Old wounds split open inside me. The scar tissue on them is thick and calcified, but they still crack and spill fresh blood. Tears fill my eyes as I clear my throat, trying to compose myself.
I finally meet my sister’s eye, and my anger dims.
She has the same determination as Rae. The same urge to put everyone else first. The same forgiveness. Big heart. Integrity.
She’s right. Just as Rae was right to tell me she didn’t want to take things any further with me. Just as Sawyer was right to let go of his anger and forgive the instant he knew he was wrong.
So, I drop my shoulders, step back inside, and close the door behind me. Sarah wraps her arms around me.
“Thank you for staying,” she whispers. “I appreciate it.”
“I’m doing it for you, not him.”
“I know.” She smiles. “That’s why I thanked you.”
We spend the evening together, and even though I try my best to hate my father, I see why Sarah invited him over. He’s good with the kids, and he doesn’t talk about money, or college funds, or make any assumptions about being in our lives beyond tonight.
He’s grateful to be here, and it feels like the first step in a new direction. When my father shakes my hand and says goodbye for the night, my heart squeezes.
I don’t hate having him in my life. It felt good to not push him away.
When I leave my sister’s house, I’m exhausted. My eyes are drawn to Rae’s place, and a lump forms in my throat.
I know it’s her presence that pushed me to welcome my father tonight. I know it was her three-year-long fight to bring her family back together that showed me it’s possible to forgive. To mend. To move on.
But as I drive away from her, I feel empty.
It’s not my father I want to be close to.
It’s Rae.
18
Rae
When Lucy told Sawyer it was me who was depositing money into his account and not our parents, he insisted on using the funds to furnish the new house. I tried to protest, saying I had money from the sale of the car, but he wouldn’t hear a word of it.
Exactly like the Sawyer I knew three and a half years ago—loyal, stubborn, and totally idealistic.
I finally accept his help, and boy, he does not disappoint.
The two of us haul in seven loads of sheets, towels, utensils, cleaning supplies, side tables, and a million other things needed for the house. We spend the afternoon setting up the house for me, Lucy, and Roman, and Sawyer even gets a TV delivered for us.
Right before dinnertime, Sawyer drives up with one last load of stuff for the house. I meet him at his car, shaking my head.
“You don’t need to do this, Sawyer. That money was supposed to be for you. I sold the car and have enough cash to take care of us.”
“I don’t need your money,” Sawyer answers simply, picking up two big bags full of throw pillows. “And by the looks of it, you do. You need to start thinking of yourself a bit more.”
My heart grows.
In the blink of an eye, once Sawyer met Roman and understood what happened between us, he’s forgiven me. All my fears have evaporated, and I have my brother back. Lucy was right. He’s the same guy we grew up with. The big-hearted, starry-eyed boy who decided to leave home and make it on his own.
He never needed my money, but I think he enjoys having Lucy and me around. He’s been to the house almost every day for dinner, and I’m pretty sure Roman is completely infatuated with his uncle.
In short, it’s more than I could have hoped for. Sawyer’s here, he forgave me, and we’re a family again.
Just like that.
But as I head for the last box out of the back of his car, my eye is drawn to Sarah’s house. I recognize Benji’s truck parked on the street, and my heart tugs.
I like him more than I want to admit. Even the thought of him makes my blood burn, and with Sawyer talking to me again, it’s hard to ignore the effect Benji has on me.
I’ve been avoiding the garage for days, choosing instead to spend my time with Willow and Nadia. It’s been nice to work on the Black Estate gardens, and Nadia has a thousand and one ideas about the types of plants we should use.
On paper, my life is good—but there’s a void.
A big, burly, Benji-shaped void.
Sawyer sees me looking at his truck and arches an eyebrow. “You like him.”
“What?” I blush. “Who?”
“Benji. What were you two doing in your car last week anyway?”
My blush deepens. I shake my head. “Nothing. He wanted to take it for a test drive before I sold it.”
