The Non-Silence of the Lamb

by Luke Brown

  Junior was pleased with the day so far. Essie had gotten her wish and found a free ride to the bus stop. If she was lucky, she’d get a free ride all the way to work.

  Myrtle still sat on the front steps. She turned back toward the house and screamed, “Leonard, Leonard, Momma said to make sure yuh eat breakfast before yuh go to school. Okay? Leonard, did yuh hear me? Did yuh hear what I said?”

  “Leonard, Myrtle is calling you,” Junior said as he poked his head into the boys’ room. “Are you just now getting ready?”

  “Yes, and I’m running late.”

  “I heard Momma calling you to get ready hours ago.”

  “Yes, but I couldn’t use the bathroom because Karl was using it first,” Leonard explained. “I had to wait for him.”

  “You need to wake up earlier so you can be the first to use the bathroom.”

  “Momma has to be the first to use the bathroom,” Leonard responded. “Then me, then Karl, and then anyone else can use it after that.”

  “Boy, you sure like to give back answers,” Junior said. “Do you think you’re Mr. Wise Guy?”

  Yes, I’m Mr. Wise Guy, Leonard thought, especially when compared to you. But he dared not say it out loud unless he wanted Junior’s wrath to come crashing down upon him that morning. Leonard had learned pretty well how to navigate around trouble in his large, sometimes rowdy and tumultuous family. He knew what to say and when to say it and who to say it to. He had bigger and better plans than they could ever imagine, so he didn’t get lost in the day-to-day trivial matters. “Yes, Myrtle, Junior said you were calling for me.”

  “Yes. Momma said to make sure that yuh eat breakfast before yuh go to school. She also left yuh school fare with Betty.” Myrtle knew why her mother refused to leave money in her care. Essie feared she’d buy cigarettes or marijuana.

  “Okay, thank you, Myrtle.”

  “Don’t thank me, thank your mother. She was the one who got up early this morning and cooked breakfast for everyone. Karl’s and Bunny’s breakfast is on the table, and yours is on yuh favorite plate, covered up on the side of the stove. I’ve already eaten mine. The rest will have to divide theirs for themselves when they’re ready.”

  Leonard rushed to the kitchen and peeped at his plate to see if the meal was worth his time. It was his favorite meal—yummy, tempting ackee and saltfish with cooked green bananas and dumplings. He grabbed his plate and made his way to the table. He was already late for school anyway, so now he’d be late with a full stomach.

  Leonard whispered a quick prayer: “Thank the Lord for what I’ve received, for Christ’s sake. Amen.” He added to himself, “Thank the Lord and thank the hand.” This was a table grace Essie had taught all the kids to say before they partook of their meals. There were two things that she was very strict about. One was to say grace before eating, because that would make a way for the provision of the next meal. She had taught them never to take a meal for granted.

  The next thing was that none of her boys should let the sun rise and catch them still lying in their beds. She believed that if this happened too often, they would grow up to be useless, good-for-nothing men. She would have none of that in her family, and went around every morning waking each male child, one after the other.

  Almost every morning, Essie made breakfast, prepared for everyone’s lunch and dinner, made a list of things for each person to do, and had money distributed to those who would need it that day. The latter was an incredible feat for Essie, who earned only twenty US dollars every two weeks. It was like the Bible story where the Lord used five loaves of bread and two fishes to feed a multitude of people.

  Leonard knocked and entered the girls’ room. “Betty, Myrtle said that you have my fare and lunch money.”

  “Yes, there it is on the dresser—eight US dollars. Momma said that it’s for the whole week, so don’t go finishing it now before time, or you’ll have to walk to school and eat your books for lunch, okay?” She looked at the time and shouted frantically, “Oh my God! It’s eight-thirty already. I have to get to work. Leonard, you’re very late for school.”

  “Yes, I know, I know. I’m out now. Bye.” Leonard rushed through the door.

  “Did you say happy birthday to Bunny?” Betty called after him.

  “Happy birthday, Bunny,” Leonard shouted at the top of his voice. “May you live to see many more.” He hoped he had said it loud enough for Bunny to hear, wherever he was.

