Eclipse of the Heart

by Carly Carson

  "You just told me I paid for it," he said absently. His eyes were busy devouring her. "Get up on your hands and knees."

  She suddenly noticed a fresh condom in his hands. "I don't want to have sex again!"

  "You will." He wrapped an arm around her waist, flipped her onto her stomach and the next thing she knew, she was on her hands and knees. The bastard! She tried to fall flat on the bed, not for any good reason except to thwart him. But his arm held her securely.

  "Calm down," he said. "Unless you like it rough."

  "I don't like it any way at all when I'm being manhandled by an oaf." Her hair hung down around her face, until he scooped it up and held it like a ponytail.

  "I'll calm you then." He leaned over and pressed his mouth to the back of her neck. She had to bite back a moan.

  "Feels good, does it?" His deep voice was rich with satisfaction.

  "No!"

  He kept kissing her, using his teeth, and her body betrayed her. Her hips pushed back against him where he was pressed against her.

  "Not yet, sweetheart." He laughed.

  "Why are you doing this?"

  "I want to," he murmured. His words hummed against her ear just before he licked her there. "And you shouldn't lie about sex."

  "I'm not lying." Was she? "I don't like sex when it's just—"

  "Just what?" His panting breath caressed her ear. "Just hot enough to scorch the sheets?"

  'Cold' was the word. As cold as lies, or colder. Because his refusal to communicate in any meaningful way left her feeling exactly as she imagined a paid escort felt. Physically satisfied, but emotionally devastated.

  Her mind was losing control of her thoughts as he nipped her ear, and pinched her nipple.

  "Are you ready," he asked.

  She couldn't answer. She refused to admit the need she had for him.

  He gave a low chuckle. "I can do this all night." His fingers moved down her body, slowly, and she knew where he was going.

  She managed to grab his hand, halting its descent.

  "Mandy," he said, his voice gruff. "The sexual chemistry we have is special. But it's just sex. Don't make more of it because I can't give you more."

  She needed to say something, to grab the thought hovering just out of her reach.

  He flipped her onto her back and adjusted his position so he was poised right at the entrance to her body. The broad tip of his penis teased her, sliding in just enough to make her catch her breath.

  "Yes?" he asked. He pulled out the fraction of an inch. "Or no?" He waited.

  "Damn you." She grabbed his buttocks and pulled him into her.

  When she woke up in the morning, he was gone.

  But the thought which had been teasing her was in the forefront of her mind, screaming in neon-bright words. She'd started this interlude to provide him comfort from whatever pain had afflicted him yesterday. But he'd ended it by insisting there was nothing but sex between them. The emotional comfort she'd offered had been thoroughly rejected.

  Chapter 23

  Later that day, when she'd reached her own apartment, Amanda got a text from Logan saying he'd flown to Hong Kong. He didn't mention the previous night and she figured he'd already forgotten it. He'd gotten some hot sex and was moving on with his life. She'd be smart to do the same.

  The next three weeks passed in a blur of late nights and constant work. She spent a week in Texas working on the Dallas Robotics deal. Under the circumstances, she was unable to shake off the effects of her illness. Although her throat was better, and she knew the antibiotics had to have knocked out the infection, she was tired and lacking in energy.

  When Logan called her into his office for a meeting on Monday morning, she approached him with a mix of dread and anticipation. Between his trip and hers, she hadn't seen him since she'd stayed in his home.

  She couldn't be sure if his silence was due to disinterest, the press of business, or manipulation. Mostly, she feared it was disinterest, but she knew she had to be grateful for that. If he stopped pursuing her sexually, but maintained the business relationship, she still had a good chance of winning the Daily Eats job.

  "Good morning," she said.

  He raised his cool eyes. "Come in, Amanda."

  "How's the deal going for the public offering?" She slid into a chair in front of his desk. "I was surprised to hear you were taking your company public." Best to keep the conversation business-related.

  "You remember Billy Kane?" he asked, leaning back in his big office chair, and subtly stretching his back and shoulders.

