Atticus Claw Settles a Score

by Jennifer Gray

  CRUMP!

  ‘Me?’ he laughed. ‘A pet?! Come on, Ginger, you know me better than that. Get real! How could a cat trained by Zenia Klob ever become a pet?!’ He pinned Slasher. ‘Once a cat burglar, always a cat burglar: that’s what I say.’

  ‘I still don’t buy it,’ Jimmy grumbled.

  ‘Help me!’ Slasher sobbed. ‘Somebirdy help me!’

  ‘I don’t care whether you buy it or not, Jimmy,’ Atticus hissed. ‘You’re just a bird. This is between us cats.’ He held Slasher up by the tail.

  Ginger Biscuit laughed. ‘You’ve toughened up, Atticus, since the last time I saw you.’

  ‘You’d better believe it.’ Atticus bared his teeth at Jimmy. ‘And I don’t take orders from magpies.’ He pinged Slasher at the orbs.

  ‘Neither do I,’ Ginger Biscuit said lazily. ‘That looks like fun,’ he added, as Slasher slid down the glass cabinet. ‘Mind if I join you?’

  ‘Be my guest,’ Atticus said, wondering what he’d do if Ginger Biscuit mangled the remaining magpies.

  ‘Who wants to be next?’ Ginger grinned.

  Gizzard and Wally went pale.

  Ginger Biscuit gathered them up. ‘Both your turns!’ he sniggered. The magpies sailed through the air towards the crowns.

  CRUNCH! SPLAT!

  ‘Stop throwing my magpies!’ Jimmy hopped about furiously. ‘We’re a team, remember? CHAKA-CHAKA-CHAKA-CHAKA-CHAKA.’

  ‘Shut up, Jimmy,’ Ginger Biscuit said, ‘unless you want to join them. Atticus is right. You’re getting too big for your little birdy boots. It’s the cats who call the shots around here, not the magpies.’ He padded over to Atticus and put a paw around his shoulder. ‘That was an impressive piece of burgling you pulled off in Toffany’s the other day,’ he purred.

  For a moment Atticus was puzzled. Then he realised. Ginger Biscuit had made the same mistake as Inspector Cheddar. He thought Atticus was stealing the ring when they saw one another at the jewellery shop.

  ‘Thanks,’ Atticus growled. Getting a compliment from Ginger Biscuit was like eating your own sick. He could hardly stomach it. But he had to. ‘Old habits die hard,’ he said. ‘Zenia trained us well.’

  ‘She wasn’t too happy when you scratched her,’ Ginger Biscuit withdrew his paw.

  Atticus shrugged. ‘It was an accident. I was desperate to get away from the Cheddars.’

  ‘I don’t blame you,’ Ginger said. ‘They sound a real bunch of pathetic suck-ups: the sort of people who won’t let you spit out mouse guts at the table.’

  ‘Yeah,’ Atticus agreed through gritted teeth, hating him. ‘That’s what they’re like. But I don’t want to talk about them. Let’s just concentrate on the reason I came.’

  ‘Which is?’ Ginger raised an eyebrow.

  ‘I want in.’

  ‘CHAKA-CHAKA-CHAKA-CHAKA-CHAKA!’

  Ginger Biscuit silenced Jimmy with a look. He turned his pale blue eyes on to Atticus. ‘It’s okay by me,’ he said eventually. ‘I’d even say I’m quite glad to see you. I’m sick of jailbirds for company. I’ll take you to Zenia. But I’m telling you, Atticus, she was pretty mad.’

  ‘Why don’t I bring her a present?’ Atticus asked quickly, remembering the Queen’s plan.

  ‘All right,’ Ginger Biscuit agreed. He glanced around at the glittering jewels. ‘You choose.’

  ‘What about the alarm?’ Atticus asked.

  ‘It’s off.’

  ‘I’ll take one of the crowns,’ Atticus said, advancing towards a cabinet. ‘But I’ll need something to stand on.’

  ‘How about this?’ Ginger Biscuit pushed a heavy chair across the floor. His muscles rippled.

  ‘Thanks!’ What a show-off! Atticus thought. Just like in the old days. ‘Here will do.’ He leapt on to the chair and pretended to examine the lock. ‘Piece of steak!’ he announced, pinging out the claws of his right front paw. Delicately he began to pick at it. There was complete silence in the room. Any minute now … Atticus tried to look as if he was concentrating. ‘Got it,’ he said. The lock snapped open.

  BBRBRBRBRBRRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRB RBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBR BRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBB BRBRBRRBRBRBRBRBR BRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRB

  Ginger Biscuit and the magpies looked around wildly.

  BINGO! Atticus breathed a sigh of relief. Everything was going according to plan. So far.

