My Dirty Detour: An Alpha Male Mafia Comedy Romance

by Grace Risata

  Rocky tried again with a roundhouse kick to Alexei’s ribs. He followed that up with a few punches to the same area where the kick landed. Alexei staggered backward and clutched his side. He wailed in anger and lunged at Rocky.

  Alexei attacked with several blows aimed at his opponent’s head. Rocky managed to sidestep the first punch, but the rest landed right on target. He stumbled a few steps and then caught his balance, barely remaining inside the dirt ring.

  “What happens if he goes outside the dirt?” I asked. I hoped that wasn’t one of the things that got you shot.

  “Alexei gets a free punch,” Dmitry explained. Great.

  Rocky cracked his knuckles and took another go at Alexei. He used his speed and size to his advantage. He got into a pattern of bobbing and weaving, delivering blow after blow to Alexei’s ribs. He would hit and retreat so Alexei couldn’t counterpunch fast enough. After three or four strikes, Alexei wised up and tackled Rocky to the ground.

  Both men rolled around, trying to gain the upper hand. It was hard to see who was inflicting more damage. Rocky elbowed Alexei in the face, but the massive man was able to make a comeback and get Rocky in a choke hold. Instead of grabbing Alexei’s arms to try to get him to release the hold, Rocky reached back and poked Alexei in the eye. Strangely enough, this worked and both men retreated to opposite corners of the dirt to catch their breath.

  The fight seemed evenly matched so far, with no man appearing to have an advantage. “How do you think this is going?” I asked.

  “No one is bleeding. It’s too soon to predict a winner,” Sergio answered.

  “They haven’t even gotten started yet,” Dmitry added. You have got to be kidding me! My nerves couldn’t take much more of this.

  Alexei was the first to move back to the center of the ring. “Come on, you fucking pussy. Let’s go. Come at me. I’m in a hurry to get this over with. I have a hot date with your girl. I’m going to shove my cock so far down her throat that she chokes on it—“

  Rocky charged at Alexei and pummeled him with blow after blow to the face. He threw a wild haymaker that knocked Alexei back a few steps.

  “What happened to my lesson number one about not letting your opponent get under your skin with their trash talk? Why doesn’t that apply here? Why is he freaking out?” I asked.

  “In case you hadn’t noticed, rules don’t apply where you’re concerned, Violet,” Dmitry replied, shaking his head in disappointment.

  “Yeah, you’re his kryptonite,” Sergio explained. That’s awesome. I didn’t want to lead to the downfall of Rocky.

  “If he acts recklessly and doesn’t start using his head, this is going to get real ugly,” Dmitry predicted.

  “GET YOUR HEAD IN THE GAME,” I yelled into the ring, hoping to snap him out of it.

  Rocky turned to look at me for a fraction of a second and Alexei seized the opportunity to mount another attack, swinging again at Rocky’s face. Thankfully Rocky sidestepped out of the way in time and landed a jab to Alexei’s throat. Alexei started choking and took a few steps back to regain his composure.

  “Great job, Violet. Keep distracting him and get him killed,” Dmitry admonished.

  “I’m sorry,” I meekly answered, hanging my head in shame. It seemed as though, no matter how good my intentions were, I could do nothing right.

  Alexei dove at Rocky and threw a punch to his face, followed up with a strike that smashed into Rocky’s nose. It hit him with such force that he screamed and fell to the ground.

  “That might have just broken his nose,” Dmitry said.

  “You’re okay, Rocky, get back in there! Take him down!” Sergio shouted at his friend.

  Ursula got in on the action, yelling “Kill that stupid motherfucker, Alexei! Kick him when he’s down!”

  Alexei stood over Rocky and laughed. The giant man cocked his fist back, ready to deliver a knock-out blow.

  “No,” I said, as I instinctively started walking to the ring. “Someone has to stop this nonsense. People are dying of diseases every day and these two perfectly healthy guys are killing each other for no reason. This is dumb!”

  I only got two steps away before Dmitry grabbed me and held me back. He put one hand around my mouth and the other arm around my waist. “No! You’re not going anywhere. This is how we do things. You can NOT intervene. He still has a chance.”

  Before Alexei could deliver his knock-out blow, Rocky came alive and jabbed his fist right into Alexei’s groin. Alexei howled in agony and grabbed his crotch.

