To Sir

by Rachell Nichole

  “I know, sweetheart. I think you’re having some severe subdrop.”

  She looked up at him and stiffened, yelping. Her eyes went wide, and a knock sounded on his window. Grumbling, he rolled down the window and looked up into the concerned face of whom he assumed was the restaurant’s manager. At least it wasn’t the cops.

  “Everything okay in there, ma’am?” he asked Liz.

  “Oh, God,” she groaned and burrowed into Chase’s shoulder.

  He stroked her hair. “I’ve got this, sweetheart.”

  He tried to summon a smile but was pretty sure it was more a baring of teeth. “Yes, we’re fine. Just a bit emotional tonight. The both of us.” He wanted to say more to Liz. Had to apologize for pushing her too hard. For demanding too much of her. For using her as his only solace while his world was torn apart at the seams. He’d brought her to the breaking point, and it was his job to help put her back together.

  “Chase,” she mumbled, stirring on his lap. She lifted her makeup-streaked, exhausted face to him. “I…” She shook her head. Whatever she wanted to tell him, she didn’t seem able to say. But he couldn’t worry about that now. She closed her eyes and took a shaky breath, then let it out in a sigh.

  “Look, I appreciate your concern, I really do,” Chase said to the man in the suit at the door. “But I have to take her home. Now.”

  “Sir, I think I need to hear from the lady that she’s okay.”

  “I do not have the fucking emotional capacity to deal with this bullshit right now,” Liz snapped. The manager started, as if she’d smacked him. “Open the door and help me out before this guy calls the cops. We’ll be here all night.”

  Like hell they would. Chase moved quickly to reply, popping open the door and helping her get on her feet. She swayed, and he held her steady, all the while berating himself for not realizing sooner the toll he was taking on her.

  “I’m fine. Like he said, just a little emotional.”

  “And the scene in the restaurant?” the manager asked.

  A wicked smile curved her lips. “That was me being a brat and picking a fight so my Dom would take me home and punish me,” she said with conviction.

  The man stammered.

  “Satisfied?” she demanded.

  She’d flipped the switch again, hopping right from a total mess to the amazingly strong woman he was falling completely in love with. Now all he had to do was show her and stop taking advantage of her.

  At the manager’s continued silence, Liz finished, “Great. I’m going home now. Ta.”

  She swatted Chase’s hand away, slammed his door closed, and stomped her way around the car and back into her seat. When her door was closed and the manager walked away, she slumped back against the leather. “What the hell is subdrop?”

  Shit. Sometimes he forgot he had to introduce her to many of the aspects of this new lifestyle. “It’s what just happened, I think. When a sub or a Dom is pushed too hard, past their emotional breaking point, or when they don’t have enough aftercare or a scene brings some things to light or stirs up something that isn’t dealt with immediately, sometimes the fallout can come hours, even days later. Sweetheart, I am so sorry. This is all my fault. Between the pressure to finish the book on time and the emotional and physical demands I’ve been putting on you, not to mention the stress I’ve been adding to you from my own shit, it’s no wonder you’re crashing.” He’d failed her so badly he wanted to hold her and cry right along with her. But he couldn’t. She needed him to be strong for her. To guide her through this emotional minefield and see to her well-being.

  “I’m sorry I was such a bitch in there.”

  “Don’t worry about it. Let’s get you home. You need a hot bath and rest, maybe a massage and a good snuggle.”

  He pulled out of the restaurant’s lot and headed for his house.

  “And what about my punishment?” she asked.

  He glanced at her, and her face was wary. He didn’t think he’d ever hated himself more. “Oh, sweetheart, no. There will be none of that for tonight. If anything, I’m the one who should be punished.”

  She reached over and snagged his hand, twining their fingers together. His heart clenched. Her trust humbled him. I love you. The words stuck in his throat. She couldn’t handle any more emotional baggage now. There would be time to tell her later. As long as she didn’t run the other way the minute their deal expired.

