Atticus Claw Settles a Score

by Jennifer Gray

  ‘It’s the Cheddars!’ Mrs Tucker held the binoculars up again. ‘Quick, Herman. Let’s pick them up. We could do with some extra help.’

  The boat chugged quietly towards the walkway.

  ‘Ahoy there, mateys!’ Mr Tucker pulled alongside.

  ‘It’s Mr Tucker!’ Michael cried.

  ‘And Mrs Tucker!’ Mrs Cheddar waved.

  ‘And Atticus!’ Callie yelled ‘He’s all right!’

  ‘What are you two doing here?’ Inspector Cheddar asked, bewildered.

  ‘No time to explain now,’ Mrs Tucker said quickly. ‘We’re after Klob. She’s getting away. We need to hurry.’

  ‘You three go,’ Inspector Cheddar said. ‘I’ll meet you at the airport, just in case you don’t catch her. I need to warn the Commissioner that she’s got the real Crown Jewels.’

  ‘Don’t tell me you fell for her old janitor routine?’ Mrs Tucker sounded exasperated.

  ‘How did you know about her old janitor routine?’ Inspector Cheddar gawped at her.

  ‘Never mind,’ Mrs Tucker said. ‘Let’s go.’

  Callie, Michael and Mrs Cheddar jumped on to the boat.

  ‘Put these on,’ Mrs Tucker ordered. She handed them three life vests.

  THE JOLLY JELLYFISH. The boat’s name was written on them.

  ‘Is this the boat you’ve had all the adventures in, Mr Tucker?’ Callie asked, putting the life vest over her head and velcroing the straps. ‘The one that got attacked by the giant lobster?’

  ‘Aye!’ Mr Tucker flicked his false teeth in and out with a rattle. ‘Youze can trust The Jolly Jellyfish with your life. She be a fisherman’s friend.’ He started tapping his wooden leg on the deck to get a rhythm going.

  Atticus knew what was coming: Mr Tucker had a habit of breaking into sea shanties when he was on an adventure.

  ‘Don’t youze worry if youze hit a rock,

  Me ship’s as safe as a salmon in a sock …

  She may be a tub but she’s still me boat,

  She can sail through a hurricane and stay afloat.’

  Michael and Callie were giggling. Atticus found his whiskers twitching along in time with the song.

  ‘When the giant lobster chewed me leg off at sea,

  All the blood gurgled out and I felt ropey,

  Luckily I plugged it with me jumper-beard,

  And me and the Jellyfish sailed back unafeared.’

  ‘Shut up, Herman,’ Mrs Tucker hissed. ‘You’ll make everyone seasick.’

  They waved goodbye to Inspector Cheddar and The Jolly Jellyfish glided silently out into the water.

  PUTT-PUTT-PUTT-PUTT-PUTT-PUTT.

  ‘What’s that?’ On board the barge, Zenia Klob had just switched on her super-receptive hearing aid, ready to intercept any signals from the Commissioner in case the police gave chase before she got to the airport and made her getaway to Siberia.

  Ginger Biscuit pricked up his ears.

  ‘Ve’re being followed,’ Zenia Klob whispered. She upped the volume on the hearing aid and frowned. ‘By a fisherman vith one leg, a set of false teeth and a beard-jumper in a boat called The Jolly Jellyfish …’ She shrugged. ‘If that’s the best they’ve got ve’re home and dry.’

  PUTT-PUTT-PUTT-PUTT-PUTT-PUTT.

  ‘Myaaawwww!’ Ginger Biscuit pointed to the stern.

  ‘Chaka-chaka-chaka-chaka-chaka!’ The magpies began to chatter.

  ‘Shut up!’ Zenia Klob ordered. ‘Or I’ll put you in a pie.’

  The magpies fell silent.

  PUTT-PUTT-PUTT-PUTT-PUTT-PUTT.

  The Jolly Jellyfish came into view. The fisherman was at the tiller, puffing away at a pipe. He waved.

  Zenia Klob gave him an evil stare.

