Until The Last Star Fades

by Jacquelyn Middleton

  A sock dangled from the counter, discarded jeans covered the milk crate, and a fuzzy pair of handcuffs lay open on the loveseat. Ben’s dress shirt, stained with soy sauce from dinner, lay crumpled beside a heap of Twister bedsheets. Several PEZ dispensers, taken out by Riley’s bra flung in a moment of passion, mingled on the floor with a tipped over bottle of lube and condom wrappers, both torn and unopened, just beyond Ben’s splayed fingers gripping the rug.

  Remember every second. Ben panted above Riley as his hips shifted, thrusting in and out. It might be weeks—months—before I can feel her like this again.

  He buried his face in her hair, losing himself in the subtle orange blossom, jasmine, and musk of Riley’s summery perfume. He couldn’t get enough of its sensual tease, unlocking frequently visited daydreams of her skimpy swimwear and sex in the warm sand, the sun-kissed holiday they joked about but couldn’t afford to take.

  Her fingernails dug into his ass. “Ben?”

  Riley’s breathy gasp lifted his head. “Yeah?”

  “Switch…me on top.”

  “You read my mind.” Ben rolled onto his back, pulling her on top, her thighs fitting perfectly around his, pinning him to the floor. His hands squeezed her hips, digging in as she rocked against him. Beautiful Hope. Fuck yes. Let me watch you…take me deeper. Oh, sweet lord… His head pushed into the soft pool of Riley’s discarded dress, his heavy gaze flirting between her breasts and the soft smile curving her mouth.

  Few words were spoken. Every kiss and lick, every moan and name whispered across skin, through the night and into that morning, had said all they needed to say, yet somehow…it still wasn’t enough.

  Before going under tomorrow, I want to remember… Ben sighed and traced his thumb down her hip and in between her legs, circling her, coaxing her to the edge.

  A gasp escaped Riley’s parted lips. “Oh, God, I’m close.” Moving faster, her breaths drew short and quick, and for the first time, Ben noticed a blush of pink around her mouth and chin. Stubble burn.

  “You feel so good.” His hand left her hip and slid around, squeezing her ass and holding her tighter, trying to slow his excitement down. Let Riley come first. Let her remember…how good we are together… With a satisfied groan, his eyes fought to stay open, desperate to watch as he felt her begin to tighten around him.

  “Oh—!” Her fingers spread out on his chest. She cried out, her body shaking until the spasms subsided.

  Fucking hell, Riles…I can’t hold on much longer.

  His own rampant desire took over as he leaned forward to kiss her breasts, focusing on what he needed. Thrusting deeply and fighting sharp breaths, his tongue swirled around her nipple with a feverish urgency until his head fell back, releasing a deep groan. He clutched her hips as his thighs began to twitch and his body followed, jerking upward with a final thrust. “Fuck!”

  Riley clasped onto his hands, steadying herself as he sank back to the floor, breathing heavily.

  “That was…” Eyelashes flickering, his eyes rolled back, and the grip he had on her hips relaxed. “Bloody hell.”

  “We’re gonna be sore.” Riley nudged her messy hair off her forehead.

  “And every time we feel a twinge, we’ll remember…” Ben leaned up on his elbows and reached between them, anchoring the condom as Riley moved off him. He peeled it away, dropping it in the bin with the others.

  Lying down, covering Ben’s nakedness with her own, Riley left tender, loving kisses along his chest, a glint of sweat dampening the fine hair on his pecs. Her hands roamed up his body, following her mouth to his neck.

  Caressed in her sighs, Ben caught his breath and held her tight, marveling in her warmth, her exquisite softness, and her lips pressing smiles into his skin. I never want this to end. I want to stay right here, like this.

  She looked up, his silence raising a glimmer in her eye. Her lips teased his with brief kisses that softened into longer, deeper ones.

  But if I don’t wake up tomorrow… His tongue danced with hers until he couldn’t stay silent any longer. You need to tell her. Take a leap of faith. His heart began to hammer in his chest. “Riley?” Her name lingered between their lips. “You and I are now…we.”

  Riley caught the intense look in his eyes. “We? Yeah, ’course we are. We’re exclusive.”

