“About what?”
“I’m just scared that I’m gonna do something…with you.”
“Oh,” I murmur, looking down at my coffee.
I feel self-conscious. He’s afraid of doing something with me, but I want a detailed explanation of why he’d feel that way. Of course, my insecurities flare up, and I’m certain that I’m not pretty enough, not wild enough, not sexy or cool or even mildly enticing, and he doesn’t want to do something sexual with me because it will be boring and he’ll feel like he has to pretend to like it for my sake.
“Why are you doing that?” he says, leaning down on the table to try to get me to make eye contact with him.
“Doing what?”
“Getting all weird. You’re, like, paranoid or something,” he says, reading my expression like a book.
“I just…” I try to articulate it without sounding like I’m cripplingly insecure about myself when compared with the other girls he’s bedded. “I know that I’m not, you know, how most of your girls are. I don’t know how to do that stuff, and I’m not freaky like they are. I understand if you don’t want to, you know, do anything physical with me because I don’t measure up and stuff.”
He laughs and then shakes his head. “Babe, are you crazy?”
It puts me at ease a little bit, and I timidly smile.
He gets off his chair and kneels down in front of me, turning me so I’m facing him. He’s tall, so even from his spot on the floor, he can be right at eye level with me. He holds my shoulders and gives me a warm smile before taking my face in his hands and looking deep in my eyes.
“I’m not scared because I think you wouldn’t be good,” he says like I was crazy for even theorizing it. “I’m scared because I’m having a very hard time controlling myself with you lately. I’m finding all sorts of shit about you really sexy, and I can’t stop thinking about your legs and your tits and all that stuff.”
I giggle. Very direct, as usual.
“Last night, I wanted to rip your pajamas off and fuck the shit out of you,” he confesses, which makes my eyebrows shoot up with surprise. “I’m not joking, Lo. I seriously considered it…for, like, several minutes.”
I giggle, and he gives me a big smile.
“But then I got my shit together and I realized that’d be fucked up to do. I wanted you so fuckin’ bad last night, Lo, you have no idea, but I’m glad you shut it all down,” he says.
“So it’s not because I won’t do some kind of crazy, doggy-style double penetration or something?” I joke.
He laughs heartily. “Nah, babe.” He smiles and brushes my hair behind my ear. “If I want wild girls, I can go find wild girls. I really like that you’re not like that. Your innocence is beautiful to me, Lola.”
He looks right into my eyes when he says it, and my heart swells.
“And that’s why I’m scared as hell of being alone with you now. I don’t want to…you know…take that away from you.”
I feel myself smile at the surprising sweetness of this conversation.
“I just…I don’t care about other girls the way that I do about you,” he confesses like he’s confused by how to explain this. “I don’t care about anybody as much as I care about you.”
I smile wider now, and I feel warmth spreading through me.
“You’re just, like, perfection to me, Lo,” he continues with a very earnest expression. “I can’t, you know, spoil that. Some things are off limits for a reason, and that reason is because you’re precious to me.”
I can’t stop myself. I throw my arms around him and give him a big hug. He squeezes me tight, and I know that he senses my appreciation.
“And that, young lady, is why I can’t be allowed to tear your clothes off and fuck the shit out of you,” he jokes when we part from the hug.
I laugh loudly at that and give him a shrug. I can accept that explanation.
“But, um, what if I still want to? Not have sex or anything, but I still want to just be close to you like that—because, James, when you were lying on top of me last night, that was the shit, man!”
He cracks up and shakes his head.
“You’ve got all this going—” I motion to his abs and his pecs “—and it was pressing against me, and you were so warm and firm with all those muscles. I’m not gonna lie, I dug it.”
That makes him laugh harder, and he leans forward and presses his forehead to mine. “You better watch out, ’cause flattery will get you everywhere, little girl.”
“It’s not flattery. No bullshit, dude. Your body is fucking stunning,” I blurt out. “I just really like that proximity we had last night. Isn’t there some way you could just…be on me without, you know, being in me?”
