Reflection (The Chrysalis Series)

by Sallinger, Elene

  Stop it, he told himself. You’re being paranoid.

  Connor pulled the T-shirt he was carrying over his head and took a deep breath to calm down. His frustration was getting harder and harder to contain with Bridget. It was obvious she wasn’t telling him everything.

  Talking with her was a lot like trying to trap a drop of water. She rolled and moved every time he tried to pin her down. The messed-up thing was that he couldn’t pinpoint why he really felt this way. So far everything she’d ever said to him was borne out. She lived up to her word and kept her promises.

  It was true that their sex life hadn’t progressed the way he’d hoped, but the sex was still really good. He just wanted more, and felt like an ass for not being satisfied. She was beautiful. Sexy. She wanted to please him and he felt certain she was trying. It was just that he felt a wall.

  Some inexplicable barrier that he could feel, but couldn’t see. It was always there. Even now.

  ‘Who’s harassing her?’ He scrutinised her face. There were fine lines of stress around her eyes and she was practically wringing her hands.

  ‘My boss.’ She tossed her phone on the coffee table and sat on the sofa. Daisy came over and sat next to her. Lotus barely twitched on her bed.

  Bridget absently rubbed her dog’s head as she continued. ‘Apparently, he’s been at it for a while and now she’s pregnant.’ He saw tears in her eyes. ‘She came to me for help and I’m still trying to figure out how to help her in a fashion that will allow her to keep her scholarship.’

  ‘What does her scholarship have to do with this?’

  ‘He’s holding it over her head. He’s the dean of my department and he’s threatening to fail her.’

  ‘Damn, that bites.’ He sat next to her and took her hand. One thing that he enjoyed about her was how much she cared about her students. ‘Do you have any ideas?’

  ‘No, not a one,’ she said and squeezed his hand. ‘I need to find a way to expose him that can’t be disputed while not putting Skyler or –’ She jumped a little and bit her lip.

  ‘What?’ he brought her hand to his lips and kissed the soft skin. Tension tightened his chest. He felt certain she wasn’t telling him everything.

  Anger surged, bright and hot, but he fought it. Something was not right and it was driving him crazy, but he had no grounds to call her out without making himself look like a completely insecure dick.

  ‘Nothing.’ She leaned in and kissed him gently. ‘I just had a moment of inspiration. I think I know what I’m going to do.’

  ‘Care to share?’

  ‘Not yet. I need to think it through more.’

  She smiled at him and straddled his lap, taking his face between her hands and kissing him thoroughly. She still only rarely initiated any sexual encounter between them and he should be thrilled. In this instant, he felt manipulated.

  Too bad his dick had no issue with that. He was hard and ready. Just like he always was when it came to Bridget. He wanted to fling her over his shoulder and give her a good spanking for so obviously holding back.

  What was it going to take for her to understand that they couldn’t go any further if she didn’t truly open up to him? Some days he didn’t think he could rein in his frustration. He worried his temper would get the better of him. He was an easy-going guy in general, but she was kryptonite to his self-control.

  She reached between them and cupped his bulge, pulling his mind away from his ruminations. Lust flowed through him and he knew he wasn’t going to stop just as he knew he wasn’t going to pressure her.

  He loved her too much.

  The knowledge that he loved her should have been a relief; instead, his eyes burned and he felt as if he were even further away from her. Reaching up, he gently gripped her head and deepened the kiss, slowly taking control. He stood, wrapping her legs around his waist, and walked over to the bed where he proceeded to show her as carnally as possible exactly how he felt.

  As he buried himself gently inside her, he did his best to pretend he didn’t feel his hope slowly draining away.

  Chapter Twenty-two

  ‘That should do it.’ Nico handed Bridget her bag and flashed his dimples at her. ‘You’re finally joining the rest of us in the 21st century, huh, Professor.’

  Bridget grinned back at her former student. ‘You always were a smartass, weren’t you.’

  ‘True –’ the dimples deepened ‘– but I was also your best student.’

  ‘That you were.’ She settled her purchases on her arm, doing her best to quiet the adrenaline rush pulsing in her veins at the realisation that she was about to put something in motion that she wouldn’t be able to take back once it was done.

