I tilted my head, confused. “Uh, why are you giving me this? Amanda, I’m not on my period.”
She dropped both packages, frowning at me. “What are you talking about, of course, you are! We normally have it around the same time, right? If anything, yours would come earlier by a day or two. I’m already on my second day.”
She was right. We’d been friends through high school, and both went to the local high school. We even started having periods at around the same time when we hit our teens. We’d been coordinating, so when one of us forgot or didn’t have the supplies ready, the other could help out. I hardly ever forgot to have something around anymore, but I didn’t pay attention to pain meds until I felt the pain, and realized I’d used up my prescription already.
Only… I was pretty sure I was not on my period. And that made no sense.
No way… Horror was growing inside my chest. Of all the times…
There was only one way this would happen.
“Amanda,” I whispered. “Shit.”
She saw the panic growing in my face, and rushed over to me, taking me by the arms.
“Stacey, what!”
“Fuck,” I groaned. “I’m never late.”
She knew about my relationship with Kevin. She made the jump as quickly as I did.
Her expression froze. “… you couldn’t be, though,” she said, trying and failing to sound uplifting. “The stress.”
But I shook my head. “Never, Amanda. I think I might be pregnant.”
Chapter 15
Kevin
I was lying in my bed, arm was thrown over my eyes and earphones blasting music through my ears from my phone. I’d pretty much been doing the same thing for the past couple days. Yesterday particularly had been bad.
I need to get up and get ready…
The thought came up in my mind, but I could hardly bring myself to move.
It was just so fucking messed up…
I had wondered, how other people knew about Rod’s death. The news could spread around the town easily by word of mouth alone. It wasn’t that big a town. People would know, and they would tell other people.
But I’d made the mistake of stepping out of the house a few days back, and that had been a fucking mistake. I already knew my best friend was dead. Going around town and seeing reminders everywhere…had been a kind of nightmare for me.
Today of all days, I didn’t want disturbances from anybody. The funeral wasn’t until late in the afternoon, for the public at least. His family would probably be ready way earlier. I had an alarm set up to warn me when the time came. My music would cut off when it went off.
That happened way earlier than I expected, though. Only, I looked, the noise that came through instead wasn’t my alarm.
Someone was calling me.
I frowned at my phone and picked it up. Could it be someone from school or something? I hadn't talked to anyone since I stopped going. By now, the news must have reached the school, so I was sure they knew why, at least. No one had texted or called; I’d just gotten a few notifications from my social media accounts that I’d ignored. I wasn’t interested in talking to anyone from school.
They would all ask about Rod, and as much as I couldn’t stop thinking about it, I couldn’t bear to talk about it, either.
It couldn’t possibly be Stacey, I thought with a snort.
But then, I picked up my phone and held it up, and almost dropped it on my face when I saw her name flashing on my screen.
Fuck.
I’d been trying hard not to think about Stacey. I could still remember how devastated she looked, and how that had hurt, seeing her in so much pain and being unable to help her. But, I also remembered the words she’d spoken.
I knew she was hurting. But I hated her a little just for that. I wasn’t proud of what my mom had done, and was still doing. I didn’t hate her, but I wasn’t happy with her, either. That said, I didn’t appreciate Stacey calling my mother a whore.
Besides, she’d said ‘your family.’ She wasn’t blaming only my mom.
Not wanting to talk to her, I cut off the call. Something inside me died as I did it, but I wasn’t in the mood.
The music had just started playing when it was cut off again.
I sat up with a growl and answered the call.
“What!” I growled.
The line was silent on the other end, but only for a moment.
“Kevin,” her voice came. “I wanted to talk to you—”
“I can't right now,” I said, cutting her off abruptly. “I just want to relax, Stacey. Can we please talk later?”
She paused. “Kevin?” she said, tentative.
I grimaced. Her voice sounded so small, and I wanted to hit myself. I was in a bad mood, but there was no reason to aim it at her. Not when she was going through her shit. I’d never talked to her in that tone of voice before. It must have surprised her. I took in a deep breath and sighed it out, then lay back down, calming myself.
“Look, Stacey,” I said, sounding tired. “I can't talk right now, all right? Try me back in a few days.”
“But this is important,” she complained. “I swear, Kevin, just listen—”
“Haven’t I taken enough of a beating already?”
Another pause. “What?”
I huffed a small laugh. “I suppose I should thank you for saying all that, though. I mean, once the truth comes out, I’ll be getting that kind of shit around town, you know? So will my mom.”
“Kevin, I…” she hesitated. “About what I said that day…”
“None of it was wrong,” I murmured. “I mean, I kinda hate it, but that’s how everyone is going to see my mom, you know? The whore that broke a family apart. Your poor brother died while trying to help his mother keep his family together. All the blame, falling right on my mom’s shoulders. And, from her to me, for being her son.” I paused to snicker. “How could I not know what my mom was doing? And Rod was my best friend! I’m going to get some hate for that.”
“That wasn’t what I meant!” Stacey said frantically. “I swear. Kevin. I was just upset that morning. And I overheard a conversation my dad was having with your mom, something about them renting a house.”
