The Middle-Aged Virgin_A Chick Lit, Romantic Comedy Novel_Newly Single And Seeking Spine-Tingles...

by Olivia Spring

  Done. This bank holiday, I would not be sitting at home like I normally did, working on my laptop and staring out the window as the rain poured down, lamenting why the weather was always so shit in England during bank holidays.

  Nope. This time, I would be jetting off to Tuscany for a shagathon with an Italian stallion.

  I reached for my phone and sent Lorenzo another message:

  Me

  All booked. Arrive Fri 27th May (5.30 p.m.), leave Mon 30th May (afternoon). Is Florence city centre the best place to stay?

  A record twenty-seven minutes later (of course I was still not checking timings…), he replied with:

  Lorenzo

  Nice

  He would not be winning any prizes for literature. And he didn’t answer my question about where to stay. Never mind. We could deal with that another time. For now I just wanted to take a moment to reflect on the fact that I was returning to Italy. What’s more, I had booked a flight in around forty-five minutes as opposed to multiple hours, which is the time it would traditionally take if I was going through my normal checking and analysis procedures. Bella and Roxy were right. I really was a new woman.

  I clicked on to our group chat.

  Me

  So, ladies…what are you doing the weekend of 4th June? I’ve thrown caution to the wind and booked flights. As I’m not normally this spontaneous, forward or…just not like this at all, I’m bricking it a bit!

  Me

  I chased in the end because as predicted, I hadn’t heard back re: dates. He said Sat/Sun would be good but not Thurs/Fri due to work. So I’m going Fri–Mon. Worried that I may be wasting time/money if it falls through. Hence may need moral support the following weekend to take my mind off any disappointment…

  Now that’s what you call a verbose message. Lorenzo, take note.

  Bella fired back a message. Paul must have been having an afternoon nap.

  Bella

  Bricking it is good!!! Feel the fear and do it anyway. Don’t forget to pack certain items… Sat 4th June is in the diary!!

  Next Roxy messaged:

  Roxy

  Yay! Go for it! You’ll have an amazing time! Sat 4th June is fine with me too. Can’t wait to have a front-row seat for the sequel to your exciting chick flick. But this time, can you bring popcorn? Preferably the salt/sweet mixed packets from M&S. (hehehe!) Proud of you! xxx

  Me

  Thanks, ladies. I’m apprehensive but also excited…

  Bella

  Try not to worry, hon. Keep busy, not just between now and when you go, but also put lots of stuff in the diary for when you get back so that you’re not missing him too much when you get back to reality.

  * * *

  Me

  Great idea. You know how sometimes I do have a tendency to overthink…

  Roxy

  Ha ha! You? Overthink? Sometimes? Never!

  Me

  Not funny, Roxy

  Roxy

  Well, just saying, Soph! You do tend to obsess because you always want everything to be perfect, but you’re definitely getting better…ish…

  Me

  Hey—cut me some slack. I’m much more relaxed than I used to be…

  Me

  M&S popcorn will be covered, Roxy. Alcohol is sure to be needed one way or the other too. Packing list will be also be sorted, Bella…

  Roxy

  By the way, Soph, don’t fuck up this time with the lady garden situation. You need to be booking your appointments with the beauty salon to get everything ship shape pronto. Your nails, feet, all need to be on point.

  Roxy

  Hold on. I can’t believe that I am telling you, Ms Beauty Queen Glamour Puss, about grooming. How things have changed!

  Me

  Don’t worry…it was a one-off. I’m normally always neat down there. I’ll be preened to perfection, and downstairs will be pruned better than a row of bushes at Kew Gardens. It’ll be like a work of art!

  Roxy

  Glad to hear it. Now go and book those appointments!

  Me

  Will do. Thank you, my darlings. You’re the best x

  And with that, we all signed off. Love those ladies. I was feeling much more positive about my decision to go there now. In fact, I couldn’t wait.

  Time to sort out those appointments: I booked a mani-pedi and bikini wax (legs and underarms had been lasered so all good there), eyebrow threading, messaged my industry friend Annabel to check availability for her stylist Josh to do my hair at her salon in Mayfair, then scheduled an appointment with the hygienist to get my teeth cleaned.

  That reminded me. Underwear. I’d get some new lingerie too.

  It was hard work gearing up for this whole sex thing.

  Strictly speaking, I should keep my look low-key as that’s how I was when Lorenzo met me. But this time, I want to be totally relaxed and not have to think about stray pubes spilling out from my thong.

  My sensible side told me I should exercise caution and not get too carried away until I was there and we were actually together, but I couldn’t help it. The fact that there was a possibility of some fun (and sex) in just two weeks’ time gave me something to look forward to.

  As nervous as I was, I just had to try and relax and tell myself it would all be fine.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  With the MIKA influencer lipstick launch less than a month away and so many other projects on the go, it had been a hectic week. But I didn’t mind, particularly as my weekend with Lorenzo was getting closer.

  On Tuesday morning, I was surprised to receive an unsolicited message from him which said:

  Lorenzo

  Good morning, beauty..how are you?