  Rocky retreated back to his corner and took a second to look over at us. He saw Dmitry holding on to me while I struggled and flailed trying to get away to come and save him. Rocky shook his head at me and winked! That fucker had the nerve to wink at me, blood steadily streaming out of his nose, as if he had not a care in the world.

  “See,” Dmitry said, “he’s GOT this. I told you that. Trust him. And also pay attention because he just showed you lesson number four. Never be afraid to fight dirty. It might be the difference between life and death.”

  I calmed down and Dmitry let me go. I was still skeptical that Rocky actually had things under control. It looked like his eye was starting to swell up where he took a solid hit from Alexei. Alexei showed no damage at all. It was still anybody’s fight to lose.

  Alexei stood up and pulled something out of his shorts. It was a giant switchblade, silver tip gleaming in the sun. No way could that be legal!

  “That’s not good,” Dmitry pointed out. “That blade must be at least four inches long.”

  “It’s okay, Violet. We’ve seen Rocky disarm someone with a knife before,” Sergio reassured me, knowing Rocky’s experience.

  “You’re right,” I agreed. “It was the day when I met you guys. Rocky knocked the knife away from the guy who was fighting Enrique!” My guy had this under control!

  The Russians got excited and cheered, “Cut him up, Alexei! No mercy!” while the Italians started screaming, “He’s cheating! No fucking way is that fair!”

  Alexei advanced on Rocky, who stood his ground waiting for his attacker to approach. As Alexei closed in, Rocky whacked at the man’s wrist with a two handed jab and successfully knocked the knife away. Alexei stood frozen in shock, unable to process what just happened. Rocky seized his chance to mount a counterattack and slugged Alexei for all he was worth. Rocky threw punch after punch, beating Alexei in the face with one fist after the other. Only when Alexei was on his knees, did Rocky cease his savage assault. It must have taken a toll on Rocky too, because he held his left hand close to his body as if it were injured.

  Rocky took a few steps and picked up Alexei’s knife. The Italians went wild, cheering for their boy. Shouts of “Finish it! No Mercy! Take him down!” could be heard coming from the eager crowd.

  The Russians started swearing at Alexei in frustration. “Get up, you stupid piece of shit!” and “If you don’t win you’ll bring disgrace to the family” were some of the nicer comments thrown his way.

  Even Ursula, Alexei’s own sister, was jeering at him. She threatened him by screaming “If you don’t get off your fat ass right now, I’ll march over and kill you myself!” I was utterly appalled. This was his sister! She was the one who got him into this mess in the first place.

  Angelo took a step toward the ring and held up his hand for silence. “Finish him, Rocky. We’re ready to celebrate our victory.”

  Rocky stood there, still holding the knife. We all froze, waiting to see what would happen next. Rocky walked up to Alexei and stood behind him. With his injured hand, Rocky lifted the man’s neck to expose his throat. Oh no. No, no, no.

  “You might not want to watch this, Violet,” Dmitry suggested.

  I couldn’t look away. I was the one who told Rocky that it was okay to kill, in order to save his life. I had condoned this behavior. I was also partially at fault for this fight even happening in the first place. If he got blood on his hands, then I was guilty too. I held my breath while my hea
rt pounded in terror.

  Rocky hesitated, not moving. “What are you waiting for? Kill him!” Angelo ordered.

  Rocky shook his head in defiance. “This feud ends here and it ends NOW. I am done with both families. I was done with the Russians when I walked out on Ursula two and a half years ago, and I’m done with the Italians as of right now. I’m out. There will be no more blood on my hands,” he managed to say, while gasping in ragged breaths.

  Rocky released Alexei’s head and took a step away from the broken man. He paused and said, “This is for threatening my girl.” He leaned over and buried the switchblade deep into Alexei’s thigh. Alexei grabbed his leg and bellowed as blood poured out.

  The crowd erupted in anger. Italians were muttering about Rocky leaving, Russians were freaking out over their shameful loss, and both delegations were equally pissed over the lack of anyone actually dying.

  Rocky staggered out of the dirt and made it over to us before collapsing. We formed a tight ring around him and Dmitry started assessing the damage. “What hurts? What did he break?”

