The Road Home

by Palmer, Fiona

  She knew coming home would do this – bring her memories to life. Some she welcomed but there were others that she dreaded.

  Lara drove straight to the big shed covered with dull corrugated tin, where she knew Noah would still be shearing. A white van and a couple of utes were parked outside under nearby trees. Wooden sheep yards held various sheep – some shorn and bright white and others still heavy with wool. Lara pulled up next to Noah’s silver ute and headed up the stairs in her favourite black pumps. Maybe a tad overdressed, she thought briefly, but she was so used to dressing this way. She’d forgotten what a pair of work boots felt like. She could still remember her excitement when her parents had finally bought her a pair of leather boots, at the age of ten. She’d cried with happiness, feeling like a real farmer at last. Her mum had given her a sympathetic smile and said, ‘Oh, honey. You don’t want to be a farmer. That’s not a life for our girl. Become a brilliant accountant or teacher.’ She had always wanted better things for her daughter.

  With a flick of her finger, Lara pushed her sunnies back into her long hair like a headband, and stepped into the dark shed. It took a moment for her eyes to adjust as the sound of the handpieces and the smell of the lanolin guided her in. She saw four shearers and only recognised old Ronny on the end, who’d been shearing sheep for them for as long as she could remember. Just seeing his tattoo-covered arms and threadbare shearing pants made her feel twelve again. Two of the shearers were very young, late teens or early twenties, and the guy on the end, who was around Noah’s age, made her stop and stare. He was a big bloke, tall and sturdy like a power pole, with dark hair. And his arms! She’d forgotten men’s arms could look so strong and powerful. In her job, she didn’t get to see anything like that, unless the bloke was a gym junkie and lived on protein shakes. Her boyfriend before Nic had been a personal trainer at the gym she was going to with Mel over a year ago. But that had only lasted a month – the gym and the bloke. She’d mainly dated office guys like Nic. His arms were long, but thin and even, not bulging with muscle. Damn. Why did she have to think of Nic? She’d promised herself not to.

  Giving the shearer a last glance, she turned towards the skirting table. She guessed Noah would be there classing, overseeing the wool. He had his back to her so she walked over and tapped him on his bare shoulder. ‘Gee, they must be desperate to have you in the shed,’ she yelled over the sound of the motors.

  Noah turned around, a grin spreading across his lean cheeks.

  ‘Sis!’ he yelled, throwing his arms around her.

  He was sticky with sweat and smelled like the back end of a sheep, but this was hard-working Noah, just how she remembered him.

  A loud wolf whistle rang out behind her. ‘Hey, boys, get a load of this beauty,’ said Ronny. He stood with his hands on his hips, watching Lara with a cheeky grin.

  She couldn’t help but smile as Noah led her over to the shearers. ‘Hey, Ronny. Good to see you’re still kickin’ about,’ Lara said before kissing him on the cheek.

  Ronny turned a shade of red and the tattoo of Betty Boop on his arm unwrinkled as he puffed up his muscles like a peacock. ‘Aw, hey, Miss Lara. Good to see you back here.’

  The two boys next to him had also stopped, and she watched the handsome one finish off his sheep with ease. He stood up and oiled his handpiece.

  ‘Lara, those two larrikins are Dero and Sack.’ Noah pointed out the two youngest shearers. ‘They’re blow-ins, trying to get a full-time gig shearing.’ Lara smiled at them before they went about their business. Noah turned back to the good-looking fellow. ‘And I want you to meet my best mate, Jack. Jack, this is my little sis, Lara.’ Noah slapped the dark-haired guy on the back.

  Jack held out his hand, and then, perhaps realising how dirty it was, began to pull it back. Lara reached out her hand and slipped it into his. His grip was strong but gentle.

  ‘Nice to meet you, Jack.’ Her clean white skin was almost lost inside his deep tanned hand. Her gaze travelled up his arm to a Maori ta moko tattoo, then to his ruggedly handsome face, across the black stubble and strong jaw to his deep green eyes. He wore a black shearing singlet that exposed the dark hairs on his wide chest. He was a real specimen of a man. The kind who chops down big trees, fixes cars and rides around on a stallion rescuing princesses – well, in dreams at least.

  Eventually Jack let her hand go and smiled, which softened his whole face, giving it a sexy edge.

