Alex (In the Company of Snipers)

by Winters, Irish

  “What happened?” Her question was so innocent.

  The words stuck in his throat. “They died. Car accident. Four years ago.”

  “Oh Alex. I’m so sorry.”

  “Forget it.” He cursed himself for letting his guard down. He should’ve quit while he was ahead.

  “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked.”

  The magic of the night popped like just another bubble in his hand. With a jolt, Alex was back in his cabin, helping a strange woman. That’s all. Sara and Abby were gone, and tomorrow Kelsey would be in police protection and out of his life. Self-disgust chased the peaceful feeling away. He was his own worst enemy. What was I thinking?

  He felt the tear slide out of his eye and brusquely wiped it against his shoulder. Once again, he was caught in the riptide of guilt and regret. He had said too much. It was past time to shut up. He noticed she had grown quiet, too. Had he hurt her feelings again?

  “How you doing?” He hated the tremble in his voice.

  Kelsey didn’t answer, so he leaned over to see how much damage he had caused. Tears coursed down her cheeks. She buried her face in her hands. Within minutes, Alex rinsed her hair, wrapped the towel around her head, and had her sitting upright.

  He cursed his stupidity. This was the last thing he needed. The second he put his arm around her, she pushed off the chair and into his arms, buried her face against him, and wept. Surprised, he held her gently at first, then a little tighter. She shuddered, and he couldn’t help himself. He scooped her into his arms and sat on the chair with her on his lap.

  “Hey now, what’s this about?” His voice was soft and tender as he tipped her chin up to see her better. “What’s going on?”

  She wiped the towel across her face, struggling to pull herself together. “I’m sorry. It’s just that I got this feeling all of a sudden that I have children. I know I do. I mean, I think I’m a mom, only I can’t remember,” she whined. “I can’t see their faces. I don’t know their names. I just can’t remember anything.”

  Well, Alex noted dourly, he had achieved what he wanted. He had sparked a memory. Turning her face into his shoulder, he wiped his eyes again without her noticing.

  “You’ll remember,” he whispered hoarsely. “You have a concussion right now and maybe a little amnesia, but it’s all going to come back to you. You’ll see.” He kissed the side of her head where the towel was wrapped. “A good mother never forgets her kids. I’ll bet you’re the best mom ever. Give yourself time.”

  Kelsey looked up at him, her brown eyes brimming with tears. She had noticed his watery eyes. With the tenderest hand, she caressed the clenched jaw that barricaded his pain. “What’s the matter?”

  Her touch was light and soft, so warm and caring that he leaned into it. No woman had touched him like this in years. As much as he wanted to tell her nothing was the matter, he knew something deep inside had broken open. Her gentle touch resonated to his core. For the first time since he had been notified of his family’s death while he was in Fallujah, thoughts of Sara and Abby hadn’t morphed into out of control anger. No monster screamed that their deaths were his fault, or that he should have been there. He could still breathe. His head didn’t pound with guilt. The burden he had attended to so faithfully and for so long evaporated under her hand.

  “Guess I just miss my little girl.” His voice caught at that profound understatement.

  “You poor thing. I’m so sorry.” She smoothed her hand against his whiskered cheek.

  He choked with shame at those words, spoken so kindly by the very woman he had cursed. He repented instantly. “I’m so sorry for the way I treated you last night. I was wrong. I’ve been so wrong about so many thing.”

  “For what?” she asked kindly. “You couldn’t hurt anyone.”

  He couldn’t speak. Here she was offering mercy to the beast he was, to another man who didn’t deserve it. He shivered as the truth roared over him. There was no way she could’ve hurt anyone. If anything, she was as much a victim as her sons. That’s how Kelsey got tangled up with the likes of Durrant. She trusted too easily, and she believed people were good—just like she was doing now.

  “You’re a good man,” she said softly. “I know. I can tell.”

  I’m not, but I have been. I can be. I will be.

  She pulled his clenched fist to her lips and placed a small kiss on his knuckle, like she might have done for one of her little boys. His heart swelled. He wanted to run and hide. For the first time in years, his emotions of choice weren’t anger or self-loathing. He blew out a shuddering breath. He felt—blessed?

