The Road Home

by Palmer, Fiona

  Noah popped his head around the kitchen archway. ‘It’s all up to date. It’s just my filing that’s less than desirable. Think of it as a welcome-home gift.’

  ‘Well, in that case, I’ll leave you to finish in there and I’ll go get started on my gift.’

  Lara was in the office for half an hour before Noah walked in. He’d had a shower and was in track pants and his old fluoro shirt.

  ‘Oh, jeez. I thought you’d got rid of that,’ she said as he sat down.

  ‘Come on. There’s nothing wrong with it. Not a hole or tear in sight.’ Noah picked up a pile of paperwork and flicked through it.

  ‘So, the books look a little tight.’ Lara nodded to the pile.

  Noah leant forward and rested his elbows on his knees as a sigh escaped his lips. The room felt small with the both of them in there. It had soft yellow walls, a white melamine cupboard and a simple computer desk next to a set of metal filing drawers. Also crammed in were Noah’s wetsuit, a few spare luggage bags and boxes of paper.

  ‘Yeah, I’m sorry I’m leaving her to you in such an undesirable state.’ His fingers massaged his temples gently.

  ‘Why didn’t you tell me you were doing it tough?’ Lara leant back in the computer chair.

  Noah shrugged. ‘Well, everyone else around here is in the same boat. We deal with it, we keep moving and we hope next year is a better year. There’s nothing anyone can do to fix it. We can’t make it bloody rain or jack up the grain price. But sheep prices have got better, so I’ve started increasing our numbers to help offset the crops. You’ll want to keep going in that direction.’

  ‘If it’s what you reckon. Noah, I don’t want to do this cold turkey … I still want you to be a big part of the farm, whether you’re here or not. Your input is important to me. If you say buy or sell sheep, or crop canola or bloody sunflowers, then I’ll do it. Just run this place as if you were still here. I’ll just be your woman on the ground.’

  ‘Cool. I’d like to keep my finger in the pie, so to speak. I think Dad would be bloody happy right now – us two working together for Erindale. He was always hoping you’d come back.’

  Lara felt a pull on her heart. ‘I wish I had. Maybe then things would be different …’ Their parents might not be dead. Her words went unsaid but Noah picked up on her thoughts.

  ‘I don’t know, Lara. I think fate had them meeting that train. What are the chances of that happening – them crossing the tracks just as one is coming? Don’t go back down the “what if?” path. I’ve been there and it didn’t bring them back.’

  Noah’s words rang true. ‘It’s weird being here without them around. I keep expecting Dad to walk in from feeding sheep or Mum to be in the kitchen cooking. I spent so many years trying to forget their funeral, pretend it never happened, that they were still here with you. It’s … hard, but still better being home.’

  Noah gave her a sympathetic smile. ‘Come on. Why don’t we leave this and have a scotch instead?’

  ‘You slacker.’ Lara handed Noah the wad of invoices, much to his disgust. ‘Where’s the chequebook?’

  ‘Top drawer.’

  Noah’s eyes showed his lack of interest. ‘Well, how about we just enter the last few weeks so it’s up to date then?’ she offered. He immediately brightened. She slid open the drawer and pulled out a thick chequebook. God, she hadn’t used cheques in ages. Everything was electronic. Maybe she could set the accounts up electronically. It might save them some bank fees. She filed that thought away for later.

  As they went through each invoice for the last few weeks, Lara learnt more about the farm. There were bills for seed cleaning, header parts, and payments for fertiliser. Noah also went into detail on things she didn’t understand.

  ‘So, what’s this seed-cleaning thing?’

  ‘I take the grain I harvest off and it goes through a machine that cleans out a lot of the smaller grains and weed seeds. It gives us a better sample and therefore we get a better price for it. Also, it helps clean our seed grain so we’re not planting a heap of weeds at seeding time.’

  ‘Right.’ Lara hoped she’d got all that.

  ‘Don’t worry about any of that yet. But in a couple of months you’ll be seeding, once the rain comes. Sometimes I hire a casual worker to help with seeding and harvest, if the farm can afford it.’

  ‘By the looks of this, it can’t,’ she told him. ‘So I’ll be doing what I can alone?’