  Chase spent the rest of the night pampering her, trying to see to her every need, and getting her to talk about how she was feeling. All the while, he prayed he hadn’t damaged their relationship beyond repair.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Chase wanted to punch something. Preferably something soft that would break under his knuckles. Like a senator’s face, perchance. The K Club was officially closed, the building to be auctioned off next month.

  And the only thing he thought he’d had going for him—his relationship with Liz—seemed to have disintegrated in a matter of days. After the blowup at the restaurant two days ago, things between them had settled some, but nothing was the same. He felt like he was walking on eggshells, playing it safe, being careful not to shake her up. She needed time to rest, to digest all the changes in herself, in her life, that he’d imposed on her.

  But their end date was nearing, and she was pulling even further away from him. As if, since she’d decided she wasn’t going to be in it for the long haul, she might as well cut herself off now.

  Last week she’d been fine. But then she hadn’t known he was soon going to lose everything. It was killing him to know that his failures weren’t only going to destroy his business, but take away the one chance he still had of happiness.

  The bar around him roared with life, laughter, and the thrum of desire. He felt hollow inside.

  “Hey, man, have you heard a fucking word I’ve said?”

  He blinked, shaking his head until it cleared enough to bring Dusty’s face into focus. “Nah, D. Sorry.” He took a deep swill of his Scotch, letting the burn wash over him and hoping it would bring some kind of feeling—anything, really—along with it. But it didn’t.

  “I know things have gone to hell in a handbasket, but we can’t give up yet.” For almost a week, Dusty had been telling Chase the fight wasn’t over, when they both knew it was. What the hell was up with his partner that he didn’t realize that? D grabbed his chin and forced eye contact. Chase’s mouth opened, but no sound came out. Never had Dusty touched him in anything other than a respectful or brotherly manner. The iron grip on his chin stunned him into listening carefully to his friend’s next words. “You have to snap out of this bullshit. Right now. Are you a Dom or a mouse, damn it? This is fucking pathetic and you know it. Did you let Liz take your balls off when she topped you?”

  Chase wrenched his face from D’s grip and slammed his fist down on the counter. “Back off!”

  Dusty smiled. “Not completely neutered after all, I see.”

  Chase poked him in the chest with his index finger, but Dusty barely swayed on his bar stool. “You need a reality check. Things have not ‘gone to hell in a handbasket.’ They’re over. We’re done. After we clear out the warehouse and sell off what we can, I’m using the money to move back east. To help my parents. And my sister. They need me. And it’s not like I’m doing anybody any good here. There is no light at the end of the tunnel. No knight in shining armor or magic wand that is going to help us. The fight is over. We did everything we could, and we lost. That’s the end of it. So shut the fuck up about how we shouldn’t give up hope and how it’s not over till the fat lady sings and all that other crap you’ve been slinging for the past week.”

  “And what about Liz?” Dusty’s voice was clear, his eyes hard as he stared at Chase, not backing down. The simple question was like a knee to the balls. “You just going to end things with her and go running home to your mama? Your whole life goes to hell and you’re going to throw away the one thing that might actually be going right? You’re a stup
id fuck, aren’t you?”

  Chase grabbed the front of Dusty’s shirt and yanked him closer. In a low, deadly voice, he said, “If things were going so well with her, I would ask her to go with me, you pain in the ass. And before you pass judgment on my decision to end things, did you ever think you might stop and ask how I felt about my submissive instead of using your wonderful powers of mind reading to tell me how I should handle my relationship?” All the anger he’d been trying to keep at bay boiled over, spilling its hatred onto Dusty. Everything he hadn’t been able to do or say to those assholes at the bank or to Senator Johnson, hell, even to Liz, burst from him. Dusty didn’t deserve to be on the receiving end of this kind of toxicity. But he couldn’t seem to stop himself.

  Dusty’s face fell; his shoulders slumped. “Shit, man. I’m sorry. I didn’t know things were like that between you guys. Last I heard…” He pressed his lips into a thin line.