Ah. So that was it.
Things might have been better if I hadn't stopped talking to her in the first place.
For this much, I could blame myself. Leaving her to deal with losing her brother alone was a mistake. Not talking to her about what it meant that our parents were having an affair was a mistake. Not telling her after my mom told me she, me, and Stacey’s dad would be moving into a rented house together, was a mistake.
So many…
“I’m sorry, Stacey,” I murmured. “I already knew about that. My mom told me.”
I heard a sharp intake of breath; then there was silence. After a while; “Why didn’t you tell me?”
I sighed and rubbed my temples. “I don’t know why I didn’t tell you, Stacey. I figured you’d find it out on your own, but you should have gotten the news from me.”
“We’ll get back to that later,” she said in warning. “But there was something else I called to talk to you about, f—”
“Did you know that there are posters up of Rod in town?” I asked.
“There are?” she asked, sounding surprised. “No one told me…”
“No one told me, either,” I said bitterly. “I went outside, and I noticed them. Posters of his death that show the date, time and venue of the funeral.”
“I don’t even know all that.” I could practically see her frowning on the other end. “Though I guess I haven’t talked to either of my parents recently.”
“Yeah. The picture they used is his yearbook photo from last year. You remember?”
“I do,” she answered softly. “He hated that photo. Said the background made him look all ridiculous. If he knew they were using that…”
He would have hated it. He’d told me once, that he’d wanted to burn his high school
yearbook, and nearly took mine and Stacey’s for the same purpose. His mom insisting against it was the only reason he let it stand. So going out and seeing it everywhere had been especially trying for me, especially when I’d gone to get some air and think, after Stacey’s little blow up at me.
Out of all the pictures of him they could have picked, it was the only one where he was wearing a suit—one his mom bought for him—but it was also the worst choice.
I couldn’t look at the picture, and think; this was my best friend. So I’d gone home, ignored my mom, and locked myself up in my bedroom, and had nightmares of the crash the next few nights. At the end of it, I’d see that picture and Rod complaining about it. If not for the crash, that ending might have even been a little funny, because I could picture him perfectly giving out the arguments.
I hadn't even eaten since besides a bag of chips I’d had in there with me. I hoped, if they showed a picture at the funeral, they at least used a different picture.
“So you can see why I don’t want to talk to anyone, don’t you?” I said. “I don’t want to act cold to you, but I need some space to be with myself right now, okay Stacey? We…can talk about it after the funeral.”
She might just tell me things are over between us, I thought. If she’s going to break up with me, I’d rather it be after, anyway.
“All right,” she whispered. “I’ll give you your space. I’m sorry, Kevin.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat as she hung up, and ignored the tears sliding down my cheeks.
I miss you, Stacey.
Why didn’t I just fucking tell her that?
Chapter 16
Stacey
It was time for the funeral. Mom came to pick me up and found me in my room with Amanda. She was surprised, but told us we had to go. Since Amanda came with her car, we followed behind my mom. Just as well, because I didn’t think I would be comfortable in one car with my mother at the moment.
“Amanda, what am I going to do?”
The situation was serious, but my voice was pretty calm. I’d be pretty freaked out when I realized the possibility, and I might have been a little quick to call Kevin. After he’d shut me down, though, I forgot to panic about it.
“What did Kevin say about it?” Amanda asked, shooting a quick glance at me, before looking back out the windshield.
“He didn’t want to talk,” I said, shrugging. “Not yet, anyway. I’ll have to tell him after the funeral.”
We were both silent for a bit. Then Amanda spoke, her voice hesitant. “Do you think that…you know… That you’re expecting?”
I cracked a small smile. She was avoiding saying pregnant like she would jinx me if she said it.
“I don’t know for sure. But Amanda, I’ve never been late. And I know I’ve never been as stressed as I’ve felt recently, but there no guarantee that’s why my period is late, you know.”
“It could be possible, though,” she said, and her voice was more confident than she had been in my room. “I mean, I’m pretty sure I read about it somewhere, that stress can do all sorts of things to your body.”
I just shrugged.
“How about this,” Amanda said. “We can stop by a store somewhere, and I’ll pick up a pregnancy test. You’ll have to go to a doctor to be sure, but a test will have to do for now.”
“I can't even think about this right now, though,” I said, frowning.
“But you can't put it off for too long, either. And you really should tell Kevin about it soon. This is… probably not the best time for something like this to come up, but you can't ignore it. How far along do you think you are?”
I looked down at my tummy, feeling some curiosity. There could be life growing inside my stomach. I pressed a hand over it. It was still flat.
“I don’t know,” I admitted. “But, I had my period just fine last month, so it’s recent.”
“Well,” she murmured. “I think you’re supposed to have morning sickness from around the third week. I mean, I think so, you might not have that at all.” She shot me a look.
“Yeah, I’d rather not want to keep puking,” I said, wrinkling my nose.
“Your appetite should have gone up. Have you been eating more than usual?”