  ‘If you can …’ Noah frowned. Lara knew then and there that she wouldn’t hire workers. She wouldn’t use up valuable dollars unless she had to. ‘See how you go.’ He pointed to the notebook she was scribbling details into. ‘I’ve got the fertiliser for spreading ordered but you’ll have to get some chemical for spraying soon. I’ll run you through that this week.’

  It was ten-thirty and her eyes were getting dry and scratchy. She rubbed them with her fists and Noah shot her a grin.

  ‘Come on,’ she said. ‘Just a few more and then we’re done.’

  ‘Jeez, you’re like Dad in that department,’ Noah said with a smirk. ‘He couldn’t leave a job half finished either.’

  Lara studied Noah. If things had been different and she’d fought harder to stay on Erindale instead of going to boarding school, could she be sitting here with her father instead? Noah rubbed his eyes and she realised how lucky she was to be here right now with him.

  11

  JACK was about to rap his knuckles against the door when Noah yelled out, ‘Come in, Jack. You’re just in time.’

  Slipping off his boots, he entered and found Noah in the kitchen with a pair of tongs in his hand.

  ‘Kettle’s hot if you want a cuppa. You had brekkie yet?’ Noah asked, waving the tongs and flinging bacon fat in his direction.

  Jack shook his head. He’d grabbed a piece of toast before he left Jerry’s but who could refuse the feed Noah was offering?

  Jack poured himself a coffee and watched Noah set out an extra plate in the open dining area. Now there were three – Lara must be here. He didn’t want to see her again. So much had happened since he’d last said goodbye. Now she was like a rock in his boot.

  He heard bare feet padding towards the dining room. He froze, coffee midway to his mouth, as she appeared in a tiny red slip. Her unrestrained breasts moving beneath the silk was the most exquisite thing he’d seen in years. The hairs on his neck stood on end. His instant attraction to her made him angry. Could he not control his own body!

  ‘Hmm. Please tell me you’ve cooked lots of bacon,’ said Lara, as she reached the dining room. She was still rubbing her eyes when she came face to face with him. ‘Jack!’ It came out as a squeak. Heat swam into her cheeks. He took pleasure in her discomfort. A small victory, after what she’d done to him.

  ‘Hey, sis,’ said Noah, poking his head around the corner and then cracking up when he saw what she was wearing. ‘Sorry. Jack’s here to borrow the cement mixer. If I’d known you’d come out like that, I’d have shouted a warning.’

  ‘Gee, thanks.’ She stepped back with a smile. ‘I’ll just go get dressed, then.’ With a quick turn she walked steadily back to her room.

  Jack tried to pay no attention to the sexy red slip as it rose on each butt cheek, but his willpower was gone.

  ‘You’d better not be eyeing off my sister,’ Noah joked.

  ‘I’ll pass, thanks,’ Jack said gruffly, clearing his throat and moving into the kitchen to help Noah. He really wasn’t into city chicks who cared about labels and brands, worried how they looked and turned their nose up at bush living. Not any more. He’d nearly thought his last girlfriend, Kendra, was the one, but she couldn’t hack living out here with flies instead of shops. In the end she’d loved her shops more than she’d loved him, and had given up after four months. No, he would not be chewed up and spat out by another city girl coming to the bush thinking she could cope. And Lara couldn’t run a bloody farm. All she knew was high heels and business suits. It pissed him off just thinking about it and i
t must have showed.

  ‘Look, I know you’re pissed,’ Noah said. ‘And I’m sorry, Jack. You know I am. I feel really bad, but she’s family. This is her home too and I have to give her this chance.’

  Jack studied Noah. He was the closest thing Jack had to a brother since the blow-up with his own family. He knew how much Noah loved Lara. He was torn and so was Noah.

  ‘I hope you’ll still be around to check up on her for me. You’re my best mate, and I really need you to be there if you can. I don’t want her getting herself hurt out here on her own. She’s my little sis. I mean, she can be a real pain in the arse sometimes and she’s stubborn —’

  ‘Oh, so you share that gene, then?’ Jack cut in. This was just getting better by the minute.

  ‘Dickhead,’ joked Noah as he put some bread in the toaster.

  ‘Don’t worry,’ said Jack with a sigh. ‘I’ll check on her for you, if you want.’ He knew he didn’t sound too enthusiastic, but right now he couldn’t give a flying toss. He was still fighting his anger and disappointment about getting passed over again. Had his last seven years in the district counted for nothing? All he’d ever wanted was his own patch of earth to call home, and he’d come so close … until Lara turned up and spoiled everything.