  ‘Time to give our fishy friend a taste of the latest Russian turbo-technology, Biscuit.’ Zenia Klob grinned. ‘Don’t you agree?’

  ‘Myaaaawwww,’ Ginger Biscuit bared his teeth.

  ‘Hold on to your feathers, birdies,’ Zenia screeched at the magpies. ‘You’re in for a bumpy ride.’ She reached over the back of the barge and pulled a lever.

  WHOOSHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

  The barge sprang forwards. ‘Vorp speed ahead!’ Zenia cackled.

  ‘Chaka-chaka-chaka-chaka-chaka!’

  The magpies hung on grimly to the rail. Their feathers flapped and rippled.

  ‘SSSSSSSSSSSSSS!’

  Ginger Biscuit hung on too. His whiskers were pushed flat against his cheeks.

  ‘Ha-ha!’ Zenia Klob shrieked. ‘Ve’re losing them.’

  VVVVRRRROOOOOOMMMMMM!

  The Jolly Jellyfish came back into view. The fisherman gave them another wave.

  ‘I don’t believe it!’ Zenia Klob screamed. ‘They’re gaining on us!’ She pushed the lever to MAX. The barge charged ahead.

  ‘Chakchakchakchakhakchakchakchakchak!’ The magpies juddered about, their eyes popping.

  ‘SSSSSSSSSSSSS!’

  Ginger Biscuit’s tail streamed out behind him like a rudder.

  ZZZOOOOOOMMMMMMMMM!

  The Jolly Jellyfish was back again. The fisherman gave a thumbs-up signal.

  ‘They’re going to ram us!’ Zenia Klob cried.

  The Jolly Jellyfish roared alongside the barge.

  ‘Surprise!’ a voice shouted. A stout figure emerged from the cabin wearing an enormous pair of rubber waders and a big yellow hat. She stood beside the fisherman.

  Zenia Klob stared in disbelief. ‘Agent Velk!’ she gasped.

  ‘You got it,’ Mrs Tucker shouted. ‘Now give yourself up, Klob, or I’ll come and get you.’

  ‘Never!’ Zenia Klob reached for the lever. She pushed it to EXTRA MAX. The barge sped off.

  ‘Chakchakchakchakchakchakchak!’

  ‘SSSSSSSSSSSSS!’

  WWHIIIIIIZZZZZZ!

  The Jolly Jellyfish zoomed up. Mr Tucker gave Zenia another wave.

  ‘You can’t outrun us, Klob,’ Mrs Tucker yelled. ‘We’re faster than you.’

  ‘I don’t believe it!’ Zenia Klob burst out. ‘How did you get hold of the latest Russian turbo-technology? It’s top secret.’

  ‘We didn’t,’ Mr Tucker shouted. ‘Me engine runs on bottled shaaarrrrk faaaarrrrt. It’s the faaarrstest fish fuel in the ocean.’

  ‘Face it, Klob. The game’s up!’ Mrs Tucker bawled. ‘You can’t escape this time.’

  ‘Wanna bet?’ Zenia Klob yanked the lever to EXTRA DANGER MAX.

  ‘Chakchakchakchakchakchak!’

  ‘SSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!’

  BOOM!

  There was a loud explosion. The barge came to a shuddering halt in a cloud of smoke.

  ‘Bring us alongside, Herman!’ Mrs Tucker yelled.

  PUTT-PUTT-PUTT-PUTT-PUTT-PUTT.

  Mr Tucker manoeuvred The Jolly Jellyfish so that it was right next to the barge. He fastened the two boats together with a thick rope.

  ‘Get the nets!’

  Michael, Callie and Mrs Cheddar grabbed the pile of folded nets.

  ‘I’m going on.’ Mrs Tucker clambered across the rail of the sailing boat on to the front of the barge. ‘Yoo-hoo, Klob-face! Over here!’

  Atticus jumped nimbly after her. He tiptoed along the deck and hid behind a plant pot. He didn’t want Biscuit to see him yet. He had a feeling he might be needed later.

  At the other end of the boat, Ginger Biscuit was wiping the smoke out of his eyes.

