Hard Justice: The Asylum Fight Club Book 3

by Bianca Sommerland

  Shit.

  Either he was hallucinating from breathing mold spores…

  Or Noah stood in the nave looking up at him, colored sunlight streaming over his skin. Too much skin that was visible around the edges of a white T-shirt he couldn’t picture the man wearing even in the height of summer. Much less while sporting a tan in the middle of a cold April.

  Shock opened his mouth. “Noah?”

  A slant to his lips, Noah inclined his head. “I would have called first, but it seems I don’t have your number. Probably would’ve saved me a very long, very unpleasant trip.”

  What the hell is the man talking about?

  Clinging to the rickety banister, Jamie felt a bit like Juliet as he leaned over the balcony, a frown on his lips. “It’s only like ten minutes from The Asylum.”

  “And a four-day drive to L.A. Curtis is going to love that I left his car there.”

  Jamie clapped his hand over his mouth, eyes wide, muffling his “Oh, shit.”

  “Yes, well…” Noah’s brow furrowed. “Get down from there. That doesn’t look stable.”

  Biting his lip, Jamie looked toward the choir stairs and back to Noah. If he was here—if he’d driven to freaking L.A.—that meant he probably had heard the album. For some reason, this moment hadn’t ever played out in his head. What he’d say to Noah if he showed up looking for an explanation. To ask him to try to make up.

  Or to sue him…

  He frowned. “I...um. It’s okay up here.”

  Jaw hardening, Noah shook his head. “I’d rather not start this conversation by throwing you over my shoulder and making you come down. Or...how should we play this? Would you rather I ‘count to three’?”

  Oh. Fuck.

  Yeah, he’s heard Power Lines, all right.

  Feet of clay had never made too much sense before, but the heaviness in his steps as he backed away from the rail said the poets—or whoever had come up with that phrase—knew what the fuck they were talking about. He left the security of his perch, picking his way over rubble, pad and pencil between his lips as he hung onto both rails to avoid the soft spots on the stairs. When he got to the bottom he hung back, plucking the items from his mouth, glancing toward the passage that led to the rectory.

  Shyness stole over him, forcing heat into his cheeks. “Hi.”

  Noah’s eyes warmed. “Hi.” He took a deep breath. “I spent a long time driving, thinking about what I’d say to you when I found you. Imagining you all set up in your new life, with your big house and fancy cars, and finding one damn good reason for you to want to come back.” He let out a soft laugh. “I didn’t come up with much. I hated fucking making you leave. It wasn’t…” Looking toward the dust-caked window, he shoved his hands in his pockets. “It wasn’t what I wanted. But part of me knew, after you were gone, it was too late to tell you that. And that I should let you go.”

  When Jamie didn’t say anything, he continued.

  “The thing is, as much as I focused on protecting Reed and Ezran from the ugliness of the media coming down on them, I couldn’t go home. Nowhere was home. Not The Asylum, not my mother’s house. I didn’t even let myself think of what was missing because it was my own fault. I didn’t get to keep something wonderful. Maybe it’s selfish of me to want that back now. I don’t know.” Noah rubbed the back of his neck. “All I know is I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t find you. At least to apologize. I’m sorry. That’s really...all I can say. There’s no excuse for what I did and I don’t blame you if you can’t forgive me.”

  A span of silence, broken only by the odd creak from the building settling, seemed to lengthen the distance between them.

  But Noah wasn’t done. He stared at the old floors. “Being in that place, where you were before...fuck, I’m glad you left. You were right. You don’t belong there. But the music is yours and I’m glad nothing they did, nothing I did, took that away from you. You have a lot to offer the world, Jamie. You’re a better man than I’ll ever be and if nothing else, I’ll be cheering you on from the sidelines. Always. If that’s the only place I can have in your life, I’ll treasure it. Because you’re the best fucking thing that ever happened to me.”

  Jamie swallowed. Emotions rolled over him, and he had trouble latching onto just one. Noah had missed him. Didn’t want him to leave. Had seen L.A. and...his house? And thought he might not have a place in his life. He sat heavily on the stairs, wood creaking dangerously. Rubbing his hands over his face, the moment he’d played over and over in his head becoming real. And none of the things he’d planned to say or do or feel worked.