  ‘Thanks, Jack. It’s just that she’s been in the city longer than she’s been on Erindale and she’s not used to the dangers on a farm. I just …’

  ‘Worry, I know.’ Jack had two older sisters – Bec was here in Australia and Jude was in New Zealand with the rest of his family. Bec was the only one in the family he’d kept in contact with, and that was only after she’d promised him not to push for a family reconciliation. But he wouldn’t hold Noah responsible for this. It was Lara’s fault Noah had let him down.

  Noah sighed. ‘You know, it was the best day when you arrived at Erindale as our new workman. It was like I knew instantly we’d be best mates.’

  Jack remembered it like yesterday. ‘Angie and David welcomed me like family. They were the most generous and kind people I’d ever met.’ In the short time he’d known Noah’s parents, they’d become like his own.

  ‘What was not to love about my mum … but she took extra special care of you, seeing as though your family was so far away.’

  ‘Yeah, well, I’m just glad I saw that job vacancy in the paper. It was coming to Erindale and you guys that saved me from myself,’ Jack said honestly. When Angie and David had both died seven months after he arrived at Erindale, it had hit him hard.

  Noah pushed the bacon around the hot pan. ‘Well, if you hadn’t kept me moving after the accident, I doubt I’d ever have begun to live again.’

  ‘What do you mean?’ Jack looked at Noah carefully.

  With his head bent over the pan, Noah replied, ‘You don’t remember dragging me out of bed, telling me to shave and then carting me around the farm? Every morning I just wanted to die and every morning you were there, waiting, pulling me along and making me understand that I had to keep going.’

  Jack thought back to the funeral, to Noah’s devastation and the first time he’d seen Lara. It had been such a blur, even for Jack, who had spent most of the time running around behind the scenes dealing with stuff he knew Noah couldn’t handle.

  The whole community had attended the funeral and throughout it, Noah and Lara had never left each other’s side, propping each other up as if without the other, they’d fall.

  Noah had introduced them but there was no way she’d remember that – too much pain and sorrow. He would have just been another face in the crowd to Lara. Jack couldn’t even reconcile the Lara he’d seen then to the one he saw now. Grief had changed her appearance during those days. Her eyes had been lifeless and circled with dark rings, and she’d looked gaunt, like she hadn’t eaten since being told the news. Then she’d run back to the city, leaving Noah alone. After Angie and David’s deaths, Jack had felt somehow like he had been brought to Erindale for a reason; that he was meant to be there for Noah. Noah would always be the close brother he never had.

  ‘So you understand why it killed me when I couldn’t afford to keep paying you a wage and you went to Jerry’s for work.’ Noah glanced up, his face full of unrest. ‘And it kills me more that I couldn’t go ahead with our agreement, Jack.’

  ‘It’s okay.’ Jack slapped him on the back. ‘You and me, mate, thick as pea and ham soup.’

  In her room, Lara changed into denim shorts and a singlet, and found a long-sleeved shirt and some woollen socks to keep out the morning chill. A shiver ran down her body as she ran a brush through her knotted hair. God, how bad must her hair have looked! She quickly plaited it and headed back to the kitchen.

  The boys were sitting at the table with plates loaded up before them. Noah nodded to the plate opposite his. Jack was on the end and didn’t look up at her until she was in her chair.

  ‘Morning, Jack,’ she said with the slightest hint of a smile.

  He nodded and gave her a quick once-over before turning his attention to his breakfast. Lara felt strangely disappointed.

  ‘Thanks, Noah. I’m so hungry.’ She forked a mouthful of bacon and melted at the taste. ‘Just need a cappuccino and this would be heaven.’

  Noah raised an eyebrow at her. ‘What do I look like? Miss Maude’s?’

  ‘C’mon, Noah. Instant coffee just doesn’t do the same thing.’

  ‘So you have a degree in coffee as well as financial planning? I never knew,’ Noah said. ‘Well, I just hope you’re ready to tackle some farm work today?’

  ‘Sure am,’ Lara said. ‘What are we doing? Anything fun?’

  Jack and Noah shared a look.

  ‘You’ll see,’ said Noah.