  No, that’s not it. Say the actual words…c’mon, say them! His finger traced her cheek, brushing hair out of her eyes. “Yeah, but Riley, what I mean is…I love you—I absolutely love you! I think I’ve loved you all along, but I didn’t know what that meant or how to say it. I know now, though. I know, Riley! I love you so fucking much that I think my heart could burst out of my chest…” He stopped talking, gazing into Riley’s eyes. “Please say something.”

  “Oh, Ben. Oh my God.” A smile flickered on her lips before parting them for good. “I love you, too!”

  “You do? Really?” His eyes pleaded, searching hers for clarity. “You’re not just sayin’ that ’cause of tomorrow? I mean, if that’s why, that’s okay—I’ll take whatever I can get—”

  “Ben.” Riley held his face in her hands. “I do love you for helping Mom, but that’s not why I love you. There are so many reasons…and they all clicked in Central Park up on the rock. It’s not every day you meet someone who sees inside your heart and completely gets you, but you did.”

  Ben kissed her nose and pulled her tight against him, leaving a kiss on her forehead. “You know, when I landed here, my goal was to have maximum fun—nothing serious, no commitments, just some good times while I figured things out. It was never in my plan to meet a beautiful girl and fall for her, and it definitely wasn’t in my plan to give away a liver to anyone!” He smiled. “But then you showed up out of the blue with your pink suitcase… Everything changed. I feel happy…content.”

  “That makes two of us.” Riley cuddled into him, lying silent for a moment. “Hey, will you call your mom before surgery?”

  The nervous knots he’d felt in his stomach earlier began to twist and pull again.

  “I know the five-hour time difference makes it tricky, but you could call her now?”

  Ben let out a heavy exhale. “Riley, there’s something I have to tell you.” He closed his eyes, afraid to see her reaction. “Mum doesn’t know I’m doing this.”

  Riley’s jaw dropped. “What?! Why?”

  He bit his bottom lip and looked at her. “We haven’t been speaking for quite some time now and…that’s my fault. She was all for me coming out here, but I haven’t picked up any acting work…she spent so much on drama school, and for what? For me to wait tables and have my bum pinched by grannies from Florida? I want to make her proud, Riles. I hate disappointing her, but that’s all I ever seem to do.”

  “But if she knew about tomorrow…helping Mom—”

  “Maybe.” He nodded, flipping over his phone on the floor. 6:32 A.M. Monday, September 3. In less than ten hours I’ll be gowned and on a hospital gurney, spending the night. “But just let me get through it, okay? Let’s make sure Maggie’s all right, I’m back at work, and things are back to normal. Then, I’ll tell her about it, and all about us, okay?”

  “O-kay…” Her brow remained creased. “But I don’t agree with it. She’s your mom, Ben. She’d want to know. You’re risking your life—”

  “I know, but please, Riley, I don’t want to argue right now. Remember what the doc said—rest and relax.”

  She nodded. “Right…sorry.” She caressed his bottom lip with her finger. “I’m dreading leaving you and Mom at the hospital.”

  He kissed her fingers and laced his hand in hers, holding it against his heart. “I’ll see you tomorrow morning, right? Before they whisk me away?”

  “Yeah.” She rested her face against his chest. “Ben, are you scared?”

  “A little bit, but I want your mom to be okay…more than anything.” He caressed her cheek lovingly. “I’m a so-so actor with dyslexia who can’t get work, a pretty shit waiter, a really shit stripper�
�I’ve never been good at anything! But this one time I might really make a difference. I might save Maggie’s life! And knowing how close you two are, if I can do that…well, in a way, I can save you, too.”

  “Aw, Ben.” Getting teary, Riley stared into his eyes. “You’re the sweetest, kindest guy I’ve ever known. I love you so much.” She placed a long, lingering kiss on his lips.

  “I love you, too.” Ben smiled, playing with the puffin on her bracelet. “I’m so glad you like this.”

  “Well, that’s a given, Fagan—it’s from you.” Riley sighed as her fingers ran across his stubble. “I wish they’d let me stay with you tonight at the hospital.”

  “Well, you say that now, but I don’t think you want to be there for bowel prep. From what I’ve been reading, it ain’t gonna be pretty, girl! Funnily enough, Mark was bang on—I will be shitting it!”

  She laughed and slapped him playfully on his chest. “Oh, way to go and break the mood, Benjamin.”

  Fifty-Four

  In the hospital’s pre-op area, Riley stood by her mother’s bedside, trying to stay out of the way of the nurses and the IV line inserted into a vein in Maggie’s hand.

