The One of Many

by M. Jane Early

  He set my keys in my open hand, then met my eyes. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” he whispered.

  My mouth gaped as he turned to the stairwell, opened the door, and descended the stairs.

  Ten

  That bastard kissed me, then left me in the hallway, begging the door to the stairwell to open again. I waited for him to come back so we could finish what he had started. I couldn’t fathom he wouldn’t come back, at the very least, to give me something more to hold on to other than “See you tomorrow.” But he didn’t. He didn’t knock on my door in the middle of the night because he was awake like I was. Nothing.

  I lay in bed, pondering what all this meant. David was not someone who liked commitments and exclusivity with a woman. Thinking he would alter his way of life for me was naïve. He liked his lifestyle. Who was I to change it?

  I stood in the conference room on the first floor with Nick and David. Nick and I were going over the presentation while David stayed on the other side of the enormous room on the phone. I didn’t have time to obsess over him now, but there would have to be a conversation about the night before sooner rather than later.

  David came over when the rest of the suits walked into the room. My hands were shaking as he took me to the side. “Are you okay? You look like you’re gonna pass out.”

  “I’m running on adrenaline.” I eyed him. “It’s not like I got any sleep last night.” I looked away.

  “Sorry.” He smirked at me.

  “I don’t believe that for a minute.” I peered around the room, then back at Powers. “You kissed me,” I whispered.

  He came closer. “I did.”

  I exhaled. “We should probably talk about that.”

  He nodded. “Okay.” He caught my eye as I looked around at the room. “You got this. I know you’ll do great.”

  Nick came over to us. “We should get started.” Powers nodded once at him. I moved around them and cleared my throat.

  Nick and I sat in the first chairs while Powers stood in front of everyone and began the meeting, looking at me more than anyone else in the room.

  An hour and a half had passed, the managers, board members, and senior staff gathered around us after we had dismissed the meeting. They met us with some concern, but mostly eagerness to go forward. As the last department head left, the exhaustion set in.

  David was by his computer, me by mine. Nick walked up. “Well, you convinced them. Now, it’s just about pulling it off.”

  “It is. And I have no doubt with your enthusiasm and love for this project that you’ll be a valuable assist, Nick.” My tone dripped with sarcasm behind a false smile.

  He made a sound and walked out of the conference room. I rolled my eyes. David, on the other end of the table, laughed.

  “I’m sorry, that wasn’t professional,” I said.

  “If you hadn’t, I would’ve.”

  I picked my laptop bag up and filled it with my belongings. David walked to the door of the conference room and closed it. He came around the table and leaned next to me.

  “You were incredible today.” His quiet voice did something to my heartbeat that I tried to ignore.

  I smiled while I put my laptop away. “Thanks.”

  “You still want to have that conversation?”

  I turned to him. “I think we have to.”

  I had a love-hate relationship with the way David looked at me. His eyes watched my lips, and he leaned closer. I was afraid to move. Afraid for him to kiss me, but more afraid to miss out on it. His long dark eyelashes were hypnotizing and lured me closer to him without my conscious mind telling me to stop. I was out of my comfort zone with him. His entire being called to me when I knew I should resist.

  He nodded before he reached me. “Okay. Lunch, then we’ll talk,” he said, then stood and started out the door.

  “Wait, where are you—”

  “Come on.” He waited for me with a smile. “Tacos are calling.”

  I tilted my head. “We just had it last night.”

  “If you want to go somewhere else—”

  “No, no, I’m fine with tacos.” I laughed and picked up my bag, following him out of the room.

  I kept the conversation light during lunch. We discussed the meeting and the comments made by the higher-ups. I wasn’t ready to destroy the fantasy with reality about why he kissed me. I didn’t know what he would say, but I was almost positive it wouldn’t be what I wanted, which was to see if we could try being an us.

  After lunch, he drove us to Crescent Bay Park. He said if there weren’t any weddings, he had an outstanding view to show me. He was giddy about it when I told him I had never been there.