  She was a gentle armful. Her soft hand on his shoulder called out to the man he used to be, the gentle man, the guardian and protector, the fixer of all things mechanical, the killer of spiders, and the protector from all bad dreams. The fragrance of her just washed hair seemed to work a magical spell in his dumpy two-room cabin. Sharing a few more stories about Abby and Sara felt natural, especially the way Kelsey listened. She smoothed the worry lines at the corner of his eye with the tip of her thumb while he held her safe and secure in his arms. It happened without notice. The anger whooshed out of his soul, and the world was once again a pretty good place to be.

  The miracle of the evening amazed him. He caught himself rocking back and forth, not sure who was comforting whom. It didn’t matter. It was nothing more than a parent’s automatic comfort response, and right now, they both needed it. If only for tonight, they were no longer strangers thrown together by the chaos of chance. No. He saw Kelsey and himself clearly now. They were two people who had loved with all their hearts and souls—and lost.

  Only now, they weren’t alone.

  Six

  Alex

  He shouldn’t have looked. He should’ve marched right by the cot and minded his own business, but no. Alex paused to check on his guest on his way out the door, and then he couldn’t step away.

  Kelsey had fallen asleep on her left side last night, the bruises and black eye hidden against her pillow. She had brushed her damp hair and woven it into a loose braid that had come undone during the night. This morning, it spilled a crimped stream of shiny cocoa around her face, over her shoulders, and across the pillow. With the blanket pulled up to her chin and her lips pinched in a pout, she looked child-like, angelic, and downright perfect. Whatever magical power she wielded held him fast and made him weak. He couldn’t force his eyes away.

  The sight of her spiked that protective feeling again. Alex shook his head to clear his head, but the warmth of the moment spiraled through his chest like a bottle rocket with a different kind of spark. He squelched the desire to hold her again.

  Knock it off, Stewart. She just needs a little help. That’s all.

  “Whisper. Stay,” he commanded hoarsely, although the dog hadn’t so much as lifted his head from his place beneath the cot anyway. All he did was blink his big, black eyes as if to say, “Duh.”

  Alex’s hands shook as he shouldered his rifle and shut the cabin door quietly behind him. He couldn’t think straight with Kelsey around. Even with her sound asleep, he felt an inexplicable attraction, and she hadn’t done a thing to encourage it. Heck, she wasn’t even his type. She wasn’t blonde like Sara. She didn’t resemble blonde replacement wife number two who looked like Sara, and neither was she manipulative and domineering like blonde wife number three. Heck, Kelsey wasn’t even single. She was a stranger whom he didn’t really know. The moment that thought entered his mind, he knew better. Kelsey felt more like everything.

  So he left. He needed to know for sure she was safe, but hiking also cleared his head, and he really needed to hike. The only problem was, as he checked the deer blinds in the area and walked the trails, Kelsey stayed in his mind. So did Sara.

  Sara was his first true love, and he missed her deeply. His memories of her had faded since her death until he had forgotten the nuances and details of her kiss, her smile, and their life together. This morning she didn’t seem so far away.
He remembered everything.

  She was the daughter of another military man, an Army brat who had fallen for a Marine. That was the only shortcoming Alex could name, and that was only because she married down when she had fallen for him. It also meant she was accustomed to the way things worked in military families. The woman’s role was oftentimes mother, father, plumber, coach, and any other job that came along while her man was deployed. Sara shouldered that role as quickly as he shouldered his gear when he left on assignments. It was just the way it was.

  The last time they had kissed was the morning he had to leave for an overseas operation. He had promised to build a broom closet for her kitchen and a tree house for Abby when he got back. She had kissed him hard then, like she would never let him go. The closet and tree house never got built. Even with those sad memories, a peaceful sensation settled over Alex. Here he was walking the farthest perimeter of his property to protect Kelsey, and of all things, the spirit of his dead wife walked with him. Alex smiled. Sara would’ve liked Kelsey.

