Shadows of the Past

by Balik, Shea

  CHAPTER 1

  A long low groan came from the old building, the walls trembling as if giving one more valiant effort to stay upright. Hudson stared bleakly at sight of Chadwick’s crew toppling the last of the remaining buildings that had made up the town of Miracle. Well, the old town anyway.

  Now, there were four new buildings erected where the past used to exist. All were designed with wood siding and planked boardwalks as a reminder of what was. No matter how Chadwick had tried to keep the feel of the old abandoned town, the new construction couldn’t replace the ghosts that had lived within those old buildings.

  Hudson could almost hear the spirits that had once walked along it’s carpeted hallways cry out in despair as the walls gave up their struggle and tumbled into a heap. A cheer went up from those working on the project of updating the town they had made theirs, Miracle.

  “You okay?” Nole asked.

  Hudson wasn’t sure how to answer. Nole was the mate of Hudson’s alpha and best friend, Edrick. He also had for some crazy reason joined Hudson whenever he went searching for ghosts.

  Yes, Hudson believed in ghosts. Actually, he didn’t just believe, he went hunting for them. Just about everyone laughed at him when they found out he’d spent thousands of dollars on equipment to detect spirits, but Hudson didn’t care. He knew they existed.

  Except…

  “What if it she doesn’t come back?” he whispered. He’d been terrified to give voice to his concerns in case it made them true. If Nole wasn’t a shifter with superior hearing, he most likely wouldn’t have heard Hudson speak.

  “I don’t believe she’s tied to the buildings.” Nole was nothing if not pragmatic. He helped Hudson keep his feet firmly on the ground in regards to the ghost they had found soon after arriving in Miracle.

  Months ago, Hudson and his friends, Edrick, Lucca, Chadwick, Kellach and himself had run from their pack after finding Kellach nearly beaten to death by his own father when he’d been caught kissing another guy. In the shifter realm, being gay was the ultimate sin, punishable by death.

  Since all of them were gay, they had a plan in place to leave the pack. If only they had left before anyone had found out about their sexual orientation. Maybe then they wouldn’t have had to fight for their survival when the Council found out and sent a contingent of soldiers after them.

  Edrick had bought Miracle, an old abandoned town only to find out it had been the scene of a grisly string of murders and the townsfolk had fled in fear. Sure there would be at least one ghost somewhere in this place, Hudson had started searching.

  After Nole mated with Edrick and joined their pack, he started going along with Hudson. In the beginning, Hudson was sure Nole just felt sorry for him, but he’d kept going out with Hudson on his hunts whether it be day or night.

  “Whenever we see her, she hasn’t been inside any of the old buildings.” Nole was right.

  Hudson hoped so anyway. “It’s just she hasn’t been around for several weeks. What if she’s gone for good?”

  Nole put a hand on Hudson’s arm. “I’m sure she’ll be back.”

  “Yeah,” Harper said. “I still believe she was trying to tell us something. She’ll be back.”

  Harper was another new member of their pack, sort of. He was mated to Kirill, who had been an alpha of a pack of misfits he’d picked up in his travels. He hadn’t actually wanted to be a leader, hating the arduous task of deciding someone else’s fate. It was why, when he’d come to Miracle and Edrick, he’d agreed to step down as Alpha.

  The men following him had to decide if they wanted to leave or give their allegiance to Edrick. All of them stayed, even when they’d had to fight the Council.

  Harper hadn’t had an easy life. His own brother had him tortured and used as a sex slave to the men of their pack. It had been Kirill who had saved him. It had taken some time but Harper had eventually come out of his shell and ended up joining Hudson and Nole in hunting for ghosts.

  It was Harper who had sensed their resident ghost had been trying to communicate with them, but no matter what they tried, they couldn’t make sense of what she wanted.

  “I still don’t get how you can possibly know the ghost is female.” Kirill wrapped his arms around Harper, pulling the smaller mouse shifter against his chest protectively.

  It was sweet and sickening all at the same time. Okay, that wasn’t fair. Hudson knew he was just jealous that he was the only one of his friends to not find his mate. Still, did they have to flaunt it whenever he was around? Especially as Christmas was fast approaching and he was still alone.

  “I just know,” he told Kirill, although it was a valid question since he’d originally thought it male. But the more he interacted with the spirit, the more he sensed she was a young girl. “Anyway, what difference does it make?”

  Harper elbowed his mate in the stomach. “I told you to stop asking that,” Harper whispered. “You promised.”

  Kirill nuzzled his face into his mate’s neck. “You’re right, my petal.” Kirill then glanced at Hudson. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to bring it up.”

  Hudson opened his mouth to let Kirill off the hook when he felt tiny cold specs touching his face and hands. He looked up at the sky and gasped. Snow. It was as if even mother nature disapproved of tearing that last building down. Or maybe it was her way of mourning the loss of memories that had been ingrained within Miracle.

  The end may have been a sorrowful time, but Hudson had to believe there had been some happiness there. He was hoping, with the ghost’s help, he might have the chance to find out the secrets the little town still held.