  We walked up the stairs to a cemented half circle that also served as a bench to observe the spectacular view over the cliffs. The ocean was fully visible from where we stood, with nothing to obstruct the view. It was breathtaking.

  David leaned his forearms on the metal poles that separated us from the bluffs in front of us. He looked up at me. “Do you like it?”

  Smiling, and without looking his way, I nodded.

  “I figured if we were going to talk about us, we should have the appropriate scenery.” He stood and turned me to him, pulling me towards him by my waist. His hand grazed my neck as he moved my hair off my shoulder, and my breath caught. He leaned down and kissed me softly. My heartbeat was strong and fast, and my temperature rose. He knew how to bring my body to life.

  I suddenly pulled back. “How many conversations with other women have you had here?” I side-eyed him.

  He paused. “A few.”

  I rolled my eyes and pushed him away. Special moment over.

  I took in a long breath. “Why did you kiss me?”

  “Just now?”

  “No, last night.”

  He came closer. “I told you why.”

  “You’re interested in me.”

  “Yes,” he blurted.

  The next line of questioning wouldn’t be in my best interest, but I had to ask. “When you say, ‘interested in me,’ do you mean interested…as in dating me—”

  “Yes.”

  “Only…me?”

  He stopped smiling and glanced down.

  I exhaled and walked away from him. “So you don’t want to be exclusive, you want to put me in your lineup?” I asked, annoyed.

  He chuckled. “My what?”

  “Your lineup. The extensive list of women you date, ‘unofficially.’” I used my fingers as air quotes.

  He put his hands in his pockets. “You’re worried about the other women.”

  “No, David, I’m worried about you.” I moved towards him. “You don’t do relationships, and as much as I am tempted to ignore that, I don’t think I can.” I stopped a foot in front of him. “To me, the whole point of dating is to find out whether the two parties are compatible for a relationship. But that’s not how you work. I would just be one in a long list of many women jockeying for position. I’m not okay with that.” The sadness in my voice was clear. Just like with Crew, I wasn’t special enough to be considered for a serious relationship. David was asking me to be a stand-in, a placeholder, until someone better came along.

  He furrowed his brow. “You want a commitment.”

  “Eventually, yes.” I didn’t want to sound like I was pleading, but it came out like that anyway. I would not be David’s play toy regardless of how smart he was or how well we matched.

  He hesitated. “I don’t know if I’m able to give you that.”

  I went through scenarios in my head about what this would look like. I walked away and paced for a moment, then stopped and looked at him.

  “Okay, so if I were to agree to this, what would we be?” I put both hands on my hips.

  He crossed his arms over his chest and walked to me. “Us. We’d spend time together.”

  “You mean sleep with each other.” Not that I didn’t think sex wouldn’t be part of the arrangement, but would it be the only part of us being together?
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  “If you wanted,” he answered, his eyes softened. “I wouldn’t force you into anything,” he whispered. He reached out and laid his hand on the side of my face, pulling me closer to him.

  I placed my hand over his. “But you would never just be with me, right?” I said, shaking my head.

  He tilted his head slightly and looked down.

  I removed his hand, then turned away from him towards the vast ocean, creating the space I needed. “I realize I could go out with you and end up hating your guts and this conversation would be null.” I faced him again. “But I don’t think that would happen. You would still go out with other women, models, actresses.” I laughed with no humor. “My ego is already a fragile thing, seeing you with them—”

  “I would never bring them in front of you.” He met my eyes.

  “But you would still do it.” I sighed. “I already like you, David. And the more time we spent together, I would eventually be heartbroken because you’d never be mine. I know how this works.”

  His shoulders slumped, and there was sadness in his tone. “So, nothing?”

