Initiation

by Isobel Bird

“And so it ends,” Annie said.

  “You make it sound so dramatic,” Kate told her. “It’s not like we’ll never work together again or anything.”

  Annie sighed. “I know,” she said. “But it will be different. It won’t be like this.”

  Kate looked down at the bottle in her hand. She knew that Annie was right. It would be different. Soon they would all be celebrating their rituals with different people. Sure, they would come together with their friends for certain occasions, but for the most part their magical work would be done with their new witch families. But wasn’t that all part of the journey, too? They had started out together, supported one another along the way. Now it was time for each of them to step out on her own.

  Kate really believed that. At least she wanted to believe that. But when she allowed her real feelings to come out, she had to admit that she was sad about not being with Cooper and Annie anymore. She reached out for Annie’s hand. Annie took it, and Kate held out her other hand to Cooper, who did the same thing.

  “What do we always say when we open a circle?” she asked them.

  “The circle is open,” Cooper said, repeating the first part of the familiar closing line of the ritual.

  “But unbroken,” concluded Annie.

  “Right,” Kate said. “And that’s how it is with us. Our circle is always going to be unbroken, even if we’re in different covens, even if someday we’re living far apart and don’t see each other like we do now. No one can take away what we’ve done together this past year. We’re always going to be a circle of three.”

  “You’re right,” Annie said. Kate could see that she was blinking back tears, and that made her want to cry, too.

  “Besides,” Cooper said, “no one said we can’t sneak away for our very own rituals every now and again.”

  Annie gave a combination laugh and sniffle. “I think that’s against the rules or something,” she said.

  “Rules,” Cooper said, as if the very word tasted awful. “Haven’t we taught you that breaking the rules can be fun?”

  “That and about fifty other things that could land me in jail,” Annie replied.

  “We’re all going to be fine,” said Kate. “Just think of it as starting at a new school or something like that.”

  “That’s not exactly a comforting analogy,” Annie told her friend. “But I get the point.”

  They sat for a few more minutes, still holding hands and not speaking. They looked into the flames of the fire, which was dying down. Kate felt the cold wind blow on the back of her neck where it faced the sea, and she shivered. It was time to end the circle.

  “Merry meet,” she said, giving Annie’s hand a squeeze.

  “Merry part,” Annie said, squeezing Cooper’s.

  “And merry meet again,” Cooper finished, completing the circle with a squeeze of Kate’s hand.

  They released each other’s hands and stood up. Annie dumped the remaining seawater in the cauldron onto the fire, and it went out with a hiss. Cooper stirred the sodden ashes with a stick, making sure the fire was completely out.

  “Shall we rub the circle out?” Kate asked, looking at the design Cooper had etched in the sand. They usually removed all traces of their activities when they were done.

  “No,” Cooper said. “Let’s leave this one.”

  “If the Goddess wants it gone she’ll send a particularly high tide,” said Annie thoughtfully.

  The three of them gathered up their things and left the cove, not looking back. They walked across the beach to the long set of wooden stairs that led to the wharf, and climbed them slowly. When they reached the top Cooper said, “Who wants a ride?”

  “I’ll take one,” Annie said. “I left Becka getting fitted for her Cheshire Cat costume. I’m sure she’s going crazy.”

  “I actually drove myself,” Kate said. “My father let me use his car. I’ll see you guys tomorrow.”

  Annie and Cooper each hugged her and then walked away. Kate went in the other direction, having found a parking space nearby. When she reached her car she got in, started it up, and pulled out of the spot. It felt odd driving herself home. She was so used to taking the bus or just sitting as a passenger in someone else’s car. Driving made it a new experience.

  As she made her way through town she reflected on the ritual she’d just done with her friends. She’d tried hard to comfort Annie, who seemed to be taking the dissolution of their group the hardest. But really she’d been trying to comfort herself. Although she didn’t want her friends to know, she was terrified about what was in store for her. Everything that had become so familiar to her was being taken away, and she wished she had something to hold on to, something that would keep her connected to the things she was used to.