  Give the ghost who emanated so much sadness some peace. He didn’t know if any of that was even possible, but he desperately wanted to believe there was a way to live with the horrors of one’s past and move on. If not, he would be stuck reliving the nightmare his life had been while working for his former alpha.

  Something he had never shared with anyone, not even his best friends. Things he didn’t feel right burdening anyone with. Hell, he wished he could forget. But those lessons had been burned into his memory forever.

  It was one of the reasons he was determined to help the little ghost that haunted this town. For no one should have to spend the rest of eternity immersed in the pain of the past. And maybe, if he did this good deed, Hudson might have a chance to find some happiness for himself.

  CHAPTER 2

  “Leave me alone,” Kassian Miller screamed to the empty room. Except, it wasn’t empty. Or, at least, he didn’t think it was.

  He no longer knew.

  Kassian lived in a haze of past and present, with memories cascading into his brain of a time he’d tried to wipe from his mind with a mix of alcohol, drugs and attempts of ending his life. None had worked.

  Often he gotten blessedly close, but that was when the ghost would appear to stop him from slipping into the death he craved. He hated that damn interfering spirit.

  “I don’t want you here,” he yelled. Even he didn’t believe the words. For as much as he hated that damn ghost for stopping him from killing himself, he knew who it was and desperately wanted to once more see her. He would give anything for one more chance to snuggle with her as they talked about anything and everything.

  The fabric of a nearby curtain fluttered up into the air, dancing merrily. He knew it was her. It had to be. The house was closed up. No open windows or doors to provide a breeze to cause the display, nor would it have twisted into crazy configurations as it was currently doing.

  He refused to smile at the way each side bounced up and down as if skipping through the room. Well, as far as it could reach, before turning to skip back to the window. After several minutes of refusing to respond to the absurd spectacle, his gho
st gave up and the curtain fluttered back against the window.

  As much as Kassian wanted to cry out and beg her to stay, he refused to say the words. It hurt too much to have her around. Who was he kidding? It hurt too much to breathe.

  ***

  “Merry Christmas,” Nole said as Hudson stumbled into the kitchen praying there would be coffee. He could smell it in the air, but with seven men currently living in the house, it didn’t last long.

  He tried not to wince at the reminder of what day it was. With no one to share the holiday, he tended to dread the day. Actually, he hated all holidays for they only reminded him how alone he really was, which was odd considering he lived with six other men in a town that was nearly bursting with new residents.

  Yet, that’s the way it was.

  Hudson sighed as he saw the nearly full pot of coffee and poured himself a cup. Lifting the cup, he breathed the heavenly scent deep into his body before taking a sip. Oh fuck, that was good. He stood rooted where he was until he’d downed half the cup. Finally, feeling like he might just live another day, he turned to greet his friends.

  His stomach rolled at the sight before him. Edrick sat with Nole on his lap, playfully teasing each other as they fed each other bites of breakfast. Lucca, the pack’s second, sat with his mate, Jari, on his lap, playing tonsil hockey. Then there was Kellach curled up on his mate’s lap practically purring in satisfaction.

  Disgusted, Hudson turned around, gulped down the rest of his coffee, refilled his cup and then strode out of the kitchen. His stomach grumbled in protest at not getting any food but he’d rather starve that have to watch his friends continue loving on each other.

  He might be happy for them, but it still hurt to watch when he knew there was no one in this world who would ever love him that way. How could they after the things that he’d done?

  Since they were five, he and his friends had been inseparable. Actually, it was long before that, but it had been when they were five that they first understood what it meant to be a friend. They had been playing at Chadwick’s house when Chadwick had announced one day he would find his prince.

  Chadwick’s mother had overheard them and swore them all to secrecy, for even at the age of five, Chadwick would have been killed for being gay. They were still uncovering why, for it had never used to be that way among shifters. A mate was a gift from God, to be cherished and loved.

  Yet the Council had deemed being gay to be a sin before Hudson and his friends had been born. All that was changing since the old Council had been challenged for their positions and lost. The new members had immediately rescinded the law, but were finding out it was harder to change minds than they thought.

  Packs still killed anyone declaring they were gay and were starting to rebel against the new Council. It wouldn’t be long before Hudson and his friends would need to fight again on behalf of the Council, but for now, Hudson wondered if it wouldn’t be best for him to leave and find his own place in the world.

  A place that didn’t have everyone around him happy and mated, while he inwardly cried for something he would never have. It wouldn’t be easy. But the longer Hudson had to watch the love and devotion his friends had with their mates, the more Hudson wished he’d never been born.

  Stepping out onto the porch, Hudson stopped in his tracks to look at the beauty before him. A pristine white blanket covered the landscape, as if trying erase the scars that had been left behind in this once desolate town.

  Hudson and his friends, which had mostly been Chadwick as he was the contractor who had directed the building of their new stores and homes, had made significant progress in rebuilding Miracle. When they’d first arrived, the entire place had looked like the slightest breeze would send the barely erect buildings tumbling to the ground.

  Now, all the old wood had been torn down and replaced with sturdy walls built upon even sturdier foundations. It wasn’t the same and Hudson still felt the loss of history that had been in those old buildings, but Chadwick had done a fantastic job in trying to keep the vintage feel that had made Miracle special.