  ‘Chaka-chaka-chaka-chaka-chaka-chaka-chaka!’ The magpies coughed and spluttered.

  ‘Vait there, vile I fix Velk.’ Zenia Klob moved off down the barge.

  Callie and Mrs Cheddar took hold of one end of the net. Mr Tucker and Michael grabbed the other.

  ‘Ready, Cheddars?’ Mr Tucker yelled.

  ‘Ready!’ They shouted back.

  SWOOOSSSH! They threw the net across the barge.

  Ginger Biscuit leapt for safety. The magpies looked up in alarm.

  FLOP! The net descended on the magpies.

  ‘Got youze!’ Mr Tucker yelled.

/>   ‘Chaka-chaka-chaka-chaka-chaka!’ The magpies flapped and hopped and chattered.

  ‘Not again!’ Thug moaned.

  ‘It’s just like the bloomin’ Toffly Hall fiasco!’ Slasher grumbled.

  ‘Biscuit!’ Jimmy squawked. ‘Get us out of here.’

  SCHWIPPP! There was a flash of ginger fur.

  ‘Ladies first,’ Ginger Biscuit opened the hole in the net where his claws had sliced through the tough nylon.

  ‘Thanks very much!’ Thug hopped out.

  ‘Chaka-chaka-chaka-chaka-chaka!’ The other magpies struggled free.

  ‘He’s ripped me best barracuda net!’ Mr Tucker shouted. ‘The beast!’

  Atticus watched from behind the plant pot. He wasn’t surprised. Ginger Biscuit’s claws were sharper than butchers’ knives.

  ‘What do we do now?’ Mrs Cheddar asked.

  Mr Tucker rolled up his sleeves. ‘No one rips me best barracuda net and gets away with it.’ He began to climb across on to the barge.

  ‘We’d better go with him,’ Michael said. ‘In case he gets his wooden leg stuck.’

  The Cheddars clambered across too.

  ‘Hurry up, Herman!’ At the other end of the barge Mrs Tucker was locked in battle with Zenia Klob.

  Atticus peeked out from his hiding place. Mrs Tucker was pelting Zenia with sardines. They were hidden in the pockets of her rubber trousers!

  SPLAT! ‘Take that, Klob!’ The first wave hit Zenia in the eye.

  SPLAT! SPLAT! The second wave took out her super-receptive hearing aid.

  SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! The third wave left a trail of scales across her chin.

  Zip! Zip! Zip! Zenia retaliated with a barrage of hairpins. ‘Get over here, Biscuit!’ she screeched. ‘I could do vith a little help.’

  Atticus tried to think what to do. So far, Mrs Tucker’s enormous rubber trousers and large waterproof hat had stopped Zenia’s hairpins. But with Ginger Biscuit on the loose that wouldn’t last for long. Biscuit had claws that could chop wood. He would slice through a bit of yellow rubber in no time.

  ‘SSSSSSSSSSS!’

  ‘What are you doing, Herman?’ Mrs Tucker yelled. ‘You’re supposed to be catching the Digestive Biscuit.’

  ‘Me leg’s stuck faster than a barnacle on a bilge pump!’ Mr Tucker roared. ‘Come on, kids. Heave!’

  Callie and Michael had made it on to the barge with Mrs Cheddar. They took hold of Mr Tucker’s hairy hands and pulled.

  SLAP! Zip! SLAP! Zip! SLAP! Mrs Tucker and Zenia fought on.

  POP. POP. POP. POP. Ginger Biscuit got ready to rip rubber.

  ‘Chaka-chaka-chaka-chaka-chaka!’ The magpies were all chattering at once.

  Atticus sighed. Here we go again! he thought.

  He stepped out from his hiding place.

  ‘Over here, Biscuit!’

  Ginger Biscuit turned. ‘Claw?’ he whispered. ‘It can’t be. I saw you fall off the bridge. You’re dead.’

  ‘Uh-uh.’ Atticus shook his head. ‘You forgot something, Biscuit. Cats have nine lives. I had eight left after the last time you tried to kill me. I’ve still got seven.’

