Dead End Chronicles (Book 1): Dead End Journal

by Alex San Lyra

  Stone sighed again, unwilling to explain.

  Singer didn't notice his grumpiness. He just turned to me and said matter-of-factly, "It's still very new to you."

  “What?” I asked him confused, “What is?”

  “The journal,” he replied, as if it were obvious, “That's normal. Don't worry, you'll get used to it. Has it helped any, with the soul searching?"

  I thought about it and replied lamely, "I don't know... I mean, it felt kinda good, like I said before, but... I can't really say I figured things out or anything."

  "Well, it takes time," he analyzed, "Sometimes we process things without even noticing it, you know?"

  "Right," I accepted thoughtfully. I hesitated for a while, then decided to talk with Singer about the babysitting thing. "So, um," I began, "I've been thinking... about what you said about babysitting Xandy for me..."

  That instantly peaked his attention.

  "If you're still interested," I continued, "I was thinking, maybe you could look after him for me on hunting days, if you have the time. If not, I totally understand..."

  "No, I'd love to!" he quickly said, grinning widely.

  "Okay then," I accepted, smiling back at him, "I'll see if we can work something out soon. I still prefer to leave him with Bibi whenever I can though. Just cuz he feels more at home with her and all that."

  "Yes, yes, of course," he accepted promptly, "whatever's best for him, obviously."

  I glanced up at Stone and he smiled at me.

  "Isn't that great Xandy?" Singer asked my brother, celebrating, "We're going to be able to spend some more time together. Do you want that?"

  Xandy just laughed at Singer’s excitement. I'm not even sure he really understood what we had just decided. We'd have to wait and see how it worked out. I focused on helping Xandy eat his meal and the subject died away. The soup was a bit oily, hard to chug down, but the milk was just heaven. I let Xandy have half of mine when he was done with his. He was so happy. As I sat there, marveling at the cuteness that was my brother, I noticed his eyes suddenly focused on something behind me. Singer's smile went away and Stone put on that dark defensive expression he wore when there was a threat nearby. I felt the bench level down, as someone big sat down on my other side. I knew who it was by the look on everyone's face. Mario Flavian, one of the up and coming young town guards.

  He spoke in his usual forceful voice, "Good morning everyone. Good morning, Dana."

  He sounded well mannered enough, but I had grown extremely wary of his voice. Every once in a while, he'd showed up like that, being polite, talking to everyone in turn, asking how we were doing. Seemed like he was out to make an impression. It worked too, people liked him all around, especially the girls. He was a handsome guy, tall, two heads higher than me, with broad shoulders, neatly combed blond hair and bright blue eyes.

  After my father went missing though, Flavian started hovering around me a bit more than the others. He made it look like he was just checking in on me, as any good friend would do. But I could read right through his false pretenses. Best case scenario, he was out to find a wife... someone who looked vulnerable and defenseless... someone who didn't have a father to stand in his way. People probably thought I was crazy not to feel flattered, but there was something about Flavian I just didn't trust.

  Singer noticed my hesitance and greeted Flavian in my place, "Good morning, Flavian. What brings you to our table this fine morning?"

  "Just making sure everything is in order," he replied calmly, "How's breakfast today, Dana?"

  Stone smiled and answered, duplicating Flavian's calm tone, "No complaints here, kid. Say, heard about the town meeting? I've heard they guards are going to ask for increased rations again. What're your thoughts on that?"

  Stone was simply a master of putting people in an awkward position. He knew it was a polemic subject and was out to make Flavian feel as uneasy as he possibly could. The young guard wasn't the smartest guy in the world either. Stone outwitted him constantly.

  "I, um..." Flavian struggled to answer the question, "I don't... I mean, I wouldn't presume to think I know better than my superiors. A-and I'm sure the council knows what's best for the town." He always got angry when Stone did that to him. He had a bit of a temper, it was kind of funny to see how quickly he lost his cool. "Anyway," he tried to change the subject, "Dana, how have you been?"

  Without looking around at him I answered, "Fine."

