Heartfire

by Karen Rose Smith

  ***

  While Ryan rushed to find Max, Tessa took off her coat and found a scrap of paper on the kitchen counter with the scrawled message, "Call Vandemeer. He'll be available tonight."

  She'd been so distracted lately she'd forgotten to charge her phone. So she'd left it behind when she and Ryan had left for their shopping excursion. Apparently Vandemeer had called here as well as her cell. She hadn't called him back yet because she wasn't sure what to do! Did Max now know about the job offer? Had Vandemeer himself talked to Max or had he left a message? If Max knew—

  She went to her room and tapped in Vandemeer's number so she'd know where she stood before she approached Max.

  "Vandemeer, here, " he said, answering his cell phone.

  "Mr. Vandemeer, it's Tessa Kahill. I received your message."

  "I know it was probably overkill but I left a message at both numbers so I'd be sure you'd receive it. Some people call me compulsive, but that's how I make deals others don't. Are you still considering the position with us?"

  "I am."

  "Good. To make it more difficult to turn down, I'm going to e-mail you material you might want to read before you make your decision. In fact I'd like your input on all of it."

  "What if I decide not to take the job?"

  "I'd still like your input. Is that a problem?"

  "No, I suppose not."

  "Can you come by tomorrow around one to meet a few people I've already hired on?"

  "Do you think my meeting them will convince me to take the position?"

  He chuckled. "I can hope. The more interested and involved you become, the more I'm hoping you'll be convinced this job is the right career move for you."

  "I appreciate your candor," she said, liking the man more each time she spoke with him. "I'll see you tomorrow."

  Tessa clicked off the phone. As she'd suspected, Vandemeer had left a message at the house. So if Max knew about the job, maybe he'd realize she was willing to change the direction of her career. Maybe it would make a difference.

  She went downstairs and following the sound of Ryan's voice, she realized he was in Max's bedroom. The door was half way open. She peered around the door and saw Ryan beside Max on the bed, still wearing his coat. His head was bowed as Max gestured to something across his knees. It was a photo album.

  Max pointed to a picture. "And that's your mother baking your first birthday cake."

  Ryan hunched over the pictures as if by getting very close, he'd remember Leslie better. Slowly and silently, Tessa backed into the hall, upset, hurting, afraid to interrupt the private moments between father and son. Apparently Max had been paging through the album when Ryan went in.

  It was obvious that Max was still grieving. He still loved Leslie more than he could love a woman in his present. That's why he couldn't ask her to stay. He was still too wrapped up in the past. She didn't mean enough to Max for him to ask her to spend her life with him.

  Maybe this was a payback for her leaving him nine years ago. Maybe this was a sign that her fragile dream of roots and a home could never come to be. The pain welling up inside of her was much too familiar. But this time, unlike so many before, she let the tears fall and she climbed the steps to the guest room to get her notes together for the Summit. That was all she had left.

  ***

  Saturday morning the suitcase sat open on Tessa's bed. It wasn't as though she had a lot to pack. Folding a sweatshirt, she laid it in neatly.

  A small rap sounded on the door.

  "Come in."

  Ryan pushed the door, and it swung open with a creak. He looked as if she were going away forever, with his long face and sad eyes. She wished she could change things for both of them.

  Crossing to the bed, he held out his red Ferrari. "I want you to take it with you again so you don't forget me."

  She'd returned the car to him after her trip to California. "I'll never forget you, pancake. But I'll take it if you want me to." He nodded, and she wished she could pack him in her suitcase and take him with her.

  "You're not gonna live here anymore, are you?"

  "No. But I promise I'll come back and visit as I always have."

  His expression told her that wasn't much comfort. Maybe he needed something tangible to hold onto, too. She pulled her chain out from under her sweater—the chain she hadn't removed since Max had clasped it around her neck. Holding the ring, she slid the chain through it, put it on her pinkie and reattached the chain.

  Sure she was doing the right thing, she crooked her finger at Ryan and perched on the bed. He came over with questions in his brown eyes that were the same dark shade as his father's. Taking his hand, she opened his small fingers and set the circle of gold in his palm. "This was my mother's. It's the only thing I have of hers and it's very important to me. I want you to keep it someplace safe so you'll know I will be back. I won't forget about you. And if ever you and your dad need me..." That had just slipped out, but she meant it. "All you have to do is call."

