Black Light: Roulette Rematch (Black Light Series Book 20)

by Livia Grant

  “Would the end result have been any different if I had?”

  “Setting my own ego aside for a moment,” she said with a wicked grin, “let’s just say I might have had one, maybe two more edges I could’ve held out against before the game would have changed entirely.”

  Davis chuckled. “Good to know for future reference.”

  For a moment they stared at each other in companionable silence.

  “And?” Jess broke the quiet, her eyes twinkling.

  “And?” Davis frowned. “Oh. Yeah. The ‘bad-cop’ treatment.”

  “Exactly.”

  “Okay, so here’s the thing: because of what I do for a living, I don’t get to play often, Miss Jess. And you’re a fucking beautiful submissive whether you want to admit it or not. And I don’t just mean your body, though that’s pretty fucking hot, don’t get me wrong. It’s just… I mean, intellectually too. You challenged me. You threw me off-stride. I honestly hadn’t expected to be paired with you. I needed to get in my headspace, and you kept throwing me these curveballs and I wasn’t doing a very good job of getting on top of them.” He gave a slight shrug of his shoulders. “I’m sorry if that got us off on the wrong foot and made things uncomfortable.”

  “Again, with the flattery.”

  “Appropriate where deserved.”

  Jess cocked her head in acknowledgement, even if it was clear she didn’t entirely agree. “Well, it certainly threw me off my stride. As I said, I couldn’t figure out what your deal was, and while the arrogant asshole attitude is not without its charm, if your ultimate goal was to win, starting off by getting my hackles up wasn’t the best game plan.”

  Davis laughed. “Again, good to know for future reference.”

  She stayed quiet as Davis caressed her face, thumb grazing her chin. Her eyes closed for a moment before opening to languid slits.

  “Jessica Bain.” Her voice was soft.

  “Benjamin Davis.”

  “That’s a strong name.”

  “As is yours.”

  “Tell me, Benjamin Davis”—she blinked slowly—“what would you like to do now?”

  Fuck.

  Davis glanced quickly toward the wall clock before turning back to her. “Well, we still have a little under two hours left to play. I’m sure they’ll allow us a certain amount of time for aftercare, but—”

  “If we just sit here relaxing, they’ll eventually disqualify us,” Jessica finished for him.

  “Yes.”

  “I suppose then,” she said, shifting in his lap, “we should get up and go roll for another activity.”

  “Wait.”

  Davis could feel her tense at his tone. “I said I needed to chat with you.”

  “Isn’t that what we’ve been doing?” Her eyes went from relaxed to wary.

  “Well, yes, we have. But…” Davis took a breath. Don’t. Fuck. This. Up.

  “But, what?”

  “I haven’t been entirely forthcoming.”

  The body cradled in his arms tensed even further.

  “What.” Her tone was flat, emotionless.

  “Earlier this evening, I was at the bar. Next to you.”

  Jess’s eyes narrowed. “That’s right. You were. I remembered when you got called up to the stage.”

  “Yes. And while I was there, I may have overheard some things.”

  Jess suddenly scooted in his grasp, positioning herself so she was braced on an elbow against the seat’s arm. “You eavesdropped on our conversation.”

  Don’t. Fuck. This. Up.

  “I did.”

  Her face went hard, every bit of the languor from a moment ago gone. He could tell thoughts were racing through her head, little tics of her face as she remembered.

  “It wasn’t my intention, but your friend was pestering you, and you said something that intrigued me very, very much. That’s what I want to talk to you about.”

  “No.” Her voice was toneless.

  Davis held his reaction in check. Tread carefully. “Why? Is it because you think I’m judging you? Or that I’m trying to leverage it into something else?”

  “I don’t give a shit what you think, Mr. Davis. That was a private conversation.”

  “Yes, it was. But tell me truthfully you’ve never done something similar yourself.”

  Her jaw clenched. “And you think that excuses it? Makes it right?”

  “No. But have you ever had an opportunity presented to you you’d assumed never would be? Something you considered so ‘out of the norm’ you’d consigned it to the ain’t-ever-gonna-happen file?”