  Like an old blanket, she thought. Or an old boyfriend. The thought popped into her head totally without warning. It hit her so hard that for a moment she was unable to move. When she realized that she was still driving, she forced herself to put her foot on the brake. A car behind her honked loudly, but she ignored it, pulling over to the side and coming to a stop.

  An old boyfriend, she thought again. An old boyfriend is like an old security blanket. They’re both familiar. How many times had she seen friends of hers do the same thing—run back to old boyfriends because they provided a sense of security, even though they were almost certain to do the things again that had made them ex-boyfriends in the first place.

  “That’s what you’re doing,” she said aloud. “You’re going back to Tyler because you don’t want to be hurt by your circle breaking up, not because you really want to be with him.”

  She couldn’t believe that she hadn’t realized what was going on. She’d convinced herself that although she’d sworn never to go out with Tyler again, she’d been mistaken. She’d convinced herself that she owed it to him—and to herself—to give him another chance. But really what she’d been doing was trying to give herself a safety net, something to catch her when the security of her circle was taken away from her.

  No wonder I kept having doubts, she thought. Deep down I knew that the Coven of the Green Wood wasn’t right for me. Now that she was able to give voice to her fear, she knew it was true. The Coven of the Green Wood wasn’t right for her. It was simply the safest place for her, and that was very different. Yet somehow she’d convinced herself that she was doing the right thing.

  At first she was relieved to have figured out what was bothering her. Then, just as suddenly as it had come, the good feeling went away. She had figured out her mistake, but now she was going to have to correct it. And that meant doing two things. First, she had to tell Tyler that she wouldn’t go to the movies—or on any other kind of date—with him. Second—and even harder—she was going to have to tell the Coven of the Green Wood that she’d changed her mind.

  “Now where am I going to go?” she asked herself. If she gave up her coven, she would have to find another one. But where else would she fit in? Who else would have her? She didn’t have the slightest idea. Sitting in her car, with her friends driving home together while she tried to figure out what to do next, she suddenly felt very much alone.

  CHAPTER 16

  Cooper stared at the phone, willing it to ring. It was Thursday afternoon. She’d gotten home from school half an hour earlier and found a message for her on the answering machine—a message from Betty Bangs’s manager. Cooper had been so excited that she’d played it six times.

  “This message is for Cooper Rivers. This is Serena Mao returning your call from Monday. I spoke with Betty, and she confirmed that she would like the Bitter Pills to be part of the tour this summer. Give me a call back and we can discuss the details.”

  Cooper had called immediately, reaching Serena Mao’s assistant. He’d told her that Serena was on the phone at the moment but would call Cooper right back. That had been ten minutes ago. To Cooper every minute seemed like an hour. She was so anxious to speak with Betty’s manager that she could hardly stand it. She was pacin
g around her room, trying to imagine what it would be like for her and Jane to play on a stage in front of thousands of people. Well, hundreds at least, she told herself.

  When the phone finally rang, Cooper practically threw it across the room in her haste to answer it.

  “Hello,” she said breathlessly.

  “Cooper?”

  It wasn’t Serena Mao. It was Cooper’s father. She hadn’t spoken to him since the incident with Amanda Barclay almost two weeks before. He’d left half a dozen messages, but each time Cooper had either found excuses for not calling him back or left perfunctory messages on his answering machine when she knew he wouldn’t be at home. Now she was tempted to just hang up, but she knew she couldn’t do that.

  “Hi,” she said. “Um, this really isn’t a good time.” She didn’t want to be on the phone in case Serena Mao called back.

  “You can’t avoid me forever, Cooper,” Mr. Rivers said, sounding hurt. “We have to talk about what happened.”

  “I know,” Cooper said. “But not now. I’m kind of expecting an important call.”

  “I see,” her father replied. “And I’m not important?”

  “No,” Cooper said. “I mean yes, you’re important. But this is a business call.”