  ‘How are Gina and the baby doing?’

  His face, usually so angular and austere, softened at the mention of his wife and newborn daughter. The flash of jealousy Bridget felt shamed her. No matter how hard she tried, she could never fully accept the knowledge that she’d never be a mother.

  ‘They’re great. We’re not getting much sleep yet, but Cara is amazing. And Gina, she was born to be a mother.’

  ‘Oh Nico.’ She gripped his forearm, ‘I’m so happy for you.’ She was pleased to see she meant it.

  ‘Thanks, Prof.’ He walked with her over to the door. ‘Listen, do you need any help setting everything up?’

  Bridget shook her head. ‘Nope.’ She adjusted the strap of her purse on her shoulder and pushed open the door, saying over her shoulder, ‘I’m sure I can figure it all out.’

  ‘OK then.’ He nodded at the customers who walked in as Bridget left. ‘Feel free to call me if you have any questions.’

  ‘Will do, sugar,’ she called out as she waved goodbye. She wouldn’t, though. She wasn’t going to involve him any more than she already had.

  Bridget strolled down Main Street to her Mustang doing her best to be discreet. She didn’t want to see anyone she knew, especially Evan, who should be at Bibliophile right now.

  Yup, there he was. She ducked into the natural grocery across the street and waited for him to finish whatever he was doing to the display in his front window. As she watched, Claire entered the store. In the instant he noticed his wife, he was transformed. His focus lasered in on her and he took her in his arms and kissed her as if she were the breath in his chest.

  When he released her, Claire smiled, but her face lacked its usual sparkle. She looked drawn and pale. Bridget’s heart squeezed to see her friend in such obvious pain. Still, the love she and Evan shared was plain to see. She hoped to have that herself one day. Connor’s face flashed through her mind. She smiled. There were definite possibilities there. As long as she handled this ugly business first. She wanted to be able to focus on Connor and she couldn’t do that with Whittier breathing down her neck.

  She’d almost spilled the beans about it all to Connor that morning, but something had stopped her. On one level, she understood that she really had no good reason to keep this from him. But, on the other hand, she felt as if she needed to keep this to herself.

  He kept her so off balance she needed to feel as if she had complete control in one area of her life.

  Didn’t she?

  A horn blared, startling her out of her thoughts. She peered through the grocer’s display window to ensure that Claire and Evan were gone. The coast was clear so she hot-footed it over to her car. There were plans to be made. Stashing her packages in the trunk, she headed home to tell Skyler what they were going to do.

  ‘You’re sure about this?’ Skyler furiously twirled a lock of her ponytail around her fingers.

  ‘As I can be.’ Bridget sipped the sweet tea she’d poured for them as they talked. ‘Obviously, I’ve never done this before and there is some risk.’

  ‘Ya think?’ Skyler smirked before tossing back her own tea as if it were something much stronger.

  Bridget reached across the table and took her hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.

  ‘You don’t have to do this. We could report h
im to the authorities. Or I could be the one to do it.’

  Skyler squeezed Bridget’s hand hard, but shook her head. ‘No, if you do it, it will be too easy to claim you set him up. Me, though, once I tell him I kept the baby, he’ll lose it. His reaction will be too over the top for anyone to protect him.’

  A tremor ran through Skyler and Bridget wanted to wrap her up and protect her from all this ugliness.

  ‘How are you doing, sugar?’ She released Skyler’s hand and began clearing the dinner dishes from the table.

  ‘OK, I guess.’ She joined Bridget at the sink and began drying the dishes as Bridget washed them. ‘I still haven’t told anyone yet. I don’t want to burden my parents with this when I still don’t know what’s going to happen with Dale.’

  ‘That’s understandable.’

  Bridget wanted to say so much more, but what could she really say? Skyler needed her support more than she needed a lecture. Besides, a small worm of censure was wriggling up Bridget’s spine at the hypocrisy of advising Skyler on total disclosure when she wasn’t telling Connor everything.

  ‘Professor?’

  ‘Hmm?’

