The Non-Silence of the Lamb

by Luke Brown

  In addition to being friends first, Tim and Essie were truly in love with each other, so they could understand each other’s differences. Although one loved the country with its simple life, and the other loved the bigcity lifestyle, they held this relationship together for almost ten years. This was the longest bond that Essie ever had, and it provided her and her children with the most stable period of their lives.

  However, the kids were getting older and had needs greater than the need for food. Gena, approaching eighteen, was almost an adult. Essie knew she could reason with Tim and that he would understand, so she went to the country to have a serious heart-to-heart talk with him.

  Tim always welcomed her warmly whenever she visited. He treated her like a queen, pampered her, and near worshiped her. Essie didn’t have to raise a hand to do anything. He even cooked for her and neatly dressed up his home. It was his pleasure to satisfy Essie in every way. Moreover, he knew deep down in his heart that she was in a class far above him. He knew that he was not worthy of such a beautiful, sophisticated, bigcity lady like Essie. He was honored to have her love and attention.

  That day, when Essie visited Tim, he rolled out the red carpet as usual. They had a wonderful country-style dinner with their son Karl. The meal was just the way Essie loved it. Afterward, they sent Karl outside to play. Then they went to the bedroom and locked the door.

  While Tim undressed and climbed into bed, Essie changed into a sexy black silk lingerie for Tim to admire. By now, Essie had gained some weight, but this only made her more attractive to Tim. He loved a woman with a big bottom and large boobs, not to mention sexy legs. She paraded around the room like a model while he admired her intensely. He could see her very large buttons protruding through her fishnet top. He also noticed her long, sexy legs, always one of her best assets.

  Though a little surprised by her actions, Tim was more excited than he had ever been and couldn’t wait for Essie to join him in bed. But Essie didn’t rush into bed with him that evening. Instead, she told him that she had something very important to say to him.

  She sat down beside him on the bed. “Tim, you’ve been my friend since I was fourteen,” she said softly, “and I want you to be my friend until the end. I love you, and I will always love you. You are a very special person in my life.” She leaned over closer to him, slowly and tenderly stroking Tim’s large manhood with her velvety soft hands. “But I have something very important to tell you, and I would like you to understand my position.”

  “What is it, my pretty lady? Just tell me, because you know you can tell me anything. I know you better than any other person on this earth, so don’t be afraid. I will understand.”

  “I have a lot of needs, Tim, financial needs you cannot solve. I met a wealthy guy in Montego Bay who promised to help me with my finances, and I’m going to accept his offer.”

  Tim felt his heart break within him, and for a moment, he forgot how to breathe as he fought the pain in his gut. He remained silent for a long time, and it seemed as if time stood still and the noisy silence lasted at least a lifetime. His heart was pierced, and he was bleeding a heavy flow of internal sorrow. The thing he dreaded most, his biggest fear in life, had come to pass. His beloved was leaving him for a big-time city guy. He had to be strong, strong for Essie, because that was what good friends did for each other. He slowly raised his head and looked her in her eyes. “That’s okay, my love. You must do what you must to survive. I’ll be right here waiting for you whenever you need me.”

  “Thank you, Tim, for understanding. I still love you.” Essie climbed into bed with him. They made violent, explosive love. They threw caution to the wind, releasing their inner beast. A sea of warm tingling sensations washed over her body. She was soaked with sweat as spasm after climatic spasm coursed and rippled through her body. They synchronized their moves until they became one.

  It was rough sex with deep passion. At the end, they held each other close and cried because they knew it was their last time together. It was a very disheartening and sad day for both of them.

  Chapter 14

  Mr. Bernard Dun was a self-made wealthy white Jamaican of short stature but large personality. Not only was he short, but he had a petite body structure. Handsome of face, he always dressed casually.

  He made his riches from livestock farming in the city. He sold beef and poultry on a commercial scale and also supplied a large sector of his community with milk from his cows and eggs from his hens. He was well established in the town of Montego Bay and had a large but average-looking home on an extensive piece of property in a lovely residential area of the city. His farm was at a different location from his place of residence.

  Essie and Bernard Dun made an eye-catching pair because they were so physically mismatched. Essie was tall and had a thick body, while Mr. Dun was short and thin. In spite of this, Mr. Dun was infatuated with Essie and pursued her aggressively, offering her clothes, jewelry, money, and free livestock products.

  With Tim’s blessing, she welcomed Bernard’s advances, and from the day Essie returned to Montego Bay, she was all his. She gave herself completely to Bernard.

  Bernard Dun was a strict businessman with a frank and dogmatic attitude. He made it clear to Essie that because she had so many children, they wouldn’t live together, but he would wholly support her and her kids. Essie was okay with that, since her relationship with Tim had been the same. In fact, she preferred it that way, having become used to her semi-independent lifestyle.

  Although Essie would visit Bernard on a regular basis, his visits to her home were rare. He had one son of his own, but although he could enjoy kids, he did not want to be around a large family. However, he expressed his desire early in their relationship that Essie give him a child because she was such a pretty woman.