He practically snorts with laughter, and he seems thoroughly amused by my request.
“Maybe.” He grins slyly. “But I don’t know if that’s gonna satisfy you,” he adds as he grabs my hips and slides me forward in my chair so my legs are on either side of him. “You’ve become quite the seductress. How do I know you won’t be hungry for more? You might just take advantage of me.”
“If I wanted to take advantage of you, I could have done it a thousand times already, stud,” I say in my sexiest whisper, bowing my back so my breasts press into him.
“Fuck me!” he laughs. “You’re so fuckin’ sexy and you don’t even realize it!”
I giggle, and all that exaggerated sensuality disappears as I return to my nerdy self.
“All right, how about this?” he proposes. “I’ll still cuddle with you. I’ll be all over you if you want, but we have to know that it won’t go further than that. Deal?”
I nod my head.
“Because I absolutely, positively cannot fuck you, Lola,” he says like it’s a formal declaration.
I furrow my brow and salute him, which makes him snicker.
“And you can’t freak out if this shit turns me on. No squealing when you feel my hard-on against you—because, baby, being on you like that will, for sure, get me hard.”
I laugh, and I feel slightly smug about that. I have the ability to turn James on, which makes me feel like Angelina Jolie or something.
“But…I still do think I should go back to California soon,” he adds apologetically.
“Aw!” I whine.
“You’re gonna give me a fatal case of blue balls here! My health could literally be at risk!” he bluntly jokes.
I roll my eyes, but I’m blushing at the flattery of that idea.
He pauses for a moment and breathes a big sigh as he looks down at my chest. “Goddamnit, Lola!” he exhales. “I can give you twenty-four hours before this shit just kills me.”
I try to hold it in, but my snicker becomes loud laughter.
“Okay.” I nod before giving him a flirty glance. “So what should we do with our last twenty-four hours?” I say as I run my hands up his chest and tangle my fingers in his hair.
He tries his hardest not to smile when I slide forward and wrap my leg around him, pressing my pelvis into him.
“I wonder how we could pass the time,” I say, feigning innocence as I rock my hips a couple times while I bite my bottom lip flirtatiously.
“Jesus Christ!” He sighs. “How have you never had sex before and yet you can be all seductive like that? You’re a fuckin’ tease, Lo. You know how to wrap a guy around your little finger.”
I laugh loudly, switching off the seduction as quickly as I switched it on.
He closes his eyes and murmurs hilarious, un-sexy things like he’s trying really hard to concentrate. “All right, that time Keegan puked in Joey’s car, falling off the monkey bars and breaking my arm in third grade and how the bone was poking out, C-SPAN—”
I completely crack up at this list, particularly the last one. “You think of C-SPAN when you’re trying not to get a boner?”
“Shut up!” he laughs. “This is all your fuckin’ fault in the first place, grinding against me and putting your boobs in my face. You’re the fuckin’ devil, Lola
!”
I throw back my head with laughter, and he snickers. “I’m an evil temptress on a mission to seduce a weary man?”
“Yes!” he teases.
“My apologies to you, sir.” I giggle, sitting back on my chair.
“That’s better,” he pretends to chastise me. “And put a bathrobe on or something. I need there to be another layer between me and your tits.”
I burst into laughter and nod my head, crossing my arms over my chest like I feel a sudden rush of modesty. “You cad!” I say like an old time high-society lady. “How dare you gaze upon me like I’m a sex object!”
He snickers and then goes back to his chair, shaking his head.
“Ha ha! I totally turned you on,” I tease. “You totally think I’m sexy.”
“No shit!” he says, blushing just a tiny bit.
I ease off him, not wanting to push this adorable modesty too far. Shy James is so cute, and such a rare occurrence, that I don’t want him to think I’m making too much fun of him.
I spend the rest of the morning chitchatting with James instead of studying, which is probably fine because I’m obsessively over-prepared for my test today.