“Huh.”
“What does huh mean?” I snap.
Sawyer grins. “Benji’s been moping around all week. If you like him, just tell me. You don’t have to stay away from him just for my sake.”
“I don’t—” I stop myself, staring at my brother. A blush rises up my neck.
He laughs, that big, wide-open mouthed laugh I’ve always loved. “You do like him!” he exclaims, triumphant. “You’re totally into Benji.” His face changes as he grimaces. “Gross.” Then, his features soften. “But I mean, fine. We’re all adults.”
I watch a thousand emotions and thoughts rush over Sawyer’s face until he settles on a soft smile, staring at me expectantly.
I bite my lip. shrugging. “Maybe I have a bit of a crush.”
Sawyer lets out a sigh, his eyes drilling into mine. His eyebrow arches. “Rae.”
“What?”
A soft breeze flutters around us, carrying the scent of the trees and a faint hint of the ocean. A bird calls out in a tree above as the evening light bathes us in the last of the day’s warmth.
My brother stares at me, and I know he sees me. Really sees me.
He lets out a sigh. “I spent over three years wondering what the hell happened between us. I thought you’d changed, or maybe you’d fooled me into thinking you were someone you weren’t. I just couldn’t believe you would betray me like that, when you were the one who had always tried to keep the family together. It didn’t make any sense.”
I wipe a bead of sweat off my brow. Sawyer stares at me, smiling.
“You hadn’t changed, Rae. You’re still the same as you were when we were kids. Remember when you were ten, and you gave up your birthday party because I got grounded? That’s who you are, Rae. You always choose me and Lucy. You always put everyone else first, no matter the cost.”
“It’s worth it, Sawyer,” I say, but my voice is small. My heart tugs, pulling me in the direction of Sarah’s house. Of Benji.
“Not always,” he says, a soft smile playing on his lips. “Once in a while, you need to think of yourself, too.”
Sawyer’s words play on my mind all evening and all night. I barely sleep. I’ve been in Woodvale a month, but it’s gone by in an instant—and I know the reason time has galloped so fast.
I stare at the ceiling, feeling the whisper of Benji’s touch on my skin. Tasting the memory of his kiss. Wondering if I made a mistake by telling him I couldn’t see him.
If Sawyer is okay with us seeing each other, what’s the harm?
I sleep an hour or two and get up at dawn. Not wanting to wake Roman or Lucy, I leave a note on the counter and walk outside.
My mind is a mess. My body is in turmoil.
I’ve spent years working toward this point. Everything I’ve done has been for Sawyer to start talking to me again, to make sure Lucy has a support system, and that Roman is safe and happy. Everything I’ve done has been for this.
But now that I’m here, it doesn’t quite feel like enough.
My plan was to reconnect with Sawyer, then talk to my parents, quit the business, and ask them to come meet Sawyer and Lucy here. Bring the whole family together.
Now, though? The last thing I want to do is leap over that particular hurdle. What I really want, in my heart of hearts, is Benji. His calm. His strength. His arms wrapped around me and his lips claiming m
ine. I want someone to take care of me, and not the other way around.
I walk through the quiet streets, trying to clear my head. I know Sawyer’s given me his blessing, and I know he means it, too. He’s quick to anger but even quicker to forgive. I see the way he plays with Roman, and how happy he is we’re all here.
He wants what I want—all of us to have a life together. It’s what we always wanted.
I keep thinking about Benji. Wondering if I made a mistake by pushing him away. Will he even want to talk to me? Will he want to be with me? Was I just an infatuation, a little forbidden secret while Sawyer was away?
I saw the disappointment in his face when I told him I didn’t want to take it any further—but was that just lust, or is there something deeper?
By the time the sun is fully up, I’m sweaty, sore, wired, and tired. I make my way back home, hearing Lucy and Roman in the kitchen as soon as I open the door. I call out a quick hello and head for the shower, washing off the stink of my sweat and fears.