  “Yeah, I know. Things were good. Shit, things were fantastic, and then all of a sudden, boom. She’s evasive; she’s lying to me. She had a complete breakdown the other night after purposely provoking me in public. She was a mess. Hell, I was a mess. It was awful. When I fell apart last week, she put me back together again. I mean, she let me read her book. She fucking dedicated it to me. That’s a huge deal, right? Letting me read it, isn’t it?”

  Dusty nodded.

  “And it was great. Her book was fantastic, and I could see some things she’d pulled from real life to use, stuff about me, about her. But I can’t even talk to her about it. Nothing feels right between us, and I have no freaking clue what to do except let her go.” He poured his heart out. Voicing the concerns aloud, admitting such a whopping defeat made the Scotch lurch in his stomach, threatening to come back up. He swallowed convulsively.

  “You care about her, yes?”

  “That’s not even the word for it, man. I think I love this girl. I mean, like, want-to-spend-the-rest-of-my-life-with-her love her.” He took a shaky breath as the bar wobbled around him. He hadn’t meant to say it. Liz deserved to know the truth before he shared it with anyone else, but he hadn’t been able to tell her when he was so certain she was running away from him. Again. The only reason she hadn’t ended their relationship already had to be because she was sticking to their deal. In another four days, that would be over, and she would leave him. Forever.

  Dusty sighed. “Chase, she—” He stopped, shaking his head.

  “What? Jesus, do you know something? Do you know why she’s shutting me out? If you do, you better tell me right this second.” Anger mixed with hope and resentment. If Dusty knew something and was keeping it from him, Chase didn’t think he could get past it.

  “I think she feels the same way.”

  Chase scoffed. “That’s reaching. Why would she be acting like this if she…you know.” He couldn’t bring himself to say she might love him. If it was even a possibility, he didn’t know what he could do.

  “What if it’s the end of the bet? Or whatever you want to call it. That’s coming up, right?”

  “Yeah. Saturday.”

  “So if she thinks that it’s ending and you haven’t shown her any reason to believe you want things to continue, maybe she’s trying to protect herself from being hurt when you part ways.”

  Chase twirled his glass between his hands. Was that possible? Could it really be that easy? Staring into the amber liquid, he didn’t believe it. “Then why is she lying to me? It’s not only that she’s closing off emotionally; she’s actually lying to me when she says she has to go work on edits or something for the book. I know she is.”

  “Which you can tell by way of your awesome mind-reading abilities?”

  “Shut up. I know because she’s a terrible liar.”

  Something flickered in Dusty’s eyes, but Chase wasn’t sure what it was. “I know this is going to sound completely crazy, but really think about it before you say no, okay?”

  Chase took another swig of Scotch. “Yeah, sure.” If Dusty had some crazy plan that might work, he’d try it. He would do whatever he could to keep her.

  “Collar her.”

  He choked on his drink, spitting it everywhere as he coughed. Dusty pounded him on the back, and the bartender looked their way. Chase lifted a hand to indicate he was okay and sputtered for another second before sucking in a lungful of Scotch-free air and looking at Dusty like he didn’t know the man at all, despite how long they’d been friends.

  “No way. That’ll send her fleeing faster than anything else. I told you, the harder I push, the more she shuts down. I’m trying to keep her, you moron. Like forever.”

  “So collar her.” Sincerity burned in Dusty’s eyes. He was serious, for crying out loud.

  “She doesn’t want full-time submission. She never did. She can’t live like that. She won’t.”

  “How do you know if you don’t ask?”

  “Fucking A. I can’t. I don’t know what I’d do if I lost her.”

  “You’re talking about walking away from her anyway, right? So lay it on the line. Go big or go home, babycakes. Do it. Four days gives you plenty of time to get your shit together. Just make it count.”

  “D, I don’t know…”

  “What have you got to lose?”

  “Everything.”

  “And what do you think the chances are of keeping her past Saturday at midnight if you do nothing at all?”