  As he was about to turn back, he caught a movement out of the corner of his eye. About a hundred yards away in a stand of sun-deprived hemlocks, Durrant stood puffing on a cigarette, the same baseball cap as yesterday pulled low over his face. Alex crouched low and leveled his rangefinder for a better look. Durrant was deeper in the forest today, not safe by his truck. That could mean trouble.

  The blond-haired man appeared gaunt and nervous, a drug addict kind of nervous, like he needed a fix. The Winchester thirty-thirty hung off Durrant’s back along with an aluminum canteen. He wasn’t hunting though. It looked more like he was taking a smoke break, like he had all the time in the world.

  Alex studied him. Durrant didn’t look like any kind of a skilled hunter, but looks weren’t everything. He flicked his cigarette butt into the trees and stood scratching his nose. For a moment, Alex thought he might have been seen, but no. Durrant brought his rifle to his shoulder and fired high into a tree, chuckled like he had actually hit something, and reloaded. Needles and twigs fell to their death. He swung around and fired again, this time with his rifle at his hip, and once more without taking time to aim properly. More branches dropped dead. Some bark chips expired. Tired of shooting at nothing, he headed north, back toward the asphalt road.

  Alex watched him go. His assessment of Durrant’s hunting skills was once again confirmed. A fool with a gun, that’s all this guy was. He didn’t have a clue. That fact alone eased much of the concerns Alex felt. Durrant wasn’t so much a skilled predator as he was a bully. Alex knew the type. Durrant was the sneaky man who won his fights by a stab in the back instead of a direct one-on-one confrontation. He was the typical woman beater—a coward.

  When Alex got back to the cabin, the first thing he did was check on Kelsey. He didn’t step into the cabin though. No. He glanced in just enough to wave Whisper out. She was still asleep, which was a good thing. The more she rested, the faster she would get back on her feet. Besides, he didn’t need to see her all sleepy-eyed, her hair tousled first thing in the morning, not the way he was feeling. Absolutely not. That’s the last thing he needed, to see her yawn and stretch under the covers, or to hear the soft sounds she made as she woke. Hell, no.

  Instead, he leaned his rifle into the same porch corner as before and gathered a few branches for a fire. Campfire smoke always smelled good, and besides, he needed to keep his mind off the beautiful lady sleeping inside his cabin like she belonged there. He noted with chagrin last night would have been a whole lot different if he hadn’t gotten the bright idea to go down memory lane, or to help her wash her hair for that matter. That’s the problem with doing a good deed. It always came back to bite.

  His mind wandered. All that gorgeous hair of hers had felt like liquid comfort running through his fingers. It was the same feeling a man gets when a woman wraps her arms around him because he’s the absolute and only one she loves, the one she wants to build her world around. Everyone knows a man can’t build a world. Only a woman has that wondrous ability. Alex knew that much for sure. He had tried two times and failed.

  He lost himself staring at the flames. Kelsey had felt so fragile last night, as if she could’ve easily been broken or just as easily loved. He knew his thoughts were foolish. This woman had a world of grief. She was plenty broken. What would she be like when she got her memories back? For that matter, did she have any memories worth remembering? Did she smile very often? Did her musical voice giggle in real life? He doubted it. The weight of what he knew burdened him. She deserved so much more.

  Instantly another question posed itself. What kind of a man could hurt a little thing like her? The fire crackled and popped as Alex’s mind wandered back to the stand of hemlocks. It would’ve been an easy shot. No one would’ve known. He shook the dark thought from his head. He didn’t work like that. No. Let the authorities take care of Durrant.

  He would take care of Kelsey.

  Kelsey

  “Mommy.”

  The sweet boy wrapped his whole hand around her index finger as he pulled her into the dark light of nighttime. A million stars glistened like new fallen snow in an arc across the heavens.

  “Pretty, Mommy. Pretty.” The smiling child squealed, his little hand so warm and good in hers. It felt like it belonged there. Kelsey knelt to pick him up. She longed to hold his wriggly body. He smiled with sparkling eyes framed by chocolate-colored hair.

  “Up, Mommy. Up.”

