My Dirty Detour: An Alpha Male Mafia Comedy Romance

by Grace Risata

  “What?” Rocky asked, clearly annoyed at my interruption.

  “Why did she pick you instead of Sergio? You’re not Italian.” It was a logical question in my opinion.

  “Sergio has two brothers. The older one is Carmine. He was already married. She didn’t want Sergio because he’s more at home in front of a mirror than on the battlefield, not to mention the fact that he can’t keep his dick in his pants. If he would have cheated on her, it would have caused a feud between the two families. Sergio’s little brother, Luigi, was too young. He would have been nineteen at the time we were engaged. I was twenty-five and she was twenty-three.”

  Irina stepped in to offer her opinion. “Ursula likes older men. She needs to dominate and control whomever she’s with. She never backed down from a challenge and that’s exactly what Rocky was – something to conquer. She saw that he was raw and untamed and she wanted to be the one to break him. It was a battle of wills.”

  Rocky continued his explanation. “I fucking hated her. She was the epitome of evil. Never had I met a more manipulative bitch. I tried to avoid her as much as possible, but I couldn’t entirely since we were supposed to be engaged. Everything turned into a fight. I wasn’t taking her to the right places or spending enough money on her or dressing the way she wanted me to. She expected me to drop everything and come running with my tail between my legs whenever she snapped her fingers. She treated me like shit and I returned the favor tenfold.” Rocky ran his hands through his hair and looked at Sergio. He shook his head and went on. “The last straw came when she wanted me to buy her a twenty-five thousand dollar watch. I refused. She had a major screaming fit and I ignored her for a week. So she decided to get revenge. She went to Sergio’s dad’s house and she stole Luigi’s phone. She sent Sergio a text that he needed to get back to the house and to bring me with. We raced to the house…and found Luigi in bed screwing Ursula. She seduced him to get back at me for not buying her the watch. She knew…she knew that I couldn’t just pretend nothing had happened. She wanted me to kill him. She wanted me to choose her and my reputation over my best friend’s brother’s life. I was backed into a corner. I couldn’t let it go because then my reputation would be shot and everyone would think the Barsotti’s toughest guy was a pussy who let a bitch cheat and walk all over him. I couldn’t kill Luigi. So I ran. I walked out of that bedroom after telling Ursula it was over, went back to my apartment, packed a bag, got in my car, and never looked back. Sergio came with me because he felt like it was his obligation since I just spared his brother’s life. We stayed on the run for six months before settling here in Pineville. That’s why I wanted to stay under the radar and not have an online presence for the brewery. That’s why I had to be vague about my past. But most of all, that’s why I resisted being with you, Violet. I was trying to avoid the shit storm that’s about to erupt in my face.”

  Irina decided it was her turn to speak again. “Somehow Ursula found out about you, Violet. She’s coming to confront you. In her mind, Rocky still belongs to her. She won’t stop until she makes his life a living hell. I speak from experience. She’s the one that tormented me for most of my youth. You see, she’s my cousin. Her father is the older brother of my dad.”

  Before I could process any of this, Vasily finally arrived. “What did I miss? Did I get here in time? Is everyone ok?” He strode over to Irina and put his arms around her protectively.

  Now that everyone was here and the story finally told, Rocky began barking out orders. “Vasily, go move Violet’s Nissan inside the loading dock and then go to the roof and take a rifle with a scope. There’s only one direction they’ll be arriving from. Cover it and call us when you see any car come down the road. Irina, take Violet in my office and try to calm her down. Sergio, you and Dmitry guard the front door. The second anyone tries to come in, I want them searched. If they refuse, knock them out.”

  Vasily went off in one direction after I tossed him my car keys, Irina started to walk toward me, Dmitry came behind the reception desk and pointed his rifle at the entrance, and Sergio took up a position behind the front door. Everyone complied with Rocky’s directions except for one person. Me.

  “I don’t want to be with Irina. I want to be where you are,” I argued. There were still so many questions and I needed answers.

  “Are you sure about that?” Rocky asked. I nodded and he shook his head at Irina while pointing me back into the office.