  Bridget wrung out the sponge and joined Skyler in putting the dishes in the cabinet.

  ‘Thank you for this.’ Her voice broke and Bridget took the cup from her hands and set it on the counter before enveloping her in a hug.

  ‘Of course, sugar. You can stay here as long as you like.’

  Skyler sniffled and pulled away, shaking her head. ‘I couldn’t do that. You don’t need a single mom and a newborn here.’

  ‘Skyler.’ Bridget’s voice was firm. ‘Sit down for a second.’ She pointed at the table.

  Skyler raised an eyebrow, but sat nevertheless.

  ‘I’m going to tell you something I’ve never told anyone.’ That eyebrow shot even higher, but she waited for Bridget to continue. ‘I can’t have children. Well, I guess the more accurate phrase is it’s highly unlikely I’ll ever carry a child to term. Complications during an abortion left me with too much scar tissue, and even if I ever manage to conceive, I’ll likely not be able to carry it.’

  Skyler started to speak, but Bridget waved her off.

  ‘My circumstances were a little different than yours in that I was raped. That’s how I conceived.’

  Shock and anger replaced the sympathy that had been welling in Skyler’s face, but Bridget just squeezed her hand.

  ‘It was a long time ago, don’t worry about it.’ Taking a deep breath, she continued, ‘I had an allergic reaction to the anaesthesia and had a seizure. The end result is … I’ll never be a mother. I also had no one to turn to. My parents, while they love me, would not have handled the knowledge of the rape well, let alone the abortion. They’d have demanded I kept it and I wasn’t willing to do that.’

  She sighed and rubbed the bridge of her nose, ‘Look, hon, I’m not trying to burden you with my past, I’m simply trying to give you context to understand that when I say you can stay here as long as you need, I mean it. You contribute as you can, but you have a safe place here – for you and the baby – as long as you need it.’

  Skyler stared at Bridget for several moments before bursting into sobs. Hard, gut-wrenching sobs.

  ‘Honey.’ Bridget moved over to put an arm around her shoulders. ‘Shh,’ she murmured soothingly. Soon, Skyler settled enough to splash cold water on her face.

  Turning, she said, ‘Thank you, Professor.’ She grabbed Bridget and hugged her fiercely.

  Laughing as she struggled to catch her breath, Bridget hugged her back and said, ‘Call me, Bridget, hon. I think we’re past Professor.’

  Chapter Twenty-three

  Connor’s skin flamed as he pushed open the door to Intimate Moments. He had to be going over the edge to be doing this but he was rapidly reaching the end of his patience with Bridget. On that thought, he spun on his heel to leave. He was being an ass. It wasn’t as if she didn’t have valid reasons for the things she did. That he didn’t agree with her take on what had happened didn’t give him the right to push her too far too quickly. It had only been a couple of months, after all. It’s not like they were talking years or anything.

  On the other hand, when was the timing ever going to be right? The longer he let her go on without pushing the envelope, the more comfortable she was going to get in her shell with him. It would only make things worse the longer he went without confronting her and trying to take them forward in their sexual relationship.

  He spun again and advanced into the store, only to stop short once more.

  What if he was wrong? What if she was doing what was best for her and he screwed everything up by being selfish? Was he being selfish? Thinking only with his dick?

  He spun again and headed back toward the door. He needed to think this through.

  ‘Perhaps I can help you, or would you prefer to continue turning in circles?’ A large man with a curious smile on his face stepped into the showroom where Connor was. Definitely not who Connor would have expected to work here.

  ‘Do you work here?’ Connor’s face flamed again. He was seriously out of his element in this store. While he’d had some toys over the years, he’d never walked into a store before. He’d always done the online, brown paper wrapper deal.

  ‘You could say that.’ He held out a hand to shake as he walked over to Connor. ‘I’m Victor. The owner. And you, brother, look utterly confused.’

  Connor chuckled helplessly. That was a definite understatement.

  ‘Yeah, you could say that.’ He ran a hand through his hair, took a deep breath, and sighed.

  ‘Female trouble? Do you need a sexy apology?’