When I emerge again, clean and ready to face the day, I know what I have to do.
I give Roman a kiss and say goodbye to Lucy, heading out the door again. Birds sing, the sun shines, and happy little clouds float across the pretty blue sky. It’s a perfect Sunday morning, but my eyes aren’t on the beauty around me. I head straight over to Benji’s house.
I need to know how he feels. If I made a mistake by pushing him away. If he still wants me the way he did a few days ago.
I need to know if Sawyer’s right, and maybe it’s time to take care of myself, for once.
But when I get to Benji’s house, no one’s home. I ring the doorbell and peek through the window. Silence answers. Taking a deep breath, I spin on my heels and head to the garage.
It’s barely seven o’clock on a Sunday morning. If he’s at work right now, I need to give the man a raise—but the garage is dark. The roller doors are closed. I head for the small glass door that leads to reception, unlocking it and slipping inside. The alarm is off. Someone’s here.
There’s no one in the main garage space, so my feet carry me to the office.
The light is on. The door is closed.
Taking a deep breath, I push the door open, hoping to see the man I haven’t been able to stop thinking about.
Benji’s sitting at the desk, frowning at the screen. He’s got a mound of receipts and papers in front of him, and his eyebrows jump up when he sees me.
“Rae.”
“Hey, Benji.” My throat is tight. I nod to the paperwork. “Working on a Sunday?”
“Couldn’t sleep.”
I take a step toward him and close the door. “Me neither.”
He leans back in the chair, watching me. His throat bobs as he swallows, and heat flames in my gut. I watch as Benji rakes his fingers through his hair, his ropey forearms tensing as he moves.
He’s not wearing his coveralls today. He’s got a thin, white T-shirt on that molds to the curve of his muscular chest. My heart jumps.
Benji stares, his eyes sweeping over me. “How’s your brother?”
“He’s fine. Your sister?”
“She’s good.”
There are a million things we don’t say out loud. I don’t know how to start. All I can do is stare at him as he sits on the other side of the desk. Too far away, when all I want is to have him close.
The air thickens.
Benji knows why I’m here. I can tell by the way his eyes darken when they run down the length of my body and back up again.
He knows I’m here for him.
He knows I couldn’t sleep because I was thinking about him.
He knows I need him. Badly.
But neither of us moves. As his eyes roam over my body, I feel alive for the first time since we were in my old car together. My nipples pucker under his gaze. Fire licks the edges of my stomach. Waves of heat wash over me, making my cheeks turn red and my whole body burn.
I stand rooted to the ground, unable and unwilling to move.
I like when he looks at me like this.
It’s exactly why I’m here—because I want more.
Benji’s the first to move. He pushes his chair back and stands up, stalking toward me. His tall, broad body fills the room, and I inhale his presence like oxygen. He gives me life. He makes me feel electric, even when all he’s doing is existing in front of me.
This is more than just existing, though. He walks toward me, not stopping until the distance between us disappears. When his fingers sweep over my cheek and tangle into my hair, I lean into his touch with a groan.
For a week and a half, I’ve orbited around Benji. I’ve told myself I can’t be with him. That it would be betraying Sawyer’s trust. That I’m here for my family.
I’ve kept my distance.
But I’m tired. I’m sick of resisting. Sick of giving up what I really want.
Benji’s body is broad. His chest brushes against mine as his thumb sweeps over my cheek, tilting my head up toward his. When I open my eyes, Benji’s gaze is fierce.
“I don’t want you to run away from me again, Rae,” he growls.
“Neither do I.”
“I don’t want you to regret this, either.”
“The only thing I regret is spending the last week without you.” I gulp, putting my hands on his chest. I can feel his heart beating beneath my palms, thumping against my skin as I struggle to contain my emotions. “You got under my skin, Benji. I don’t know how, but you did.”
