With Hearts Aflame: Valentine's Day Box Set

by Maren Smith

  It was crazy that she could jump into action when a person came running through the ER doors with a blue-faced child in their arms, or she could lie without even thinking twice, when the situation called for it. Calories—she looked at food and numbers stared back at her, no matter how long she tried to deny them. And then decisions—real-life decisions like standing up for herself and being her own person, like getting her own kind of dog or selling her parent's house, were so hard for her to make. All her life she'd had Mr. Know-it-all, smart-Alex, standing over her so she couldn't make her own decisions, and now to make matters worse he was even trying to choose her boyfriend. One who would spank her, too. He probably told him to do it, and she was through with that.

  With a wave of anger, her signature appeared on the contract with Grosse Pointe Real Estate and Miranda Bissante.

  "Your days of bringing home lovers are done unless you bring two, or yours is into a threesome." Charlie pushed the papers across the desk to her friend with as much excitement as she could muster.

  "Ha! We're going to get you your own condo as soon as possible, so don't get too comfortable."

  Chapter Seven

  Charlie paced back and forth, not seeing anything in front of her but Brinks. Not the real Brinks but the picture she'd taken of him under the Christmas tree and used as the screen saver on her phone. Then again, she hadn't even been looking at the picture but staring mindlessly. She needed to start making the calls. But whom to call first? And how to say it? Oh—she was going to go crazy. This was the hardest part, harder than putting the house up for sale. She supposed she should just call Alex first but she wanted to call Jenna, too. She didn't want Alex to be the one to tell her, and then again she didn't want Jenna to talk to Alex before she did either. There really was not a right way. Any way she planned it, there was a good or bad point. She just needed to do it and get it over with.

  Brinks whined at her when she walked by the sofa arm he was perched on for the fifth or thirteenth time. She patted his head without looking and kept on pacing. She blew her hair out of her face, as if that would help, that one strand always fell right back. She loved the idea of a trendy side part, but she didn't have it trained to stay the way it was supposed to. Of course the cut was just shy of long enough to stay tucked behind her ears. She gave way to the never-ending desire and shoved the red-brown lock behind her ear for the thousandth time and hit send.

  Her hands had been shaking for hours. They hadn't stopped since she'd left Miranda's office. She probably should wait until Alex was—

  "I'm working, Charlie. Is everything okay?"

  "Um, yeah—no. I mean I'm sorry for calling you while you're working, Alex. I just couldn't wait any longer. I'm not coming over tonight. I've got some things to sort out, but I wanted to let you know that I'm not letting you run my life anymore." He tried to interrupt but she hurried to finish. "I put the house up for sale today, Alex. You have the first option to buy, but I'm done. I'm getting my own place and I'd love to still be—I don't know… I just think we need some distance." It was silent, except for maybe wind or background noise. "Alex, are you still there?" She looked out the sliding glass door to the courtyard outside Miranda's apartment.

  "You put the house up for sale? You need to come over; we need to talk about this. We can't talk on the phone." His voice seemed void of emotion, not angry like she'd expected.

  "I'm not coming over. There really isn't anything I want to talk about right now. We just need some time and some space. I need to prove that I can take care of myself. I'm getting an apartment and if you want the house you can contact Miranda at her office. I love you, Alex." She hung up.

  One down.

  She took a deep breath and wiped her eyes. Her hands were shaking so badly she couldn't press the touchscreen correctly. Finally Jenna's face flashed on the screen and the call went through. Voicemail. No, not a good thing to do via voicemail. Could Jenna be on the other line with Alex already? Crap. She'd have to try back in a bit. Charlie brought her knuckles to her chin and stared at Brinks thoughtlessly until he yipped at her and she snapped out of it.

  Should she wait to call Vin until he was off work? He was supposed to come from work to "talk" with her before going to Alex's. She could wait until he got there and realized she wasn't there and then he would call her.