  Karl went into the kitchen to eat the breakfast Essie had made and left pleasantly covered on the table. “Which one of these plates of food is mine?”

  “The larger one is yours, Karl,” Myrtle shouted. “There are only two prepared on the table. The other is for Bunny.”

  Ever since she had dropped out of school and had open-heart surgery, Myrtle’s favorite thing to do was to sit on the steps. She often spent the whole morning there, observing those who passed by and waving to her friends. She heard everything that went on in the house and responded as needed, as if she sat in the center of life, directing traffic. “Karl, did yuh find it?” she shouted.

  “Yes, Myrtle. You can stop shouting now.”

  “Yuh ungrateful thing, yuh.” Oh how ungrateful you are, she thought. Now that you’re full, you don’t want to hear from me anymore. Be careful because you might choke on your food for being so ungrateful. “Mind yuh don’t choke.”

  Karl hurried through his breakfast and rushed toward the door to his welding trade school. “Myrtle, my little sister, why are you so miserable?” He tried to calm her, sensing that she was not too pleased with his last comments.

  “Don’t touch me. I’m not yuh little sister. I’m older than yuh, yuh country bumpkin.” She remembered how rude he had been to Essie earlier and used the opportunity to ask him about it. “Karl, seriously, tell me, why’re yuh so rude to yuh mother? Don’t yuh know Momma really loves yuh? We all love yuh. Why’re yuh still holding grudges against her?”

  “Myrtle, why don’t you go and live in the country, then, and take my place?”

  “Because Mast Tim a nuh mi Puppa, that’s why.”

  “Cool your heels. You don’t know how evil that woman is.”

  “Well, if yuh don’t like it here, why don’t yuh go back home to the country and leave us alone?” Myrtle said, quite irritated. She was fed up with his rude, sarcastic ways.

  “Myrtle, watch your heart. You worry too much about everything, even the things that don’t concern you. I love you anyway. I’ll see you in the evening. Bye.”

  “Did yuh remember to tell yuh brother happy birthday?”

  “I was the first to tell him this morning. I told him before he even got out of bed.”

  “I love yuh anyway, Mr. Longelarla, Mr. Light-post Man.” Myrtle often teased Karl, indicating he was too tall and skinny.

  Karl left feeling a lot better, now that the conversation had ended on a lighter tone. He really didn’t like seeing his sister angry; he loved her. As a matter of fact, everyone loved her unconditionally, even though they didn’t always agree with her. In their eyes, she could do no wrong, especially since she had gotten sick and had life-threatening surgery.

  “Bye, Myrtle,” Betty said. “I’m leaving. I have an early appointment today. I’ll be back in time to cook dinner this evening.” Betty adjusted her dress, twisting it once to the left and then back to the right, and headed out the door to fetch a cab for work.

  “Did yuh get your breakfast? Momma left our food in the pot this morning.”

  “Yes, I shared out a little for myself. Thank you, darling, for reminding me.”

  “Okay, yuh’re welcome, fatty bum-bum.”

  “Yes, my dear, I know. I need to lose some weight.”

  “Don’t pay me any attention, because yuh look good, my sister.”

  “Happy birthday again, Bunny,” Betty yelled aimlessly toward the house, as Leonard had.

  “Thank you, Betty,” a faint voice yelled back at her from some unidentifiable corner of the house
.

  Betty made her way carefully down the stairs and out onto the sidewalk. She waved as she crossed the street, fetched a cab, and headed off to her beauty salon.

  In an attempt to deliver Essie’s remaining messages, Myrtle shouted, hoping to wake up the others who still slept. “Pauline, Paulette, and Pauline-the-twin, listen to me. Momma said to wash yuh clothes today. I’ll wash the boys’ clothes, okay?”

  There was no answer.

  “Did anybody hear what I said? Pauline and the twins, Momma said to make sure to wash yuh clothes. I’ll wash the boys’ clothes, okay?”

  “Oh no, Myrtle, you can’t do any serious washing as yet,” said Pauline as she walked out to the front porch. “You just had surgery not too long ago. I don’t feel comfortable with you washing clothes right now. I’ll wash my clothes and the boys’ clothes. Miss Essie knows I don’t have any problem washing the boys’ clothes. I usually wash Junior’s clothes, anyway, so I’ll just do everything all together.”

