Her Secret Shame (Black Hills Brides Book 3)

by Christine Sterling

  She looked up at John, not wanting to see the disgust on his face, however he was still looking out the window. “There was a reason why I haven’t seen Mary in so long. I’m so ashamed for what I did, but I did what I thought was best. My mother, she meant well, as I have said before. But she can be selfish and unkind, and she sees the world differently. Though all the men that she had been with, she started to like one in particular. A man she had no business in seeing.”

  She watched John stare out the window, wishing he would turn around and look at her, but thankful he wasn’t. She took a deep breath and continued her story. “That boy, the one that I was in love with? My mother fancied herself in love with his father. And I didn’t know until it was too late.”

  Misty had always tried to block that night, but she still remembered every detail as she relayed it back to John.

  She remembered receiving a summons to go to the Rogers house, from a maid who escorted her to the grand estate. She remembered the jitters she had, because she thought she was being asked to come, as Randy was finally going to propose to her. It was careless, now that she thought about it; but she was a dewy-eyed girl who thought she was going to have her fairytale ending. She was surprised when she found that it was his father, instead, who was waiting for her in the foyer. He told her that he was the only one home when she asked where his son was. She had hoped that he hadn’t recognized her that day in the store, but he enlightened her that he knew exactly who she was, who her mother was.

  He told her he knew her game. She was her mother’s daughter, after all. He said a whore would never be with his son. Misty was so furious, to be called all those names. She was never the lady that her mother wanted her to be, so she lashed out at him, saying the things that Randy had told her, promised her. And when she was out of things to say, the man laughed. Laughed long and hard. Called her a stupid girl. Told her that all those promises, they meant nothing. Randy never loved her and was never going to marry her. How absurd it was she even entertained such an idea. She called him a liar, saying he knew nothing. He countered that she was the one who knew nothing. Then he revealed the reason why Randy wasn’t there; he was out with his fiancée. A girl he was courting for years now, a young woman that checked all the boxes. She was from a wealthy family, had an elevated status, and matched Randy in every level. She was someone that he didn’t have to hide in the shadows, like she did.

  And when Misty thought about it, it became clear. Why all they had were stolen moments on that hill. She had always thought it was because of her family; she realized it was because of his reputation. Randall told her his son knew who she was and was using her. He was never going to marry her. She was just something to pass the time. Misty couldn’t believe it. She didn’t want to believe it. She stood there, trying to make sense of it all. It was then, she got the proposition. Randall told her it would be wise if she left; his son would be bringing his new bride here to live, as he was going to inherit the store. He didn’t need to have her around as a constant reminder. Misty refused at first, saying she couldn’t leave her family. But Randall gave her an offer she couldn’t refuse: if she left, he would make sure that Mary would be sent away. He knew how much she cared for her sister and how she couldn’t leave without knowing that the girl was going to be taken care of. If she stayed, Randall would make sure her family would suffer. All the riches that her mother had accrued, it was because of him. And he could easily take it away.

  She remembered him leering at her, his breath just behind her ear, as he crept close to her. “Your sister, she’s just as sweet as you. Innocent. She would fetch a hefty sum. Just as you would have as well,” he said, in a knowing way.

  “She’s too young,” Misty hissed at him, disgusted with his suggestion.

  “Your mother, though, she doesn’t think so. And with the right suggestion, I know she will bend to my will. She loves me. She had even before your father came and stole what wasn’t his,” he said, bitterness in his voice.

  Misty turned around, looking up at his face in defiance. “You’re lying.”

  “I don’t lie, dear child. You know your mother, you know it’s true.”

  And she knew it was true, she knew her mother was willing to give them up if it meant she could keep her lifestyle or this man. Her mother was a good actress when her father was around, but now after all these years, it was like she was seeing her for the first time. She knew that her mother would jump for this man, do anything for him. “How do I know you will keep your word?”

  He chuckled, before he went to the nearest chest of drawers, grabbing an envelope and handing it to her. “This is a letter from one of the top finishing schools in Georgia. And a train ticket for her to leave in a few days’ time. But you are to leave tonight. There is some money in the envelope for you to start over again.” Misty looked at the contents, verifying everything he said was true. And it was all there, just as he said.

  “And so,” Misty continued, looking away from John, who was still standing there listening, “I left. That night, I left. With only a small bag and I went to the farthest place I could go with the money he had given me. I didn’t even have a chance to say goodbye. I never told them where I was going. I even smiled at Mary that night, when she went to bed. I just left the envelope on her nightstand and walked away. And I thought she would understand why. I vowed one day that I would tell her.”

  “What did you do?” he asked, finally breaking the silence.

  “I worked odd jobs, going from city to city when I could get enough money. And I did that for a year, until I met Lily. She is the one that led me to Samantha. And then I was their family maid for a while, until her husband died, and I followed her here.”