He offers to drive me to school, and I accept. He says to text him when I’m done and he’ll come pick me up, which gives me a nostalgic sense of fondness for all the times he did this when we were in school together. One of the best things about my relationship with James is that it can evolve and change over the years, but at the core, it’s stronger than a diamond encased in steel.
Chapter 11
James
“THIS SEEMS A LOT like lasagna,” Lola remarks as she stirs the meat sauce on the stove.
“It is a lot like it, really,” I say, nodding. “Just the Greek version.”
Tonight, I’m making moussaka for Lola and Theresa, since this will be my last night here. My grandma on my mom’s side, who is Greek, took the traditional recipe and made all these modifications, so it’s our family version. It takes a long time to prepare, but it tastes really good.
Lola insisted on helping me, so I gave her the task of peeling the eggplant and then stirring the sauce once I had it simmering. She took these orders very seriously, and I found it incredibly cute. She’s a decent cook; actually, she just never even attempts to cook anything when I’m around. That’s cool with me. I really dig cooking, and I love to watch her pig out on the stuff I make. The best compliment is seeing her clean her plate and then tell me how she thinks the button is going to pop off her jeans from how full her stomach is.
We’ve got a little while before Theresa comes home, so we should be okay on time for the meal. It’s also nice because it gives me a few hours to spend with just me and Lola. It’s fuckin’ amazing to me how she can be so sexy and so sweet at the same time. I don’t think she has any idea how hot she really is and how much it turns me on when she fucks around with me like she was this morning. I haven’t spent all these years keeping guys off her because they don’t want to sleep with her. If dudes like Joey and Keegan are any representation of my whole generation, a super-hot girl like Lola needs a full security detail.
She’s inadvertently flirting with me right now. A few minutes ago, she tasted the sauce and did this thing where she licked the spoon. She had no fuckin’ idea how sexy that looked.
I’m not going to lie: I’ve been flirting with her a little bit too—also by accident. A couple minutes ago, I gave her a little smack on the butt when she bent down to get eggs out of the refrigerator, and it made her giggle in that way that I like. After that, I stood right behind her and guided her hands when I showed her how to cut up the eggplant. I can’t help it. I just fuckin’ love touching her.
I’m pretty sure she likes touching me too, because she’s been putting her arm around me a lot. I like it. It feels really natural. Even though she’s tiny, I feel like our bodies click together like LEGO pieces. She just fits right into my side, and my hand can rest right on her hip in a way that’s super comfortable and chilled out. I’ve been looking in her eyes more too—not that I didn’t do that before, but now it’s like I’m really looking, like I’m sort of gazing deep into them. I can tell she digs it because she always smiles really big when I do it.
Theresa gets home a couple hours later, right when the food’s done, and we all sit down at the table to eat.
“So I think I’m going to go ahead and take off tomorrow,” I say. “You guys have been so cool to me, letting me stay here and all, but I don’t think my parents are gonna budge for a little while, and I don’t want to just mooch off your hospitality.”
“Don’t worry about it.” Theresa shrugs. “You’re family, James. You’re welcome to stay anytime you want for as long as you want.”
I wish my mom was like Lola’s mom. Although, I’m guessing it’s a lot easier to accept your kid’s best friend being a porn star than it is to accept your kid being a porn star, so maybe she’d be just as upset as my mom if I was her son.
“You’ve been so cool to me during this whole thing, Theresa, and I wanted to tell you how much I appreciate it,” I say sincerely. “I don’t think a lot of moms would just open their doors to someone who did, you know, what I did, and it really means a lot to me that you haven’t made me feel like crap about it.”
“Of course not, sweetheart.” She smiles, putting her hand on mine on the table. “Your choices are your choices. You know the consequences. I mean, obviously it’s not the first job I would have picked for you, but I know you wouldn’t do anything really, really bad and that your heart’s in the right place.”
I smile, feeling warmed up inside from how nice that was.
Theresa compliments me on the food, and I make a point to say that Lola helped. She tells her mom how all she did was chop and stir, but I think she likes the compliment because she gets really smiley with me.