  ‘Noah’s sister, hey?’ he said with a slight Kiwi accent, his eyes still fixed on Lara. Sweat glistened on his arms like oil on a cover model.

  Lara glanced towards Noah, who stood just as tall as Jack but skinny in comparison. ‘Yep. She’s the other Turner.’ Noah laughed as he brushed his hand through his long, scruffy brown hair, shifting fragments of wool stuck there.

  ‘I do recall Noah mentioning you a few times, come to think of it.’

  ‘You too.’ Jack looked her up and down purposefully. The heat in his gaze sent shivers down her spine. ‘He left a few things out, though,’ he said with a cheeky smile. He was rubbing his left arm, where a wide scar ran nearly from shoulder to elbow.

  ‘Oh, come on, Jack. As if I’m gonna go around saying my sister’s hot,’ said Noah, rolling his eyes.

  ‘Hey, I’m still here.’ Lara slapped Noah’s arm. ‘Well, seeing as you’re busy, I might just head back to the house and settle in, maybe organise some dinner.’

  Noah kissed her on the forehead. ‘That sounds great, sis. I’m glad you came. I’ll try to knock off early, or you could always come back and help?’

  Lara put her finger to her mouth as she thought. ‘Umm, no.’

  Noah laughed as she waved goodbye to Jack and Ronny and headed to the doorway. She paused, glancing back into the mayhem that was beginning again. Her eyes automatically sought Jack’s dark hair and chiselled body. Fancy finding something that gorgeous in Noah’s shearing shed. It seemed a shame to leave. Jack looked up, as if sensing her eyes. She smiled, caught out, and he winked. Time to go before she blushed.

  She drove Millie back to the house which sat a few hundred metres back in a section of bush. She couldn’t help but look at the old flying fox that their dad had built for them. It went from a large gum tree, which had metal rods stuck in it for a ladder, over a heap of scrub bush and mallee trees, down to the bottom of another large gum tree fifty metres away. Her dad was so clever – had been so clever, she corrected herself – always building them swings and fun things to play with. They were outside kids. Now she was an inside adult, stuck in an office all day with a pen and a phone as her tools.

  Lara drove past the large wire dog pens and into the two-car shed off to the right of the house. She climbed out of the car, smiling as familiar smells tugged at her memories. The shed hadn’t changed at all. The same earth floor, corroded rabbit traps resting on the internal beams, old boxes and cupboards against the back wall. No doubt still containing bits of stuff that didn’t have a place in the house.

  She pulled out her overnight case and carried it to the cracked cement pathway so that dirt wouldn’t get in the trolley wheels. Noah had let the garden go a bit, she noticed. The only things still alive were the roses, which were just damn hardy, and the lawn and other shrubs that were on reticulation. There was a large tank near the house, which meant they had to cart water from the standpipe twenty kilometres away. She could remember times when the toilet wouldn’t flush or you couldn’t get a drink from the tap because they’d run out of water.

  As she opened the wooden gate, dog barks erupted. Lara dropped her bag when she saw the kelpie come running towards her as fast as his arthritic legs could go.

  ‘Dippa! Is that you, boy? Holy heck, you’ve gotten old.’ She bent over and rubbed the black and tan kelpie’s ears, cradling his head in her hands as she crouched down. ‘Oh, Dippa. I’ve missed you. How’ve ya been, hey?’ She lovingly patted his muzzle where it had greyed.

  Dippa tried his hardest to lick Lara’s hands as she felt a nudge under her
arm and another wet nose pressed up close.

  ‘Hey, Roy. You’re lookin’ good too.’ Roy was Noah’s old Red Cloud farm dog and was a few years younger than Dippa. His body didn’t give away his age; Noah must still take him out a lot for a run behind the sheep.

  The dogs followed her to the back door of the house and sat themselves down on the concrete floor of the veranda. Lara opened the flywire door and let herself in. She loved that she didn’t have to use keys. She’d remembered not to lock her car – Noah had laughed himself silly last time she’d done that.

  The wooden door shut loudly behind her as she moved along the passageway, looking up at its high ceilings. She stopped at the second door. Her door. She opened it and walked into the light-green room with its white cupboards and bed.