  "Across the ocean?"

  "If it's very important, you can call across the ocean. Your dad has my numbers."

  Ryan threw his arms around her, the ring closed tightly in his hand. "I love you, Tessa."

  "I love you, too, honey." She blinked back tears, not wanting Ryan to see how upset she was. By tomorrow at this time, she'd be on a plane to Norway and Max's and Ryan's lives would return to normal. That would be best for Ryan.

  Remembering that the next afternoon, she said her final goodbye to the eight-year-old who she'd come to love so deeply. He stood in the kitchen looking out the window as Max carried her bag and computer to the car. Always the gentleman.

  As she stood at the edge of the driveway with Max after he'd set her luggage in the trunk and closed it, she felt she had to take one final stab at a chance for a future with him. "Do you want me to come back for Thanksgiving?"

  Something hot and dark and hungry flickered in his eyes for the briefest moment. Then it was gone. "That's up to you."

  So much for that last chance. "I'll let you know," she murmured. Thinking about whether she should or shouldn't consider it hurt too much right now.

  Walking away from Max was the hardest thing she'd ever done. But she did it. She opened the door to the driver's side. "Take care of yourself, Max. And Ryan."

  She didn't wait for his response. She couldn't or her tears would blind her.

  ***

  The Monday before Thanksgiving, Max went into Ryan's room to put his son's clean clothes away. Ryan was sitting on the floor by his bed, a shoebox between his legs. Max knew his son kept his treasures in that box—a six inch long feather he'd found in the park, rocks of all shapes and sizes that had grabbed his attention for one reason or another, a few baseball cards, a cats-eye marble that had belonged to Max. But in his hand now, something gold and round glittered.

  Max shoved Ryan's socks in a drawer. "What is that, slugger?"

  Ryan closed his hand around the object, reminding Max of Tessa's protective gesture when...

  Max walked over to Ryan slowly. Tessa had been on his mind even when he was teaching. She'd been gone over a week. He couldn't sleep. He didn't care if he ate. If it weren't for Ryan...

  He sat on the floor beside his son. "Can I see it?"

  Ryan opened his hand. "Tessa gave it to me."

  Max's heart raced. "When?"

  "Before she left."

  Max gently rubbed his thumb over a fiery opal. "It's very special to her."

  "She told me it was her mommy's. She gave it to me so I know she'll be back."

  "But maybe not very soon," Max murmured.

  "Dad, did you ask Tessa to stay?"

  A sharp pain stabbed Max's heart. "She couldn't stay, Ryan. She has a job to do." He'd seen Tessa on the news last evening in Oslo, reporting the first word on negotiations there. His heart had hurt yet he'd watched every bit of it until she'd vanished from the screen.

  "But did you ask her?" Ryan pressed insistently. />
  Max turned the ring over in his hand. "No, I didn't."

  "But, Dad, she'd stay if you'd ask her. She'd live with us. I know she would."

  "Ryan..."

  "She said if you or me need her, she'll come. She said it. And we need her, don't we?"

  Was it as simple as Ryan made it sound? If he had asked Tessa to stay, would she have stayed?

  "Don't we, Dad?"

  With increasing clarity, Max realized his son was right. They did need her. "Yes, we do."

  "She said if it was really important, we could call her 'cross the ocean. Honest." Ryan made a cross over his heart.

  "I believe you. But I have a lot of things to think about first. Do you mind if I hold on to Tessa's ring for tonight? I promise I'll be very careful with it, and I'll give it back to you tomorrow."

  "Will it help you think?"

  "It might."

  ***

  Hours later, Max stared at the circle of gold as the bedside lamp made it glow. The turmoil he'd felt earlier had been nothing compared to now. He loved Tessa. He loved her so much, every part of him ached for her. And he'd let her walk out of his life.

  He'd been an absolute fool!

  He'd been so caught up in his own wants and needs, he hadn't seen hers. With a childhood like Tessa's, she needed reassurance. She needed a hand held out to her. Before she could commit herself, she needed the sure knowledge that he loved her. He mentally kicked himself again for being so self absorbed that he'd been deaf and blind to all the signs.