  Chase gulped, his heart stuttering. Could he do it? Could he risk it all on the chance that she was pulling away from him because he hadn’t offered her a commitment? With a sense of dread, he nodded. It was his only shot, and when it failed miserably, at least he would know he’d tried everything he could to hold on to the woman who’d stolen his heart.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Finally! Liz closed the browser quickly as Chase padded down the hall. Her deposit from the publisher had cleared, the money sitting in her account just waiting for her to spend it.

  Chase came around the desk and placed a hand on her shoulder. “How would you like to go to the park for lunch?” he asked.

  His warm hand was a comfort to her the way it hadn’t been the past week. Very soon she would present him with the petition, the letters she’d written, and support from her father’s opponents. Then the check. She took a deep breath to steady herself, knowing the impending conversation would bring their time together to a close.

  She forced a smile. “Sure. That’d be nice.” One last date together before she ruined it all.

  His smile was as forced as hers. Did he know this was the end? “How long do you need to get ready?” he asked, his voice strained.

  She swallowed. Damn. He knew. She didn’t know how he knew, but he did. “Half an hour?”

  He nodded and kissed her forehead. “Okay, sweetheart. I’ll go pack lunch.”

  She wrapped her arms around his middle and snuggled into his chest, savoring the scent of his spicy cologne. She would never forget this smell. Never forget the amazing four weeks he’d given her. Without warning, tears pricked her eyes, and she blinked rapidly to stop them from falling. He rubbed his fingers through her hair, and she clenched her jaw shut to keep from sobbing.

  Nothing was going to ruin their last few hours together, especially her.

  With a sigh, she released her death grip on him. When she smiled up at him this time, it wasn’t so much forced as sad. He looked like he might question the tears swimming in her eyes, but he chose not to and leaned down for a soft kiss. Desire still flared inside her whenever he touched her, and now was no different. She kissed him back fervently, and he pulled her up so he could have better access to her mouth. He broke the kiss, and they both panted. He kissed his way along her jaw to the spot right below her ear that he knew drove her crazy. She moaned and felt his mouth curve into a smile against her skin.

  “Hurry,” he whispered.

  “Mm-hmm,” she said, and he moved back from her, then left. They were going to ignore the elephant in the room and pretend t
heir hours together weren’t numbered.

  After the mess she’d been at the restaurant Monday night, he might have already decided to end their relationship as soon as the four-week mark was up. She’d never experienced an emotional fallout like that one, and as usual, he’d been there to hold her, to offer her comfort while her guilt ate her alive.

  She’d tried to tell him the truth that night. She probably should have. No. He would’ve lost everything rather than let her fight the battle for him. She kind of loved that about him, even as it frustrated the ever-loving hell out of her.

  She and Dusty had been working tirelessly every moment they weren’t with Chase, which ended up not being that many hours in a day. For the most part, if Chase wasn’t with her, he was with his best friend. Except for the past three days. He’d disappeared completely. Didn’t matter where, really.

  Forcing herself to stop agonizing over her past decisions, she grabbed her purse and dug out her checkbook. She’d never written a check for fifty thousand dollars before, and she went painstakingly slow to make sure she didn’t mess it up. First she’d give him all the evidence and support for their cause she’d compiled, show him they could stop the rezoning laws, that her father’s campaign would end. Then she would hand Chase the check and tell him she wanted to go well beyond their four-week trial period. That she wanted nothing more than to spend as much time as possible with Chase. In his life, in his arms, under his submission. Even if that time was forever. Perhaps only if that time was forever. But how could she expect him to forgive her? He’d demanded total honesty from the beginning, and she’d given it to him, eventually. Until now.

  She popped down the hall into her en suite to freshen up. She changed out of her T-shirt and into a low-cut, loose-fitting blouse she knew Chase liked. After swiping on a bit of makeup and some earrings, she went out to the kitchen, clutching her purse that held the information to take down Senator Johnson. She should feel something more about her actions against her father, but she didn’t. It wasn’t personal or about revenge. She didn’t take pleasure in knowing she was going to fight one last battle with him and win this time. It wasn’t about payback. It was about protecting Chase and the community she’d been welcomed into.