  His fingers came away damp when he looked up. “I won’t make you wait to hear my answer, because it’s the same as it’s always been, but I do have questions. Thoughts.” So many thoughts. “I want you in my life whatever way I can get you. Always have, always will.”

  “You can ask me anything, Jamie.” The edge of Noah’s lips inched up slightly. “That was the plan from the moment I left for L.A. Though I did think it would be easier to find you, for some reason. And didn’t plan to spend the night in jail for the attempt.”

  Eyes wide, he brought his hand to his mouth. “Oh, shit. Noah. I’m so sorry.”

  Noah shook his head. “Don’t be. I was way out of my element. Likely the element of anyone not ninety-percent made of plastic and fueled off some kind of strange latte.”

  He wanted to laugh, but didn’t, the description was so apt. “I’m so glad you think I don’t fit there. I did...once. Before you.” Lowering his hand, he stared at his naked nails. “I called Wren. He said you hadn’t been home much. I knew I wouldn’t call him again, it was just too hard. But I had to be here. Near you and...home. So I bought this place.” Elbows braced on the stair tread behind him, a sharp stab in his left made him wince. “Ouch. Dammit. Ugh. Anyway. Reed and I talked a lot about you when you were gone with Rhodey. I didn’t want to tell you. There was a lot I couldn’t say to you before all this, but I don’t want to keep things from you anymore and try to pretend I don’t know things I know. I want to know you. All of you.”

  Brow furrowed, Noah glanced at his elbow, stepping forward, then stopping. “I’m not sure what Reed could have possibly told you that—can I...Jesus, Jamie, this place is an accident waiting to happen. Did you cut yourself? Let me see?”

  “It’s just a sliver I think.” Bending his head, he tried to see his own elbow and gave up. “Sure. I’m apparently not that bendy.”

  That brought a soft chuckle from Noah as he approached, crouching and taking Jamie’s arm gently in his hand. He met Jamie’s eyes. “It’s a nasty splinter, but I can get it. Hold still.”

  Studying Noah’s face like he could memorize every detail he’d missed, Jamie did as he’d been asked. The mantle of power that had arced between them before he’d left—been made to leave—was absent. Completely. For the only time since he’d known this man, they were on some other level. He didn’t want to stay there, but at the moment it felt like getting to know him as maybe Lawson or someone else might.

  “Thank you.” He rolled up his sleeve higher. “I got arrested in L.A. Wouldn’t it have been funny if we’d ended up in jail on the same night?”

  Focused on his arm, carefully latching on the end of the sliver of wood, Noah smiled. “That would’ve been interesting. At least the company wasn’t horrible. Strange, but no one I’d have been afraid of getting near you. My mother was worried it would fuck me up to be back behind bars, but it was more an irritating delay. Much like producers and agents who wouldn’t take my calls.”

  Jamie made a sympathetic noise, then hissed air through his teeth as the splinter dislodged. “I might have blocked your number one night when I was obliterated. I have a vague memory of that, now I think about it. I’m sorry. It was petty, but I really thought you’d never call me by that time.”

  “I don’t blame you. From what I remember of that day… I’m surprised you’re even speaking to me.” Noah’s jaw tensed. He shook his head. �
�I’ve done many horrible things in my life, but hurting you...damn it, if I could take it back, I would. Nothing will erase what I did to you, how cruel I was. I just hope you can remember some of the better times. That they haven’t been ruined for you, because they’re so fucking precious to me.”

  “I haven’t forgotten a single minute. Noah, I get that it wasn’t your choice. But...how do you know that I won’t hurt Reed again? Or your mom?” Brushing his knuckles over Noah’s thigh, he allowed himself one small touch of what he’d thought he’d never have again. “That Rhodey won’t try to protect you and them from my fucked up life? Would it be better to just let me go and protect the family you have? I won’t leave Anniston Falls. I’ll be here, and—” He looked beyond Noah’s shoulder, unable to look in his eyes as his guts threatened to spill on the already over-cluttered floor. “—we can hang out or something sometimes.”