  “It’s quicker to fly to Dubai, you know. I looked that up on my phone last night.” Maggie stifled a laugh, mindful of the other patients beyond her hospital curtain. “I’m glad you dressed comfy.”

  Riley tugged at her baggy NYU sweatshirt that stretched past her leggings-covered butt. “The transplant coordinator said up to twelve hours. Could be less.”

  “You could grab breakfast, go see a movie or three, then come back…”

  “I’m not going anywhere.” Riley held her mom’s hand and inhaled deeply, the sharp lemony scent of disinfectant from the damp, recently mopped floor waking her up. “I brought a book, and Piper and Casey will keep me company.” Her eyes strayed to the squiggly lines and blinking lights on the monitor beside the bed, tracking Maggie’s cardiac rhythm, blood pressure, and oxygen levels. “The nurse said the surgeries are happening in reverse order. The living donor usually goes in first, but they’re taking you before Ben. She said it’s something to do with your cancer?”

  “Yeah, they have to do an exploratory lapa-something-or-other first to make sure it hasn’t spread. If it has, they’ll call off the transplant and Ben’s liver stays put.”

  “My ears are burning…” Ben peeked around the privacy curtain, a cheeky smile on his tired face. Wearing a hospital gown, a bathrobe draped over his shoulders, and slippers, he clutched his phone in one hand and his IV pole in the other. A bag of saline swung from a hook on the pole, its rubber tubing tethered to the back of his left hand.

  Maggie smiled up at him. “Ben! Come in.”

  “Hiya, Maggie.” He flung his non-IV arm around Riley’s waist and nuzzled into her ear. “Morning, gorgeous. I missed you last night.”

  Riley leaned into him, his warmth, his familiarity feeling like home. My head fits perfectly on his shoulder. “Did you sleep okay?” The dark circles under his eyes answered her question.

  “Like a log, but I had stripper flashbacks this morning.” He rubbed his tummy and frowned. “They shaved my abs!”

  Maggie laughed. “If it makes you feel any better, they shaved my stomach, too! Oh, before I forget, now that you’re both here—thank you for that lovely note from Mark. He’s a doll.”

  With a smile, Ben looked over his shoulder and pulled the curtain closed. “How you feeling, Maggie? Ready to play Operation?”

  “Yeah! Hopefully, a buzzer won’t go off and my nose won’t light up if they touch something they shouldn’t!”

  “They better leave your ‘spare ribs’ and ‘bread basket’ alone.” Ben’s eyes kept darting to the bottom of the curtain, his strange behavior punctuated by a nervous giggle. “They can take my ‘butterfly’, though.”

  Why is he acting weird? Curiosity halted Riley’s exhale. “Ben, does your nurse know you’re here?”

  “Does he heck! I made a break for it, said I needed the loo.” Scratching his messy hair, the hospital ID bracelet slipped down his wrist. “I wanted to see Maggie—”

  “Maggie?” A young nurse with a Welsh accent pulled the curtain aside. A female aide lingered behind her. “We’re ready to take you to the OR now.”

  So soon? “Can we just…” Riley glanced at her mom.

  The nurse nodded, hearing the tremor in Riley’s voice. “Of course. I’ll be back in a sec.” She turned away and checked on another patient.

  Ben stepped back and toyed with his phone, giving mom and daughter privacy.

  “Riley, please…don’t worry. Ben and I are in good hands. It’s going to be fine.”

  How do I say everything I want to say in a minute? Riley’s lip trembled. Do NOT cry! You don’t want her upset before she goes in. Holding back tears, she squeezed Maggie’s hand. But what if it doesn’t go well… “I love you, Mom.”

  “Sweetie, I love you, too. You’re my life.”

  Now I’m really gonna cry. Riley leaned over the bed’s rail, kissing Maggie on the cheek. “Third time lucky, right?”

  “Yep! And this time, it’s personal!” Maggie chuckled, patting her daughter’s hand as the nurse and aide returned, ready to go. “Oh, wait! Where’s Ben?”

  “I’m here.” His IV stand squeaked as he shuffled to her bedside.

  Maggie’s eyes glowed with tearful gratitude. “I can’t thank you enough. I think an angel sent you to us. You’ve given me hope where there wasn’t any.”