  We then messaged for a while about what he’d been up to, and he said he had been working hard. We exchanged various non-flirtatious messages, then I upped the ante a little by asking if he was looking forward to our lessons next week. He replied with a row of heart eyes emojis.

  As there was now just a week to go, on Thursday I decided to book a hotel. I’d been trying to delay doing this, just in case he cancelled, but his impromptu message had helped to put my mind more at ease.

  I’d done some top-level research on TripAdvisor (without going overboard like I normally would) and rather than going for five-star, I found a good four-star hotel just outside the centre with parking, as I assumed he’d have to drive to get there. Next I messaged Lorenzo to check that the location would be convenient for him.

  Me

  Good morning, honey, how are you? So I’m booking my accommodation today. I’ll be staying in a nice place near Florence town centre in the Porta al Prato/Borgo Ognisanti area. Is that easy for you to visit?

  He replied two hours later:

  Lorenzo

  Good morning to you

  Yes I know the place…i lived there for one year

  Me

  Perfect!

  Lorenzo

  Kiss

  I confirmed my reservation. Part of me wanted to book the flexible rate so I could cancel up to twenty-four hours before, but I’d already organised my flight, so I had to go. I needed to be positive and have faith.

  Time was flying by. I was still trying to get my head around the fact that this was actually happening in just six days. I took a quick look at his Facebook page. He was stunning. I mean, ridiculously so. What a way to get myself back in the saddle.

  Despite my occasional flashes of apprehension, I hadn’t even worried about the fact that I was going to stay with someone who was effectively a stranger for the weekend or thought about whether we’d get on (not that I needed anything else to start fretting about, of course). Strange how relaxed I felt about the prospect of spending time in his company.

  I wondered how I would be feeling this time next week. I’d either be overjoyed after spending two full days enjoying mind-blowing sex, disappointed because he was busy working and forgot to meet me, or happy that he had come (in more ways than one…), but sad that he�
��d left straight afterwards rather than spending the whole weekend with me as planned.

  Overthinking was pointless. The reality was, I wouldn’t know until next week. Like everything on this journey so far, I just had to say ‘fuck it’ and roll with the punches. It was out of my hands. All I could do now was send him a message on Wednesday to let him know the hotel details and what time I’d be there and to confirm final details. Until then, I would not obsess. I repeat, I would not obsess over this.

  After all my grooming and prep appointments it was good to finally lie back on the pedicure couch. I closed my eyes and exhaled. In just two days’ time, I’d be in Florence. Which meant that, as well as helping to take my mind off my feet getting touched (I’m very ticklish), now would also be a good time to send that confirmation message to Lorenzo:

  Me

  Hi, how are you? Two days to go…just sending over details of where I’ll be staying:

  Hotel Firenze

  Via Garibaldi, 9

  50123

  Florence—Italy

  What time do you finish work on Friday? I’ll be there from 5.30 p.m., so let me know if lessons begin on Friday night or Saturday morning…

  I hit the send button. He normally replied in two hours, so by the time I finished this pedicure and then travelled home, I should have a response.

  As I headed back from the salon, I heard my phone chime. It was probably approaching the two-hour mark, so it must be him. I pulled my phone out of my handbag. It was indeed.

  I tapped on the WhatsApp icon and then into his chat.

  Nooooooo!

  It can’t be!

  I fucking knew this would happen…

  Bastard!

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  And the award for prize plonker goes to…me!

  I had spent the last half an hour lying on my bed, repeating, I am such a fucking idiot, over and over again.

  As well as being a fool, it appeared I was a clairvoyant too because the outcome I’d predicted days ago had come true. His lame message read:

  Lorenzo

  Sorry, Sophia, I apologize so much but I cannot. I have to work.

  What a wanker.

  Well, you couldn’t say I hadn’t tried. I’d tried so hard. Too hard, in fact. I would never normally have done that. Chased a guy. Offered myself on a silver platter. Never. But I’d thought: Be more adventurous. Throw caution to the wind. So I had. And whilst it had paid off in the short term on my last night at the villa, because I’d just happened to be in the same room as him and it had required minimal extra effort on his part, it hadn’t in the long term.

  My head was spinning. I knew this would happen! Deep down in the bottom of my soul (in fact, not even that deep, practically surface level) I had seen the unreliability, the lukewarmness, the unresponsiveness. But I’d ignored it and thought I knew better. That I’d win, just like I always did at work. That he believed I was different. Special.

  He had probably taken two seconds to write that shitty message and then carried on with his work or screwing some bimbo without giving me another thought. My first reaction was to write to him and try and make a suggestion or find a way around it. But the fact that he didn’t volunteer a solution showed he clearly wasn’t bothered. I even considered deleting him from my contacts altogether, or blocking him. But I’d just leave it. I wouldn’t even reply.

  What could I even say? Oh, don’t worry about pissing all over my emotions, or the grand I’ve spent booking flights, accommodation and buying sexy underwear. It’s no biggie.

  At the end of the day, this had been my choice and I had known the risks, but had been living in such a dream world that I had gone ahead with it anyway. Stupid.

