Ceaseless

by Abbi Glines

  The room was eerily quiet and I looked back to see where Miranda was. The bathroom door was open and the shower was running. This was not a good sign. She had several other outfits and hairstyles to try before six. If she was showering that meant she believed the spiteful words that spewed from Victoria’s mouth.

  I walked into the bathroom and pulled myself up and sat down on the counter. I could hear the soft sobs and hiccups coming from the shower.

  “For what it’s worth I don’t believe her,” I said loudly enough she could hear me over the water.

  Miranda sniffed and let out a hard laugh. “I do. He wouldn’t take me to his apartment last night. Even after I asked. He said we’d do that another night. He got a phone call right after we finished dinner and he acted funny and nervous the rest of the evening. He even cut our date short. I thought I was imagining things. He had been so sweet when he’d kissed me,” another sob broke free.

  I was ready to go strangle this Nathan guy. “Then he is the biggest idiot known to man. You are gorgeous and funny and any guy who is lucky enough to have you interested in him should realize his supreme luck and not screw it up.”

  Miranda let out a sad laugh, “I love you, Pagan.”

  “I love you too,” I replied.

  “Could we watch season two of The Vampire Diaries tonight and eat ice cream? I need it. The first time I think I like someone after Wyatt and this happens. It sucks,” she hiccupped.

  “I’ll go get the ice cream. You dig out the DVDs.” I told her as I got down from the counter.

  “I miss him, Pagan,” she sounded so sad and defeated. I didn’t have to ask whom she missed. I knew she meant Wyatt. I missed him too. But I knew her loss was completely different.

  “I know. Finish your shower and I’ll be back soon with plenty of ice cream and two spoons.”

  “’Kay.”

  ***

  Miranda’s phone had finally stopped ringing. Once I’d barred the door and informed Nathan that if he came in, I would call campus security and have him arrested, he’d finally given up and left. That was two days ago. I’d been holed up in our room with Miranda ever since. We’d watched seasons one, two, and three of The Vampire Diaries. We had eaten more galloons of ice cream than should be legal. I doubted I would fit into my jeans on Monday.

  I glanced back at the clock. It was after four and I knew Gee would be barging in here at any minute to get us moving. Miranda was better today. She and I had laughed most of the morning. The only thing that had caused her to frown was the ringing of her phone. It had finally stopped sometime around lunch. Either Nathan had given up or he was moving to plan B since plan A sucked. Miranda was not going to answer that phone. Sometime around lunch yesterday she’d gone from being sad to being angry. She had even barged out of the room saying she was going to get fresh air, go running and maybe flirt with some boys. I felt much better about her recovery.

  The door opened and Gee stuck her head in, “You ready to be a sexy-ass groupie tonight? You’re VIP, baby,” she finished her comment with a wink.

  I hadn’t seen Dank since the incident with Miranda. He’d called and texted me a few times having gotten my number and permission to call through Gee. Last night he’d even been a little naughty in his texts. I’d secretly gotten a thrill out of it but he hadn’t let it get too far. Before I got hot and bothered, he’d said goodnight and told me to go to bed so I’d be rested for tonight.

  “Yeah, I’m ready, but I am not a groupie,” I replied.

  “You are so a groupie. The only kind of groupie that Dank Walker will let get near him.”

  Chapter Eleven

  Dank

  The rest of the band had crashed in the main lounge area back stage. I liked them enough but generally before a gig they had groupies with them and they got on my nerves. I could smell the sadness and disease in many of them. What human men saw as sexy often repelled me because all I could see was the soul. Their souls were weak and damaged.

  I sank down on the leather sofa and propped my feet up. Pagan would be here any minute, along with Gee and Miranda who would want to meet the rest of the band. Miranda was going to be disappointed. They were just like any other rock band. They had their addictions. They thought all females worshiped them. They were everything Pagan feared I was.

  A knock at the door surprised me. I figured Gee would walk right in.