  She knelt, but with a puff of cold air, he was gone. Her arms gathered nothing. Once more, she stood alone on weathered planks. No stars glittered overhead. Darkness engulfed her. She sank to her knees and then to her elbows as the porch disintegrated, swallowing her into more darkness. The wooden planks were gone. No hand reached out for rescue. No one knew she was there. No one cared.

  Jerking upright, Kelsey woke with the scream in her throat, her heart pounding like a runaway train. Where am I? Whose cabin? Where ….

  Reality edged out the nightmare. She remembered. Alex. I’m in his cabin. I’m safe.

  There was no magic arc of stars, no childish look of love, and no darling boy. Sinking back against the pillow, she wiped the sweat from her face. Whatever had happened to her, it was bad. She felt the whiplash of it in every bone, joint, muscle, but mostly, in her heart. The nagging sensation of motherhood lingered. Did she really have children? If she did, where were they? Did they miss her? Who was taking care of them? Were they boys? Were they girls?

  She pulled the cover tight under her chin and stretched the last of the nightmare away. The smell of coffee on the stove created a homey feeling, or maybe that homey feeling came from Alex. Thoughts of him easily intruded. He was handsome, strong and kind. When he had put his arms around her last night, she’d felt unusually safe, as if that was something to luxuriate in and never let go. She wouldn’t have minded sitting with him a little longer. He had done so much to help her, a total stranger.

  Whisper yawned, stretching to his feet. She rolled over on her side to see him better, and that’s all the invitation he needed. He took her forearm into his big mouth, his way of telling her he trusted her. Before she knew it, both monster front paws were in her lap. Soon, she was nose-to-nose with the gorgeous black dog that thought he was a poodle.

  “You’re just a big teddy bear, aren’t you?” Scratching behind his droopy ear, Kelsey pressed her forehead against his furry face. He growled in his typical German shepherd speak, as if telling her he agreed one hundred percent.

  “Hey.” Alex stood at the cabin door, a smirky smile on his tanned face. She saw the tease in those blue eyes. “Are you lazy louts ever getting up?”

  “I, ah, I, ah ….” She ended up not saying anything at all.

  “Nice T-shirt by the way. Looks good on you.” He winked.

  A warm flush blazed up her neck and over her cheeks. She was wearing that pink shirt with the words “Gas-N-Go” emblazoned in gold lettering across her chest. She laughed. She must look like a walking ad,
only with a trick or treat kind of scary face. “Very funny. How about I fix breakfast today?”

  “You’re too late. It’s on the fire. I just came in for the coffee.” He grabbed an old hot pad as he picked up the coffee pot. “Sugar and cream?”

  She eased herself off the cot, surprised he remembered. “Yes, please.”

  “Grab a couple more ibuprofen if you’re stiff.”

  “Thanks, Mr. Stewart. I mean, Alex.” Kelsey stepped out on the porch with him and sat gingerly on the top step. “I have a favor to ask. After breakfast, could you ….”

  She couldn’t speak. He stood too close, his blue eyes so gentle it took her breath away. Here she was ugly in a really gross way and about to eat the breakfast that he, a very kind and handsome man, had fixed for her. She could barely breathe.

  “Did you need something?” he asked softly, a bemused twinkle in his eye. “Can I help you get that hip cleaned up?”

  “Umm, no.” She had to be ten shades of burgundy, red, and scarlet all mixed together by now, not to mention she sounded like a total imbecile. “I took care of that, but I need help putting ointment on my back. I can’t reach it.”

  “Sure.” He ambled over to the fire pit where he had a frying pan balanced on three rocks. Smoke and Whisper watched attentively from a respectable distance while Alex returned with a plate of breakfast and a cup of coffee for her. “That’s easy. I thought you were going to ask something hard the way you were hemming and hawing.”

  “I hate asking for help,” she said softly. At this proximity, Kelsey was very aware of his breathing, the way he held his fork and the way he sipped his coffee. Even the closely trimmed hairline above his collar somehow spiked her libido. She looked away to break the spell. Wow. I must’ve really hit my head hard. No man can look this good.

  “We’ll take care of it after we eat.” He had settled on the bottom step with his plate and coffee while Whisper and Smoke watched breakfast disappear.