His lip tugs at the corner. Instead of answering, though, he dips his lips to mine. As soon as his mouth claims me, I melt. I burn. I dissolve into nothing but a wisp of desire, existing only for Benji.
From the first day I stepped foot in Woodvale, I’ve been lying to myself.
I told myself I was only here for Lucy and Sawyer. I said I liked it here because it was the promise of a new life for us.
But that wasn’t the whole truth.
I like it here because this is where I met Benji. I like the garage, because when I come here, I can steal a glance at him. I like the town because he lives in it.
Everything has shifted. Before, I wanted to put my family first. My sister. My brother. My nephew.
Right now?
I want to put myself first.
Benji’s kiss deepens, his tongue invading my mouth. His lips war with mine. His arm snakes around my back, pulling me into his broad body. I wrap my arms around his neck, melting into him until I’m not sure where I stop and he begins.
Between his legs, his cock pulses, and I know I won’t be able to resist.
Why would I?
There’s nothing stopping us. Nothing standing between us. No hesitations, no fears, no voices at the back of my head telling me it’s a bad idea.
This is a good idea. Possibly the best idea I’ve ever had.
Benji growls, dropping his hands to my ass. He picks me up and I yelp, giggling, wrapping my legs around his waist. He spins around, setting me down on the desk.
“I know how I got under your skin, Rae,” he says, nipping my bottom lip. Kissing my jaw. My neck. My ear.
His hand sweeps over my shoulder and across my collarbone, his thumb tickling the base of my neck.
I gulp. “How’s that?”
Benji smirks, laying a kiss on my lip. His other hand drops between my legs, and he arches an eyebrow. “I think it happened in the back of your car, when you came so sweetly all over my fingers. That’s when you realized you were mine.”
He kisses me hard, crushing his lips against mine. His hand stays between my legs and I grind against it, moaning into his mouth.
Pulling away, I pant and shake my head. “You’re wrong.”
“Oh?” His eyebrow arches as his fingers work to unfasten my pants.
I nod, walking my fingers down his chest. “You got under my skin way before that. Weeks before. I think I’ve been lying to myself since the first day I drove into this garage.”
Benji lets out a low
growl, tugging my pants down. His hand drags through my slit and a groan slips through his lips.
“You’re wet.” His eyes are at half-mast, lips glistening.
I bite my lip. “Why do you think that is?”
Twisting my fingers into his shirt, I give in. I need to touch him. To feel his skin against mine. I suck in a breath as my fingers brush over his chest, the thin, white fabric stretching as he pulls it off. I let my fingers explore his body as he throws the fabric off to the side.
My hands move farther down, pulling his zipper down and slipping my hand down his unfastened pants. My heart skips when I feel the hardness of his desire. He lets out a soft sigh, closing his eyes at my touch. My mouth waters. Breath shortens.
I want him.
Need him.
Crave him like no one ever before.
My gaze finds his, and he claims my mouth again. He owns it. Kisses me hard, slipping his fingers inside me and making me gasp.
I’m done waiting. Done hesitating. Done doing everything for everyone else.
I need this. Him.
Now.
19
Benji
Well, today turned out better than I expected.
I barely slept, because all I could think about was Rae—just like every other night for the past week. Then, I came to the garage to do some paperwork, thinking that would help distract me.
Now that she’s here, though, I know it never would have worked. There’s no distracting myself from this. No forgetting how good Rae feels when she’s in my arms. No way I can turn away from her now.
I let my hand drag through her honey, loving the noises she makes. Her hand moves up and down my shaft, and I almost lose it. I want to make this last. I pull her hand away, placing it on my chest. Rae whimpers in protest, but curls her fingers against my pecs.
If she keeps touching me like that, I’ll come in her hand.
“I was wrong about you,” I say softly.
A grin teases Rae’s lips. “Does that mean I’m winning you over?”
Won't Miss You: A Brother's Best Friend Romance (We Shouldn't Book 4) Page 13