  “Come in,” I called out and stood up to go greet Pagan. I wanted to show her around. It wasn’t Pagan. It was a groupie I’d seen with Loose earlier. Groupies weren’t welcome in here. “You got the wrong room,” I replied sitting back down to wait on Pagan’s arrival.

  “Oops,” she giggled and stepped into the room closing the door behind her. Did the girl not speak English? She also had herpes. I could smell it on her body.

  “Go. Out. Now.” I ordered pointing to the door. I’d be seeing her soul again much sooner than I should if she kept the drug use up.

  “Demanding. I like it when a man is the boss,” she slurred walking over toward me. Her soul was tarnished. The outward appearance had all the things humans looked for but the inside was ugly.

  “This is your last warning. I’ll call security and you’ll be thrown out.” This happened once or twice a gig. It had become a game to the groupies to see if one of them was talented enough to get me to let them stay. They didn’t understand that what I saw wasn’t appealing.

  “You’re a grumpy pants. I was warned before I came in here. I bet I can make you a happy pants,” she was almost to me when I moved out of her way and she stumbled forward and landed on the couch. Pulling my phone from my pocket I dialed the backstage security number.

  “I got one in my room that refuses to leave. I want her out of the building.”

  “On it Mr. Walker,” was the quick reply.

  “Oh poo, you didn’t even let me show you how very talented I am,” She whined from her sprawled out position on the couch.

  The door swung open and in walked Gee followed by Pagan and Miranda. At least I was on the other side of the room from the half-dressed girl laying out on the couch like she was waiting on me.

  “Do I need to call security?” Gee asked as she looked over at the girl whose damaged soul was also the only thing Gee saw.

  “Already did. I’m waiting on him to come pick her up.” I replied stepping around her to reach out and take Pagan’s hand.

  Before her memory loss Pagan had seen this before. During the time my fans knew I had a girlfriend it had gotten worse. We made a game out of it. Pagan would guess how many girls we’d have break into my room before the show. Now, she just looked concerned.

  “I’ve been waiting for you,” I assured her as she took in the girl whose shirt was missing and her very large fake boobs were spilling out of the bra she was wearing. It did look incriminating. “She’ll be gone in a second. Security is coming to get her, she came in uninvited.”

  Pagan frowned and turned her gaze to me, “Where is her shirt?” she asked slowly as if waiting on me to admit I had something to do with her lack of proper clothing.

  “Probably in the other room where the band is. She came in here like that. My refusal to hang out with the band and groupies often sends the braver ones in here to see if they can change my mind. They can’t. I don’t do drugs or STDs.”

  A small smile tugged on Pagan’s lips as the door opened and one of the guys on the clubs security team walked in and hauled the girl up from her spot on the couch. “I want her gone from the club while I’m here.” I reminded him.

  He nodded, “Yes sir.”

  “Why do they get to stay? They came in uninvited too,” she whined and slapped at the guys back. “Leave me alone. I have bigger tits than they do and I’ll suck,” the door slammed behind them cutting off whatever else she was about to say. Thank Deity.

  Once the door closed, I took a deep breath.

  “Wow, that was interesting.” Pagan teased.

  I grinned at her, then shifted my atte
ntion to Gee. “Why don’t you take Miranda to meet the rest of the band.” It wasn’t a suggestion; I knew Gee and everyone else in the room knew that too.

  “YAY!” Miranda clapped her hands. “I brought my sharpie---will they autograph my shirt?”

  She was wearing a white shirt that the band had sold at a beach concert last year. She had taken Pagan to that concert although Pagan hadn’t known who or what I was at the time. “They’ll sign anything you ask them too, but remember they are a raunchy crowd. You’ll wind up with a lot of names on your chest.”

  Miranda beamed at my warning. She was definitely in a better mood. Pagan had told me about what happened with the other girl. I wished I could tell her that it would be okay. That the soul she’d loved in Wyatt was the same soul that was living inside Nathan. But I couldn’t. She’d have to figure this out on her on.