  “Hudson, wait,” Edrick came out onto the porch. Their shifter blood made them impervious to the cold that surrounded them. “We’d like you to come back inside and celebrate Christmas with us.”

  Hudson stood there. A part of him yearned to feel like he belonged, but no matter how hard he tried, he would always be the outsider. It was one of the reasons he loved chasing ghosts. It gave him a reason to not be with his friends.

  “At least eat some breakfast. Jari made your favorite,” Edrick teased.

  “It’s everybody’s favorite, jackass.” His lips curled slightly at the comradery he shared with one of his best friends. It wasn’t always easy to let his guard down even with the men he’d spend his whole life protecting, but there were times when he let himself have a moment of closeness with them.

  “That doesn’t make it any less your favorite,” Edrick reminded him. “Come on. Please, it would mean a lot to us if you stayed.”

  Now that he was outside, the pull to shift and run was too strong to ignore. He didn’t understand where the feeling was coming from, but he knew he had to be somewhere, even if he didn’t know where that was.

  “I’m sorry.” And he was. It hurt his heart that he wasn’t as close to his friends as they were to each other. “I have to go.” He should have done more to explain, but he had no idea what else to say.

  The longer he was outside the more his cat was demanding to come out. Without another word, he let the change come over him until he was standing on four legs with tan fur over most of his body. His underbelly and inner legs were white with black lines around his eyes.

  Hudson was a mountain lion, an animal who was near the top of the food chain with its ability to kill. Yet, as deadly as his animal was, Hudson was far more lethal with his rifle. He’d been trained to kill from a distance and had perfected the skill with an accuracy no human had a hope of defeating. Not that Hudson would ever advertise just how far away he could be and still hit his target for that would be stupid.

  He’d never understood the humans’ need to brag of their accomplishments. Hudson was a killer. A good one. With the exception of his handlers while he’d been in the military, no one knew just how good, for to admit his abilities, would mean certain death by those needing to prove themselves better.

  Hudson leapt from the porch, landing on the soft snow below. Edrick called his name once more but Hudson was already racing off. That need to be somewhere, grew when he’d shifted. He still didn’t know where he was going, but Hudson had learned long ago to trust his gut and it was screaming for him to run.

  CHAPTER 3

  “Let me go, damn it.” Kassian glared at the air around him, not having any idea where to look since he couldn’t actually see a ghost. “This is my choice.”

  Kassian tried to jump up to the beam of the barn and reach the rope that was supposed to be hanging down but currently was wrapped along the length of the wood. It was Christmas and once more Kassian just didn’t want to experience the guilt that ate away at his soul.

  When he didn’t come close to reaching the stupid rope, Kassian went to get the ladder he’d just put away after tying the rope to the beam. The moment he reached for the ladder, it tipped to the ground before he touched it.

  Pissed, he yelled, “Stop fucking with me. I’m not going to let you stop me this time. It’s been seventy three years.” Tears streamed down his face as images from the past swam in front of his eyes as if he were reliving every horrible detail all over again.

  “Don’t I deserve some peace?” he begged, praying for some sort or reprieve from the memories. “Please.” A sob choked off part of the word. “Please don’t make me see it again.”

  But it was too late, his mind was already there in the past, forcing him to witness the horror of that day in vivid detail. It started the same as always with him and his twin sister sneaking downstairs to catch the elusive Santa leaving them the
ir presents.

  “Come on Kassie. I think I heard a noise. It’s got to be him.” Mila, Kassian’s twin sister, tugged on his hand, their fingers entwined like they always did whenever they were together.

  Their small bare feet raced down the stairs as quiet as a mouse, well, actually rabbits, as that were rabbit shifters. A board creaked and they froze. Mila’s gaze went to Kassian’s foot and the board he’d just caused to alert anyone listening they were coming.

  She put a finger to her lips to remind him how important it was they remain as silent as possible. They’d been trying to catch Santa since they were four. Five years later, they were determined this would be the year they would see him with their own eyes.

  The slightest shift of his weight, had his foot off the noisy piece of wood and they continued on their way. The moonlight coming through the windows was the only illumination in the otherwise dark house, but they didn’t need more than that. Their shifter vision let them see with far less to light their way.

  When they reached the main floor, they crouched low and waited for…something, anything that would give them a clue if Santa were there. Another creak, this time not from them, but outside on the front porch.

  Mila’s eyes went round as saucers as she stared first at the door, then at Kassian, who was sure he wore a similar expression of astonishment. When their gazes went back to the door, they saw the knob start to turn.

  His sister had always been better at sneaking around than Kassian. With her hand still in his, she pulled him with her to the far side of the staircase and flattened them both along the wall. They would be hidden from Santa when he walked in, yet would be able to peek out and see him for themselves once he was inside putting their gifts under the tree that was decorated near the door.

  Booted feet could be heard walking across the floorboards, but they didn’t stop at the tree. They continued to the stairway and ascended.

  Kassian had no idea what was happening but the intruder’s scent tickled his senses, reminding him of something rancid and decaying. He tilted his head back trying to get a look at whoever walked up those steps, but he was too far along the wall to see anything.