  When they headed outside, Lara slipped on Noah’s old workboots. It felt like wearing lead compared to her light shoes. Both dogs followed her through the gate as she caught up with Noah and Jack.

  ‘Here, you’ll need a hat,’ said Noah, handing her a black cap with green stripes on the peak.

  ‘What’s “Hasten”?’ she asked, reading the emblem on the front of the cap.

  ‘It’s just a chemical name. I got that hat from a rep.’

  Lara shrugged and wedged it onto her head. Noah was wearing a brown wide-brim cowboy hat and Jack had on a red Elders cap, a lot like the one her dad used to wear. ‘Is this like an initiation into farming? Do I get a new pair of boots when I’m qualified?’ she asked. She looked like she belonged on a farm – now she just needed to know what the hell to do.

  Noah laughed and opened the door of the Land Cruiser ute for her. ‘How about when you feel like a farmer, you buy yourself a new pair of boots? You might want to get rid of your prissy walk, though,’ he teased.

  ‘I do not have a prissy walk,’ she shouted over the roof of the ute.

  ‘Go on, get in. I’ve gotta help Jack load up this mixer,’ said Noah, jumping in behind the wheel.

  Lara shut her door hard as Noah was reversing. Jack had just climbed into another ute, and a black dog sat on the back patiently. ‘Is that Jack’s dog?’

  ‘Jimbo? Yeah, he’s still only a puppy.’

  They headed to the shed. Jack never spoke a word, didn’t even look at her as he loaded up the mixer, his wide shoulders straight and rigid. When he left, he just gave a nod to Noah. She couldn’t figure out why he was so distant. Maybe he had a lot on his mind. Girlfriend trouble, perhaps? Someone like Jack couldn’t be single, surely.

  ‘So, where are we going?’ she asked as they headed off in the ute again.

  ‘I’m taking you on a tour of the farm, to show you the dams and the tanks you’ll have to cart water for. I’ll also show you the paddocks I want fertiliser on and then we can work on a seeding program together.’ Noah reached across her and opened the glove box, pulling out a small folder and putting it on her lap. ‘In there is a map of the farm. Each paddock has its name in the corner, see?’

  Lara nodded automatically as she studied the blocks on the map. Eagle Paddock, Rock Paddock, Ne
w Land, North Block … she remembered some of the names.

  ‘Here’s the house and sheds,’ Noah said, pointing.

  ‘Oh, yep. I think I remember most of it now.’ Well, that was one thing she had figured out. Only a million to go!

  Noah began talking about different chemicals and fertilisers and rates. Groaning inwardly, she felt like she’d gone swimming in the cold dam and now had cramp. Soon she’d be sinking to the bottom.

  After driving around the farm, Noah brought Lara back to the shed and got her to hitch up the sheep feeder. She felt a crack of pain as her finger met the metal.

  ‘Ouch, crap. I busted a nail.’

  Noah chuckled and raised an eyebrow. ‘You’d be better off cutting them before you hurt yourself.’ Lara blew her hair away from her face and glared at Noah. ‘You’ll never keep them nice while you’re working. Face it, sis. You’re gonna be a farmer now and your hands are your tools.’

  She turned her hands over and admired their smooth, soft flawlessness and long, clear nails, then glanced at Noah’s hands, which were dry, cracked and callused.

  ‘The sun will wrinkle your skin and turn it brown and you might even get muscles,’ he said, laughing. ‘I’m guessing you didn’t realise just what a change you’d be making, did you?’

  ‘No, not really.’ She sighed. ‘But they’re just nails, after all.’ She smiled at her brother after linking the chain to the ute’s tow hitch. ‘It’s not like I’m going to see anyone out here, anyway.’ Her eyes trailed over the vast landscape: sheep in the far paddock, cockies in the nearby tree, and miles of dirt and sky.

  Noah bent down and gave the hitch a pull to check that she’d connected it properly. ‘Hey, sis? Do you think you’re doing the right thing? I mean, are you going to be able to make it out here? You’re not gonna quit?’

  Lara put her hands on her hips. ‘If you’re thinking I’m too citified to be here, then don’t.’

  ‘No, I was worried you might feel obligated to run the farm. Some traditions can’t carry on, you know, and there comes a time when you have to let go. I had no choice but to run this place and I’m quite happy about moving on. I just want to be sure you’re doing this for the right reasons?’