  “Rhodey doesn’t get to make that decision for us, Jamie. He doesn’t…” Noah pressed his eyes shut, rubbing his hand over them. “I won’t lie to you. This doesn’t mean he’ll never try. Not if he thinks I’m too unstable, but it was never because of you. It never would’ve been. I think my mother got through to him when she found out—or her fist may have, in any case. But he’s not wrong to worry about what I’m capable of, Jamie. That last time, before he brought me back...I grabbed a knife because he hit a trigger. I tried to kill him. That’s who I am, my boy. I’m dangerous in so many ways, and he helped me strengthen my resistance to certain triggers, but not all of them are gone. I don’t think even I realized what a threat I am to everyone around me. How careful I need to be. That’s a lot to ask of anyone. To take that risk. I understand if you can’t.”

  Taking Noah’s hand, he tugged it from his face to lace their fingers together. Creaks and groans in the building registered their music around him. The sound of Noah’s quiet breaths and the scent of his soap. Anniston Falls realigned, righting itself in his presence. Where the city had seemed a little distant, alien, now it held dimension. Whatever threat Noah might believe he posed, the bigger threat to Jamie’s happiness, to his existence, had always been trying to live a life without him.

  “I don’t know where you go when you get like that. Like the night I told you about Ezran instead of talking to Curtis. It was selfish and stupid, and I know you deserved to know, but I shouldn’t have made it about me and my feelings. I should have found another way.” Lowering his gaze from the waning golden light that shone through the stained glass, he met Noah’s eyes. “I don’t want to be a trigger. That’s one of my two requests. You help me learn how to be by your side, not just at your feet. So I can give you all the same strength you give to me.”

  Noah nodded, taking a deep breath. “You aren’t a trigger, little cat. But...I don’t always know what might be. It’s so fucking complicated—more often than not I do catch myself. But I’ll try. If you’re willing to see that side of me, I won’t try to hide it from you. But there are others who probably know better than I do. Rhodey, obviously. Jared...he trained me and there were no limits like there clearly were with my uncle. He knows me better than anyone.”

  No limits…

  “You mean like sex?” He tried to picture the two men together, Noah kneeling for, well, anyone, but ended with a little head shake. “But you’re a Dom. I mean, like the Dommiest Dom I know.”

  A sharp laugh escaped Noah’s lips. “You say that after having been trained by Jared yourself. He must’ve gone soft.” He rested his hands on his thighs. “Not sex. Jared did keep some distance between us, but it was the most affection I’d ever had at the time. A connection to someone else when being rebuilt meant knowing nothing but pain and isolation for so long. As I was becoming a real person again, Jared was the one I spoke to. The one Rhodey called on when I hadn’t quite reached the point that I needed more than cement walls to contain me.”

  “I hate that you were so alone. He was there for you...and for me when you couldn’t be. It wasn’t all bad, he did what I asked him to do.” Wrinkling his nose, he twisted his lips. “I hope he didn’t do all the things to you that he did to me, and please don’t tell me if he did. I gotta maintain some romance in our relationship if I’m ever going to write a love song again.”

  Noah’s eyes shimmered with amusement. He inclined his head. “My lips are sealed. You may have the fantasies instead. And you can thank him for my stamina.”

  Laughter made him lean backward, then sit sharply forward again as his back touched the rough tread. “Whoops. Better not do that. But yeah. Your stamina is really nice.” His smile softened. Squeezing Noah’s hand, he breathed deep. “I want a night once a month. No collars and cuffs. Just us. Where I can speak my mind without feeling like I’m going to cross a line. Maybe not forever, but until I know how to balance. I want to know this side of you too. Not often or always, but enough so that I know it’s there. The rest of the time? I don’t want limits. No contract. It’s your power. My submission. Not ‘The Asylum’.”

  “Agreed.” Noah cupped his cheek, brushing his thumb over his bottom lip. “I’m still not sure I deserve your forgiveness, but damn it, I want this. You. Us. We had something strong. Something that frightened many, which isn’t entirely a bad thing. There’s no reason to let people get too comfortable, and if I’m going to stay on the board, I’d like a strong player at my side. One who can learn my moves and knows how to keep up. You’ve already proved you’re a fast learner. I can’t wait to see what you’ll bring to the table. I mean that.”