  Ben looked awkward, his eyes flicking down to stare at his slippered feet. “You’ll be fine, Maggie. Can’t wait to have this stupid ol’ liver whipped out of me and put to good use.”

  “Gimme a hug!” She lifted her arms to pull him in, whispering in his ear. “If anything happens, please give Riley the letter in my nightstand at home? And look after each other, okay?”

  “Maggie—”

  “Liver or no liver, you’ll always be part of our family, Ben.”

  “Thanks.” Pulling away, he ducked his quivering chin.

  The nurse squeezed past with a warm smile and unplugged the monitor from the wall, its battery pack beeping. She attached it to a pole at the head of the bed as the aide unlocked the bed’s brakes. Riley and Ben shifted out the way so she could steer Maggie clear and toward the doors leading to the hallway.

  This is going to be the longest day of my life. Riley’s stomach lurched with nausea.

  “Love you. I’ll see you when I see you.” Maggie squeezed Riley’s hand one last time and let go, her eyes locked on her daughter until she was out of sight. Riley followed the bed, only breaking her gaze when it vanished behind the closing OR doors.

  “Code yellow: missing patient. Surgical floor. Code yellow.”

  Riley’s eyes widened. “That’s not you, is it?”

  Ben grinned sheepishly. “Shit, I think I’ve been rumbled.”

  “Mr. Fagan, you shouldn’t be strolling the halls.” Annoyance prickled the male nurse’s words as he snapped the rubber tourniquet around Ben’s upper arm.

  “Oww!” Ben scowled. “Flo Nightingale you ain’t, mate!”

  “It was time for your blood work and you weren’t here. Your walkabout could’ve delayed surgery.”

  Riley smirked, holding Ben’s free hand. “You’re a transplant troublemaker. They’re not going to invite YOU back again.”

  “Ahh, story of my life. Always the bridesmaid, never the bride.”

  The nurse stuck a needle into the crook of Ben’s right arm, just above his Pac-Man blue ghost tattoo. Riley flinched and looked away.

  “Thhhhhh!” Ben sucked in a breath. “Fuckity bollocks!” He glared wide-eyed at the nurse. “You’re doing that on purpose now, aren’t you?”

  His question fell away, ignored as a full vial of blood was removed and an empty one was clicked into its place.

  “Well, one thing’s for sure: with the big abdominal scar I’m going to have, my stripping days are well and truly over!”
r />   “In public, maybe.” Riley stared at the wall. Is it over yet?

  Ben swallowed several times. “I’d kill for some water, and my stomach is growling like an alien’s about to burst out.”

  The nurse untied the tourniquet and pulled out the needle, quickly covering the skin puncture with a cotton ball and a Band-Aid. He nodded at an aide standing in the doorway. “Right, Mr. Fagan, we’re moving you downstairs to pre-op—”

  No. Riley’s stomach rolled. “Already?” Eyes flitting between the aide propping open the door and the nurse undoing the monitors from the wall, she loosened her grip on Ben’s hand. “But…my mom has only been in the operating room for thirty minutes—if that.”

  “We need Mr. Fagan close to the operating room so we can finish his pre-op prep. The anesthesiologist needs to meet with him again, too.”

  Ben fiddled with his phone, lying on the blanket. “Riles can come, yeah?”

  The nurse shook his head, untying the patient call button from the bed rail. “We’ll be inserting an epidural catheter in your back to help with pain relief. We don’t allow family there when that’s done. I’m sorry.”

  Ben squeezed Riley’s hand as her phone buzzed in her tote. Eyebrows peaked, she whispered, “So…”

  “So…” Ben squirmed in the bed. “Riles, please hang on to my stuff? The bag on that chair…” He motioned toward it, lifting his chin.

  The nurse handed the bag to Riley and she looped its long strap over her shoulder, next to her tote.

  “Oh, phone, too.” Ben placed it in her hand. The bed shook and squealed as the aide unlocked its brakes.

  It’s happening too fast… Riley looked up, fighting the urge to cry. “Come back to me, Benjamin Fagan.”

  “Hey, that’s a first. I never get asked back!” His wide grin sank into a scared gulp. “Riley, if I—”

  “Ben…” She leaned over the rail and ignored the impatient stare of the aide standing behind the head of the bed. “You’ll be all drowsy the next time I see you…” Riley bit her lip, but tears spilled through her lashes and wouldn’t stop. “I love you.”