  Her and John’s eyes met for the first time since she started telling her story. “I vowed, no matter what, I would never sell my body. I would work hard, and find my way, but I would never take that route. One of the last conversations I ever had with my mother was when she accused me of trying to entice her clients. I had mistakenly come home at a time when she was entertaining a new gentleman, and he got the wrong impression. And then my mother thought it was my fault, when I was just walking into my own house! She called me a whore and said that I wouldn’t amount to anything. And I didn’t want to prove her right.”

  “And when I saw Mary at the hotel, I just couldn’t let go that I might have failed her. That my choice didn’t help her in the way that I thought it would. She was going to make the same mistakes that our mother had made, and I couldn’t let her do that. So that’s why I did it, because it didn’t matter if something had happened to me. Because I was already ruined. But she wasn’t.” Tears started to run down her face. “I shouldn’t have left her! I should have taken her with me. I thought I was doing what was best, but I left her there with that woman. Our mother had died with father, and it took me all this time to realize this. I should have known then what I know now. I should have done more…!”

  Her voice was muffled when John raced across the room and pulled her into his embrace. She was stunned by his actions but then welcomed it, burying her head into his chest and crying. She had never allowed herself to cry, not even when she lost her first love. She had only cried once before, and even then, she felt it was warranted. She knew she should stop, but his warmth was so intoxicating that she allowed herself this reprieve once as she cried in his arms. And when she felt she couldn’t cry anymore, she looked up into his face. He looked down at her, but not with judgment or with contempt. It wasn’t pity that was staring at her either. It was the look of a man who cared for her. She didn’t know what she was doing until she leaned up and kissed him.

  She felt compelled to do it, not knowing what he would do in return. It just felt right, like a piece of her was missing and his lips were the only thing that would make her whole. What surprised her is that he immediately responded. He grabbed at her sides, pulling her close, so close she was melting into him. She turned her head, allowing him access to deepen the
ir connection, as he picked her up and set her down on the bed.

  She pulled at him, as he tasted her hard and deep. Her mind was reeling, swirling in different thoughts until she felt him unbuttoning the back of her dress. Then she pushed him away, wiggling out of his embrace. She stood next to him, as he lay on the bed. They were both panting, as she turned to him. “We mustn’t,” she said, crossing her arms around her chest. “I need more time.”

  John stood up. “I’m sorry, my head was not in the right place.” But he walked over to her, leaning in to kiss her head. “But if you must know, I care for you deeply, Misty. I feel that we should make this marriage permanent. I know I can make you happy. I know we can be happy.”

  Misty looked up at him, ready to cry again. “But you know, I’m spoiled. I’m no longer innocent.”

  “It doesn’t matter to me,” he said, pulling her into his chest. “What happened in the past, is the past. It doesn’t have to dictate our future.” He pulled back, so they were staring at each other. “I want you, Misty. I want to make you mine. My wife.”

  “But what about your job? Won’t people talk?”

  “People will talk anyway. It is whether you listen to them or not. But tonight, it is just us.”

  Then he kissed her again. Not as intensely as before, but enough to leave her lips buzzing afterwards. As he pulled away she reached back to draw him closer. She knew it was up to her to make the first move, to make their marriage real.

  Misty leaned up to claim his lips then fell backwards on the bed pulling him with her. He rolled to the side, so his weight wouldn’t fall on her and returned her passion.

  She kissed him with everything inside of her, until she thought her lungs would burst. Pulling back, Misty allowed herself to rest for a minute before opening her eyes to see him leaning over her. His eyes were deeper as he looked at her and the smallest smirk of a smile played at the corner of his lips.

  “I’m going to let you catch your breath for a minute, Misty Henderson, and then I’m going to make you mine.”

  Misty Henderson, she liked that. Taking and then releasing a large breath, she reached back for the handsome man in front of her.

  “Do you want this, Misty? Because after tonight there is no turning back.”

  “I want this, John. I want you.”

  And for the first time in her life, Misty had a man make love to her. It wasn’t fast, in fact it was deliberately slow. As if John wanted to make it last as long as possible. As if he wanted to blot out all the memories in her brain and brand it with new ones. It was early in the morning when he finally allowed himself to fall asleep with her in his arms.

  As she listened to him lightly snore she realized that she wanted to tell him that she loved him. That she had loved him for a long time. But she was afraid of what he might say back. So, she locked up that feeling, hoping that she could tell him at another time. Even if he didn’t love her in the same way, she was still going to remain married to him. And wouldn’t that be enough? In that moment, it just had to be.

  Chapter 13

  Misty - Twenty-two

  Misty exited the train, leaning into the sweltering summer day. She looked around the train platform, looking for a familiar face. She didn’t see one and wondered where Samantha was. She had written her, telling her of her arrival. Samantha was the one that had invited her out, as she didn’t have a job in Pennsylvania anymore. They had exchanged many letters in the time that she had left; Misty had enormous guilt over how she had been an instrument in Samantha’s brother-in-law’s game. She never knew why Samantha had forgiven her; she knew she herself would have taken issue. But Samantha had waved it off, as if it were nothing more than a lapse in judgement.