  Rocky looked a lot worse now that I could see him up close. His right eye was swollen almost completely shut. His nose was starting to swell up and blood was still coming out, although it was down to a trickle. He also cradled his left hand tight to his chest.

  Rocky answered, “Nose broken. Hand maybe. Eye hurts. Dizzy.” I noticed he was breathing through his mouth and not saying anything more than necessary. He looked over at me and added, “Not a monster. Me. Not a monster.”

  “No, you’re not a monster. Not at all. Thank you for not dying. You don’t have internal injuries do you?” I asked in a panic.

  “No. Alexei does. Broke some ribs. To hurt, not to kill,” he said as he winked again.

  “What is he talking about?” Sergio asked.

  “When he punched Enrique in the ribs, I asked him if he was trying to kill the guy. Rocky said he knows the difference between breaking a rib to hurt or to kill,” I explained.

  Vasily leaned over and said, “Damn, Rocky. I got nervous when Alexei pulled the knife, but it didn’t even seem to bother you.”

  Rocky admitted, “Knew it was there. Felt something under his shorts when we wrestled on ground. Knew it was a knife.”

  “You felt under his shorts? Why were you trying to feel up his junk?” Sergio asked in confusion.

  “I heard it was legendary in size,” Dmitry speculated.

  “Maybe he was just happy to see you?” I said as I began to laugh. I know it wasn’t the time to be making jokes, but we were all just so happy that Rocky was alive. It easily could have gone the other way.

  A gunshot rang out in the distance, followed by screams and several more shots. Dmitry began barking orders. “I’ll check it out. Sergio, get the others to safety. Violet has the car keys. Fifteen feet beyond those trees,” he said while pointing to where the hidden vehicle was parked.

  Vasily shook his head and instantly argued, “I’m going with you.”

  Irina added, “Me too.”

  “Fine. Both of you stay behind me.”

  Dmitry, Vasily, and Irina took off to find the source of the gunfire. Sergio and I got Rocky to his feet and tried to help him walk to the vehicle. He was in no position to get into any more trouble.

  I got the keys out and handed them to Sergio so he could get ahead of us and start the car. Rocky put his right arm around my waist and I gave him support as he walked. He noticed the bulge under the side of my shirt and began feeling around to determine what it was. Before he could comment, a new development arose. A lone figure came out from behind the trees and stood in our way.

  “Where do you think you’re going?” a familiar voice said. “We have unfinished business.”

  “What the fuck?” Sergio snarled.

  The figure stepped out of the shadows, and to my amazement it was Dante.

  “A real man would have killed that stupid asshole Russian. A real man wouldn’t put a fucking ugly bitch before everything else. A real man wouldn’t walk away from the family that took him in when he was nothing. You’re a coward, Rocky. A selfish bastard. I’m going to make you pay for that,” Dante raged.

  Are you kidding me? Of all the possible outcomes today could have offered, I did not see that one coming. It’s one thing after another around here. Unbelievable!

  Rocky’s arm was at my side. My right side. The side where my hidden gun sat patiently waiting for action. I felt Rocky’s hand move and I whispered, “No, don’t do it.”

  He didn’t listen. With one fluid motion, Rocky pulled the gun on Dante and flicked off the safety. Oh, fuck. This can’t happen.

  “Don’t shoot him,” I begged.

  “If you kill me, the whole family will come after you,” Dante promised.

  “He won’t kill you,” Sergio said. “Not if I do it first.”

  Sergio took out his gun and shot Dante in the right shoulder. The man screamed and went down, clutching his arm. He began to yell for help as Sergio shouted, “Get in the car, NOW!”

  The three of us stumbled into the trees, found the vehicle, and tore out of there like our asses were on fire.

  Sergio drove like a wild man while Rocky and I tried to buckle up in the back seat.

  “Why you shoot?” Rocky asked in shock. I guess he was still too injured to talk in a complete sentence.

  “Because I didn’t want you to kill him! We have enough trouble as it is!” Sergio yelled.

  Rocky ignored his friend, instead turning to me and demanding, “Who gave you gun?” Rocky immediately closed his eyes and clutched his nose. “Bad. Nose hurt. Bad.”

  “Dmitry gave her the gun. Make sure you beat the shit out of him for that later, ok?” Sergio tattled, happily ratting out the guilty culprit.

  “Dude. Priorities. Rocky needs a doctor. Now. Take him to the hospital,” I ordered.