  Maybe I should stay here and focus on the MIKA Cosmetics launch… No! I was supposed to be getting more balance in my life, not working on bank holidays again. It’d be better for me and my well-being to explore Florence for three days than simply do the same old thing I always did in London.

  So, much like I had done a month ago, I just had to get on the plane and be prepared for the unknown. It might not be as exciting as my last trip, but what could I do? Somehow, I would just have to find a way to get through it.

  I launched WhatsApp. I needed moral support and knew Roxy and Bella would make me feel better.

  Me

  Evening, ladies. How’s it going?

  As I’d feared, the dirty weekend plans have fallen through. Sent a pre-check message today and got a reply saying ‘so sorry but I can’t now as I have to work’. Should have put money on that happening. Old me would have never gone ahead with something like this when my gut sensed flakiness/unreliability, but I was trying to be more spontaneous and step out of my comfort zone. Trying to be pragmatic about it, but it’s hard because I was really looking forward to it

  Roxy replied straight away:

  Roxy

  Aww, darling, can’t believe it, what a fucking arsehole. What you going to do? You still going?

  Me

  I bloody can! So annoyed with myself as it was what I thought would happen all along.

  Yep, have to—everything is already booked. Don’t fancy just sitting around here all weekend, so may as well go and make the most of it. Grrrrrr. Suppose I have to start getting used to this sort of thing with this new being single malarkey. x

  * * *

  Roxy

  Yup, it sure is part of the joys of being single!

  Well, you go, girl. Love that you’re going. Try to fill your day up with walking tours and stuff so you get to see the place and you’re around people too. You’re so bloody strong and already seem to have everything sorted in your mind and are thinking positively, so I know you’ll be fine.

  Me

  Thanks, Rox. Well, needs must and all that. I’d feel silly and wasteful just to say I’m not going.

  I do feel like shit. Don’t even think I’ll reply to the message. Was even thinking of deleting and blocking him altogether.

  Roxy

  Yeah. I’d probably send a message saying ‘fuck you, arsehole’ and delete him. Trust me, honey. You get used to this shit after a while!

  Roxy

  BUT there is the biggest positive…you had an amazing time on your last trip, you braved what you wouldn’t have three months ago and have good memories of your breakthrough to the new you, so give yourself a pat on the back. You had a night of passion and with an Italian stallion…just like an amazing chick flick. Minus the soppy happily ever after this time round…

  Me

  You’re so right. I will focus on the positive elements, see it as a fun experience and try to move on (easier said than done, though…). Thanks, hon. Speak soon x

  I climbed out of bed, dragged myself to the kitchen, opened the fridge, took out a bottle of gin and Fever-Tree tonic and poured myself a generous glass.

  I could do with some cake too. I opened the cupboards. Nothing. That lonely looking Green & Blacks Butterscotch chocolate bar lurking at the back would do nicely though.

  I retreated back to my bedroom, plonked myself on the bed, took a large swig of G&T and checked my phone. Bella had replied.

  Bella

  Dammit!!! I know it’s disappointing, but without sounding soppy, I’m sooooooo proud of you and I think you mentioned that you picked a hotel where you could pop off to Rome for a day? You know our motto, that things happen for a reason? I really think he’s served his purpose and maybe his function was to awaken the sleeping lioness within. There are many more fish in the sea (truly there are!) and what a wonderful talking point, eh, when you next go to a dinner party? Just put certain things in a safe place, ready for the next reveal!!

  Bella

  I’m away to Cornwall with Paul and Mike this weekend and I’m not sure what the Wi-Fi will be like where we’ll be staying, but will try to check messages, so keep in touch. P.S. still got 4th June in the diary x

  Me

  Thanks. I’ll try my best to make the most of it. Also, better th
at I know now rather than when I get there, but wasn’t ready for that story to end just yet—especially as the lioness within truly was awake and ready to roar! But hey-ho. Out of my control, and like you said, everything happens for a reason.

  Let’s hope there are more fish. It has been a fun chapter, though. Too short but relatively sweet. I’ll keep you posted. Have fun in Cornwall xxx

  Bella

  Will do, Soph. xx

  Thank goodness for my friends. Whilst I was still feeling like crap, on the scale of shittiness, with 10 being the worst, I was now hovering around the 6/7 mark, whereas before messaging them, I had been more like 20 (I know that’s not technically possible, but…).

  I downed the rest of my drink, stripped off my dress and underwear, threw them on the floor and pulled the duvet over my head. Screw having a shower. Screw throwing my clothes in the laundry basket. Screw packing. Screw Lorenzo (well, I was hoping to, but that was never gonna happen now). Screw everything. I was going to bed.

  So here I was again. Back in Florence. I put the key in the door of my hotel room and opened it to reveal a very grand yet minimalist room with dark wooden flooring, huge windows, white furniture and a ginormous bed. What a shame.

  I put my suitcase by the white wardrobe and then sat on the edge of the bed, which was clearly created with orgies in mind. It could literally fit four or five people (now I know I’d come here for a dirty weekend and to lose my MARGINITY, but that would definitely be too much of a stretch for a vanilla girl like me). It would have been perfect for the two of us. We could have rolled around on here for hours…