  I sat on the couch and looked up at Rocky, not knowing where to begin. He took a seat on the corner of his desk, ready to spring into action if need be. Fortunately, he spoke first. “Are you ok?” he gently asked, “or is this a deal-breaker?”

  “What does an enforcer do exactly?” I wanted to know this before I answered his question.

  “An enforcer is usually not a direct member of the family. They prove themselves by handling all the dirty jobs like intimidating people, beating them, and sometimes...if it comes down to that, murder.” Rocky stared at me intently, trying to gauge how I was handling this.

  “Did you ever...did you personally ever kill anyone?” Oh please, dear God, let the answer be no. I felt like I was going to throw up. I couldn’t breathe.

  He held his head up and looked me straight in the eyes. “No Violet. I never took a life. Never. I had to draw the line somewhere. I couldn’t have lived with myself if I had ever done that. That’s why I couldn’t kill Luigi. I’m not a murderer. I certainly did things that I’m ashamed of, but I never took it to that level.”

  “I did,” a voice in the doorway quietly spoke. It was Dmitry. “Sometimes you’re put in a situation where you have a choice of kill or be killed. Sometimes you have to do things that keep you up at night, in order to protect those that you love.” He turned to Rocky and solemnly spoke. “If I get a chance to take Leo out, I’m going to kill him.”

  Rocky immediately objected. “Please, Dmitry, keep a level head. I need you to stay calm.” He pointed to me and pleaded, “If she sees you kill someone, there’s no going back from that. It’ll be all over and I can’t lose her. I’m on shaky ground at best right now, but that will push her right over the edge.” I’m right here, why were they talking about me like I wasn’t?

  Vasily called Rocky and gave him an update. Ursula’s Russian delegation had been spotted and they were pulling into the parking lot. Everyone was in position, at the ready.

  “You will stay in this office and not move until I say so. Is that clear?” Rocky demanded. I nodded in obedience, about thirty seconds away from shitting myself. I still couldn’t believe all this was actually happening. Part of me held out a small hope this was a very elaborate practical joke.

  “On second thought,” Rocky directed, “come over and stand behind me. The office walls are glass and you’re safer with me in front of you. She’ll have to go through me to get to you.”

  I did as he ordered. He turned to me and took my face in his hands. “Violet, I’m begging you, don’t let her manipulate you with her lies. Don’t let anything she says bother you. You know me. You know how I treat you. I belong to you and no one else. No matter what happens, I need you to remember that.”

  Time had run out. Ursula had arrived.

  Tuesday, 7:00 p.m. Week Three

  As expected, a handful of strangers paraded in the front door. I poked my head over Rocky’s shoulder, desperate to see what Ursula looked like in comparison to myself. I saw three people standing next to each other.

  On the left stood a very tall statuesque blond. She must have been an inch shorter then Rocky, with legs that went on for miles. She had black thigh high boots over tight black jeans. A black puffy vest covered a black bodysuit. I don’t know what was up with the black on black look, but she reminded me of an assassin from a video game. She had a long face that was framed by a reverse bob haircut – long in the front and short in the back. It was bleached blonde, stick straight, and very thin. Her face was entirely without makeup except for blood red lipstick that really stood out
against her pale complexion. Highly arched black eye brows gave away the fact that blond was not her natural color. She also wore a scowl, as she scanned her surroundings.

  On the right, was a man shorter than the two women next to him. He had a shaved head, sunglasses, and a square face with some stubble growing out. His nose was very round and he had some pock marks on his cheeks. This guy could stand to lose some weight, too. He was definitely no prize in the looks department. He was wearing blue jeans and a black leather jacket.

  The woman in the middle was the one that first caught my attention. If I was betting then I’d put my money down that this one was Ursula. She must have been close to six feet tall. She was dressed in red leather pants, sky high red stilettos, and a tight low-cut black bustier showing off her ample cleavage. I don’t know how she wasn’t freezing her ass off in that ensemble.