  No, what if Alex called him before then? Or he called Alex looking for her? Or what if Miranda was home by then? She wouldn't want to try to talk with Miranda over her shoulder, listening in. No, she should just call now. Sheesh. This decision-making was probably harder than living under Alex's egotistical rule. She was going to have a nervous breakdown.

  What was she doing? She'd already dialed him? It was ringing… when had she pressed send? Shit.

  "Loveanu."

  "Um, it's Charlie. I'm sorry for calling you at work."

  "It's alright, sugar. You okay?"

  "Yes—no. I mean—I can't do this. I'm not going to Alex and Jenna's with you tonight. I mean I'm not going to see you anymore." Her voice broke. She was just glad she said what she needed to say. She tipped the phone away while she sniffed and looked quickly around the room for a box of tissues.

  "Charlie, sugar, I'm sorry. Can we talk about this in person? You're killing me. Is this about last night? Of course, it's about last night. Let me just—can we talk about this again?"

  "No, I don't want to talk anymore. I'm sorry, Vin." She ended the call before he could hear her cry.

  Brinks jumped on her lap whining and licking her chin. She scooped him up and went in search of Kleenex.

  * * * * *

  "This one is in walking distance to the hospital. It has a nice open layout." Miranda was dressed in five-inch heels that would have crippled Charlie before she even left the house, but not Miranda. She was strutting around through the snowy streets of the Grosse Pointe area, helping Charlie find the best of the best condos available.

  "I don't know; it just seems so… cold?" Charlie was not enjoying the home search the way she thought she would. She'd dreamed of this so many times.

  "You keep saying the same things at all of them, Charles. They will look much better when you bring your furniture and other stuff in, and I'll help you set them up." She came over to where Charlie was standing by the sliding glass door. "This one is the best. It even has the door and patio you wanted. We can go buy one of those panel doors from the pet store that slide in here, with the little doggie door at the bottom, and the kennel for the patio, and Brinks will be all set for while you're at work, just like before."

  "I know you're right. It's just that it has no character. No charm. I don't know. Maybe I should wait and look at houses instead?" Charlie took another sweeping glance around the stark white brand new condo before walking toward the door. It wasn't fair. If their house had been given to Alex, he would have kept it and he and Jenna would have helped her to find a place she loved. Charlie would have liked his help, but he forced her to this decision with his domineering ways.

  "Well, you know you can stay with me as long as you want… but we've already been over the reasons you wanted to lease a condo instead of a house. Let's just take some time and you can think about it longer." They were outside now and Miranda was locking the place back up.

  In the end, Charlie opted for that condo. It was better than the other five she'd looked at for the reasons Miranda said. Some of the others didn't have a sliding door and that was the only way she could see to install a doggie door for Brinks. One had been very old and not in a charming way, but a grungy, nasty way and another—the neighborhood had been so bad she was afraid to get out of the car when they had parked. Even if she'd had both Tango and Bruce she'd still have most likely been afraid.

  The problem was that even with all of her furniture and stuff, the apartment still didn't feel like home. Miranda had also taken her shopping and helped her decorate a bit in hopes of making it feel cozier, but Charlie was afraid nothing would help.

  It had been a
month and a half since her move. She still had not seen Alex face to face. She'd tried to speak to him on the phone a couple times, but it had been so abrupt and unlike him. She'd met Jenna for coffee at Starbucks, but that hadn't been even remotely close to comfortable let alone fun. This was not what Charlie wanted.

  She'd known it would be hard but this broke her heart. She'd hoped with a little time Alex would understand her and how she felt. She was going to have to get it over with and talk to him in person. She'd somehow hoped he and Jenna would buy the house, but they'd declined. Now, there was an outside offer on it and Charlie was ready to accept. She was depressed, but she didn't want the burden any longer.

  "Crap!" A vibration in her pocket caused her to jump before she heard the song assigned to Jenna. She pulled the phone out and answered, "Hello."

  "I'm on my way, there was an accident and they had all the lanes blocked but I'm coming. I'm just running late and wanted to let you know."