  She'd proven her love over and over again every day she'd been with them. He could see her love for Ryan so clearly. But he'd been afraid to see it for himself. She had even said she loved him. Dismissing it as passion talking, he'd ignored it. Now he realized Tessa never said anything she didn't mean. But he'd been afraid to hear those words probably as much as she'd been afraid to say them. Because he feared love wasn't enough. Because he was afraid she'd leave him again as she had nine years ago.

  Tessa was afraid of being abandoned, being rejected yet another time. So was he. Because of her leaving before, because of Leslie's death, he, too, was afraid of being abandoned. He just hadn't wanted to admit it. As he'd studied the pictures in the photo album, he'd realized he'd looked on Leslie's death as a betrayal. He'd been angry at Tessa for leaving. He'd been angry with Leslie for leaving.

  But now it was time to let go of the anger and move on. His actions the past couple of weeks probably had convinced Tessa he didn't love her. Max shook his head, disgusted with himself. So now what could he do?

  Only one thing gave him hope—her question before she'd left. Do you want me to come back for Thanksgiving? Yes, he did. And maybe if he told her he loved her, she'd reconsider taking the job in New Haven, or another one in New York, or one anywhere else in the same country so they could share a life. She mattered too much to let her get away a second time. He'd made her career an insurmountable stumbling block, but it didn't have to be one. They could work something out.

  Flexibility had never been his strong suit, but somehow he'd adjust. To be with Tessa, he'd do almost anything.

  Max checked his bedside clock. It was probably around five a.m. in Oslo. The summit wouldn't be over for another day. If he called now...

  Before he lost his nerve, he found the number that Tessa had given him for the hotel where she'd be staying and dialed. The hotel rang her room, and he held his breath.

  "Hello?" She sounded sleepy.

  "Tessa? It's Max."

  "Max! What's wrong? Has something happened to Ryan?"

  "No," he was quick to reassure her. "Ryan's fine."

  He heard her sigh of relief. "Then I don't understand..."

  He turned the ring around on the tip of his thumb. "I wanted to know if you've made plans for after the Summit."

  Her hesitation tortured him as he prayed she hadn't. Clearing the morning huskiness from her voice, she answered, "Not exactly."

  What did that mean? He had visions of her and Dan Holloway or some other journalist who realized how special Tessa was skiing down a mountain.

  She went on, "Yesterday, I extended my reservations here for a few days. I was going to do some research."

  Now was the time to put his heart on the line. As it pounded so loud he was sure she could hear, he asked, "Will you come back and spend Thanksgiving with us?"

  The dead silence almost killed his hope until she asked, "Do you want me to come back for Ryan?"

  Knowing he had to take the risk, he laid his heart in her hands. "I want you to come home for me." When she didn't respond, he asked, "Tessa?"

  Her voice was husky, but he could hear her clearly. "I heard you, Max. I can be there Thanksgiving Day."

  ***

  Holding herself in check so she didn't break all the speed limits, Tessa pulled up in front of Max's house, not bothering to turn into the driveway after what seemed to be an endless trip. Since Max's call, she hadn't been able to think straight, let alone work efficiently. She'd wanted to drop everything she was doing and fly back immediately. But history and caution made her finish her assignment in Oslo before rushing into—

  She wasn't sure what yet. But she was hoping. She was filled with more hope than she ever thought she could hold.

  The late-afternoon sun was descending behind tall maples as she pulled her bag from the backseat and practically ran to Max's front door. He opened it before she put her hand on the knob. The longing on his face, the desire in his deep brown eyes, his uncertain smile, turned every bone in her body to wobbling sticks.

  Dropping her bag, she said softly, "I'm home."

  Max swept her into his arms and kissed her long and hard with a breathtaking intensity that brought tears to her eyes. Kicking the door shut with his foot, he carried her into the living room and finally put her down in front of the fireplace. It was lit, filling the room with its coziness and warmth.

  But it was Max's gaze and the caress of his fingers on her cheeks that warmed her inside and out. And his words as he said, "I love you, Tessa. I didn't want to say it for the first time over the phone. I should have said it long before now. But if you'll let me, I'll say it and show you how much I mean it for the rest of our lives."

