse and worse.” She paused. “It was hard to lose her.”