  Jess snorted. “Let me guess, you’re going to tell me this is some sort of bullshit kismet moment and ‘hey, guess what! You, me, same!’” She made the hand motions so associated with the recent meme connected to the phrase.

  “Yes.”

  Jess pushed fully out of his lap now, legs curled between the two of them as she sat with her back scrunched into the corner of the settee.

  “Bullshit.”

  Davis held up his hand. “You’re entitled to that opinion, and I won’t fault you for it. However, I’ve done nothing to warrant you calling me a liar. Arrogant, an egotistical asshole… I’ll cop to that, but I’ll only say this once, Ms. Bain: I do not lie. I promise I’ll always be completely honest with you.”

  “And I’m just supposed to believe that?”

  He stared at her. “Yes.”

  She didn’t try to hide her incredulousness. “Damn. I’ll give you this: you are a cocky sonuvabitch.” She shook her head slowly. “Here’s the thing, though—you did lie. You hid what you’d heard Taylor and I talking about for… what? Leverage to get inside my pants?”

  “You’re wearing a dress.”

  “Cute, asshole. Doesn’t change a thing.”

  “Except that I didn’t.”

  “Really?”

  “I didn’t hide it from you. If I had, we wouldn’t even be having this conversation right now. I simply waited until I felt the moment was right to bring it up in a way I hoped wouldn’t drive you off.” Davis stared at her intently. “And now you be honest with me, Ms. Bain. If I hadn’t said a word, had just kept my mouth shut about what I’d overheard, when we were done playing, if I had asked to fuck you…” He pinned her with his gaze. “Would you have said no?”

  “That’s a bullshit ques—”

  “Yes or no, Ms. Bain.”

  Jess clamped her mouth shut. She stared, her lips pressed thin, jaw clenched. “You want honesty? Yeah. Yeah, I probably would have fucked you. You’re a handsome man, and until a moment ago you seemed like a halfway decent Dom. It would have been fun.” Her tone had held a trace of disappointment, but that disappeared now. “But you sure as fuck blew that chance.”

  “Is that because I want the same thing you do?” Davis kept his gaze fixed on her.

  She narrowed her eyes. “And what the fuck do you think that is?”

  “Please… Jessica. I told you I don’t lie. I heard your conversation. I know what you told your friend your ‘mystery’ kink was.” Davis kept his voice calm, the tone appeasing. “What you told her you want is the same kink, the same fetish I have. And your friend is right: we’re not special. And while it’s common enough, as long as we’ve never acted on it, it’s always remained just that: a fantasy. Except...”

  “What?” Her voice was low, but Davis heard the tremor in it.

  “We don’t just want the fantasy anymore, do we? We aren’t just satisfied with that. We want more.”

  “I never said—”

  “No, you didn’t, but tell me I’m wrong, Jess. Tell me everything I heard you say, every thought I’ve had since the moment I started listening to you at that bar, every burning desire I’ve kept in check until right now”—he stabbed a finger against the cushion—“is something you don’t share. I swear to you, tell me you don’t once, just once, want to give in and fuck someone where there’s a very real chance the end result will be a baby inside you, and I swear I�
�ll stand up and leave right now, and I’ll pay for a year of Black Light membership for you out of my own pocket.”

  “You can’t do that.”

  Davis shot forward like a spring snapping. He came up over her, one hand braced against the back of the seat while the other circled her throat beneath her chin.

  “Answer me, Ms. Bain, and you’ll find out just what I can or cannot do.”

  Her pupils blew, two black orbs with little but a sliver of brown surrounding them. Where Davis touched her, her muscles quivered in response. He was certain what her answer was going to be, but he needed her to give it. Needed to hear the words from her beautiful perfect mouth that parted yet remained silent for the moment as she stared up into his eyes.

  “And what if I do?” The words were a whisper.

  Davis gazed down at her, and it was all he could do not to kiss her.

  “Then you and I need to figure out our next move.”