  ‘Quick!’ he shouted. ‘The vault doors are closing!’

  He raced towards the exit, Ginger Biscuit and the magpies hard on his heels.

  CLANG. CLUNK. CLANG. CLUNK! The doors shut behind them.

  ‘Phew!’ Atticus gasped. He put his paws to his ears. The alarm was still screaming. ‘I thought you said it was off!’ he shouted.

  ‘I thought it was!’ Ginger Biscuit snarled. ‘Zenia won’t like this one little bit! Come on.’

  Atticus followed Ginger Biscuit out of the Jewel House, the alarm still ringing in his ears. It was the signal for phase two of the Queen’s plan.

  They re-crossed the courtyard and followed the ancient wall through the archway and back to the cobbled street. The magpies hopped and fluttered behind them, squawking furiously.

  ‘Where are we going?’ Atticus asked. The ravens had to be somewhere in the Tower. The question was, where?

  ‘You’ll see.’ Ginger Biscuit sniffed the air. ‘This way.’ He crossed the street, slipped under a railing and padded down some stone steps. Atticus followed reluctantly. Why were they heading for the river? The ravens couldn’t be there. He began to worry that Ginger Biscuit intended to drown him. He had to go on, though. There was no turning back now. The magpies tumbled after him.

  At the bottom of the steps was a landing point. It was filled with shallow green water. Beyond that was a gate to the Thames. It had a notice on the top.

  ‘This is where they brought the prisoners by boat in the old days before they were executed for treason,’ Ginger Biscuit explained casually.

  ‘You’d better watch out, Claw,’ Jimmy cawed softly, ‘Or you’ll be next.’

  The tide was out. They sloshed through the water and squeezed through the bars to the bank of the river.

  ‘There.’ Ginger Biscuit pointed at a dark shape a little way along the river bank.

  The barge! Of course. It was exactly the sort of dingy, stinking place that Zenia Klob would hole up in. Atticus should have realised it belonged to her when he first saw it that morning through the door near the portcullis.

  He picked his way through the mud after Ginger Biscuit. It sucked at his white paws, making them black and brown like the rest of him. The magpies hopped after them, leaving prints. Eventually, they reached the barge.

  ‘Up you go.’ Ginger Biscuit pointed to a stepladder.

  Atticus scrambled up, his muddy feet slipping on the slimy treads. When he got to the rail he jumped down on to the deck.

  The magpies fluttered beside him.

  ‘Zenia’s inside.’ Ginger Biscuit held the cabin door open for Atticus.

  Atticus stalked in, keeping his tail high.

  Zenia Klob had her Mildred Molotov outfit on. She barely seemed to notice Atticus. She paced the cabin, swearing in Russian at the top of her voice, flicking hairpins at a dartboard. On the table was a green bottle marked SLEEPING POTION. Beside it stood a half-empty bottle of Thumpers’ Traditional Black – the dye she’d used on the magpies’ raven suits.

  Atticus peered at the label. 55 Tower Vaults, he read. Tower Vaults was where he’d seen the fish-and-chip shop. Zenia didn’t have to go far for supplies.

  ‘I’m terribly sorry, Miss Klob, for the mix-up in the Jewel House. There was an electrical malfunction.’

  Atticus jumped. It was the Police Commissioner’s voice. Zenia had her phone on speaker. The Commissioner was talking to her from the Palace. Phase Two of the Queen’s plan was in full swing. All Atticus had to do now was make sure the ravens were safe. The Cheddars would do the rest. Then, at midnight, once the villains thought they’d got what they wante
d, Atticus and the Cheddars would make their getaway together.

  ‘It’s Ms, not Miss,’ Zenia shouted. ‘And vot do you mean an electrical malfunction? I told you to turn the alarm off. Or else.’ THWACK! One of the hairpins bounced off the board and landed on Thug. ‘Vot part of “or else” don’t you understand, you idiot?’

  ‘I’m thinking of giving up a life of crime!’ Thug keeled over.

  ‘Her Majesty is sending you a team of electricians straight away,’ the Commissioner said smoothly. ‘They should be with you any time now. They’ll be in a white van. I’m sure they’ll have it all sorted out for you in a jiffy so you can carry on with your evil plot to steal the nation’s treasure.’

  ‘They’d better,’ Zenia snarled. ‘If you and the Queen ever vant to see those ravens again.’ She slammed down the phone. ‘Atticus?’ Zenia’s beady black eyes finally focused on him. ‘Vot are you doing here?’

  ‘Meow.’ Summoning all his courage Atticus walked over to Zenia Klob and rubbed his whiskers on her hobnail boots.

  ‘So, you missed me, did you?’ Zenia bent down to stroke him. ‘Don’t you think that’s sveet, Ginger?’