  The dejection started in my chest and worked its way up to my head. “David, you’re asking me to do something I’m not comfortable with.” I paused. “Crew made me feel like I wasn’t good enough to be with, and Nina was the better choice. With you, it would be that times a thousand.” I inched closer to him. “I want the possibility of having someone want to be with me, maybe even fall in love. But not with however many women surrounding you to do so. You can’t offer me exclusivity. I just don’t see how this would work without me eventually being completely devastated.”

  His jaw clenched, and his stare became uncomfortable.

  “Tell me I’m wrong,” I said, the want in my tone clear.

  He looked as though he wanted to say something but couldn’t. His eyes pleaded with me to change my mind, while I was sure mine read the same.

  When it was apparent neither of us would budge, David looked away, then exhaled. “So, we’re at an impasse.”

  I didn’t answer. My stomach was in knots while this beautiful man made his conclusion about us. The rejection grew within me instantly.

  He sighed and came closer, resting his palm against my cheek again. The warmth of him traveled through me. “I like you, Farren.”

  I couldn’t look at him. “I wish that was enough for you,” I whispered, slowly moving away from him.

  He dropped his hand.

  The silence filled with the crashing waves in the ocean below. The seagulls overhead sang their songs while my eyes became misty. I was standing in front of another man who didn’t think I was worth it. The sea salt air became nauseating.

  “I’ll take you back to the office,” he breathed as he walked away from me.

  The disappointment overtook me. David Powers was an impossible fantasy I was setting myself up for, but for a split second, I’d hoped he thought being exclusive with me was worth taking a risk.

  Apparently, I was wrong.

  At the very least, he wasn’t trying to lie to me. Lull me into sleeping with him only to have sex with a supermodel the next night.

  Still, it hurt like hell.

  Eleven

  David and I kept everything professional for the next few weeks. He’d slip with a comment or two about hallways and tacos, but I ignored it. The hurt morphed into anger. Every time he was in my vicinity, my inclination to ignore him was strong, like he did something wrong by being honest with me. He wasn’t a relationship guy. It was his truth, and I needed to accept it, as upsetting as it was.

  I had told no one about our kiss, not even Yvette. Since a relationship was not in the cards, I didn’t feel the need to say anything that might get around the office. In essence, I suffered in silence.

  “Hey, Farren.” Jeremy from IT support stood over my computer.

  “Hey,” I said with surprise. “What are you doing up here?”

  He leaned on my cubicle. “I had to run something up to Nick. How’s it going?” His short, sandy-blond hair shined from the product he used to keep it in place.

  “Pretty well. Busy.” I shrugged. His aftershave was strong, like he had just applied it before coming up here.

  “Yeah, I heard about your pitch. Congratulations.” His deep green eyes thinned as he smiled.

  “Thanks, it was nerve-racking.” I shook my head.

  He looked around. “If you’re the new manager, why don’t you have an office?”

  “Oh, I guess because I haven’t demanded one yet.” I laughed. “The raise and title were good enough.”

  He leaned closer to the partition. “I’m sorry about you and Crew,” he almost whispered.

  I paused. “How did you find out?”

  He fidgeted with his fingernails. “I just heard…”

  “Trevor?”

  “Trevor, yeah.” He chuckled quietly.

  “It’s okay. Honestly, I’ve been so busy, I haven’t thought about him.” Just the CEO in the corner office.

  He cleared his throat. “So, since you’re not together anymore,” he looked away from me, “I was wondering if you would like to go to dinner Friday night?”

  I stared with my mouth open. “A date?” I asked slowly.

  He tilted his head. “Yeah. I’ve wanted to ask for a while, but I didn’t want to be the rebound guy.” He smiled.

  I laughed nervously. “Wow.”

  His freckled nose shimmered with sweat. “Sorry, that’s my really lame way of being witty.”