  Chapter 8

  Jessica

  “You’re serious.”

  “I am.”

  Jess had her arms curled around her knees as she stared back at Davis. The earnest intensity imbuing his face made him both handsome and irritating in equal measure.

  Because this was just… crazy. Fucking crazy.

  “Davis, you and I know nothing about each—”

  “Yes, we do. We know the one thing each of us never believed would happen is staring us in the face right now. We know we share a common kink we have an opportunity to take beyond just fantasy and actually explore. And we both know this is something we want. You admitted it to me, and I’ve admitted it to you. The only thing we don’t know right now is whether we’re going to seize this chance, or let it slip through our fingers.”

  God, the man’s voice. Trying so hard to be persuasive… and succeeding. Because this conversation was wearing down what thin walls she’d built up after she’d admitted her desires, and he’d shown her how sincere he was in following this through.

  Dammit.

  “You make it sound so simple.”

  “It is, Jess. You and I’ve both had sex with other people before. We don’t need to know each other’s life stories to recognize that. We both know how to fuck, and we know we’ll be good fucking each other. The only difference this time is—”

  “You could be putting a baby inside me.”

  “Yes.” He gazed at her in silence.

  Jess started laughing. How could she not? This was nuts. This man was talking about fucking bareback with no condom or other protection like they were going to bake a cake together, and she was…

  She was giving it consideration. She was giving what he was proposing serious consideration. Jesus Christ, Jess!

  “You find this funny?”

  She threw up a hand. “You don’t? You’re trying to convince me—very persuasively, I might add—to have unprotected sex with you so that we can satisfy a kink we both share. Does nothing about this situation seem the least bit humorous to you? Because it damn sure does to me!”

  “I want you.”

  She choked on another laugh. “Oh my God. Please tell me you didn’t just say that.”

  He stared at her with a growing smile. “Except I did. You heard it. And it’s true, Jess. We’ve both waited for something like this for forever. And while I know this may not be where either of us expected it to happen”—Davis motioned to the club surrounding them—“the question still remains: are you willing to pass this up? Are you willing to wait another five, ten, fifteen years or more until you finally find the right person again? If you ever do?”

  “Oh, so you’re the right person to satisfy my secret little kink?”

  “Yes. I am.”

  She laughed again. “Christ, you are so goddamn arrogant.”

  “I never once said I wasn’t.”

  Jess looked down, shaking her head. She studied her linked fingers for a moment before looking back up at him. “How do you know I’m not lying?”

  He blinked. “About…?”

  “Not being on birth control.”

  He reached and placed a hand on her knee. “Because you’re not a liar, Jess. I know that as sure as I’m sitting here right now.” He gave her a meaningful look. “And I doubt you’ve ever lied in the past when you’ve told a partner you weren’t on birth control.”

  She snorted. “Oh, you should see how fast the condoms come out once a guy hears ‘sorry, I’m not on the pill right now.’”

  “‘You got Plan B though, right?’” Davis mimicked a different man’s voice.

  Jess chuckled. “Bingo.”

  Davis massaged her knee in silence. Finally, he leaned in close. “Jess, we need to make a decision. You need to make a decision, because you already know mine. If we don’t do something soon, they’re going to disqualify us. And while the event doesn’t mean shit to me personally right now, if it does to you, we can’t just keep sitting here.”

  She sighed. “So, we go roll another activity. Play some more, and then afterwards we can talk about this further, maybe set up a time when we can get together outside of the club and find out if we truly, seriously want to pursue—”

  “No.” Davis squeezed her knee tightly, cutting her off. “No, Jess, that isn’t going to work.”

  She tensed. “Why?”

  “For a lot of reasons, the least of which is early tomorrow morning I’m leaving here, and I won’t be back.”

  “Hmph. How convenient.” Wariness flooded through her, stiffening her spine. “Let me guess: you’re a CIA agent, and they’re sending you out of the country on a super-secret spy mission from which you may not return, and you can’t say anything more because—"

  “Stop it.” His voice was harsher than any tone he’d used all evening, and it brought her up short. Previously, she’d thought him stoic, if not downright uninterested in her. Now…

  Now he was angry.