  His words shook her so terrifically, she could hardly stand. Holding onto his broad shoulders, she murmured, "I love you, too. But, Max, I can never take Leslie's place. I'm different. I'm..."

  "You're you. The woman I love. I don't want you to take Leslie's place. I'll keep her memory alive for Ryan. But it's time for me to let go of the past. I love you for who you are—for all the excitement you bring to my life, for your loyalty, for your passionate caring. I love you, sweetheart. And I'm sorry I put us both through hell the past couple of weeks. I guess I was too afraid to risk admitting what I felt as well as saying it."

  "Max, about my job—"

  "We can work something out. I know you can't give up your career. I don't expect you to. But—"

  She laid her fingers over his lips. "I was offered a job with a new news network out of New Haven."

  "I thought you didn't tell me about it because you weren't considering it and didn't want to stay."

  She lovingly stroked his jaw. "I didn't tell you because I didn't know how you felt. I didn't know if you wanted me to stay."

  He lifted her chin and gave her a thorough, deep kiss that she knew would keep their heartfire burning forever. She had no more doubts about his love or where she fit into his life.

  When the intensity became almost too much to bear, he tore his mouth from hers and held her tight. After a few moments of their hearts beating in unison, he leaned back. "Do you want to take the job in New Haven?"

  "Yes. I'm not afraid to settle down anymore, Max. I'm not afraid to belong. Not if I can be with you. It still might involve some traveling, though. How do you feel about that?"

  "I know how important your work is to you. I'll miss you when you're gone. So will Ryan. But we'll be waiting here for you when you come hom
e." He saw the emotion his words evoked and he caressed her face. "I guess I haven't asked the most important question. Will you marry me?"

  A tear rolled down her cheek as she answered softly, "Yes, I'll marry you."

  The back door slammed shut, and Ryan came running into the living room. "Is the turkey done yet?" Then he saw her. "Tessa!"

  He swooped toward her, and Tessa caught him in her arms. Lowering herself to the hearth, she cuddled Ryan against her.

  "Did you call her, Dad?" Ryan wanted to know.

  Max nodded, not taking his eyes from Tessa's.

  "I knew she'd come. Can you stay a long time again?"

  "A very long time."

  Max added, "She might have to make a trip now and then. But she'll always come back to us."

  "Like California?" Ryan asked.

  Tessa answered, "Like California."

  "Like now?" He was trying to wrap his mind around the idea and wanted to make sure.

  "Like now," she assured him.

  That seemed to settle the whole thing for Ryan. "Are we gonna eat soon?"

  Max laughed. "It won't be too long. We are missing one thing, though. Dessert. The bakery sold out of pumpkin pies before I got there."

  Tessa looked over her shoulder at the beautiful fire leaping and dancing with the warmth and love that filled her heart. "What about toasted marshmallows for dessert? We can make them our tradition."

  Max sat on the hearth beside her, curving his arm around her shoulders. "I can't think of a better dessert or a better tradition."

  With Ryan on her lap, Max's strong arm around her, Tessa knew she finally belonged. When Max softly kissed her lips, she was happier than she'd ever been in her life.

  Belonging came from loving and being loved. She'd searched the world but had found her heart and her place because of one man...one boy. This Thanksgiving, she knew the true meaning of gratitude.

  When tears threatened to overflow again, she said, "Let's go peek at the turkey and find the marshmallows. We have a Thanksgiving to celebrate."

  Ryan's enthusiastic "yeah!" and Max's gentle smile guaranteed this would be a Thanksgiving to remember for always.

  AUTHOR NOTE:

  HEARTFIRE was originally published as HEARTFIRE, HOMEFIRE by Silhouette Books. With editing, updating and revising, this romance fit perfectly into my Search For Love series. Readers might remember Tessa as the journalist who interviews Emma in ALWAYS DEVOTED. Linc Granger, hero from ALWAYS DEVOTED, also plays a part in Tessa's career in HEARTFIRE. HEARTFIRE is sensually sweet and has a special place in my heart because it is one of my first books. I have gone on to write and publish over seventy more. My intention is always to keep the focus on emotion and my characters. I use family themes in many of my books because I think they're so important to us all. It is a joy to bring a couple, as well as a family, together in a book. I hope readers enjoy reading about the process as much as I enjoyed writing it.