I think Theresa thinks something’s up with us because she keeps looking back and forth between us like she’s trying to figure out why we’re so sweet and borderline flirty with each other. She doesn’t look outwardly worried, but I’m sure she is. I’m a twenty-year-old porn star, and Lola’s still in high school for Christ’s sake, so I can see why she’d be a little freaked out at the prospect of us flirting and possibly messing around. I do my best to put her at ease, not checking out Lola’s tits as much as I’d like to and not giving her too many flirty little glances.
Around ten o’clock, Theresa goes to bed, and I pack some of my stuff up and get in the shower. I dry off and change into a T-shirt and some boxers to sleep in. I lie down on the bed, but I can’t possibly go to sleep. I need to see Lola. This is my last night here, and I need to be around her.
I quietly make my way down the hallway to her room, and I tap really lightly on the door. She opens it, and she’s in a bathrobe and nothing more. It’s dimly lit with just the small lamp on the nightstand, but the low lighting only makes her look sexier.
“Hey,” I whisper, trying my hardest not to scan her whole body in slow motion.
“Hey.” She smiles, already on to me.
“Can I stay in here with you for a little while? I wanted to be with you tonight, since I’m leaving tomorrow,” I explain.
“I was hoping you’d want to,” she says, leading me into her room.
I sit down on the bed and motion for her to come over to me. She stands right in front of me, and I put my hands on her hips. She’s looking down at me, and I’m looking up into her eyes.
Just a bathrobe. That’s the only thing separating her from me.
I’m staring in her eyes when I slowly pull at the tie. She lets me, and soon it falls loose. The robe is hanging there, just open enough for me to see a sliver of her bare skin, including her cute little bellybutton. I keep looking in her eyes as I slowly slide my fingers inside the robe. I don’t push it open too far, don’t make any big, sudden movements. I know I shouldn’t be doing this, and the last thing I want to do is lose control.
Her stomach tightens up
when I make contact with her, gradually moving around so my hand’s on her hip inside the robe. I pull her a little closer so she’s standing right against the bed in front of me. I’m at eye level with her boobs, and it would be so easy to just push her robe back off her shoulders and get a glimpse of her totally naked.
I can’t stop, no matter how much I want to. I look in her eyes for a second before I lean forward and place a little, tender kiss in the middle of her chest. I have to do it again, so I do. Pretty soon, her hand slides up my neck, and she brushes her fingers through my hair. My other hand comes up to grab onto her hip from the other side, and I start kissing onto her stomach and heading down her body.
My hand moves up the inside of her thigh, and my fingers lightly skim between her legs. Her breathing is much faster now, and I can feel her arousal on my fingertips as I start to touch her.
I want more. I want all of her. She smells so sexy, and I want to kiss her and touch her everywhere. I move her to the side a little and start to usher her onto the bed in hopes that I can get her to open up her legs and let me taste her. My lips are right below her bellybutton when we hear a noise from outside the door. I know it’s Theresa. Oh, shit! She’s going to come in here and see Lola with her robe open and me well on my way to letting my lips roam to all sorts of inappropriate locations. We’re totally fucked!
We both freeze as the footsteps get closer. Shit! Shit! Shit! I just told Theresa how much I appreciate her being so nice to me, and now I’m going to repay her by going down on her daughter? She’s going to be fuckin’ livid.
I’m holding my breath as we hear the fridge door open and shut. The footsteps get dimmer, and then they fade away entirely.
Lola lets out a sigh. She was holding her breath too. “Oh, thank God!” she whispers. “She was just getting some ice water.”
“Jesus Christ,” I sigh with relief.
“This is definitely too risky. We’re crossing a pretty major line,” she says, still a little flustered and turned on.
“All right, we gotta stop,” I say, blinking my eyes a few times and pulling her robe closed again.
Vice, Virtue & Video: Revealed (The Vice, Virtue & Video Series) Page 11