  ‘Oh my God!’ She laughed, her hand coming to her mouth. Stuck on the wall were posters of Pearl Jam, Counting Crows, Nirvana, and a large one of Aaron Jeffery as Alex on McLeod’s Daughters. Mm, nice and strong. A lot like Jack. She smiled at the thought. Lara threw her case on the bare mattress and coughed as a dust cloud reached her. Noah obviously hadn’t stepped foot in here since she’d left.

  She pulled open the doors of her cupboard and was surprised to find it half full. About four sets of jeans, her boots down the bottom, some singlets and work shirts. She’d always left her work clothes there ready to use when she’d come back from boarding school or uni. Most of it probably still fitted, and for a brief moment she thought about getting changed and helping Noah with the shearing.

  She slipped off her high heels and walked back out to inspect the rest of the house, deliberately bypassing the first door. It was her parents’ room and she wasn’t ready for that yet. Noah’s room looked much the same, too, except he now had a double bed and all his walls were clean of his sticker collection and repainted in a lighter shade of blue. Perhaps that was Amanda’s doing?

  Lara walked through the lounge room to the kitchen, flicked on the kettle and checked the freezer to see what she could make for dinner. After pulling out a small roast to defrost on the sink, she headed to the laundry and put on a load of washing for Noah. Then she sat back in her dad’s old vinyl recliner, resting her legs on the foot rest. Nothing had changed. It was as if it was 1999 and she was sixteen again. It was the same brown square-patterned lino in the kitchen and dining room, the same cream carpet in the lounge. There were small differences, of course – a dishwasher, she noticed, and the fridge and washing machine had both been updated. But otherwise it was a massive time warp. She could imagine her mum as clear as day standing in the kitchen as she wiped down the bench-top, or her dad taking off his boots by the door and leaving sweaty sock prints on the jarrah floorboards in the hallway. Tears threatened as she felt the memories engulf her. She recalled the number of times she’d crawled onto Dad’s lap in this very chair.

  She stared at the high ceiling and realised the brown stain had gone. She craned her head around, looking more closely. The ceiling wasn’t sagging in the kitchen, either. Noah must have put in a new ceiling at some stage. Lara smiled and pulled herself up out of the chair. She didn’t want to look in her parents’ room as she liked remembering it the way it was, but knew she couldn’t put it off for ever. She’d often wondered what Noah had done with their bed and the old jarrah cupboards they’d inherited from their grandparents.

  Lara walked to their door, wondering for a moment why Noah hadn’t moved into this room as it was so much bigger than his. But then again, she didn’t think she could move into it, either. Taking a deep breath, she pushed the door open. It squeaked as it dragged against the floor. She peered around the door and her shoulders slumped as her hand went to her heart.

  ‘Oh, Noah,’ she mumbled. It was just as her parents had left it. Her mother’s jewellery beside the bed, her father’s shoes by the cupboard. Everything was dulled with seven years of dust, like an old photograph. Pain gripped her chest as a sob forced its way up. She couldn’t stand the sight any more. With a tug she shut the door and walked away with fresh tears.

  4

  THE back door banged shut as footsteps padded up the hallway.

  ‘Hey, sis. Something smells great!’ said Noah. He pulled up a chair at the table opposite the servery window.

  ‘Just a roast. Should be ready in an hour. Did you get the shed sorted?’ It was nearly six so Noah was in early.

  ‘Yeah, I’ll get up at sparrow fart tomorrow and get the next mob in. Jack said he’d stay and do some bales up for me.’

  ‘What? After he’s spent all day shearing?’

  Noah shrugged. ‘That’s the kind of bloke Jack is.’

  Lara pulled out two beers from the fridge and handed one to Noah as she sat down beside him. Noah clinked his bottle with hers. ‘Cheers.’

  ‘Cheers.’

  ‘So, I suppose you’re wondering what I needed to talk to you about?’ Noah asked.

  Lara took a sip before she replied. ‘Yeah, you could say that. Is everything all right with Amanda? You two haven’t called off the wedding, have you?’

  Noah ran a hand through his hair and leant back in his chair. ‘No, nothing like that. It’s about Erindale.’

  ‘What about Erindale?’ she asked, as her pulse began to quicken.