“No,” I said slowly. “I’ve been eating way less…”
Before last night, when did I even eat? Before I heard my dad’s conversation, I’d at least eaten occasionally when I felt hungry. After that, I’d gone to the kitchen maybe twice. Out of nowhere, I felt worry growing in my chest. I pressed my hand against harder against my stomach.
I hadn't been eating properly. If I was pregnant, wouldn’t that hurt the baby? Thinking back on the last several days, I suddenly felt ashamed. I hadn't been taking care of myself. Now learning that I might have to do it for two… that changed a lot of things.
I might be carrying Kevin’s baby.
Amanda was right, again. I couldn’t put off the possibility of a child, not for long. I definitely couldn’t hide it forever. And while it was too soon to think about how I felt about this, I didn’t want to hurt a little child. Both my family and Kevin’s were not in the best of place right now, but that wasn’t the baby’s fault.
“Amanda,” I whispered. “I might be knocked up.”
The shock was coming back.
She shot a glance at me. “Don’t worry so much, all right? I promise, I’m going to help you out. But you’ll want to tell Kevin and your family.”
My heart jumped in my throat at the thought of telling my dad. Technically, I wasn’t talking to him recently. My mom? How would she take it? Would she finally be there for me if I told her, or would she get mad that I was so careless?
“I think I need to go see a doctor soon,” I told her. “I mean, I haven’t been eating. And you’re right; the stress might be messing with my body. Amanda, what if something happens to the baby because of how I’ve been acting recently?”
“Whoa, Stacey. Slow down. As I said, you’re still not sure. That’s why I want to go for the test as soon as possible. We can talk about what you want to do after that, but try not to panic about a child that may or may not be growing inside your stomach, all right?”
I shot her a glare. How could I not panic? I’d stopped before because Kevin had reminded me of what was important at the moment. And while I couldn’t entirely blame her because I was the one to start up the topic in the first place, but how could she expect me to be calm? I might be responsible for another fucking life! I hadn't made my mind up about the baby, but what if it died? I was already going to one funeral, so the idea of death bothered me.
If I was pregnant and I lost the child because I was fucking careless, then I really would completely lose it.
“We’re here,” Amanda said suddenly.
I looked up through the windshield and saw the church building up ahead. There were a few cars in the parking lot, already, but I was pretty sure there would be plenty later on. I had deliberately not looked out at the streets through the drive because of what Kevin had said. If there were real posters of my brother around town, I didn’t want to see them. But because of them, plenty of people would be showing up to the funeral, if not the whole town.
Amanda parked her car beside my mom’s. She’d already stepped out and waited for us to head inside the church. She was in a black dress with full sleeves and a high collar that fell to shin length, and she was wearing black pumps. She had a single silver bracelet on her wrist that as I recognized as the one, she’d gotten from her mom. There were small diamond earrings in her ears, and she had some light make up on. With her solemn expression, she looked elegant and very ready for a funeral.
We sat in one of the front rows. In the front, the casket was put up on a table. The lid was closed, and I felt choked up when I thought they might allow a viewing. I’d probably run out if that happened. On top of the casket, was a wreath of flowers, and a photo of my brother put in the middle on it. I grimaced when I realized it was that damn yearbo
ok photo.
“Mom?” I whispered.
“Hmm?” She glanced over at me. “What is it, Stacey.”
“Who picked out the photo?”
Her eyes strayed toward it, and there was a painful look in her eyes, even as she smiled.
“I did,” she admitted. “I know your brother didn’t like the photo. The only reason he took it, was because I got him the suit and asked him to take the picture for me. That’s why I picked it.” Then she turned worried eyes to me. “I’m sorry, I would have asked you for your opinion, but the one time I went into your room, you looked like such a mess, and you were asleep. I sent the photo to Paul, and he didn’t object, so we went with it.”
“No, its fine,” I said, forcing a smile I didn’t feel.
It made sense that she would pick the picture that meant the most to her. There was no point in arguing, anyway, because I didn’t think I could have looked at any of the photos, either. In a way, looking at this photo was easier. Rod wasn’t smiling, but who could offer up a genuinely happy smile on a day like this?
We sat down and waited. Pretty soon, other people started walking in. There would be a short service; then the casket would be carried some distance to the already prepared grave. Most of the people that came in walked to the front to pay their respects to my mom. I didn’t want to talk to any of them, so I stayed seated while she stood at the end of the bench. I held onto Amanda’s hand, staring straight ahead, occasionally glancing over at Mom.
Until I glanced over and noticed Mom suddenly going still. Her expression hard as she looked toward the entrance. I turned around to look, slowly getting up when I saw who had just walked in.
Dad. With Jenny on his arm and Kevin coming in behind them both. Dad and Kevin were both dressed in suits, though Kevin’s was slightly more unkempt. He had his hands in his pockets and a surly expression on his face. I just barely looked at him, though. My eyes were right on my father, walking with his arm around Jenny, while she had her arms wrapped around her chest. She was sniffling, like shed’ been crying, and for some reason, that annoyed me.
One More Night: A Second Chance Romance (One More Series Book 4) Page 9