  “What’s wrong with me?” Myrtle frowned in disagreement. “Nothing is wrong with me, and if I want to wash them for myself, then I can. I’ve washed them before. If I’m going to die, then I would’ve been dead already.”

  “Oh no, Myrtle, don’t bother yourself,” Pauline insisted. “Let me do it this time, okay, my love? Don’t worry your little heart. Let me do it.”

  “Okay, next time I’ll do it,” Myrtle said. “Are the twins awake yet?”

  “Yes, they heard you. They’re aware of Miss Essie’s message.”

  “Please tell Gena’s kids that I’ll give them their breakfast when they’re ready, okay?”

  “They’re still in their room,” Pauline said. “When they’re ready to eat, I’ll let them call you. Miss Essie made a big breakfast today. She really cooked a lot of food.”

  “Maybe it was because today is Bunny’s birthday. That’s one of his favorite meals, and Momma always cooks a little special meal on our birthdays.”

  Other than the extra amount of cooking that Essie did, this was a typical morning in the life of the large family in Glenworth.

  Chapter 2

  After a five-hour bus ride through the hills and mountains, fourteen-year-old Essie arrived in Montego Bay, the second largest city on the island of Jamaica. The megalopolis was the most popular tourist vacation area on the island, a place full of neon lights and glorious white-sand beaches.

  Essie felt that all her life she had been a misplaced piece of a jigsaw puzzle, until now. This was the right place for her, the place where she belonged. It was a mind-bending, uncanny feeling because, in the midst of a confusing, industriously busy city, with nowhere to go, Essie felt content and right at home.

  Essie had worked it all out in her head. She would make her way to a busy shopping center and find a kind-looking lady, one who seemed to need a helping hand, maybe with many kids. She would ask her for a job. Essie was willing to work for food and shelter. She would do anything, whatever it took to survive. After all, that was what she had been doing all her life anyway. She’d been living with her resentful adoptive family in Cascade, receiving food and shelter in exchange for hard—very hard—labor. Essie realized that her overworked, abusive environment back home was a blessing in disguise; it had prepared her for anything that the big city might pitch at her. Nothing could be worse than what she had left behind.

  Essie walked for some time, searching until she found the perfect place. She boldly walked up to a middle-aged lady and made her best plea. “Good evening, miss. My name is Essie from the town of Cascade. I’m here looking for a job. Could you help me? I can do your housekeeping. You don’t even have to pay me, because I’m willing to work for food and shelter.”

  “Lard pickni,” the lady said, “move from in front ta me and go home to yuh parents. What a nice-looking child like you doing pon the street? Mi nuh want no liability pon mi self ya mi child. No sirree, I don’t have no time for foolishness.”

  Essie quickly realized that, although people might be decently dressed and look pleasant enough, they were busy, selfish, and self-centered. Some of them wouldn’t even stop to listen to her. Either they were overly concerned for her, or they treated her with scorn, as if she were a con artist or about to rob them of their purses. They seemed to be afraid of her, something she had not expected.

  Although Essie knew the bigcity lifestyle was in her genes, she slowly but surely lost confidence in her big plan. Every time another person shunned her, she felt her belief in those big dreams shrink a little. It wasn’t long before she realized that she really hadn’t worked everything out properly; indeed, she had no backup plan but to head home. But at six in the evening, it was far too late. The last bus back to Cascade had left at four, almost two hours earlier.

  Essie’s excitement rapidly turned into panic, and fear raced through her empty stomach. The reality of the situation hit her hard, and she was bitterly disappointed.

  What should she do now? Where would she sleep tonight? She could not hide her fear; it showed in her face.

  From the corner of her eyes, Essie noticed a grubby, dirty old man watching her from across the street. She walked faster, but the crazy-looking man started following her. He crossed the road to her side and increased his speed. Essie immediately crossed to the other side, but he did the same, rapidly closing the distance between them. She started running as fast as she could.

  She held out her hand and stopped the first car coming her way. She told the driver, a big, fat rough-looking man, she had nowhere to stay and frantically begged him to help her get away from her pursuer.