  “I got this. She’ll be fine,” Gee replied and led Miranda back out of the door leaving me alone with Pagan.

  “Why do I feel like you just sent them away on purpose?” Pagan asked as she looked up at me through her eyelashes.

  “Because you’re a smart girl. I have a thing for females with brains,” I replied.

  “Ooooh, that explains why you weren’t attracted to the topless model perfect body who was more than willing to do whatever you wanted with her.” I cringed mentally thinking of the girl who had been in here. I didn’t even want to take Pagan over to the couch and have her sit where the girl had been. It felt tainted now.

  “All I wanted to do with her was get her the hell away from me. Nothing about that train wreck was attractive.”

  Pagan liked my answer. I could see it in her eyes. I was proving to her that I wasn’t the depraved sex-crazed man-whore she assumed I was just because I was a singer in a band. She took a step toward me and I didn’t reach out and touch her. I wanted to see exactly what she was planning to do. If she started to move I may grab her and hold on but right now I wanted her to feel like she was in control.

  “That is very sexy, Dank Walker. Just so you know. Most guys wouldn’t have cared about anything other than her looks.” The awe in her voice made my chest expand.

  “I’m glad you realize I’m a little deeper than you first assumed,” I replied.

  Pagan placed a hand on my chest and ran it up until she was touching the necklace that she’d bought me before my last concert, before her memory was taken from her. She’d said lead singers needed some jewelry. She’d chosen a Celtic knot on a black string. She said the knot was endless and so were we. I hadn’t taken it off since. I kept it tucked inside my shirt unless I was going onstage. I didn’t like people to touch it. Pagan had given it to me. It was sacred. She held the knot in her hand and I felt an odd sense of power at having her hands on it again.

  “It’s a Celtic knot. Why did you choose this?” She asked looking up at me with intrigue in her eyes.

  “Someone gave it to me,” I explained waiting to see if any of this clicked with her. She ran her thumb over the cool metal.

  “The knot is never ending,” she said quietly as if she was repeating a memory to herself.

  I didn’t respond. I didn’t want to interrupt any small memory that may be trying to break through. She dropped her hand from my chest and turned and walked away from me. That hadn’t been what I was expecting.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked almost afraid to speak.

  She shrugged and I heard a small sniffle. Dammit she was crying. Why was she crying? I took two long strides until I was standing behind her and I pulled her back against my chest. “Why are crying?” I asked gently.

  She took a deep breath and shook her head, “I don’t know.” She reached up and wiped away the tears on her cheeks. “I just suddenly wanted to cry. It was weird. I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

  Hope. I had hope. The Celtic knot was triggering something inside her.

  Pagan

  Dank was going to think I was an idiot. The lump that had formed in my throat the moment I held the necklace in my hands had been odd. I had to ask about it and he talked about it with such reverence in his voice I couldn’t fight back the sob. My eyes had instantly filled with tears. How crazy was that?

  Surprisingly enough he wasn’t calling security to haul me out of here. He was holding me. Was this guy even real? Most guys would have written me off as a lunatic. His arms were tightly wrapped around me. I rested my head back on his chest and enjoyed it. Something was comforting about letting him hold me. I felt safe.

  “We go onstage soon. Will you come watch me from the side of the stage? I’d like to be able to look over and see you safely away from the crowd out there. This is one of the wilder clubs we play.”

  His protective streak should annoy me. I just met the guy… but it didn’t. I liked it. Had Jay ever been protective? Had anyone ever been protective of me other than my mother?

  “Okay. What about Miranda and Gee?” I asked still standing with my back to his chest and his arms firmly around me.

  “They can stay too if they like. They’re welcome to walk around or stand with you. Gee knows the out of bounds places.”

  That was something I wanted answered. Who was Gee to him? “How do you know Gee? I thought the first time I saw you that you two might be a couple but I’ve figured out that isn’t the case.”

  Dank turned me around to face him. “Gee is one of the oldest friends I have.”