  My hesitancy in saying yes to Jeremy was because of a few things. One, he was boyishly cute, but not my type. We were both 5′7″, not that it was a deal-breaker, just not my preference. I hated towering over my dates, especially in heels. Two, I was at least the third person he’d asked out on my floor in the last six months. The other two had turned him down flat. However, I needed to take a chance on someone new. Someone who wasn’t rejecting me because I didn’t want to be a part of his groupies.

  Instead of thinking about it, I just answered. “You know what? Sure. You said Friday?”

  His eyes widened with surprise; it was cute. “Yeah, we can just leave from here if you want,” he said eagerly.

  I tried to be as excited. “That works. I’ll meet you downstairs at six?”

  He beamed. “Sounds good.”

  I nodded. “Okay.” I smiled at him. He reminded me of a puppy that was told he was going for a walk.

  Jeremy walked away with a spring in his step. I smiled and shook my head, turning back towards my computer.

  “Was that the cute guy from the nerd group downstairs?” Yvette came around to my cubicle.

  “You’re so mean.” I chuckled. “They’re not nerds, and his name is Jeremy. He asked me out.”

  Her eyes got gigantic as she sat on the edge of my desk. “What did you say?”

  I stood. “I said yes.”

  “Good for you. He’s a little short, but…” she said, shrugging.

  “He’s sweet, but I’m not expecting to fall in love with him.” My eyes went to Powers’s open door. He was leaning against the frame, talking to Gwen, who was standing by her desk. He wore his gray, slim-cut suit and a black tie. I couldn’t stand how much better he looked knowing I couldn’t have him. When my eyes wandered up to his, he was staring at me. I moved and blocked his view behind Yvette.

  “If nothing else, you get a free meal and a chance to flirt with a cute guy.” Yvette put on her jacket and looked over my shoulder—she stopped moving. I followed her gaze.

  A beautiful short-haired strawberry blonde woman came from the elevators. She wore a white jumpsuit with a plunging neckline. I didn’t need to wonder why she was here. I rolled my eyes, my jaw locked in place. Yvette watched the blonde meet David at his door. I ignored the spectacle and grabbed my things.

  “Are you ready?” I asked, vexed.

  “Your boyfriend’s getting bold.” Yvette looked at me with her brown eyes wide.

  “He’s not my b
oyfriend. Can we go to lunch, please?” I was trying to hide how much David bringing this woman up here bothered me. But this proved my point. This was exactly why I couldn’t be with him. This woman and what she represented.

  I walked out of the cubicle and rounded the corner right as Powers and his date walked in front of me. He studied me for a moment, then turned back to the blonde and laughed at something she said. Yvette caught up to me and started towards the elevators. I hung back. The last thing I wanted was to be in a compact space with Powers and his date.

  “Girl, come on.” She looked at me.

  I gritted my teeth and moved forward, hoping the happy couple got on before we got there. I walked to the waiting area in front of the doors and leaned on the back wall.

  Yvette turned and looked at me, then mouthed. “What’s wrong?”

  I shook my head at her. She looked at David in front of her then back to me, her face confused as she met me behind the crowd. David looked over his shoulder at us, then met my eyes.

  Yvette saw the stare David and I shared, her eyes widened when she grabbed my arm. “We’re taking the stairs,” she said as she tugged me forward.

  She pushed me ahead of her after she opened the door. The loud sound of the heavy door echoed in the stairwell. She turned me to her. “What is going on between you and Powers?”

  I exhaled and looked around. “He kissed me.”

  “What?” Her voice bounced off the walls.

  I nodded.

  “When did this happen?” she asked.

  My shoulders slumped. “The night before the presentation.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  I shrugged. “Nothing came out of it. There was no point.”

  “Then why are you so mad?” she said, tilting her head.

  “I don’t know,” I said and threw up my hands. I walked to the stairs and sat. “He said he was interested in me but doesn’t do relationships. He basically wants me to be that girl out there, who is one of many, and I turned him down.” I sounded miserable.

  She came and sat next to me. “Are you hurt because he wants you to be one of them or that he doesn’t want to be only with you?”