  ‘What?’ It took a second for his words to register. ‘Oh!’ He flushed deeper. ‘No. Nothing like that. I was, uh, I was thinking about getting some toys for my lady.’

  Victor’s eyes crinkled as he grinned.

  ‘Have you ever done any in-person shopping for toys before?’

  ‘Nope, strictly online, but I want to be very careful in what I get so I wanted to see everything in person first this time.’

  ‘Makes sense.’ Victor turned and waved Connor toward the back of the store. ‘My playroom is in the back. Come on in and we’ll see what we can do for you.’

  A little nonplussed at picking out toys with this guy in tow, Connor just shrugged.

  ‘It’s OK, brother. You’re not the first guy to do this and I’ve probably heard and seen it all. Just pretend I’m a sexy female.’

  Connor burst out laughing at that. This guy, while definitely a bit on the metrosexual side, was as close to resembling a female as a tiger was to a bear.

  Victor smiled, ‘Works every time. Come on, let’s get you hooked up.’

  Connor followed him to the back and entered a room the likes of which he’d never seen before. Unlike the rest of the store, which was done in elegant shades of taupe, silver, and robin’s egg blue, this room was much grittier, with shades of rich purple adorning the walls and lots of white, black, and orange to offset it. The vibe was raw and dark.

  The walls were lined with shelves holding all manner of toys, lotions, and creams. On one side there were rounders full of latex, vinyl, and neoprene. On the other, corsets and other lacy creations that left nothing to the imagination were available. Whips and ropes and other bondage accessories draped an entire wall and a swing of some kind hung in the corner. Connor wondered if anyone had ever asked for a test run on that thing.

  ‘Yes.’ Victor broke into Connor’s thoughts.

  ‘Huh?’

  ‘Yes, people ask to try it out.’ Victor nodded in the direction of the swing. ‘My answer is only with your clothes on and still zipped.’

  He laughed at Connor’s stunned expression.

  ‘Dude, I don’t read minds, but your eyebrow shot upward and you were staring at the swing. One plus one equalled two is all.’

  Connor laughed nervously again. He needed to get a grip on himself. He was being foolish. It’s no
t like he was some green teenager buying his first box of condoms from the local drugstore.

  ‘So, what is it you had in mind? Lingerie? Dildos? Vibes?’

  Connor flushed again, but choked out, ‘A vibrator for sure. Maybe a flogger. And some restraints, but something really easy and soft.’

  ‘A beginner?’

  ‘No, but a very hesitant former practitioner.’ He wasn’t really comfortable explaining his situation, but he needed to make sure he got the right products. ‘I’ve heard about those wands. Do you sell those?’ He wanted to keep this conversation moving forward.

  ‘Why hesitant?’ Victor cocked his head and quirked an eyebrow but didn’t answer Connor’s question.

  ‘She’s got some trauma in her past; she associates it to the bondage and other kinky stuff she did. She’s blaming it.’ As he spoke, he felt himself loosening up. He hadn’t had anyone he could talk to about this.

  The expression on Victor’s face changed from curiosity to a focused intensity that made Connor almost take a step back.

  ‘What is your name?’ His eyes narrowed slightly.

  ‘Connor. Why?’ He forced himself to stand where he was, but seriously considered taking a cane out of the stand beside him and arming himself.

  ‘You’re Bridget’s Connor, aren’t you?’

  Connor scowled. What the hell was going on here?

  ‘How the hell do you know that?’

  Victor smiled, and held up his hands in a gesture of supplication. ‘Calm down. There’s nothing to worry about. Bridget is a customer and a friend. She was in here with Claire the other day and she recently acquired quite a few pieces from my collection. If she heeded my advice at all, you should have seen some of them, I hope.’

  Connor’s mind flashed back to the lingerie that Bridget had been wearing recently and he grinned. Her willingness to take that step had played a role in his coming here today. He’d figured if she was willing to put her toe in the water, maybe he could get her to dip in a bit further.

  ‘I’ll take that satisfied grin as a yes.’ Victor smiled briefly before turning serious. ‘If you’re planning on using these toys on her, you’ll need to be prepared for resistance. She’s got some pretty deep baggage.’