  Amanda nodded, while trying not to stare at his crisp blue shirt tightening over his chest. Billy was the groom at the wedding she'd attended back before Christmas. Although she'd only had a chance to speak briefly with him, she knew he was one of Logan's childhood friends.

  "Billy's one of the nicest guys you'll ever meet," Logan said, settling back in his chair. "But he's not the best at managing money. He's gotten himself in some serious financial difficulties, and he needs to cash out his limited partnership share in my company. The only way I can pay him that kind of money is through a sale of shares to the public." He shrugged. "I wouldn't have chosen to do it right now, but I'll still retain a majority stake so it won't kill me."

  "You're very loyal to your friends."

  "I owe him. He invested in my business when I needed the funds. Most of his inheritance, in fact. Now it's my turn to help him."

  Amanda turned over his words in her mind. Logan spoke almost as if he thought of their friendship in terms of a barter. Billy had provided funds when Logan needed them. Now it was Logan's turn to return the favor.

  Was that a male thing? Or was it a Logan thing to put all interpersonal transactions on a financial footing?

  Logan interrupted her thoughts. "I wanted to ask you about the Daily Eats deal. How's it going?"

  Wouldn't you know he'd ask about the one deal that was not going well? "I really need to go to Philadelphia," she said. "The due diligence people are making progress, but the Molloys have gone dark on us."

  "They aren't happy with the price. We know that. If the numbers look good, I may offer a little more. But, for now, I want you to focus on Dallas Robotics until that deal is completed. That's a big acquisition that can provide a bounce to the stock price once it's finalized. "

  "Fine. I may have to return to Dallas."

  "No problem. In the meantime, are you free this weekend? I thought we might go out to dinner and the theater."

  "Expensive booty call."

  His lips tightened with annoyance. "I don't enjoy verbal darts," he said. "I've tried to be honest with you. That's the best I can do."

  She replayed his words from their last night together in her mind. It's just sex. Don't make more of it because I can't give you more. She had to accept that he meant the words. Whatever crisis had caused him to retreat behind a cold shell long before she met him was a crisis she couldn't fix or undo. She could only protect herself.

  "Here's some honesty for you," she said. "I can't eliminate emotions from my interactions with people. So, you and I are an unworkable combination."

  His cool gaze frosted her. "Holding out for marriage, are you?"

  A surprised laugh burst out of her. For which she was eternally grateful. Just as quickly, fury blazed through her. How dare he?

  But she had to keep her eye on the prize. She still wanted that Daily Eats position.

  She paused to collect her thoughts before speaking. "Let's leave that silly comment unanswered. I don't want to call you either paranoid or arrogant." She stood. "I'm quite happy with our professional relationship. I hope we can maintain that."

  "As you wish." She could feel his eyes on her as she headed out of the room.

  "Oh, and Amanda?" Logan called to her just before she was out of earshot. She turned back, stopping in the doorway.

  "I've been using Josh to handle the public offering. He's doing an excellent job. The markets are unsettled right now, and I nee
d to get a good price for the shares."

  She nodded. "Josh is smart, and a hard worker."

  Logan leaned over his desk, spearing her with his gaze. "Are you still seeing him?"

  She stiffened. It was none of Logan's business how she spent her private time. With an effort, she managed to bite back the retort that sprang to her lips. It would be stupid of her to jeopardize Josh's prospects at the company merely to discomfit Logan.

  "No," she said. "We're friends, but nothing more."

  "Good." Logan smiled. "The public offering is scheduled for next Friday. I'd like you to attend the dinner I'm having Friday night to celebrate." He paused, gave her his half-smile, and then said, "Strictly business."

  "Sure," she said. "I'd like that." Why didn't she feel happier that he'd accepted her terms?

  Her worries were misplaced.

  Because, on Friday morning, everything blew up.

  Chapter 24

  Amanda took Friday off from work to see her doctor for some testing. She had to figure out what was causing her exhaustion and overall poor health. She was sitting in the waiting room, paging through a copy of Yankee magazine, when her phone rang.