  "Oh, okay. No problem," Charlie replied. "See you in a bit." Brinks whined and tipped his head at her with a curious tilt as she passed by him, perched on the back of her new tan micro-fiber sofa.

  She'd invited Jenna to see her new place, hoping to feel her out and get an idea about Alex. She was still hesitant to be around him. She knew that if he decided to spank her she would not be able to stop him and by the end she would most likely agree with him. As much as she wanted to prove she could do all these things on her own, that she didn't need him running her life, she did want his approval; she loved him, missed him. And she was starting to doubt herself—maybe she had rushed ahead, maybe she had made the biggest mistake of her life… Part of her wanted to run to him and let him fix everything. Let him spank her and tuck her in and just be there for her. Her rock, her security.

  She tried to get herself together, to pretend she was excited about her new home and that she wasn't lonely, depressed and second-guessing everything. That was the last thing she wanted Jenna to tell Alex.

  Charlie checked the tea water that should surely have whistled by now but instead continued to sizzle. So she rearranged the biscotti on the plate and carried it out to the table. She stared at the fruit, wondering whether she was forgetting something. Surely she'd forgotten something.

  Brinks started barking, jumped from his perch and ran to the door well before Charlie ever heard the light tapping. "Come in," she called as she hurried to answer it. She ducked to pick up the tiny dog and shushed him at the same time she pulled the door open. "Hi, come in. Come in." She opened the door wide and hugged Jenna before letting her pass.

  "Oh, this is a really nice place." She began to unbutton her coat. "It's pretty new?"

  "Yes, I'm the first tenant. They just completed the construction in the fall. I'll show you around but there isn't much to show." Charlie giggled anxiously. She'd never been nervous around Jenna before. A piercing whistle ended the tour before it began and the two friends went to the kitchen instead. "It's the tea kettle. I have some snacks for us. I made coffee, too, but I thought maybe you might not be drinking coffee now that you are expecting."

  "Yes, I have switched to decaf, so tea is great. Thank you. It looks yummy," she said, motioning to the small table in the dining area between the kitchen and spacious living room.

  "Are you excited? About the baby… I bet Alex is thrilled…" A pang of loneliness stabbed Charlie again. She hadn't spoken to him since the announcement.

  "Oh, yes! Alex is definitely pleased. Of course he wants a boy first. He thinks it's just the order things have to happen, you see. Older brothers care for their younger siblings…" her voice trailed off. "I'm sorry, Charlie. I didn't mean that as a jab."

  "No, it's okay. I know exactly how Alex is—or how he feels. Please sit down, and let's have some tea. I did want to talk to you about Alex; that is pretty much why I asked you over." They both sat down and started to make their plates. "I miss you guys so much." Charlie's eyes prickled and she twitched her nose, trying not to sniffle. "I still want to come over and be like it was before—but you know, not— like it was before…"

  Jenna smiled knowingly. "We miss you, too, more than you know. Alex is lost."

  "What? No, he isn't. Alex knows everything. He is the master of everything."

  She shook her head a little sadly. "Charlie, Alex is just a man who is trying to do everything he can to take care of the responsibility he was given, in the way he knows how to do it. It's what he is—what he does. And now he is lost, trying to figure out what he did wrong. Where he went wrong."

  "I've told him many times."

  "Told him what?" Jenna sipped her tea cautiously and looked at Charlie with her soulful brown and gold eyes.

  "That I want him to stop treating me like a child. That I can take care of myself. That I'm not his responsibility. That it's not normal for brothers to spank their sisters or for men to spank adult women for that matter… I know he spanks you, but that just proves my point—it's not normal. I don't know why you allow it either." Her voice had slowly risen in pitch and Brinks came to growl at her feet, sharing in her anger, yet not knowing where to direct it. Charlie continued, "And then to try to… to try to hook me up with Vin—to try to pick out a man for me… someone else who would spank me, that was just all I could take." She ran out of breath and sat back against the chair, relaxing her shoulders and sighing deeply.