  ‘RRRRRRRRRRR,’ Ginger Biscuit took a step towards him.

  ‘Over here, Atticus,’ Mr Tucker called. ‘Cheddars, get in the cabin where it’s safe. Check the Crown Jewels are there. I’ll unscrew me leg and pull it out meself.’

  The children and Mrs Cheddar hurried below.

  Atticus retreated towards Mr Tucker.

  Ginger Biscuit advanced, his belly to the deck.

  ‘I’m nearly out of sardines!’ Mrs Tucker shouted desperately. ‘Mayday! Mayday!’

  ‘Say goodbye, Claw,’ Ginger Biscuit said. He puffed up his orange fur.

  ‘Leave him to me, Atticus!’

  Atticus looked up. Mr Tucker stood beside him swaying dangerously. In one hand he held his wooden leg.

  Ginger Biscuit looked from one to the other, deciding what to do. ‘I’ll take out the old-timer first,’ he boasted, ‘then I’ll get you.’ There was a flash of ginger.

  Mr Tucker swiped at Biscuit with his wooden leg and missed. ‘Darn it!’ he yelled, falling over. ‘He’s in me beard-jumper!’

  Atticus stared. Ginger Biscuit’s studded collar had got stuck in the tangle!

  SCHWIPP! Ginger Biscuit tried to hack his way out. Bits of beard-jumper flew about the deck. SCHWIPP! SCHWIPP! SCHWIPP-SCHWIPP-SCHWIPP! The more he struggled the more tangled he got. ‘Help me, you stupid magpies!’ he roared.

  ‘Chaka-chaka-chaka-chaka-chaka!’

  The magpies descended on Mr Tucker.

  ‘Flamin’ fishfingers!’ Mr Tucker rolled about. ‘Now it’s birds as well! They’s making a nest!’

  ‘That’s not a bad idea,’ Thug said, wriggling further in. ‘It’s all cosy.’

  ‘And soft,’ Slasher snuggled in too.

  ‘’Ere!’ said Wally. ‘There’s bits of sardine in it!’

  ‘I’m starving!’ Pig grunted.

  ‘Me too,’ Gizzard agreed. ‘I’m so hungry I could eat Wal’s poo.’

  The magpies started combing Mr Tucker’s beard for tasty morsels.

  ‘Stop it!’ Jimmy shouted. ‘Or we’ll all be stuck.’ He pecked viciously at the tangle, trying to free Biscuit.

  Atticus wondered what to do. There were shreds of beard-jumper all over the deck.

  SCWHIPP! SCHWIPP! SCHWIPP!

  PECK! PECK! PECK!

  It wouldn’t be long before Biscuit and Jimmy cut themselves free.

  Just then, the cabin door banged open. Michael charged up the steps. ‘The Crown Jewels are safe,’ he panted. ‘And we found this.’ Michael was clutching a green bottle marked SLEEPING POTION. ‘Callie and Mum are looking for the hairpins, Atticus,’ he yelled. ‘So you can zap Biscuit.’

  Atticus felt his fur fluff. His good ear twitched. So did his chewed one. He didn’t need hairpins. POP. POP. POP. POP. He pinged out the claws on one forepaw and beckoned.

  Michael looked at him, puzzled. Then he understood. ‘Great idea, Atticus!’ He held the bottle out to Atticus, keeping his hand steady. ‘Be careful you don’t get it on your paw though.’

  Atticus dipped his claws into the sleeping potion.

  Ginger Biscuit and the magpies watched in horror.

  ‘NO!’ Ginger Biscuit slashed furiously at the beard-jumper. ‘Hurry up, you useless birdbrains, he’s going to claw us to sleep.’

  ‘Got it in one.’ Atticus advanced and stretched out his paw.

  ‘Chaka-chaka-chaka-chaka-chaka!’ The magpies flapped and tangled.

  ‘Let’s start with you guys,’ Atticus said.

  PRICK! ‘Zzzzzz.’ Pig was asleep.

  PRICK! ‘Zzzzzz.’ Gizzard dozed off.