  She told her of her new life with her new husband, whom she loved desperately and deeply. Misty looked forward to her letters, as she had no one to tend to in Samantha’s enormous home. When her uncle came to settle her affairs, she was afraid she would have to find elsewhere to go. She was dreading the idea; she had gotten used to having one place to go, not having to worry about what her future held.

  Before Samantha’s first husband had died, she had resigned herself to the idea that she would be there to help Samantha as she raised her children. To her, that was enough. She never thought that she would ever have anything else and she was content with that life. Samantha’s brother-in-law tried to marry Samantha to take over the family fortune and when she wasn’t receptive he tried to kill her. Her father and uncle arranged a marriage for her to Seth Jenkins with the hopes that he could protect her until that matter was dealt with. It was a good thing that Samantha had left, even though she felt a loss. She considered her a sister now. Her thoughts went back to her real sister, as she let herself wonder before she buried the thoughts.

  She was glad that Samantha had viewed her as part of her family and included a train ticket with a lovely note about starting fresh in Black Hills. And now she was waiting at the platform, with her only bag at her feet. She felt alone, looking out at the people walking back and forth. Where was Samantha? Now she felt dread. Had she misread it? Did Samantha not invite her? How embarrassing would it be if she were to see Samantha. She was so cross and in thought that she didn’t notice when a gentleman had walked right up to her side.

  “Lost, darling?” said the man beside her.

  Misty looked towards the voice, annoyed at his reference to her. She was no one’s darling! But when she looked, she held her breath. The man to her side was breathtakingly handsome; he was tall and broad, filling out the small space of the platform. He held his head high and confidently, stubble running across his face. He was the most attractive man she had seen in ages, as he also felt like one of the most dangerous.

  She eyed him carefully, hugging her shawl closer to her chest. “No, I’m not. I’m just looking for someone.”

  “I gather. I can help with that. I do know my way around here,” he said smoothly, tipping his hat.

  She glared at him, finding his confidence unnerving, even as she thought everything else about him was so attractive she nearly lost her footing. “I’m waiting for someone.” She wanted him to go away; she didn’t enjoy the way he was affecting her.

  He laughed, holding out his hand to her. “I’m John Henderson. I’m the town sheriff. And you are?” he asked.

  She smiled sweetly. “I’m none of your concern,” she said, as she picked up her bag and walked down off the platform into the town.

  When she turned around, she was surprised that he was following her. “I don’t get a name?” he asked, in an alarmed tone.

  “No,” she said flatly. As she walked faster, it occurred to her that maybe this man wasn’t used to people telling him no, so maybe that was why he was following her. “Why are you following me?” she asked, turning around so he stopped abruptly behind her.

  “I just want to help,” he said sheepishly.

  “Well, I can tell you I’m fine, Sheriff John Henderson,” she said as she smiled, “Don’t you have people that need arresting or something?”

  He laughed. “It’s a slow day for me. Not many people need arresting today.”

  She smiled at him, genuinely. It had been a long time since she was able to talk to a man like this, without them expecting something in return. She knew he was flirting hard, but it was a playful flirt, as if he was expecting nothing from her except her company.

  “Misty!” she heard someone shout behind her. She turned to see Samantha running down the street, with a tall, lean man behind her, whom she assumed was her new husband Seth. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here to greet you. Seth lost track of time,” she said, eyeing the man next to her warily.

  The man scratched his head. “My wife is right, I wasn’t paying attention. So, for that, I offer my apologies. I’m Seth Jenkins,” he said, extending his hand. Misty grasped it, as he shook it firmly. “I’ve heard so much about you. Apparently, my wife can’t live without you.”

  She looked at Samantha, who blushed. �
�I may have told him how helpful you were around the house.”

  Misty smiled at the two of them as they stared at each other. She could see how completely in love they were, just from their eyes. “Well, she is right. I performed most duties at the house, though I don’t know how much I can help out around the ranch. I was thinking that maybe I could work in town,” she said looking around. She didn’t really see many prospects. In her thoughts, before she had agreed to come down to Black Hills, she had thought she would find something in the town. As much as she wanted to help Samantha, she didn’t want to be at the house with the newlyweds; she had a feeling that Samantha was far more affectionate with this man than she had been with James. She didn’t want them to feel uncomfortable.

  “I hear Higgins is searching for more maids at the hotel,” said John behind them.

  As Misty turned to him, Samantha exclaimed “What a wonderful idea, John! Misty, have you met John?”

  John smiled, “Yes, Misty and I have met at the train platform,” he said, with a small wink.

  As they walked towards the hotel, Misty tried to ignore the butterflies she felt in her stomach as she watched John from behind. This man was going to be trouble for her, she just knew it.

  Samantha knew something was wrong. It had been three days and she still hadn’t seen Misty. She had asked around, but all the girls acted as if she was speaking about someone they had never met. It didn’t help that Old Man Higgins was gone for a few days, visiting some family back east. He had left Clover in charge and the two women did not get along because Samantha had not approved of Clover’s nonstop flirting with her husband. While she was standing next to him, no less.