  This girl was absolutely dripping with diamonds. From the giant studs in her ears to the gaudy necklace resting above her breasts to the bracelets that jingled on her wrists, she must have been wearing a fortune. Neither the outfit nor the jewelry was the reason she stood out from the others. It was her face. She had high cheekbones covered in blush and deep red lipstick in a shade similar to her friend. Her eyes were catwalk ready complete with liner, mascara, fake lashes, two different colors of shadow, and brows tweezed to perfection. She had long straight platinum blonde hair that was carefully tousled for that “just out of bed” look. If I had to guess, I’d say the tits, plump lips, and tiny upturned nose were all the result of some costly procedures. Her attitude, on the other hand, was real. Power and danger radiated off of her in waves. She looked like she would not hesitate to stomp on her enemies. In fact, I bet she’d enjoy it. This was a girl who was accustomed to getting her way. She was intimidation personified.

  The three new arrivals immediately had guns drawn on them and were instructed to remove their weapons. The expressions on their faces clearly showed their disappointment over not having the element of surprise. Sergio and Irina patted them down and removed an odd assortment of guns and knives. Dmitry was not happy with their search, because he did one of his own and retrieved more well-hidden items including a jack knife hiding in the assassin’s boot.

  She snarled at him and said, “Dmitry, how typical. The first thing you do when you see me is try to play touchy-touchy. How many times do I have to tell you that will not happen in this lifetime or any other? You’re lower than dog shit.”

  The ugly guy laughed and suggested, “Just do what I did to get rid of him, Natalia. Shoot him!”

  Dmitry raised his gun at the guy’s head and Rocky ordered, “Don’t shoot Leo in the head. At least not yet. Make him suffer first.”

  Wait a minute! How did I know this guy Leo? Five minutes ago Dmitry said he wanted to shoot him. But I heard his name somewhere else. Oh, Leo was the guy from Rocky’s story. Rocky and Sergio got jumped and beaten up and Dmitry couldn’t step in BECAUSE LEO WAS HIS BOSS!! It was all starting to come together. Ok. So Leo was Dmitry’s boss and Ursula was Rocky’s ex. Who was the assassin looking girl? I was pulled from my silent untangling of who was whom, when the lady in red spoke.

  “Rocky, is this how you treat your fiancée? With such a barbaric welcoming committee?” Yep, I nailed it. That one was Ursula.

  “Ursula, you ceased being my fiancée the second I saw you riding Sergio’s brother like he was a mechanical bull. You’re lucky you’re only being searched instead of getting a bullet to the head,” Rocky threatened.

  “Such anger. I forgot how difficult you could be,” she taunted. “Aren’t you going to ask why we’re here?”

  Before he could reply, a POP noise came from outside. It sounded like a gunshot. Dmitry cocked his head, paused, and said, “Vasily’s rifle. No return fire. He’s fine.”

  Sergio was the closest to the front door, so he started to open it when Rocky commanded, “No. Hold your position. You don’t know what’s going to come through that door.”

  Dmitry grunted in agreement, keeping his gun to Leo’s head.

  Not more than a minute later, two Mexican guys marched in with Vasily pointing his rifle at their backs. I was stunned. One of the men was very familiar. It was Enrique! I hadn’t seen him since he was fired for sabotaging Rocky’s new machine on the night when that other douchebag grabbed my ass. What the fuck was he doing with the Russians? Just when I thought I was starting to figure stuff out, everything got turned upside down again.

  Vasily sneered, “Look who I found outside a little late for the party. Imagine my surprise when Enrique and his buddy got out of the SUV. I ordered them to drop their weapons and when they didn’t, I shot out the side mirror to get their attention and let them know I meant business.” He shoved them inside further and Sergio did a quick pat down to check for anything Vasily might have missed. When it was certain there were no more additional weapons, the interrogation began.

  “Enrique, I see you made some new friends since we last saw you. Care to explain that?” Rocky questioned with an icy glare.

  Enrique was happy to oblige. “Good to see you, Rocky. Maybe you should have paid attention when I told you I’d get revenge. It’s time for payback. This is my brother, Eduardo.” Enrique nodded his head at the man standing next to him, who was similar in build and stature. “We run with the Eastside Latinos. I met Ursula in New York about a year ago. She made me an offer I couldn’t refuse. Let’s just say we got to know each other very well.”