  That was okay with Essie. She truly loved her kids and believed they would change her life for the better. Every child she bore represented another chance of achieving her hope, the hope that one day, one of them would make her proud by becoming a doctor, lawyer, or a great person in some noticeable manner.

  Essie herself dreamed of living a comfortable, worry-free lifestyle, but she didn’t need to be rich. If riches came her way, she wouldn’t turn them down, but she only wanted the ability to give her kids a better life than she had.

  Essie also didn’t mind having one more child if she could. Her only concern was whether she could still have healthy children, considering that she was now in her forties. She came to the conclusion that having babies was one of her strongest bargaining tools, and she had brought that belief to all of her prior relationships.

  When a man saw a pretty woman like her, the first thing he thought about after sex was having a pretty little baby of his own. It seemed to her that all the men in her life pursued her for her body and her offspring. She even went so far as believing that some men preferred her offspring to her body.

  Essie realized that God had blessed her after all, blessed her with the ability to have children, and with this ability, she was able to survive. Having kids was her survival tool, as well as her bargaining tool. So far, it seemed that she was at the losing end of all of her previous bargains, but she still had high hopes. Like an addicted gambler, she kept betting on the future prospects of her kids.

  She only hoped that at least one of her bargaining chips would pay off in the long run. Maybe one of her kids would turn out to be a great person in the world.

  It was early in their relationship when Essie became pregnant for the last time. Bernard was overjoyed at the birth of a wonderful baby boy, and together they named the child Bunny Dun. Essie felt tremendous relief when she brought the child to full term. She had been afraid that her increasingly bad habits of drinking and smoking, plus her age factor, might prevent her from delivering a healthy baby.

  She was very nervous about the consequences of not having a successful delivery, remembering all too well the loss of her first lover, Stedman, due to her lost third pregnancy. Sh
e knew that her relationship with Bernard hinged on the successful delivery of a child. Thus, she felt a big weight fall off her shoulders after the birth. With Bunny, she repaid him for all the things he had done and continued to do for her and her large family.

  She and Bernard maintained their arrangement for a time, but as Bunny grew older, Bernard cut back on the support payments. He eventually told Essie he was unable to provide for her whole family and could only give enough child support for Bunny. Eventually, he started decreasing that also.

  Essie was upset but not at all surprised. She had seen it coming and knew all along that Bernard had only been nice to her because he badly wanted a child from her and would do anything to get one. She was right about him all along.

  Essie felt better when she considered that it was not a bad deal. He had something she needed, and she had something he needed. It was a good arrangement while it lasted. Now she had to do what she did best—lean on her single-parent strength and skill to make it from here on.

  Essie didn’t complain. She braced herself to find a good chef job so she could stay in the two-bedroom apartment that Conroy Levy had initially gotten for her.

  Chapter 15

  Essie went back to work, and this time she got a job at a large, ten-bedroom private resort in Ironshore, owned by a Dr. McNelly. He was a rich white American, a snowbird who had purchased the large home as a vacation retreat. Dr. McNelly lived in the United States and only returned to Jamaica once or twice a year during the winter months. When he was not in residence, the home doubled as a guest house.

  Dr. McNelly hired a local real estate company to manage and maintain the property. The company functioned as a travel agency and residential management group, placing advertisements around the world for tourists to lease the mansion. The company also hired staff to take care of the property: a chambermaid, a butler who was also a gardener, and Essie as the chef.

  Essie was excited. She had prayed for this type of work and always dreamed about getting it someday. No disgruntled manager peered over her shoulders or questioned her recipes, making this her ideal job. She was her own boss as long as the guests didn’t complain about her service or her cooking. She felt confident about her abilities, and she knew that this was a place where she would be able to take her natural cooking skill to the next level. She began an intense reading and self-education program at the Montego Bay Public Library and went there every chance she got.

  While returning from the library one day, Essie met an interesting man named Ruben Malcolm. He was a little older than her, but very handsome and well built, with a strong, muscular body. He asked Essie if she would like to go out with him, stating he was single with no kids. He had just separated from his domestic wife, but he neglected to tell Essie that part of his story.

  Essie liked him, and even with as many bad experiences with men as she had already endured, she felt she needed a strong man to lean on. However, after many failures, she knew what she wanted and what she didn’t. “Ruben, I have eight kids, and I don’t intend to have anymore.” Essie was firm about that point.

  “Well, lovely lady, you don’t have to worry about that. I’m very comfortable not having my own children. Your kids will be mine. I’ve always dreamed of being a part of a large family.”

  “I have six kids living with me, so I don’t want any overnights. You can visit, but you can’t stay. I don’t mind meeting at your place or anywhere you want me to meet you.”

  “Yes, that will be fine with me,” Ruben replied.

  “I have financial commitments, and I’ll need your help. If you don’t have any money, I don’t want to waste my time. Okay, Ruben? We need to establish these things from the start.”

  “I work a construction job. Sometimes I have a lot of money when work is good, and sometimes I have very little when it gets scarce.”

  “Okay then, just as long as we have everything clear, we can date each other and see where it goes.”

  “Okay, let’s start by having dinner somewhere nice. Is that a deal?”