  “Cooper, I know you’re upset about my seeing Amanda—” her father began.

  Just then the call waiting alert sounded. Cooper groaned. “Dad, I have to go,” she said. “I’ll call you back, I promise.”

  Before her father could say anything Cooper switched to the second call. This time it really was Serena Mao.

  “Betty was very insistent that we sign you to this tour,” she told Cooper after they’d exchanged greetings.

  “I still can’t quite believe it,” Cooper told her. “It’s like a dream come true for Jane and me.”

  Again the call waiting clicked in. Cooper was hesitant to ask Serena Mao to hold, but she was afraid it might be something important.

  “Can you hang on for just a second?” Cooper asked, feeling like an idiot.

  “No problem,” Serena told her.

  Cooper clicked over. “Hello?”

  “I don’t like being hung up on.” Her father sounded angry.

  “Dad, I have to talk to this woman. I said I’d call you back.”

  “What is so important that you can’t talk to me for a minute?” her father asked.

  Cooper gave a sigh of irritation. Why was her father choosing this particular moment to throw a tantrum? “Look,” she said. “I have got to go. I promise I will call you back.”

  “No,” Mr. Rivers said. “Meet me for dinner tonight.”

  “Fine,” Cooper said. “Where?”

  “My apartment. Six o’clock.”

  “Okay,” Cooper said. “Now good-bye.”

  Again she hung up. “I’m really sorry about that,” she told Serena Mao. “Parent trauma.”

  Serena laughed. “You know, when I got involved in the music business I never thought that one of the things I’d have to deal with would be parents. But the acts keep getting younger and younger. Last week one of my artists had to cancel a gig because her mother didn’t want her out past ten o’clock. I tell you, sometimes I feel like a baby-sitter.”

  “Oh, it gets worse,” Cooper told her. “My dad’s a lawyer.”

  Serena gave a little moan. “The worst,” she said. “He’s not going to give us any trouble about your joining the tour for a few weeks is he?”

  Cooper thought about the bad mood her father was currently in. At the moment she didn’t think he’d even agree to let her go to a concert, let alone perform at one. You’re going to have to be really nice to him, she told herself.

  “He’ll be fine,” she told Serena.

  “Good,” Serena said. “Since you and Jane aren’t eighteen yet, we’re going to need parental permission for you to be on the tour. But don’t worry. I’ll talk to them and explain how it all works. I’m pretty good at calming parents down. Besides, these tours aren’t like they used to be. Every so often someone throws a TV out a hotel window or something, but you’re more likely to find the bands doing yoga and meditating than partying all night.”

  “My mother will be thrilled to hear that,” Cooper said.

  “Well, if everything works out we’d like the Bitter Pills to play about a dozen dates on the West Coast leg of the tour,” Serena told her. “You’d get a thirty-minute set on the second stage during prime time. It’s not the main stage, but let me tell you, I’ve seen a lot of acts get signed from the second stage. Record company scouts love to discover new talent there, and you never know who’s going to be in the crowd.”

  Cooper hadn’t even thought about the possibility that she and Jane might be seen by record company people. She’d been excited enough just at the prospect of playing live as part of a rock tour. The thought of maybe being discovered was almost too much to consider.

  “Have you thought about getting a manager?” Serena asked her.

  “Um, no,” Cooper said. “I mean, we’ve only really played at local clubs.”

  “Well, you should have one just in case,” Serena told her. “If you do get offers, you’ll need someone to handle them.”

  “Okay,” Cooper said, feeling a little stunned at how quickly things were happening. She heard someone speaking to Serena on the other end.

  “I have to go,” Serena told her. “Have your parents call me. Jane’s, too. Maybe we can all get together and talk about the tour. In the meantime, think about getting that manager.”

  “I will,” Cooper said. “And I’ll have my parents call you right away. Bye.”