  That was a weird way of saying it. Did he mean they’d been friends a long time? Like since they were kids? I opened my mouth to ask when the door opened and in came guys that looked like I expected guys in a rock band to look like.

  “Fuck man, I was pissed when they told me you threw the blond hottie out, but day-um, Bud, no wonder, if she was busting up this shit.” A guy with long blond dreadlocks pulled back in a ponytail and dark brown eyes rimmed with red as if he’d had very little sleep or maybe smoked a few too many joints, openly appraised me.

  “Loose, this is Pagan. She’s with me. Only me.” Dank replied, keeping his hands locked on my waist. “No one goes near her. No one touches her.”

  Loose raised his almost completely shaved off eyebrows, “Got it. No sharing of the Dankster’s girl. It’s a damn shame, though, ‘cause she sure is pretty.”

  A guy with short spikey unnaturally red hair shoved Loose. “You’re gonna get your ass beat. Back up and shut up. That dude is scary as shit.”

  Dank pointed toward the guy who just spoke, “That’s Les. He has the most normal name out of the group. He’s also the other voice.”

  “Hello,” I replied not sure what else I was supposed to say.

  “She’s all proper and shit. That’s sexy,” Loose replied, winking at me.

  A guy with a shaved head and at least fifteen piercings per ear walked up and grabbed Loose by the shoulders, “Get your ass on stage before we are minus one drummer.”

  “That is Rubber and please don’t ask,” Dank said as the bald guy nodded and shoved Loose out the door.

  “Show time, Dank; let’s go blow this place up.” Les called out as he followed the other two.

  “Were they what you expected?” Dank asked looking at me with a worried frown.

  “Yes. Exactly what I expected,” I assured him and headed for the door.

  “Wait, I forgot to mention something,” he said.

  I glanced back at him, “What is that?”

  He closed the distance I’d put between us. “I need a good luck kiss.”

  Oh my, yes. I could do that. I placed both my hands on his shoulders and leaned up to kiss him swiftly on the mouth. He had other ideas. He pulled my bottom lip into his mouth and sucked gently before slipping his tongue inside to tangle with mine. It was over too soon. He stepped back and took a deep breath.

  “Okay. I gotta get out there before I decide they can do this without me and lock that door.”

  The giddy feeling over the sexual power that came with his words was surprising. I really liked that h
e was so attracted to me. But then again what female wouldn’t?

  Dank reached down and took my hand as we walked toward the stage entrance. “With a wink, he let go of my hand and stepped out on stage. The smoke consumed him and I had a moment of panic as the memory of being trapped in smoke and having someone rescue me flashed in my memory—but that had never happened.

  The drums began beating a foreign tribal sound, and screaming fans quieted down. I watched as Dank walked out from the smoke and into the red spotlight. Something that looked like panties and a couple of bras were slung up onto the stage. That would take some getting use to. Les stepped out into the light next, and Rubber came in last.

  The tribal beat grew louder as Loose played the hypnotic sound. The sound of an electric guitar entered the mix and then Dank’s voice joined in.

  Danger, Danger running cold

  Knowing but fearing just the same

  Death comes and yet you don’t let go

  Standing while it’s steel bands hold

  Don’t walk. Don’t walk where light can not shine

  You know the warning has been told

  It comes for what is mine and I know it will be so.

  Let go, it’s all there is that’s left. Let go your sin has no wrath.

  Danger was Hell’s last request.

  Let go it’s all there is that’s left. Let go your sin has no wrath.

  Forgiveness wasn’t given yet. Not yet. Not yet.

  No regrets.

  “That is their new one. I love it,” Miranda whispered as she came up beside me.

  “It’s some morbid shit is what it is,” Gee said with an annoyed tone.

  I watched Dank as he sang the words and wondered what song of his I’d heard before. His voice was familiar. I’d heard him sing something. His stuff wasn’t mainstream so I knew it hadn’t been on the radio.