  "Alex did not pick Vin out for you, Charlie. I did because he is my favorite cousin. If you two had worked out, Alex wouldn't worry about you so much. Alex really had nothing to do with it. I know Vin is a good guy and someone Alex would approve. I thought you guys would get along. He's a cop, like your Dad and Alex, and he loves dogs… I didn't think you would think we were trying to run your life…" She shook her head, pleading with Charlie to believe her. What did that mean? Did she dump Vin for no reason? No—she still didn't want a relationship with a man who spanked. Charlie's eyes met Jenna's again over her own cup of tea. She didn't remember pulling it up to her lips but it made a great shield. It gave her a moment to think.

  "I just want to make my own decisions." She set the mug down again when her hand trembled, threatening to slosh the hot tea over the sides. Charlie quickly grabbed her napkin and dabbed at her eyes, trying really hard to keep from letting her tears burst forth. "I want to prove I can do it. Nobody I know is spanked, it's not normal and… and then Vin did it, too. Alex had to have told him, they had to have talked about it."

  "Charlie, that's not true. I don't know if they have spoken about spanking, you'd have to ask Alex about that, but you do know others who are: me and there are probably many more. Most of my family does. I've been spanked by my brothers, and some of my cousins. I've even been spanked by Vin. And my friend Alexis is. She belongs to a domestic discipline community online. It's not as uncommon as you think. Wait a minute—Charlie, your mother, didn't you—"

  "Shut up! No. My mom did not let my dad sp—-" She jumped up, shoved her chair back, and started to pace. "My mom was very independent! She took care of the house, the bills; she worked for years for God's sake." Brinks paced the floor with her.

  "Being spanked when you are wrong, when you do something you've agreed not to, doesn't make you weak; it doesn't make you dependent. You can still have a job, all of those things. I've heard a lot about your mom and she was a very satisfied woman, I'm sure. So are the women in my family. I'm sorry. I really didn't mean to upset you. I just wanted to help you understand."

  It was too much—too much to process all at once. She needed time to think about that and she needed to change the subject. She could not handle this anymore. She came back to the table and sunk into the chair. "Have you thought of any baby names?"

  Chapter Eight

  It was sunny but that meant nothing; it was freaking cold. That was the weather in Michigan. Almost the end of March and still snow on the ground. How she wished she still had her fireplace. Charlie longed to at least drive by her home, maybe walk through it once more. Maybe she would at le
ast drive by later. She huffed as she made it to the right spot at last. She'd left her car in the middle of the narrow drive. It probably wasn't legal; there were parking spaces at designated intervals around the cemetery.

  Tears hit her cheeks before her knees hit the slushy ground between the two graves. She didn't come often. Okay, she usually only did when she was upset. Mostly after Alex had spanked her and if she wasn't dealing well with it… when she was feeling lonely or lost.

  It wasn't fair really. It hadn't been fair for Daddy to die the way he had. It had dragged on endlessly, his battle with cancer. She'd believed life was cruel then, but when her mom had died in a car accident almost two years later, it had really crushed Charlie. She had just started to really live again. Her dad always said she was fragile, her mom said she was sensitive, and Alex said she was immature. It didn't leave her much to amount to. She just kind of tucked back into herself. That was why she loved her job, loved to work a lot. She didn't have to think about herself, or feel things she didn't want to. There was really no time to think in the ER. She had to stay on top of everything because lives were at stake.

  But her thoughts came right back around to her mom as she scooted up to the peach-colored stone and leaned against it. Why had she never known? Now of course it all made sense. Different memories had been flooding her head all afternoon, ever since Jenna left.

  Mom: "It was a simple yearly check-up, Bobby, not something important. I mean—I'm not sick!" Her voice had been somewhat whiny.

  Dad: "You could be and you wouldn't know it. That's why you get a check-up. You know exactly why you have to go. Twenty years as my wife hasn't changed over-night. You know what is coming. Get your butt upstairs." He'd turned around and saw Charlie, who'd just come in from the back yard maybe. He distracted her with something, tickling… a movie. No—a bowl of ice cream and a movie—before dinner.