  “Of course, I’d be proud to do that.” The idea of The Asylum seemed crazy impossible. “It’s our home. And what was it you said about other people and what they think? ‘Fuck that noise’. I’ll be your wing-sub anytime.”

  “I suppose I’ll have to give you a temporary free pass. The lack of collar only makes it fair, considering I was the bastard who took it off you.” Noah shook his head, pulling up his long-sleeved shirt to reveal the cuff Jamie had given him. “It’s rather unjust that I didn’t force myself to give up everything as well, but I cheat when necessary.”

  Warmth sluiced through Jamie’s veins, spilling over his skin. Affection and love wrapped his shoulders, and something clicked. Ah, there it is. Like a coat Noah held out for him, he stepped into his submission.

  “I know it always helps me, sir. So…” He lifted his gaze. “Forgiven.”

  “Thank you.” Noah breathed out a sigh of relief. “Fuck, thank you.”

  “I need—” To be yours again. “Please?”

  “Anything, Jamie.” Noah stood, tugging him to his feet. “Tell me and it’s yours.”

  Jamie gave him a small smile, memories playing with his present. “Are we done negotiating? If so, and it pleases you, sir, may I be your boy again?”

  “Yes. I’d fucking love nothing more. But I want to be perfectly clear.” Noah pulled something out of his back pocket, his brow furrowed as he slid his fingers over the precious metal in a familiar form, light catching along the circlet and sparkling in the diamonds spaced along the entire length. “Because if I put this on you, there will be no misunderstandings. No second-guessing. And I won’t be taking it off ever again.” He lifted his gaze. “This time you’re mine for good. If that’s what you want.”

  The collar was a work of art, something he could tell was a one-of-a-kind gift, even from a distance. Noah hadn’t been entertaining this lightly. He had put his heart and soul on the line.

  “I still come with an entourage…” Jamie started to list the reasons why Noah shouldn’t want him. Shouldn’t want this. “What happened to Reed and…” He shook his head. There was no way he could be selfless in this. Maybe it just wasn’t in his nature. Or he loved this man too much. Letting his need show on his face, he lowered his head. “Yes, please, sir.”

  A rough exhale escaped Noah and he smiled, reaching out to cup Jamie’s cheek. He held out the collar. “Take a good look at it before I put it on you. This is yours from now on. Because I need you to have it. Need
everything it means, everything you give to me, and…” He shook his head. “I’m terrible at this.”

  Taking the collar, Jamie let the metal slip through his fingers, the rough diamonds reminding him of the feel of Noah’s hands on his skin. The circle looped over his finger and he examined the underside that would lie against his skin. He ran his fingertip over the engraving inside that proclaimed him Noah’s boy in its own special way.

  ‘My little cat. Forever.’

  He lifted his head, vision blurry. “Noah?”

  “Yes?”

  Voice hoarse, Jamie choked out words he hadn’t quite managed to jam onto his album. Not like this. Not like he should have. “I love you.”

  Throat working, Noah raked his fingers into Jamie’s hair, claiming his mouth in a deep kiss that left no doubt that he was reclaiming control. He took the collar and whispered against his lips. “I love you too, Jamie.”

  Tears spilled onto his cheeks, tingeing the kiss with salt. Wanting to find all the ways to make Noah put his hands on him, not wanting to have to think about it anymore, he took off his leather wrist cuff, tossing it to the rubble, before latching one hand over his opposite wrist behind his back as he knelt. Telling Noah everything he could. Everything he dared.

  Once the collar was around Jamie’s neck, Noah locked it in place and slipped the small key into his wallet. He brushed his hand over Jamie’s hair again, his gaze thoughtful. “Maybe I should start calling you ‘little tabby’. Is this part of your new brand?”

  Jamie’s eyes widened as he remembered what he’d told his stylist when he’d asked for the dye job. He shook his head. No way was he answering with anything but a “No, sir.”

  Tapping his cheek lightly with two fingers, Noah frowned at him. “What was that thought?”

  “Can we call a stop on punishments for anything I did or said when I wasn’t wearing this, sir?”