  Initially the driver’s rough, hairy face wore a mean look, but when he saw Essie’s old brown suitcase and the panic in her eyes, he smiled. “Okay, babes, jump right in. I’ll take care of you.”

  Essie wasn’t too sure what he meant, but she had no choice. She tried telling herself that he could be the Good Samaritan she’d prayed for. She hopped into the back of the vehicle, relieved; she was going to make it after all. She introduced herself to the driver. “My name is Essie. I’m from Cascade in Hanover. What is your name, sir?”

  “Big John,” he muttered.

  Big John didn’t seem to be in any mood for deep conversation, so Essie kept quiet, observing the passing scenery and strange, busy people. Emotionally exhausted, she leaned her head back and promptly fell asleep in the car.

  The evil man drove to a quiet, desolate area, where he stopped and went to the back of the car. He intended to take full advantage of Essie’s vulnerability. By this time, his vile thoughts were unstoppable. He knew what he was about to do was wrong, but it didn’t matter now. His revolting life was on the wrong road anyway.

  He’d spent many years in prison for virtually the same crime. He had very bad memories of his time behind bars, and he didn’t wish to go back there, but he had no control over his repugnant carnal desires. He had wanted to do good this time, but he couldn’t control himself. The opportunity had presented itself to him like a cake on his birthday.

  He knew for sure that he was going to burn in hell for his evil deeds. But most of all, he knew that he could not stop now.

  Chapter 3

  After Essie’s life-threatening encounter with Big John and her rude awakening to life in the big city, her ambitious plan came through after all.

  She found a job working for a kind, charming woman in her late thirties named Sandra Ferguson. A registered nurse, the woman was married to a dentist, Dr. Roan Ferguson. He was much older, perhaps forty-five, and was tall, dark, handsome, and cordial. The pair, who had three children, worked at the large hospital where Essie had been admitted after being attacked. They lived nearby in a highly desirable, upscale neighborhood and enjoyed an enviable upper-middle-class lifestyle in a well-appointed two-story home.

  They were a good, loving family.

  The children’s names were Lee, Jonathan, and Mary. Lee was a well-behaved boy about five years old. Jonathan was older, around seven, and also mannerly and
well behaved. Mary, the oldest child, was a shy girl of nine.

  The Fergusons had had no luck with babysitters, but when they heard Essie’s story in the hospital, they decided to give her a chance. Moreover, that was their way of helping her while giving back to society.

  They made Essie feel welcome in their home. They gave her a room located on the first floor and explained the rules of the house and what they expected of her. They even promised to pay her a small weekly salary.

  “Essie, can you cook?” Nurse Ferguson asked.

  “Yes, Nurse,” Essie said. “I was the main cook in my family, responsible for meal preparation each night.”

  Essie once again reflected on her overworked lifestyle in Cascade, seeing it as more of a preparation for her future than as a punishment. She was happy to let the Fergusons know how well she cooked. Cooking was a delight for her, and she didn’t really consider it work. It was always the fun part of her day.

  “Okay then, Essie, along with taking care of the kids, we’ll expect you to cook for us sometimes when I’m not home in time. Can you manage that?”

  “Sure, Nurse. No problem.”

  Essie thanked God for giving her this job working for such a wonderful family. She did wonder, though, why she had had to undergo such a horrific experience first with that terrible man. She thought about the barrier she’d overcome in order to get to this job. She felt as if the Fergusons’ home was the Promised Land, but the devil had the keys to the gate.

  Why couldn’t I have met this family at the shopping center on my first day here? Essie wondered. Was it too much to ask for a better life? Is that an example of the cost I’ll pay each time good things happen to me? Would it have been better for me to have stayed in Cascade? Did I do the right thing to search for a good life at whatever cost?

  Essie made up her mind then and there. She would not give up hope because of the high, unfair price she had paid for finding the good that lurked behind the next door in her life. She promised to find strength from her past experiences in order to fight the unforeseeable future. She believed she deserved a good life, and she wouldn’t settle for anything less than the best she could have. She would continue to reach high and work hard toward that end.