  She hung up. Her heart was racing and she thought she might pass out from sheer happiness. It was really happening—she and Jane were going to be part of Betty Bangs’s tour. She needed to tell someone. She needed to tell everyone. But the first person she needed to tell was Jane herself. She picked up the phone and called her.

  “We’re doing it,” she said as soon as Jane picked up. “We’re on the tour.”

  She had to hold the phone away from her ear while Jane screamed. Jane, when she had calmed down enough to talk, said, “Please tell me you’re not kidding.”

  “I’m not kidding,” Cooper said. “I just got off the phone with Serena Mao. As long as our parents agree, we’re in. Twelve dates. Thirty minutes.” She hesitated about telling Jane what else Serena had said, but finally she said, “Possible record contract.”

  Again she had to hold the phone away from her ear while Jane yelled. Jane came back on and said, “I have to go. My mother is convinced I’m having a nervous breakdown. I’ll call you later. This is so cool.”

  Cooper hung up. Jane was right—it was cool. She picked up the phone again, and this time she dialed T.J.’s number. When he answered she told him every single word of her conversation with Betty’s manager.

  “And she’s so nice,” Cooper concluded.

  “Wow,” T.J. said. “I can’t believe it. My girlfriend is going to be a rock star. Hey, if this works out you won’t have to worry about where you’re going to college. You’ll be too busy doing interviews with Carson Daly on TRL.”

  “Right,” Cooper said, snorting. But then she thought about it. What if T.J. was right? What if Serena was right, and a record company did sign her and Jane? What would it mean? The idea was so overwhelming that she pushed it to the back of her mind.

  “It looks like quitting Schroedinger’s Cat was the best decision you ever made,” T.J. said.

  “What do you mean?” asked Cooper.

  “Well, if you hadn’t quit you would never have met Jane,” he said. “And if you’d never met Jane you would never have formed the Bitter Pills. It’s all a big chain of events, you know.”

  Cooper thought about that. T.J. was right, but only sort of. He hadn’t followed the chain of events back far enough. Yes, quitting Schroedinger’s Cat had been an important step, but she never would have quit the band if the other members hadn’t objected to performing
her Wiccan-themed songs. And she never would have written those songs if she hadn’t gotten involved in witchcraft to begin with. So, really, it could all be attributed to the fact that she’d decided to study the Craft. One more good thing that’s come out of it, she thought happily.

  “I’m really happy for you,” T.J. said. “You just have to promise me that when you get big you’ll let Schroedinger’s Cat open up for you on your tour.”

  Cooper laughed. “How about this,” she said, “you can be our main groupie.”

  “Only if I get to throw my underwear onstage,” T.J. answered.

  “Deal,” said Cooper. “Look, I have to go. How about we do something tomorrow night?”

  “Blowing me off already?” T.J. said, pretending to be hurt.

  “I have to have dinner with my dad,” Cooper told him. “It’s time to deal with the Amanda Barclay thing.”

  “That should be fun,” T.J. said. “Call me later if you want and let me know how it goes.”

  Cooper hung up. There were other people she wanted to call—Kate and Annie in particular—but she had to get ready for dinner with her father. Plus, she heard her mother come into the house, and she wanted to tell her the good news. She was pretty sure she could get her mother to agree to let her go on the tour, but she had to handle it carefully. So before she left her room she took a minute to calm herself. Then she said a little prayer to the Goddess asking for help, and went downstairs.

  An hour later she left the house in high sprits. Talking to her mother had been easier than she’d anticipated. Her mother had been very excited for her, and to Cooper’s amazement she’d said that as long as Mr. Rivers agreed that it was okay, and as long as Serena Mao answered a few remaining questions, Cooper had her permission to play the tour. Cooper had been so thrilled that she’d given her mother a big hug and a kiss, something she rarely did.

  Now I just have to get Dad to say okay, she told herself as she drove to his apartment for dinner. Normally that would be no problem. But given that she and her father hadn’t exactly been the best of friends recently, she wasn’t sure how he would take her news and request for permission.