  ‘There’s no easy way to break the news so I’ll just come right out and say it. Lara, I want to sell the farm.’

  Lara felt short of breath as she clutched the end of the table. ‘Pardon?’

  Noah sighed and put his beer down. ‘Look, Amanda doesn’t have any brothers and her dad has offered his farm to us eventually. It’s a big farm, Lara, with cattle, and I want to do that with Amanda. I don’t want to drag her here to Erindale, away from her family. And I don’t have any family here.’ He paused and they both felt the silence weigh down on them. ‘So it makes sense for me to move. Amanda’s farm is much bigger, and quite frankly, I never really wanted to run this place anyway.’ Noah scratched at his scruffy hair. ‘You know how much I hate sheep, Larz. It was always Dad’s dream for me to take over the farm and pass it on to my sons, but I’ve never really wanted it. I’ve dreamt of setting up cattle and I can do that with Amanda now.’ He paused, ready to drop the even bigger bombshell. ‘I want to move as soon as possible, which means putting this place on the market.’

  ‘But you can’t!’ Lara felt the panic shaking her and couldn’t decide whether to scream or cry. ‘This is our home. It’s all that we have left of our parents. Noah, you can’t.’

  ‘Larz, I felt the same way at first, but this is my chance of making a life for me and Amanda. I want to use some of the money to build her the house she wants on the farm and set ourselves up. Plus I have a heap of debt to pay off.’

  Lara shot him a glare.

  ‘Look, I can understand how you feel,’ he went on. ‘But you’re hardly ever here any more. Will it matter?’

  She jumped out of her seat. ‘Of course it matters. This farm is our heritage, Noah!’ She paced up and down the length of the table. Just the thought of losing Erindale made her sick. She still thought of this place as her true home, even after all these years. How could Noah even contemplate selling?

  ‘I know that, but I have to think of Amanda and move on. You did.’

  Lara winced as his words hit home. ‘Can’t we just keep it?’

  ‘Not if we can’t work it. I’ve thought about leasing it out.’

  ‘But that means someone else may live in our house – or worse, it will be left empty and go to ruin.’ She thought of the chart on the doorframe of their parents’ bedroom, the one that measured her height and Noah’s as they grew up.

  Noah put his head in his hands and sighed. ‘Do you wanna stay here and run the farm, then? Because I don’t see any other option. I need some money, sis.’

  ‘Don’t get narky,’ she bit back. ‘Can’t you run both farms?’

  ‘Jesus Christ, Lara. Don’t you think I’ve been through all this? Amanda’s farm is 500 kilometres away!’ He took a breath. �
��I don’t want to sell the place without your approval, but most of it’s in my name and if I have to, I’ll sell. You’ll still have the farmhouse.’

  Lara slumped back in her chair. ‘It’s not the same. We can’t split the place up.’

  ‘Look, Amanda will be here in the morning. Let’s talk about it some more then. I don’t want to fight with you tonight. I haven’t seen you in ages.’ Noah reached over and put his arms around Lara.

  Lara rested her cheek on Noah’s hand as tears welled in her eyes. ‘I’m sorry. It’s just such a shock, and coming back here is hard enough.’

  ‘I know.’

  They embraced until all the fight left her. Lara sniffed and blinked away her tears. No point in panicking just yet. There had to be a way around selling Erindale. ‘Well, I suppose I’d better get the vegies on, then.’

  ‘Can I give you a hand?’

  She smiled. ‘Maybe after you go wash up?’

  Noah disappeared into the laundry. ‘Hey, you’re a star,’ he called out. ‘Thanks for doing the washing. I was leaving all that for Amanda.’

  ‘Jeez, Noah. She’s going to be your wife, not your slave!’

  ‘Yeah, in less than five months now. But don’t worry – she already knows what she’s in for.’ Noah stepped back into the kitchen and gave her a wink. ‘She can’t wait to see you again, by the way. Apparently she needs your measurements for your dress. I told her a hessian sack would do.’

  Lara took a step towards Noah but he skirted backwards out of her reach. ‘You’ll keep, Noah David Turner!’

  She set out the sweet potato, carrots and onions, and dug out the potato peeler. It hadn’t moved from the second drawer down. Nothing had moved: cups, plates, pans. Even the flour and sugar sat in the pantry in the same spot.