  She hoped it was Logan, but it turned out to be Josh.

  "Hey," she said, "did everything go well?"

  "You haven't heard?" Josh sounded stunned. "I'm only calling to tell you the dinner is off."

  "The dinner? Oh, you mean tonight." A flicker of curiosity lit up a remote area of her brain, but was blown out when a scrawny nurse with a booming voice called out her name.

  "I have to go, Josh. I'll talk to you later." Amanda shut off her phone and dropped it in her purse. A niggle of worry about her health wiped out Josh's announcement.

  But nothing could have prepared her for the shocking news she got from her doctor. Like other overworked doctors these days, he was curt, speaking the bare minimum so he could move on to the next patient. Before she could absorb the news, the appointment had ended and she was stumbling out, blind to everything. Somehow, she got herself into the elevator, and through the lobby without having any idea how she reached the outdoors.

  She began walking, following some instinct that told her to go home. She walked and walked, oblivious to passers-by who crowded her or bumped her. She stopped when the crowd stopped, walked when they walked, and so she made it home without walking blindly into the street and being run over by a car.

  As she climbed the stairs, each step required a bigger effort than the one before. Adrenaline had carried her this far, but her momentum was fading. When she reached her apartment, she'd have nothing to do but face her momentously altered future.

  As soon as the doctor had raised the possibility, she'd known the truth. She'd denied it to herself. She'd refused the test. But she knew.

  She threw herself onto the bed in her shade-darkened bedroom, and lay there, trying not to think, giving herself one day to pretend that this wasn't happening.

  When Saturday morning dawned, she knew she had to start her new life. She plodded to the drugstore, came home with a white paper bag and shut herself in the bathroom.

  Then, with trembling hands, she called Rosie.

  Rosie was at her door thirty minutes later.

  "What happened?" Rosie launched herself across the room to wrap Amanda in a big bear hug. "Tell me this is all a practical joke."

  "I don't know how it happened," Amanda wailed.

  Rosie pulled back to look her in the face. "Amanda, you are sleeping with him."

  "Barely! And we always use birth control!"

  "I'm going to let the 'barely' comment just slide on by." Rosie waved a hand as if to speed it on its way. "But tell me, do you know of a birth control method that's one hundred percent effective?"

  "Those effectiveness numbers are distorted by people who don't use their birth control correctly."

  Rosie shrugged, but her eyes were kind as she stepped back. "Look, it doesn't matter how it happened, right? The question is, what are you going to do now?"

  "I don't know!" Amanda clasped her hands together over her belly. "I can't be pregnant!"

  "Well," Rosie said, "that's one approach."

  She placed a bag from Dean and Deluca on the coffee table and opened it to pull out a tin of their Jasmine Pearl tea. "I grabbed some treats I had on hand."

  Amanda covered her face with her hands. "I know I'm being stupid, but it's such an unbelievable shock. How can I tell my mother?"

  "She'll understand. Things happen."

  "She already has so many worries about my sister. I can't add to them."

  "You can't hide a pregnancy for long. Unless—" Rosie stopped taking stuff out of the bag to glance at Amanda. "Are you thinking of abortion?"

  "No! Absolutely not." The words burst out of Amanda, but she knew they were true as soon as she said them. The thought of abortion might have tiptoed around the edges of her mind, but when spoken aloud, she knew it simply was not the right choice for her.

  "In that case, you need to start planning for the future. What does Logan say?"

  "He doesn't know! You can't tell him Rosie! You can't tell anyone!"

  "You're going to give up your job?"

  "No, of course not. I'll need it more than ever."

  "Well then, how are you plannin' to hide this news from him, or anyone else?" Rosie waved a little parcel of sugar twigs, tied up with a brown bow. "Aren't these cute?"

  "Would you be serious?"

  "You're the one who's not facin' reality right now." Rosie dropped the twigs back in the bag. "Are you sure Logan wouldn't respond favorably to this news?"