  PRICK! ‘Snnnnooooorrrrr.’ Wally was under.

  PRICK! ‘Chakzzzzchakzzzz!’ Slasher conked out.

  PRICK! ‘It’s like Sleeping Beauty!’ Thug sighed, closing his eyes.

  Atticus dipped his claws again. ‘Your turn.’

  PRICK! ‘I’ll get you for this, Claw!’ Jimmy Magpie stopped flapping. His eyelids closed.

  ‘Night-night, Biscuit!’ PRICK! PRICK! PRICK! PRICK! Atticus sank four claws into Biscuit’s beefy backside, just to be on the safe side.

  ‘MMYYYAAAWWWWwwwwwnnnnnnnnnn.’ Ginger Biscuit went out like a light.

  ‘Good work, Atticus!’ Mr Tucker struggled to his foot. He produced a pair of scissors from somewhere in his trousers.

  SNIP! SNIP! SNIP! The rest of the beard-jumper, full of magpies and a ginger cat tumbled to the deck.

  ‘I’s been growing that since I was a baby!’ Mr Tucker shook his head sadly at his fallen fleece. ‘Oh well, I’ll have to ask Edna if she can knit me a new one.’

  Edna! Atticus turned in horror. They had forgotten all about Mrs Tucker.

  Just then Mrs Tucker struggled towards them in her thick rubber trousers. ‘Where were you?’ She bashed Mr Tucker on the head with her last sardine. ‘I held Klob off for as long as I could. Thanks to yo
u, she got away again!’

  ‘Not now, Edna!’ Mr Tucker fell over again. ‘Someone pass me me leg!’ he pleaded.

  WHIP!

  Atticus didn’t see the fishing line until it was too late.

  Everyone looked up in horror. The remains of Mr Tucker’s beard-jumper were being winched into the air with Ginger Biscuit and the magpies still tangled up in it, snoring loudly.

  ‘Hahahahahahahah!’ from somewhere nearby Zenia Klob let out a hideous cackle. ‘You didn’t know I was the seven-times Siberian pike-fishing champion, did you, Velk?’

  ‘Klob’s got me tackle!’ Mr Tucker yelled. ‘Do something!’

  The beard-jumper swung dangerously above them for a few seconds, then landed on The Jolly Jellyfish.

  PUTTPUTTPUTTPUTTPUTTPUTT.

  ‘Bye-bye! Suckers!’ Klob shouted.

  ‘And me boat!’ Mr Tucker cried in anguish. ‘She must have untied the ropes when we wasn’t looking!’

  Atticus knew he was right. The barge was drifting. Klob was getting away! With Ginger Biscuit and the magpies! After everything he’d done! He leapt on to the railing, ready to launch himself into the Thames. He’d swim after The Jolly Jellyfish if he had to.

  ‘No, Atticus.’ Mrs Tucker squashed him smartly with her rubber hat. ‘You’ve done all you can. You’ve saved the Crown Jewels and the monarchy. I’d say that was enough for one day.’

  ‘Edna’s right.’ Mr Tucker sniffed. ‘Anyway,’ he managed a smile, ‘she’s nearly out of shaarrrk faaarrrtt. They won’t get faaarrrr.’

  Callie scooped Atticus up. ‘You’re staying with us,’ she said, burying her face in his fur.

  ‘You’re definitely not going anywhere.’ Michael tickled him under the chin.

  ‘Except home,’ Mrs Cheddar agreed.

  Home. Atticus purred throatily. It sounded good to him. He realised he was especially looking forward to telling Mimi his adventures and having a nice walk on the beach at sunset.

  At the airport, Inspector Cheddar paced to and fro in front of the check-in desk.

  His walkie-talkie crackled. It was HQ.

  ‘Any sign of Klob?’ The Police Commissioner demanded.

  ‘Not yet, sir,’ Inspector Cheddar replied.

  ‘Remember, Cheddar,’ the Commissioner warned, ‘if she gives Agent Whelk the slip, it’s up to you to catch her before she gets on that plane.’