  “Deal,” Essie replied.

  Essie was proud of herself. It felt good to demand what she wanted. She wished she had had that strength earlier. Maybe her life would have been different. After all, life is just a matter of deals and breaks.

  Essie and Ruben had a long, wonderful relationship. It was a complete reversal from Essie’s previous experience with men.

  Ruben desperately wanted to be a part of Essie’s family, to be a real father to her kids. Whenever he was around them, the pride he felt showed in his face. He made himself useful whenever he went to Essie’s apartment. He fixed everything that was broken and tried to play a fatherly role for each child.

  Ruben believed that kids and a family, in general, needed more than money. He believed they needed fatherly love and attention, something usually missing in a single-female family. He believed that with that fatherly love and personal attention, kids could go far in life because it gave them the kind of confidence a mother couldn’t instill by herself.

  Ruben also believed that the psychological development of children required 50/50 input from both parents. A single mother, with her best efforts, could only increase her input to 60 percent, at best. Therefore, Ruben believed that the children of single parents never developed to their maximum potential, no matter how much time and money one of their parents gave them.

  In Ruben’s opinion, kids needed both parents equally, and they should only be denied that basic need if there was no other viable alternative. Moreover, this was Ruben’s chance to feel what it would really be like if he had kids and a large family of his own.

  Essie was the one who limited Ruben’s role. She didn’t want him to change the structure or dynamics of her family. Her kids were mostly grown, and she couldn’t risk putting a father in their lives just to see him walk away, leaving them brokenhearted. She would shield them from that disaster, instead taking the full brunt of the blow by herself. She considered herself an expert in being brokenhearted. There was no doubt she could deal with it, but not her kids.

  Therefore, she never gave Ruben the chance to wholly fill a fatherly role in her family. Skeptical, she kept him at a distance and would call him only when she needed him, or she would visit him at his home. She never let him fully into her family’s life.

  That arrangement worked well until one day while she was relaxing in his bed, and a seemingly madwoman broke into the house and tried fighting her. Essie had to run for her life. When she found out the madwoman was Ruben’s ex-wife, Essie abandoned her relationship with him.

  She landed on her feet, started running, and never looked back.

  Chapter 16

  The horn of the old country bus bellowed as it ripped around the corner. Its face looked tired and overworked as it approached, and grayish-black smoke streamed into the air from its tail. It leaned to one side as if it was about to turn over.

  Essie had taken her kids to the countryside to spend a few days of the summer near Tim. They loved it and always looked forward to this annual activity. This time, they had gone by way of the old country bus.

  It was overloaded with baskets and bags full of fruit, green bananas, potatoes, and other farm produce. There was no more space left on top of the bus, not even enough for a fly.

  The rusty red-and-gray metal caravan pulled up to the bus stop at Jericho Square. The bus conductor, dressed in a full suit of brown shirt and pants, jumped from the bus and jogged alongside it. Still leaning to one side, the vehicle jolted and bucked twice before it came to a complete stop, sinking lower to the ground as it did so. The conductor wasted no time getting to the back and climbing on top of the bus in order to unload the needed items carried there.

  An elderly lady slowly stepped down off the bus through the front exit, followed by a continuous line of passengers behind her. There was one exit at the front of the bus and another at the back, and the passengers poured out of the two doorways in a somewhat orderly manner.

/>   At the back door, fourteen-year-old Junior leaped out. “Jericho, we’re here!” he shouted.

  Gena, age sixteen, sprang out right behind him. “Yeah, we’re here,” she said. “Come on, guys, let’s go to the back of the bus to get our stuff.” Happy and excited to have reached her destination, she held out her hand to thirteen-year-old Betty to help her down the steps.

  “Thank you, Gena,” Betty said.

  “You’re welcome.” Gena turned to help Myrtle, who was eleven.

  Myrtle accepted Gena’s helping hand and safely exited the doorway. “Thank yuh, sis.”

  “Everybody move out of the way,” yelled Leonard, age six. “I’m going to jump!”

  “No!” Gena shouted. “You might fall! Don’t do it!”

  “I’ll be okay. Look!” Leonard leaped out of the back door of the bus and landed safely on his feet, though somewhat off-balance. “See, I told you I could do it.”

  “That was just a lucky jump,” Gena said with a frown on her face. “You almost fell.”

  “Yes, but I didn’t. That’s what matters, right?”

  “Whatever,” Gena responded. “Let’s head to the back with Junior to get our stuff.”

  “Where are Momma and Bunny?” Myrtle asked.

  “They’re at the front of the bus,” Gena said to her little sister. “They’ll be out soon.”

  No sooner had the words left Gena’s mouth than Essie stepped out of the front door holding two-year-old Bunny in her arms. “Guys, did you get our bags?” Essie asked.

  “Not yet, Momma,” Gena said, as the kids all rushed to the back of the bus. Junior was already in position to catch the first bag, which the bus conductor was about to throw down.

  “Boy, can you catch?” the driver asked. He was bravely standing on the mountainous load of luggage on top of the bus, between large baskets, bags, and pans. Before Junior could say a word, the bag was on its way down to him.