  “I told you I wasn’t going to say this again. I’m not lying to you—”

  “Then who are you, Benjamin Davis?” Jess cut him off as abruptly as he had her.

  He glared, slowly releasing the death grip on her knee. “Captain Benjamin Davis, Detachment C, 203rd Military Intelligence Group, United States Army.”

  “Well, fuck.” She let out an elongated sigh. “That’s a lot better story than mine.”

  “Truth usually is.” He pursed his lips, his face earnest. “I’m here on a forty-eight-hour leave. Tonight, or early tomorrow morning at the latest, I’m headed back to Fort Irwin to return to duty. And the way things are looking right now, I won’t have another leave before I’m reassigned to…” He paused, looking down. “To someplace far away from here.”

  Jess had a fairly clear idea what that meant. “Oh.”

  “Yeah. ‘Oh.’ So, here’s the long and short of it: for me, it’s now or never. That’s why I keep harping on this being an opportunity. Because… that’s what it is. If you don’t want to take advantage of it, for whatever reason, I’ll respect your decision. But I don’t have a week or a day or even eight hours to ‘think this over.’ We either do this together now or we forget the whole damn thing.”

  She wanted to feel anger at the pressure he was putting on her, but two things prevented her from doing so: one, Captain Benjamin Davis was not lying to her. She couldn’t say exactly why—and maybe she was being a goddamn fool for thinking so—but she believed him. She believed everything he’d said to her this entire evening. The second was, none of this was his fault. He’d no more planned for this to happen right now than she had, and the only difference between the two of them was she had the luxury of trying to delay this until another time.

  Except you don’t, Jess. That’s a delusion. Do you seriously think you’re going to find a guy willing to breed you on your terms any time soon, if ever?

  It didn’t matter. She may want to pretend she had the option of waiting right now, but Davis didn’t. For him, it was, as he’d said, now or never.

  “So, what are w
e supposed to do? Just rip off our clothes and start fucking?”

  Davis laughed. “Well, that’s a thought. Here’s the thing, though: we’re still supposed to be playing in Roulette, and my suspicion is if they don’t see us doing something connected to the event soon—which I doubt just fucking each other will meet the requirement—we’re definitely going to be disqualified from winning the two free months and maybe even the one for all I know.” Davis glanced around. “Me personally? I don’t give a shit. But since we’re already here, and this is a pretty nice place, very romantic in a kinky kind of way…”

  Jess laughed. “You really know how to wow a girl on a first date.”

  “I know, right?” Davis grinned. “Anyway, here’s what I propose: we get up and go spin another activity. Then, once we’ve got that, we do what we want to do.”

  She quirked an eyebrow as he looked at her expectantly. “So, riddle me this, Riddler: what do we do if we roll something like… I dunno… ABDL play? Or… suspension, or… watersports.”

  Davis smiled. “Don’t worry about it. No matter what we get…” He leaned forward, the gleam in his eye sending a shiver arcing through her.

  “I’ll handle it.”

  Chapter 9

  Davis

  Don’t look back.

  Davis kept scolding himself not to stop and look over his shoulder to make sure she was following him. Because to turn and ensure she was still there would show a lack of trust in the last thing she’d said before they’d gotten up.

  ‘Okay, let’s do this.’

  Trust was a huge component in any dynamic. Jessica Bain was putting a metric fuckton of trust in him, and the two of them didn’t even have a goddamn dynamic. They were just two kinksters thrown together in a BDSM-themed event which was supposed to be nothing more than letting some like-minded people get together and play around casually exploring new kinks they may never have had a chance to before.

  Except in their case there’d been a wrinkle, and they’d discovered they shared a kink that wasn’t even on the wheel. A kink that would be a hard limit for many people, one for which they’d both assumed they’d never find a consenting partner. And yet here they were, walking toward the stage to spin once more, both knowing no matter where the ball landed, what they ultimately would end up doing was something completely different.