  "You know, if you need anything," he went on, "anything at all, you need only ask me. You know that, right?"

  "I'm good," I insisted.

  He hesitated for a bit. I could sense him glancing around at the others.

  Then I suddenly heard Bibi's voice, loud and clear, just behind me, "The fuck you doin' here, Flavian?"

  Several people at the table next to ours turned to see what the fuss was about. I grinned at myself. I just loved Bibi. She did exactly what I felt like doing, but would never have the courage to. Of course, she was IN the town guard, so she was used to dealing with guys like Flavian. Classic Bibi, being one of the few women to become a guard. I mean, it kinda made sense cuz she was good in a fight... guns, knives, bats, wrenches, broken bottles... you name it, she could handle it. I just never figured it out though, how she made the cut. She wasn't the most disciplined person I knew, must have conned someone into letting her in or something. Truth was, I didn’t even want to know.

  "Chill, Bibi," Flavian replied curtly, "No need to get all rattled up. I'm just making friendly conversation here. Right, Dana? We're just talking."

  I didn't reply, pretending to focus on the spoon full of soup I was aiming at Xandy's mouth.

  "Well, looks to me like you're done talking," Bibi quickly concluded, "Mind getting the fuck outta my seat?"

  He hesitated, but eventually got up and said to the others, "Well, it was nice chatting with you all. Enjoy your breakfast." He then turned to Bibi and added, in a threatening tone, "See you around, Beebs."

  She hissed tauntingly at him, as he walked away. I glanced at her, smiling with gratitude.

  She winked victoriously at me. “Sup Dollface?”

  Yeah, that’s what she called me. Sometimes she varied, calling me Cupcake, Babydoll and stuff like that, but Dollface was definitely the main one. I didn’t really mind it, as long as it didn’t catch on among the men.

  Bibi greeted the others and sat down. Stone disapproved of her, but kept quiet. Singer and the others weren't at ease around her. They all got nervous whenever Bibi puller her stunts. I got the feeling no one understood how someone like her could be my best friend. They all probably thought I was such a good little girl, and Bibi was a total nut case. Singer was a well mannered guy, and never said anything, but I knew he, in particular, was bewildered by the fact that I preferred Bibi as a babysitter. But he didn't know her like I did, none of them did... and she was the only one who could get rid of Flavian like that, so fuck them! Beebs was my homegirl.

  The rest of breakfast was fine. We ate up and then headed out to our respective jobs. I decided to give Singer a test run with Xandy and let him take my brother to school on his own. My brother took pretty well to the whole deal, so it was a success.

  Bibi watched them leave and then asked, "So, Singer's gonna fuckin' babysit for you now?"

  "Yeah," I answered unsure, "I thought about it, you know, decided to give it a shot. Stone seems to think it's a good idea. What do you think?"

  She grinned at me and declared, "Whatever, Doll. As long as I'm still the number one sitter, I don't give a shit." That was her way of saying Singer was cool.

  I reassured her, "You'll always be my first pick, Bibi, you know that."

  She wrapped an arm around my neck and ruffled my hair. "You're my little bitch, Dollface," she said, "don't let anyone tell you otherwise."

  "I won't" I replied, "and thanks for getting rid of army boy back there."

  "Who, Flavian?" she scoffed, "Pfff! He's just an overgrown monkey. Poor boy can't even thi
nk for himself."

  - - - - -

  After that, she had guard duties and I had my archery class to give, so we went our separate ways. I managed to put together a small group of older kids and younger adults who were interested in learning the bow and arrow. With the success of my hunting squad, I guess, people started to see the potential of our formula. And teaching the craft is cheaper and safer than guns, no bullets involved. I only wish I was as good as Singer. I'm an "okay" teacher, but no matter how hard I try, public speaking just isn't my forte.

  At midday, they sounded the siren for lunch and we all met up again at the cafeteria. Thankfully, Flavian didn't come around again to bother us.