  Ursula spoke up, clearly pissed that she was not the center of attention. “Yes, we’re very good friends, aren’t we Enrique?” She turned around to wink at him. “You see, Rocky, it’s quite simple. After I found out where you were hiding, I needed someone to keep tabs on you. That’s where Enrique came in to assist me. He was kind enough to work for you in this shithole to be a spy for me. Enrique started the fight with that guy who pulled a knife on him and got him fired. It was Enrique who destroyed your stupid machine. But most importantly, Enrique had that guy grab your little bitch’s ass and force you to play your hand. I know EVERYTHING that goes on here. Speaking of the whore, where is she? Hiding behind you like a scared little twat? Let her come out. I want to play.” Well, clearly this was going well so far.

  “What I do is none of your business. Now turn around and march right on back to whatever hole you crawled out of before this situation escalates,” Rocky demanded.

  Ursula tipped her head back and laughed. “Like you can EVER tell me what to do.” She walked closer, each step very deliberate, until she was a mere foot away from him. “Don’t tell me you haven’t missed me, lover,” she purred and closed the gap between them, running her finger down his chest.

  Now this was really a make or break moment. I had about three seconds to decide what to do. Either I could hide in a corner and cry like a pussy about the fact that I was with dangerous people who were far cooler than me, one of whom was a girl version of the devil and currently touching my dude, OR I could take action and probably get my ass whipped. I’d never been in a fist fight before and that was something that was on my bucket list. I had always wanted to punch someone. But it was pretty much a ninety-nine percent certainty that I’d receive way more damage than I’d get a chance to inflict. This is bullshit. I once heard the phrase, “I’d rather die standing than live on my knees,” and I’ll be damned if that doesn’t apply to this situation.

  “Do not TOUCH, what is not yours,” I heard a stern voice advise. Holy shit, it came from my mouth. I guess I was really doing this then. Nut up or shut up. I took a very small step from behind Rocky and stared Ursula straight in the eyes.

  “Are you fucking KIDDING me? I flew all the way here for THIS!?!” she shrieked and broke into a fit of cackling. “Natalia, look at her! You have got to be joking!” Behind Ursula, Natalia the assassin started to laugh in amusement.

  Leo joined in and added, “Wow Rocky, you really are slumming in this butt-fuck town. Is that the best you could do?”

  Irina, perha
ps upset that this taunting was bringing back memories of her childhood, tried to jump in on my behalf. “Shut up, she’s not that bad!” What? I’m not that bad? That’s how she defends me? With friends like these...damn.

  Ursula smirked and disagreed. “I’d say she IS that bad.” She smiled sweetly at me and advised, “Step aside before you get hurt, and go run back home where it’s safe, honey.” Oh hell no.

  With all the courage I could muster, I gave her a reply. “You don’t know me and you don’t know what I’m capable of, so I suggest you back off.” I heard that somewhere in a movie and I always wanted to say it. Unfortunately it sounded better in my head, than out loud.

  Ursula laughed yet again. “Honey, you’re wearing a fucking turtleneck. You look like a librarian. I’d say you’re barely capable of tying your own shoes. So I suggest that YOU recognize who the fuck YOU”RE talking to.”

  I smiled back at her. “I know who I’m talking to. I’m talking to a CUNT who thinks she can touch what’s mine. Rocky belongs to me. In fact, I’m pretty sure he told me that the other night when he was going down on me.” Eat THAT, bitch.

  I heard a few gasps from around the room and Dmitry let out a low whistle followed by, “You go, Violet.”

  This time Ursula did not laugh. She screamed, “You’re lying! He doesn’t DO that. He’s horrible in bed!”

  “I can say with absolute certainty that he DOES do that. And rather well, I might add.” I don’t know where my bravado was coming from, but I liked this new me.

  She stared me down, her eyes scanning my face for any hint that I might not be telling the truth.

  “You’re not lying!” she shouted in disbelief. She then turned on Rocky. “How DARE you do that to her and not to me? You low-life son of a bitch. That’s why I fucked Luigi. He could give me what you never did.” More gasps could be heard. She was definitely fighting dirty now.