  "Are you kidding?" The little shriek at the end of her words was not appealing. Amanda took a breath.

  "Sometimes, he shows a surprisingly warm side," Rosie said. "I didn't see it at first, but my aunt was right. He's not a machine."

  "Close enough." Amanda gave a harsh laugh. "As far as I know, he sprang from an egg, fully grown, the man we see today. He has no family, no photos in his apartment, and, believe me, no desire for children of his own. He's been very clear on that subject."

  "I see." Rosie frowned. "At a minimum, I'm sure he'd support the child."

  "You're not listening to me! He can't know!"

  "Hey." Rosie walked over and put her arm around Amanda. "Have you eaten today?"

  "No appetite."

  "I'm going to make you some tea and toast. Then we'll talk about what to do."

  A half hour later, wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt, Amanda did feel marginally better. She almost smiled at the silly stick with swirled sugar clinging to the bottom which Rosie dipped into her hot tea.

  "That is totally ridiculous, Rosie."

  "I know." Rosie's wide grin lit up the kitchen. "That's what makes it fun. Go on, try the toast."

  "Maybe in a little while." Amanda stared glumly into her tea.

  "Don't worry so much." Rosie patted her hand. "Everything will work out. You'll see."

  "You know the stats on single motherhood?"

  "You'll prove 'em wrong. Besides, I still think you should let Logan help. I don't think he's as heartless as you're makin' him out to be."

  "His core is cold, Rosie. I could never expose my child to that."

  "I think you're wrong," Rosie said stubbornly. "He may not be a demonstrative man, I'll give you that, but he's not cold."

  Amanda knew she had to change the subject. She couldn't let herself be sucked into any fantasies of Logan being involved in this new chapter of her life. That could only lead to more heartache when he disappointed her. Realistically, she'd have to tell him at some point. But she wouldn't do so until she had everything organized and under control. At that time, she'd be totally clear that he had no obligation to her or the child.

  "Promise me, Rosie, that you won't tell anyone."

  "I think you're makin' a mistake, but fine."

  Loneliness swept over her when Rosie left, but when the doorbell rang shortly after her departure, Amanda thought about ign
oring it. There wasn't anyone she wanted to see, especially not in this half-tearful, half-panicked state she was in.

  Then she realized Rosie must have forgotten something. Amanda yanked a tissue out of the box on the table, and shuffled over to the door, just as the bell pealed again, a long and loud note that somehow sounded angry.

  She put her eye to the peephole.

  Logan?

  In shock, she opened the door. Had he heard? Rosie hadn't rushed out and called him, had she?

  One look at his furious face and Amanda's heart notched up to a higher rate. Yes, he must have discovered the news somehow. She'd never seen this kind of emotion from him. But she'd wait for an explanation before blaming Rosie. Not that anyone else knew—

  He strode through the door, gripping a laptop under one arm. Amanda closed the door behind him, wondering vaguely about the computer. Had he come from the office? When he dumped it on the coffee table and straightened up, glaring at her, everything flew out of her head but one thought. He looked mad enough to kill.

  "Now I understand," he said in a lethal voice, "why you didn't bother to come in to work yesterday."

  Her mind reeled. He even knew she'd been to the doctor's yesterday? That made no sense.

  "Did you think," he asked, his voice low and throbbing with anger, "that I would never find out?"

  She shook her head. No words came to mind. Of course he would have found out, as much as she'd tried to pretend otherwise with Rosie. But not like this, in whatever unfortunate way someone had told him. A small part of her brain was struggling to figure out who might know, but the major part of her knew she had to pay attention.

  "It was an accident," she managed.

  "An accident?" He grabbed his computer and flipped open the top. "Don't insult my intelligence. You knew perfectly well what you were doing."

  "So did you!" She blew her nose.

  "Quit crying!" he shouted. "I have no sympathy for you. In fact, I'm ashamed and disgusted by what you've done. You're fired and no tears will change that."