  In the afternoons, I leave Xandy with Bibi and I go to school myself. I suspect schooling isn't what it used to be, but I try to learn as much as I can. My dad tried homeschooling me while we were on the road. It worked out okay, but of course it was never the ideal situation. According to the teachers, I’m in what they consider to be the last year of high school, so I’m almost done, I guess. Singer graduated last year and now he’s training to teach high school level classes. He sometimes helps me with chemistry and stuff. He’s awesome at it. As for me, things like calculating “moles” make me feel completely and utterly stupid. I fucking hate it. I prefer history, even though the newest books they have are at least twenty years old now. Obviously, none of them cover subjects like the “dementia disease” or the “end of the world”. But I like ancient history, the Greeks, Egyptians and Romans, that kind of thing.

  After class, I went to Bibi’s to get Xandy and the three of us headed to the cafeteria for dinner. We got there just as the siren went off. The rest of the gang showed up one by one and we eventually went in to eat. Flavian was there this time, but he stayed with his buddies at another table. With Bibi there, he didn’t even bother to come over, though I saw him glancing at us a few times. I finished dinner up early and decided to head home. I think I was kinda thinking of writing in my journal some more. But, thanks to that, I made the mistake of going alone, just me and my brother... that’s when things got weird.

  - - - - -

  As I was getting to my building, I looked back and saw Flavian catching up to me. That fucking stalker must have waited all day to catch me alone.

  He waved and greeted me pleasantly, as he always did, "Hey, Dana. Wait up."

  "Good night, Flavian," I replied dismissively.

  I tried to head inside, but he had caught up and managed to step between me and the door. Glancing up at him, I realized he was uncharacteristically agitated. I tried not to show fear, but my heart was already racing. Looking around, I noted the street was empty around us. Everyone was probably still at the cafeteria. No doubt Flavian had seen me leave early and ran to get me alone. I still had my hunting knife with me, at my waist... but surely it wouldn't come to that. My brother was there, next to me. I tried to calm myself.

  "Can we talk for a minute?" he asked.

  I hesitated before asking, "What about?"

  He was a bit hesitant himself. "Well," he said, "about the future, I guess. You’re going to be eighteen soon... I’m looking to get a promotion... A lot is about to change in our lives. I’ve actually been looking forward to talking with you alone for a while now. But you’re always surrounded by friends and stuff.”

  You think he’d have taken the hint, but nope... He wanted to talk with me, so I decided to have that talk. However, I was thinking more along the lines of an honest conversation.

  “Maybe YOUR life is about to change,” I argued, “but I don’t think mine really is! It’s just another year for me. I mean, I already have a job and all.”

  “But we all need someone to share our lives with, you know?” he wondered, “Don’t you get tired of living all on your own, in that little apartment?”

  “Nope,” I replied, “not at all.” Actually, I did feel a bit lonely up there, but it was my father I was missing... not Flavian. “I keep telling you, I’m fine on my own, Flavian.”

  His face slowly lost that initial enthusiasm as he spoke again, “You know, you don’t have to keep calling me Flavian. It’s so impersonal. You can call me Mario.”

  I raised an eyebrow at him and said nothing.

  “You know, Dana,” he went on, unfazed, “I worry about you... living alone... going out hunting all the time...”

  “What’re you talking about?” I quickly retorted, “I love hunting, and I’m good at it. Besides, I have to provide for my brother somehow.”

  “Do you really?” he asked, as if he had finally reached the point he was getting at, “You must know by now how much I care for you..."

  Not liking the direction the conversation was going in, I cut him off rudely, "CARE for me? You barely even KNOW me, Flavian." I called him by his last name on purpose, just to remind him of the fact.

  He stepped towards me, raising his voice, "That's only because you never give me a chance! You keep hiding behind Bibi and the others!" He grabbed my arm and added, "Dana, we could be good together! Can’t you see that? Won't you give me that chance? Please."

  There was sincerity in his voice, but he was towering over me, menacingly. I had let go of my brother's hand and was instinctively reaching for my hunting knife.

  "Let me go," I told him, “You’re hurting me.”