  Ginger Biscuit gave a brief MMYYAAWW, which could have meant yes or no. It would be just like Ginger Biscuit, Atticus thought, to say one thing to his face and rip his throat out when Zenia was around. He wondered if it was a trap after all.

  ‘Vell, I don’t!’ Zenia grabbed him by the scruff of his neck.

  Atticus dangled helplessly in front of her. Zenia had hold of the knot of his handkerchief. She was choking him. He could hear the magpies chuckling in the cabin behind him. ‘Chaka-chaka-chaka-chaka-chaka.’ This was what Jimmy and his gang had hoped for. Even Thug had woken up to have a look.

  ‘You scratched me, you little beast,’ Zenia said, eyeing him nastily. ‘I’ve a good mind to let Biscuit kill you. You’d like that, vouldn’t you, Biscuit? Now you’re out of rats. I suppose that’s vy you brought Atticus to me? You vere feeling a bit peckish.’

  Atticus retched. His eyes popped.

  There was a flash of ginger fur. SHWIPP! Atticus fell to the ground. His shredded handkerchief drifted down beside him in two pieces.

  ‘If you’re going to do it inside, Ginger, make sure you don’t make a mess,’ Zenia Klob said in a bored tone. ‘Blood is very difficult to get out of carpet.’

  Atticus braced himself. He knew he didn’t stand a chance if Ginger Biscuit attacked him, but he wasn’t going down without a fight. To his amazement, however, Ginger Biscuit retreated to the sofa, took off his collar and reached for the sleeping potion bottle. He started to dip the studs.

  Zenia Klob looked at Ginger Biscuit, astonished. ‘Don’t tell me you’re going soft, Biscuit. It’s not like you to give someone another chance.’

  Ginger Biscuit growled.

  Zenia Klob shrugged. ‘Okay, have it your vay. You might be right. Ve could use an extra pair of paws. Or, more importantly, an extra set of claws.’ She prodded Atticus with the steel toe of her boot. ‘Especially now I’ve decided to kill the ravens anyway, even if the Queen does meet my demands.’

  Atticus froze.

  Ginger Biscuit started to purr. He stretched and rolled.

  ‘I’d thought you’d like that, Biscuit. It’ll teach our enemies not to try our patience vith electrical malfunctions!’ Zenia Klob cackled. ‘The Municipal Republic of Great Britain! I’d love to see the look on Her Majesty’s face ven that happens. I think I’ll put on some revolutionary marching music to celebrate. Let’s burn the beetroot, boys! Ve’re having a party!’

  Atticus’s ears drooped. Not at the revolutionary marching music or the smell of burning beetroot, although that was bad enough. It was because Zenia Klob had decided to kill the ravens anyway! That wasn’t in the Queen’s brilliant plan. Atticus felt a surge of panic. He didn’t know what to do.

  Ginger Biscuit laid his collar carefully on the table to dry. He dropped down off the sofa and strolled over to Atticus. ‘Lucky for you I’m feeling generous, comrade,’ he hissed in his ear. ‘Or you’d be dead.’

  ‘Yeah, thanks,’ Atticus muttered.

  ‘Want to know why I did it?’ Ginger Biscuit asked slyly.

  ‘Why did you?’ Atticus said. He had a sinking feeling in his stomach.

  ‘I’m going to set you a test.’ Ginger replied. ‘I’m going to let you kill the ravens. That way you can prove to me you really have changed.’

  ‘What happens if I refuse?’ Atticus said. ‘You … I mean we … are going to get the Crown Jewels anyway. We don’t need to kill the ravens. It’s a waste of time.’

  ‘Oh, Atticus,’ Ginger Biscuit covered him with a puff of rat-smelling breath. ‘That’s exactly the sort of loose talk that can get you into trouble. Anyone would think you didn’t want to kill them.’ He shook his head sadly. ‘I hear drowning is very unpleasant. Especially for a cat.’

  ‘CHAKA-CHAKA-CHAKA-CHAKA! Drown him! Drown him! Drown him!’ The magpies chanted, hopping up and down.

  Somehow Atticus managed a laugh. ‘I was just kidding,’ he said. He pinged out his claws like he’d seen Ginger do – one at a time, slowly. POP. POP. POP. POP. ‘Show me where you’re keeping them,’ he said, gritting his teeth. ‘I can’t wait to get started.’

  Ginger Biscuit and Atticus retraced their muddy steps towards Traitors’ Gate. Zenia had ordered the magpies to remain with her. The tide was turning and the two cats had to paddle most of the way. Atticus could hear the water sloshing around the bottom of the gate.