  Rocky shook his head and Sergio spoke on his behalf. “No can do, Violet. The hospital asks too many questions. Such as wanting to know who did this to Rocky. We don’t have an answer for that. The cops get involved. Too messy.”

  “He’s never gotten hurt in New York? Even with all your messy gangster dealings?” I asked, doubtful that Rocky had gone his whole life with no need for medical attention.

  “The family has a special set of doctors that are on the payroll. None of them happen to be in the immediate vicinity at the present time,” Sergio answered sarcastically.

  “Fine, then I guess it’s up to me to fix this. Lucky for you, I know someone who knows someone,” I said.

  “No. Call Dmitry. Warn him. Dante bad,” Rocky mumbled.

  Sergio whipped out his phone and threw it to me in the backseat. “He wants you to call Dmitry and warn him to watch out for Dante. I’m driving. You do it.”

  I scrolled through the contacts and found Dmitry. The call went straight to voice mail so I left him a quick message. “This is Violet. Dante tried to attack us, so Sergio shot him. Just in the shoulder, not the head or anything. We’re going to try to get Rocky some medical attention. Check in later."

  “Nice how you specified that it wasn’t in the head. I like that,” Sergio said.

  “Focus here. Rocky needs a doctor. I’m using your phone again. My co-worker’s best friend’s husband is a doctor. He’s retired. He’s our only hope.” I dialed Dottie from work and crossed my fingers that she would do me a giant favor. I put her on speaker phone.

  “Good afternoon, Sprozy Cabinets. Dottie speaking. How may I help you?”

  “Dottie, this is Violet. I’m up shit creek and I wouldn’t call you if I had any other option. I’m begging for your help.”

  “What’s wrong? I’ll do whatever I can. Are you okay?” Dottie asked nervously.

  “I’m okay, but I need a doctor. One who can keep his mouth shut. Do you think Butch would help? I wouldn’t ask you to call him if it wasn’t a total emergency. Please!” I begged.

  She hesitated. “You’re putting me in a difficult positi
on, Violet. I hope this won’t get Butch into any trouble or Irene will never let me hear the end of it. She’s very protective of her husband. You know that. This better not be anything illegal, you shitbird!”

  Oh. Dottie busted out the “shitbird.” That meant I was in major trouble. “It’s not anything illegal. Just tell him that someone got hurt in a fight and he won’t go to the hospital.”

  “Fine. We will be discussing this on Monday when you return to work. Or else.”

  Dottie gave me the address and she said she’d let Butch know that we were on our way.

  “Thanks, Violet. We’re going to owe you for this,” Sergio promised.

  “You don’t owe me anything. Rocky’s not just your best friend, he belongs to me too. Anyway, Butch hasn’t agreed to take a look at him yet.”

  “Yeah, who are these people? How much do we know about them?” Sergio asked.

  “Dottie is my co-worker and I trust her. Irene is Dottie’s best friend. Butch is Irene’s husband. He’s been retired for about two years. I’m not sure what kind of a doctor he was, though,” I explained.

  “For our sake, let’s hope he wasn’t a veterinarian,” Sergio said.

  Rocky moaned and I told Sergio to drive faster.

  ------------------------------

  We pulled up to a very fancy two story house on the edge of town. Sergio parked and tried to help Rocky up the sidewalk, while I went ahead and rang the doorbell. I hoped Dottie was able to get ahold of them. What if they weren’t even home? Then we’d really be screwed.

  My worry was all for nothing. Irene opened the door and ushered us in. “Hurry up, before the neighbors see. What is the meaning of all this, Violet?”

  “Thank you so much for helping, Irene. You have no idea how much I appreciate this. Dottie is always talking about how charitable you two are. This means a lot.” I figured a bit of ass kissing wouldn’t hurt.

  “Save it. Give me the truth or I’m not helping him,” Butch said, while coming down the stairs with a medical bag.

  “He recently moved here and one of his enemies followed him to town and jumped him. He’s hurt pretty bad. He won’t go to the hospital because he’ll get hurt even worse if he rats anyone out. Please help him,” I pleaded to Butch, hoping he would remember his doctor’s oath to help people and not judge them. Well, I’m not sure what the Hippocratic Oath actually said, but I’m pretty sure you have to help first and ask questions later.