  I could see the frustration on his face, as he released me. When I stepped back, he saw my hand at the knife, but he wasn't impressed. After all, he did have a pistol at his side. I had brought a knife to a gun fight, literally, I wished he'd just leave, but he stood there staring at me. Frustration quickly turning to anger in his eyes.

  "Look, Mario," I said, trying not to piss him off, "I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression, I really am, but I'm... not..." I struggled to find the right words, "I just want to live in peace... on my own... Okay?"

  He recomposed himself and then said, in a low threatening tone, "You didn't give me the wrong impression, Dana. I know you think you're real tough. You think you don't need anyone, but you're dead wrong. You've got to ask yourself, Dana, how much longer can you live like this? Your dad isn't around anymore. Who’re you going to turn to, huh? Are you gonna put your life in Bibi's hand? She's suicidal at best. Who then, Stone? He's getting a bit old to look after young girls like you. Maybe you’re thinking Singer’s a nice guy. Yeah, but that guy is even more helpless than you. So, you just go up to your little apartment and you sleep on that." He looked down on me, arrogantly, as if he had just crushed me with his victorious words.

  I stared at him for a moment. A mixture of fear and bewilderment flowed through me. Fear because he was angry and huge, all at the same time. Bewilderment because he actually believed I was completely helpless, that I needed someone like him to protect me.

  I wanted to tell him to go fuck himself, but that wouldn’t be very wise under the circumstances, so instead I said simply, “I’ll take that into consideration.”

  “You do that,” he replied angrily, “Good night.” With that, he turned and stomped away.

  As the adrenaline slowly faded away, I started to shake all over. I didn’t want to admit it, but in truth I was terrified. Maybe Flavian was a stupid thug, but he was a BIG stupid thug. If he had lost it and grabbed me, there was little I could have done about it. When I finally snapped out of it, I snatched my brother up into my arms and raced inside. I never made it up those stairs so fast.

  I gave my brother a bath and tucked him in. He was agitated, took forever to fall asleep. Clearly, Flavian had scared him as much as he did me. Maybe Xandy couldn't understand exactly what was going on, but he caught on pretty easily to my emotions and reactions. I gave myself the luxury of using a few extra logs to heat up the water and took a good hot bath myself, but... of course, I couldn't sleep a wink all night. Eventually, I got up, opened the journal again and began to write...

  - - - - -

  So what do I make of it then? Basically, Flavian said he “cared” for me and then threatened me... one
thing right after the other. If he really cared for me, obviously, he wouldn’t have threatened me... so he’s crazy then.

  I already knew he was trouble, the way he kept coming around, trying to talk with me, but damn... I used to think he was more of an annoyance. Now I’m afraid of him. I mean, that guy is clearly messed up in the head. I’m afraid of what he might do. I dunno... Strangely, I’m finally getting sleepy now... I’m just gonna try to get some rest.

  Good night.

  Entry 03

  February 22nd, 47

  Hunting day

  Last night, I didn't feel like writing. There wasn’t really anything new to write about and the day just kinda flew by. When I remembered about the journal, it was already late. I ended up just hitting the sack. I’ve been keeping my journal locked up in the table drawer. Some of the stuff I’m writing down could end up getting me into trouble... depending on who reads it.

  Yesterday, I told Bibi and Stone about Flavian’s weird threat thing. Stone’s been walking me home and Bibi told me she was going to investigate him, look into his personal life. I think she might be harassing Flavian, just to piss him off. They keep exchanging angry looks during mealtimes. She’s having fun with it, of course, but Stone’s worried it might push Flavian off the edge. Bibi and Stone spent the whole day arguing over it today.

  But they’ve always been like that, always on opposite sides of every debate. They’re both very strong-minded and their personalities are, like, polar opposites. Bibi's a complete rogue, quick to react to things. Doesn't waste a lot of time considering options... or thinking about consequences. But she's also good at improvising, often coming up with a plan B on the fly and getting away with it. Stone, on the other hand, is always considering his options. He never jumps to conclusions and hates having to make decisions in a hurry. But when it comes to planning things out, he’s simply the best, always carefully considering every angle.