  ‘Hurry up,’ Ginger Biscuit urged. ‘We need to get to the steps before the tide gets any higher.’

  Atticus’s tummy was already wet. The tide was coming in fast now. ‘How will you … I mean, we … load the jewels?’ he asked.

  ‘Simple,’ Ginger Biscuit replied. ‘Zenia will open Traitors’ Gate and float the barge up to the steps.’

  ‘Aren’t you worried the cops will come after you … I mean, us … if we kill the ravens?’ Atticus was trying desperately to think of a way to stop them.

  ‘They’ll never catch us.’ Ginger Biscuit grinned. ‘That barge goes like a rocket. Zenia’s had it kitted out with the latest Russian turbo-charged engine.’

  Atticus dragged behind, his feet slurping in the mud. ‘You sure it’s safe?’ he asked.

  ‘Stop worrying, Atticus!’ Ginger Biscuit sounded exasperated. ‘Zenia’s got it covered. She’s been training for this operation for months. There’s nothing we’re not prepared for,’ he boasted.

  Except ghosts, Atticus thought suddenly, remembering the conversation he’d overheard on Tower Green.

  They squeezed through Traitors’ Gate and scampered up the steps.

  ‘This way,’ Ginger Biscuit said. He headed back across the cobbles and through the archway, then veered sharply to the left.

  Atticus already knew where he was going. He should have realised sooner. It was just the sort of place Biscuit would choose to hide the ravens.

  ‘Quite a good name for it, really,’ Ginger Biscuit joked, ‘considering what we have in mind.’

  What YOU have in mind, you mean, Atticus thought grimly.

  ‘They’re in here.’ Ginger Biscuit led the way up a short spiral staircase. Atticus’s eyes adjusted to the darkness. They were in a large empty room with heavy curtains tied back with rope.

  Ginger Biscuit sauntered towards a recess in the corner of the room.

  Atticus thought it was a fireplace. ‘What are you doing?’ he demanded. ‘They’re not up the chimney, are they?’ He tried a laugh. ‘That would be a stupid place to put a raven. You sure they haven’t flown away?’

  ‘Yeah, I’m sure,’ Ginger Biscuit snapped. ‘The Queen’s still on the throne, isn’t she? Besides,’ he grinned at Atticus, as though he had a nasty secret he was about to share, ‘this isn’t a fireplace.’

  ‘What is it then?’ Atticus stared in surprise.

  ‘It’s a loo.’ There was a grating noise as Ginger Biscuit pulled the cover to one side.
‘It’s what they used to call a garderobe. Have a look.’

  ‘No thanks!’ Atticus pulled a face. He liked a little privacy when he went to the loo. He couldn’t imagine doing it there.

  ‘Not squeamish, are you?’ Ginger taunted.

  Atticus ignored him. ‘Where are the ravens, then?’

  ‘At the bottom,’ Ginger said. ‘I threw them down after we’d switched them with the magpies. One after the other. Plop. Plop. Plop.’ He chuckled.

  Atticus ignored him. ‘How are we going to get them out to kill them?’

  ‘We’re not,’ Ginger grinned. ‘You’re going down after them.’

  ‘I’m not going down there,’ Atticus said at once. ‘You don’t even know where it comes out.’

  ‘Yes I do,’ Ginger hissed. ‘It ends up in a sort of poo bunker. I think the river used to sluice it out when the moat was full, but it doesn’t come up that far any more. Either that or someone shovelled it out. Don’t worry,’ he added, seeing the look on Atticus’s face, ‘it’s clean now.’

  ‘How am I going to get out once I’ve mashed them?’ Atticus felt a rising sense of panic. He didn’t like confined spaces.

  ‘You can either climb back up again,’ Ginger Biscuit said, flexing his muscles. ‘Like I do. Or you can get out into the moat.’

  ‘The moat?’ Atticus repeated.

  ‘Yeah, that’s how I found it in the first place,’ Ginger Biscuit boasted. ‘I was out ratting when I came across an old pipe. I followed it until I reached the poo bunker, then I climbed up the poo hole to see where it came out.’ He picked a match up off the floor and chewed it. ‘Zenia gave me the job of hiding the ravens where no human would ever think to look. I decided this was the perfect place.’ Ginger Biscuit laughed. ‘Who’s going to want to investigate an ancient toilet? Except Wally, of course,’ he added.

  ‘No one,’ Atticus said. ‘It’s brilliant.’ An idea was beginning to form in his mind. The poo hole led to the bunker. The bunker led to the pipe. The pipe led to the moat. And from the moat it was just a short dash to Tower Vaults and Thumpers’ Traditional Dye shop. If he could only get there and back without Ginger Biscuit or the magpies knowing, then he might still be able to save the ravens.